Take up thy wrestling boots and walk - six way money in the bank, Hurricane, ECW reunion, more
Submitted by Pt2 on Tuesday, March 8, 2005 at 8:38 AM EST





Welcome once again to the column that tells you a lie, and says that it won’t leave, Take up thy wrestling boots and walk. I’m the columnist that gets beat up by sailors and stripped of the Intercontinental title on a bi-weekly basis, Pt2, back once again this week to talk wrestling, and have a good ole fashioned one on one YBTB match.

I’m looking forward to the six man ladder match at Wrestlemania. It may even surpass the Interbrand match between Angle and Michaels, if it is done well. The mix of styles in there will probably help, since with their experience Benoit and Jericho will know how to get the most out of the others. Kane’s power adds another element to the match that will create for some serious high impact, and we all know what Edge and Christian can do with ladders. As for Shelton, I don’t think he is going to let down his end of the bargain.

But I also really like the 12 month stipulation. A title match anytime over the next 12 months? Absolutely brilliant, as long as they don’t waste it by having it in the first week or so after Wrestlemania. This can be a set up for a storyline, and storylines with some back history usually do a little better than those they have to conjure out of nowhere. This gives somebody a shot at the title, a chance to be the best - which is what most feuds SHOULD be about, the quest for advancement. I don’t know who’ll win, but other than Edge, I don’t mind. Now I’ve said that, Edge will probably win.

Speaking of Edge, he’s in the news recently, this whole Edge and Lita thing. My commiserations to Matt Hardy if the story we are hearing is true. I’m not going to dwell on it too long because enough has been said already, and beyond the effect it will have on their on screen characters it’s really none of my business. I just hope this doesn’t result in Matt never getting TV time anymore - recently everything concerning Matt, seemed to have been Matt and Lita. I hope that Matt is still on TV in six months.

Would it be too heartless of me to say that I would love it if the whole situation was a work? That’d be awesome.

Uh yeah. So, what else is there to talk about? Hassan won’t be facing Jericho at Wrestlemania now, by the looks of things. Damn goes my opener theory. With any luck though, they’ll still use Hassan in the opener, against someone who can wrestle a quick paced match. Take advantage of Hassan’s cheap heat (which won’t last long) by putting him against a fast, light wrestler who is popular…. Who better to dispose of the evil Hassan than a superhero like The Hurricane?

ECW reunion - Should be ok. I don’t really want to see much more than that. I doubt I’ll get to see Shane Douglas show, and I’m sceptical as to WWE pulling off and ECW show… but it SHOULD be ok, at least. It’d be cool if they could all the big ECW names together, but I think one or two won’t be able or willing to be on their show. Styles won’t, and that is a big loss for them already. Who’s going to do the play by play? I would absolutely piss myself if it was Michael Cole. I can almost see the E-hate flying already. Or better yet, Bischoff. Philadelphia would be razed to the ground by the time the show finished.

In other news, Christy Hemme is on hype duty and has a match at Wrestlemania. Please, for the love of god, keep this short. I like to see Christy and Trish as much as anybody but you know…. We’re going to see it all in a few weeks anyway, do we really need to see her roll around a ring?

Now I’ve said that, she’ll probably turn out to be a women’s wrestling legend, and I’ll have to eat my words. Oh look, flying Bacon.

Cena lost the US title. To Orlando Jordan. Yes, the US title has been held by both Orlando Jordan and John Cena. Consecutively no less. Says a lot for the quality of the Smackdown! Midcard. Rick Rude must be turning in his grave.

Well, I’m going to move swiftly on, as we still have a You be the Booker contest to come, and those things are hella long. So without any further ado, here it is:

It’s the most coveted part of the column. Men and Women from 5 continents have stepped up to try and take the YBTB crown. Now, it’s worth even more, as the winner gets invited to take part in the other Take up thy wrestling boots and walk columns.

What started out as a little game that’d be some fun every couple of columns has grown, and people want to step up and gain the bragging rights - To tell the world that they can do what they say they can - to back it up, basically. Well, we’re going to give them the chance.

This will be the last time that Xanman and Random guy 5 will meet for the title. The loser will have no rematch, and no recourse - and will not receive another match until the championship changes hands. Both men want to prove to the other that they are the best with no comeback, and I think that new competitors can only be good for the contest.

In short, this is winner take all:

Introducing first, the Challenger. He hails from St. Louis Missouri. He is the author of the Nosebleed section. He is the brainchild behind the King of the Columnists tournament in the LOP columns forum. He is also the former YBTB Champion, and gained his shot in this column by winning the YBTB Royal Rumble. He is, Random Guy 5.

Next, the Champion. The man known as the Ambassador of X. Undefeated in YBTB contests. The Author of “The Northern Star” and the driving force behind “Excuse the Aggravation” in the LOP columns forum. He is Xanman.

Standard YBTB rules apply in this tournament, for the sake of brevity they won’t be reproduced here. Without any further ado, lets get straight in, with the first challenge.



1. Charlie Haas has been traded to RAW, to be re-united with Shelton Benjamin, in order to make TWGTT the first real main event tag team since the days of the Road Warriors and The Steiners. Choose someone not currently being used on RAW, move them to Smackdown! In place of Haas, and build them up as a challenger for the US title before the next Smackdown! PPV. You have 6 shows.


RG5: On Raw, Rhyno is in the ring, set to square off against Shelton Benjamin for a IC title shot, when Bischoff’s music hits instead of Shelton’s and announces that tonight, he has bigger plans for Shelton. He dismisses Rhyno saying, “sorry, I’ve not time for your match tonight, we’ve just had a major acquisition that’s taken all our extra time.” Rhyno gives Bish a dirtily look on his way up the ramp.

The next week on the Highlight Reel, Jericho is set to interview the Man Beast about getting shunned last week, but before Rhyno can answer, Batista’s music hits. Batista apologies to Rhyno, but asks for mic time with Jericho to discuss his match with HHH. A saddened Rhyno hints at goring the Animal, then doubtingly walks away.

The following Raw, Eric Bischoff is seen in a production meeting. A very dossal Rhyno shows up, wearing jeans and black hooded sweatshirt, asking to speak with Eric. Bischoff says that tonight is when Haas is supposed to debut, and he has no time to speak now, and no time to give Rhyno a match that night, as he’s still trying to finalize the Charlie Haas trade. Rhyno is obviously seething, but again, controls his temper.

On Smackdown the next week, Teddy Long is in his office on his cell phone when Rhyno walks in, again in street clothes. He asks that he be made the final piece to the Charlie Haas trade, and Long claims to be looking for talent that can make more of an impact.

Later, during a title defense, Orlando Jordon finds himself on the receiving end of a vicious surprise Gore, as does his opponent. The referee gets mauled, and a security guard trying to stop the attack catches a gore for his trouble as well. Teddy Long struts to the ring screaming as Rhyno casually puts back on his sweatshirt, and with crazy eyes looks at Long and asks if that was enough impact.

The trade is finalized; Haas for Rhyno and Rhyno gets his first match where he dismantles Rene Dupree, doing so far as to mock the French Tickler before settling into his Gore stance. Rhyno claims he was ignored long enough on Raw, but now that he’s back on Smackdown where he belongs, he won’t be ignored anymore.

On the next Smackdown, Rhyno walks into the GM office to find Carlito without his cast whining at Teddy Long. He asks if Carlito would like his first match since coming off injured reserve, and promptly heads to the ring to run through Carlito. Backstage following his win, Rhyno gets jumped by the Bashams and Orlando Jordon, seeking revenge for Rhyno’s first appearance on Smackdown two weeks ago. As the cabinet walks away, the camera lowers to ground level to see Rhyno’s eyes open up, as Tazz sells the craziness in the eyes of Rhyno, claiming that bad things happen when Rhyno gets that look in his eyes.



And now, the entry from the champion…..


Xanman: Eric Bischoff slams the locker room door as he walks out, leaving Rosey and Hurricane alone. Hurricane wishes Rosey well, tells him he's ready, and leaves.

The next Smackdown, Shane Helms--in street clothes--knocks on Long's door and walks in. Long wants to know who he is. Helms tells him. Long says he didn't trade for Shane Helms, he traded for the Hurricane, and he better be ready with his costume next week because it's Hurricane vs. Chavo Guerrero for the Cruiserweight Title.

Hurricane vs. Chavo: After a ref bump, Hurricane hits the Hurri-chokeslam. The ref starts to get up, but Helms stomps him in the head. Then he waffles Chavo with a chair. Ref crawls over and counts. New champ. Helms pushes the ref aside and throws the belt on Chavo. He declares the strap worthless and walks off.

The next week, the show opens with Helms in the ring next to a trash can. He says the cruiser division is dead, and so is the Hurricane. Only "Sugar" Shane Helms survives. He burns his costume in the can and walks out of the building.

The following week, John Cena is about to pin Kenzo when Helms hits the U.S. Champ with his new cane in the head and then with a thrust to the throat. He says that while Cena's been allowed to be himself and flourish, he's been forced to hide behind a mask. Well, now he's letting himself out, and he wants everything Cena has. Starting with the U.S. Title. Then he drags Cena outside the ring and hits him with a Vertebreaker through the announce table. Then he gives a "Hurricane" thumbs up to the crowd and walks off.

The next week, Helms enters to Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and after defeating Kidman in a 5-minute match by cracking him with the "Sugar-cane" challenges Cena for a match next week on Smackdown. Cena chases Helms out of the ring, then cuts a rhyme on him that says there's nothing super about him and that he's got no chance against Cena, so he has no problem giving a title shot, but he wants a Street Fight, because he's pissed that he has to be distracted by this crap right before his WWE Title shot.

Helms vs. Cena: Cena dominates most of the match, until he goes for the Throwback and Helms slams him down. Helms hits the "Sugar-smack", a "Sugar-bomb", and "Nightmare on Helms Street", but Cena kicks out. He grabs Sugarcane and heads to the top rope. Cena crotches him and picks him up for the F-U. Helms hangs onto the ropes, preventing the move from happening, and is able to grab the Sugarcane, which miraculously got caught between the ropes. He whacks Cena with it, but the champ kicks out. Out comes JBL, who hits the Clothesline From Hell on Cena, smiles down at him, and leaves. Helms with the Vertebreaker---new champion.


Judge’s view: Pretty good work here. Random’s is OK, but I like Xan’s more. It seems to flow between shows better, and I’m feeling Helms as a challenger more than Rhyno by the end of the angles. I doubt Cena would be the man to drop the US title to Helms, but I can’t punish you for a lack of clairvoyance. 77% to Xan and 65% to Random.

Pt2’s analysis: Seems Xan took a chance that paid off. When I saw it, I wasn’t sure how picking the Hurricane, pretty much a face and nothing else since the Invasion, would pan it, but it seems our judge has gone for it. Also, seems that now our regular decision maker is back, scores are consistently lower than they were in the YBTB rumble. Now, as for penalties…. Just the one. It’s only a trivial matter and adds no bearing to the final result, but a small technical penalty for Random for the use of Direct Dialogue - giving Bischoff actual lines to say. 2% off.

Scores after first scenario:

Xanman (c): 77%
Random: 63%


Scenario 2:

2. A legitimate injury to Randy Orton forces the WWE to end his feud with Christian early. You must find a way to blow off their feud, and find something for Christian to do at Wrestlemania, so he doesn’t lose heat. This scenario will be marked closely: Kill ANY of Christians heat, through a dodgy finish to the Orton feud or through a weak angle for his Mania bout, and you lose points.


RG5: Raw opens with paramedics and backstage personal frantically running around backstage. JR apologies for the abrupt beginning to the show as we find a very bloody Orton laid out backstage. The camera pans to the other end of the lockeroom to find Christian hurriedly rushing away, steel chair in hand. Christian yells at somebody off camera about doing a great job. Announcers assume its Tomko, though a camera silently pans to a second chair left next to the carcass of Orton.

Following Raw’s theme music, Christian’s entrance hits and he comes to the ring with Tomko. Christian takes credit for what he and his partner did to eliminate Orton, as Tomko looks puzzled. Edge’s music hits as everybody is confused, and he and Christian square off before both turning to attack Tomko. Spear, Unprettier, Con-chair-to and Edge and Christian proclaim the return of the greatest tag team in the history of WWE. They claim that time after time, they’ve both been screwed out of opportunities in this business. Christian claims that Tomko did nothing but hold him down, and he’s not being held anymore. From now on, he trusts the only man in the business that has been screwed over as much as him, Edge.

The next week on Raw, the two men declare that in the E & C 2k5, they aren’t about waiting for opportunities; they’re about making them for themselves. They interfere in a bout between Chris Jericho and Chris Benoit, interrupting the friendly rivalry between the two of them. Singling out Benoit first, the two men put down the Wolverine before delivering the con-chair-to to Jericho, and add one to Benoit for good measure.

The following week, Christian explains that he and his brother seen an opportunity to be made. Benoit was partially response for Edge’s being screwed from the World Title at Taboo Tuesday, and Benoit and Jericho were both in the Elimination Chamber that Edge was robbed of. Added in, is the fact that Jericho has been a thorn in the side of Christian for over a year, and there were two problems in one ring. Two problems solved, with two con-chair-tos. Two problems, two chairs, plus one ring, equals one FIVE SECOND POSE!

And as the lights dim…

Chris Jericho’s millennium clock begins, counting down to Chris Benoit’s music! Jericho opens up, mic in hand, and reminds E & C that they aren’t the only former tag team champions laying around on the Raw roster waiting to get back together. Since Christian wanted to bring old friends into the fray, why not make it an old time reunion and have Benoit join Jericho?

A melee ensues and Bischoff stops the chaos, announcing that both he and the fans like Jericho’s ladder idea, and like con-chair-tos and like nostalgia. So at Wrestlemania, Team Chris joins E&C to take on the Tag Team Champions in TLC IV!

And now, the champions attempt to beat off the challenge in straight scenario’s….

Xanman: Christian is a guest on the Highlight Reel, just after Trish Stratus has beaten the hell out of Victoria with her title belt. He challenges Randy Orton to a Falls Count Anywhere match the following week on RAW. Orton gamely accepts, as long as Tomko is banned from the arena.

Christian finds Trish backstage and says he wants her back, and needs her to keep Orton's girlfriend, Stacy Kiebler from stopping his destruction of Randy. Trish agrees and they share an evil, hair-pulling kiss.

During the match, battling in the parking lot, Christian goes for the Unprettier, but it gets reversed into the RKO. Before Orton can make the cover, a cloaked, hooded figure dressed all in black comes out of nowhere, DDTs Orton on the concrete, and climbs to an upper level. Christian wakes up, sees Orton down, and makes the cover for the victory. He looks around and sees the figure, who points at him and makes the throat-cutting gesture.

Meanwhile, Trish has beaten the hell out of Stacy at ringside, and is then attacked and thrown into the steel steps by Steven Richards who screams that it's payback for Victoria.

The following week, Christian is upset about Trish and telling Tomko he has to watch his back and help him find the indentity of the cloaked man when a noose drops around Tyson's neck and he's hoisted up in the air. The cloaked figure again. He puts his arms out in a crucifix sign and leaves Tomko to choke. Christian climbs up and lets him down, looking frightened. He calls an ambulance, and takes off.

The next week, Christian informs Bischoff of Tomko's condition--he's out with a crushed larynx and that Trish will be back next week; he then demands protection. Bischoff says he's enjoying Christian's misery and he's not helping him; so he should get ready for his match.

Christian is taking on Steven Richards, who hits the Stevie Kick. The cloaked figure comes out with a chair and sets it up in the ring. He whips Christian into the ropes and hits a drop toe hold onto the chair, while Richards smiles. The figure pulls up Christian and sets up for the DDT. Richards removes his cloak, and it's Edge! He hits the Edge-o-cution on the chair.

Seven days later, Edge says can't believe that people are even overlooking him for Christian. If either of the two brothers is a creepy bastard, it's him. He contacted Steven Richards to give him advice on being creepy, since he learned at the master. Now things are going to get even more dangerous. He wants Christian one on one in a match style they helped make famous: a TLC match.

Christian comes out on stage and says he can play rough, too. Trish comes out walking Steven Richards in a collar and chains. He tells Edge he and his pets will see him Sunday for the Christian's Rules match: TLC with pinfalls.

Judge’s view: This one was hard, and I think both guys had a hard time answering it. Marks will be low here. Both scenario’s start out well, and look good in the first instant, but by the end of the scenario, I’m not interested in either one. You could probably get away with it, but I don’t think it’s great, and I don’t think either would push Christian on. 55% each.

Pt2’s analysis: A tie? Well, that makes my job more difficult. However, the scenario does state that Randy Orton has suffered a legitimate injury - and as such is unlikely to be in a falls count anywhere match, as Xan’s scenario dictates. Random blows off the feud with Orton outside the ring - which I think is a clear indication of answering the scenario with more awareness. As such, I have to give a 5% penalty to Xan for failing to take into account the injury to Orton, and award the scenario to RG5.

Scores for the second scenario:

Random Guy 5: 55%
Xanman (c): 50%

And the overall score is tied at 1-1. And that is the first tied scenario we have ever had in YBTB…. At least it would have been, were it not for the penalty. Come to think of it, I’d actually better come up with something to tiebreak in case it goes to a tie again. Any suggestions, send them in an e-mail. Right now, it’s time for the decider…..

Final Scenario:

To create a cross brand match for Summerslam, Vince wants Eric Bischoff to create a stable of Smackdown! Wrestlers and create turmoil on their show. You have from Wrestlemania until Summerslam to book this, and may begin any time you want, but it must end at Summerslam. You may use the so-called “failed brands”, but failure to use them well, will result in a poor mark, due to the negativity that would follow a la The Invasion. Eric Bischoff has no actual authority on Smackdown!, so Teddy Long must remain the man in power throughout your scenario.

As the loser of the last scenario, Xan will go first.

Xanman: Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio are defending the WWE Tag Titles against Akio and Funaki in the main event of the June 9 Smackdown. Mysterio hits the West Coast Pop on Akio, but Eddie Guerrero hits him in the head with the ring bell and they drop the tag straps.

The following week, Mysterio calls out Eddie, but instead, Eric Bischoff comes out. Bischoff says he's now speaking for Eddie, so anything Mysterio has to say can go through him. Theodore Long comes out and wants to know what Bischoff is doing there. Bisch says he's here to end Smackdown, because it's a blight on the WWE. Long has security take him out of the building.

Seven days later, Eddie jumps Mysterio in the parking lot, giving him a concussion and putting him out of action. Eddie gets berated by Long and threatened with suspension if he doesn't win his "punishment" match tonight. It's Eddie vs. Long's big dog, WWE Champ John Cena nontitle. Cena cuts a vicious rap on Eddie. They lock up, Eddie gets a small package and a quick victory. Cena raises Eddie's arm, and they walk out with their arms around each other's shoulders.

Next Smackdown, Long tells Big Show he wants his new big dog to be the special referee when JBL and Orlando Jordan take on Eddie and Cena, and he can do whatever he needs to to make sure the right team comes out on top. After an intense match, JBL goes for the Clothesline From Hell on Eddie, but gets goozled by Big Show and hit with the Showstopper. Eddie covers, and Big Show makes the count. Teddy Long looks on, shaking with anger.

The next week, at the beginning of the show Long and Bischoff agree to have a match at SummerSlam. Bischoff brags that his three men can defeat any 4 of Long's men. So it's decided that Cena/Eddie/Big Show vs. JBL and his Cabinet in an elimination tag. Whoever's team wins gets to run both shows for a month; including any reasonable trades. Furthermore, they agree to a "cease-fire" until Sunday. Later, JBL brags about how he's going to save Smackdown.

The night of SummerSlam, as Orlando Jordan is arriving, John Cena clips his knee and Eddie Guerrero locks on the "Lasso From El Paso", injuring the Chief of Staff. Backstage, Bischoff apologizes to Long for his men being overzealous. Long tells him not to worry, he's got a back-up in mind: Rey Mysterio.

JBL and the Bashams make it clear they don't want or need Mysterio...until the Bashams are eliminated by a double choke-slam, courtesy of The Big Show. Then, JBL and Mysterio work together, eliminating Guerrero and Cena. Big Show eliminates Mysterio with an F-5, but the Bashams come back out and distract the referee, while JBL hits Big Show with a chair and Mysterio hits the 619. A Clothesline From Hell later, and the Smackdown side successfully defend their turf.

And now the final entry….


Rg5: At Wrestlemania, Bischoff is seen talking to Booker T, about how he misses him on Raw.

As part of the fallout from his Mania match with Taker, Orton asks to stay on Smackdown via the draft lottery. Bishoff agrees, on one condition…the screen goes black.

Starting periodically after Backlash on Raw broadcasts, Bischoff is seen talking on his cell phone discussing generic things about how things are going from “your” end and if the plans are beginning to come together.

Bischoff is seen in his office one day on Raw, pouring over paperwork which he claims to be old records. He gets an idea and makes a call.

Orton immediately befriends John Cena on Smackdown.

Prior to Judgment Day, Orton asks Teddy if there is anyway he could bring his girlfriend Stacy Kiebler to Smackdown. Teddy looks into it, and eventually works out a trade of Stacy Kiebler for Torrie Wilson. Stacy is promptly hired as Teddy Long’s new Secretary and bookkeeper. Torrie becomes a valet for Chris Masters.

At the Judgment Day PPV, Cena takes a terrible beating at the hands of Angle/Reins/Jindrak. Orton makes the save, but not before Cena is seriously injured.

As “ECW: One Night Stand” is going off the air, we see a joyous Dudley Boyz in the parking lot being stopped by Bischoff. He congratulates them on a great show, and their return, and hands them an envelope and asks them to read over it.

A phone call on Raw ensures Bishoff that everything is going according to plan.

At the Great American Bash, Randy Orton wins the WWE Title from Kurt Angle as Booker T wins a Number One Contender Tournament over JBL. The returning Dudleyz reclaim the tag straps. Meanwhile, Teddy Long is at his desk and discovers a fatal mistake. It seems his secretary has misinformed him about the contract status of four of his most valued superstars. Stacy, of course, doesn’t know what happened.

As Teddy Long tries to pick up the pieces and save the contracts of the Dudleyz, Orton, and Booker T, John Cena makes his return to congratulate his good friend Randy Orton, who promptly RKO’s Cena. He is joined by the now free agent Dudleyz and Booker who commence laying waste to John Cena. Removing their shirts, they reveal Raw Shirts underneath.

Teddy Long stands by idle, falling to his knees backstage watching a monitor, as Stacy joins her boyfriend Orton and his comrades in the ring. Security tries to save Cena, and as the foursome destroy security; they let one guard stand by, before removing a mask to reveal himself as Eric Bischoff. The Raw contingent sign new contracts, officially jumping the WWE Title, #1 contender, and tag champs, over to Raw, and laying waste to the poster child of Smackdown John Cena.

Now in tears, Teddy Long rights himself, to stand up backstage, and look longingly at a poster, for SummerSlam.

Judge’s view After a week second scenario, this one was much better. Incredible even, when you consider the difficulty of the scenario set. I actually enjoyed them both a lot. Xan’s was brilliant, and I think the only way Xan’s could have been any better would be to be Random’s. Both great efforts, could have gone either way, but I prefer Random’s. I know some people reading it will be thinking how it disrespects Smackdown!, but I think at the end of the day, it would make for great Television, and set up a great Summerslam. 90% for a great effort from Xan, but eclipsed by a 94% effort from Random.

Pt2’s analysis: Good job from both guys. With the scores this close, I had better make sure that I don’t miss anything in this one. Both seem to answer the scenario well, without infringing on either the scenario guidelines or the rules of the contest. The result will stand.


And as such, the winner of the contest and once again YBTB champion, Random Guy 5.

Thank you very much to both players today. Xan, a bloody good job ,valiant effort but it wasn’t your day, I hope you’ll come back when you are once again eligible. Random, congratulations.

I think this one has gone on long enough. I’ll be back again soon enough. If you’ve enjoyed either part of this column, or if you just have an opinion on something I’ve said, then please feel free to get in touch with me at Takeupthywrestlingboots@gmail.com and I will get back to you as soon as I can.

Until next time
Thanks for reading.

Pt2








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