The Rant of the Week: What happened to you Tommy?
    Submitted by Phantom Lord on Monday, February 28, 2005 at 6:20 AM EST





    Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain as it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow Phantom Lord and this is your all-important Rant of the Week. As always I am coming to you from the capital of the world New York City and right now we are bunkered down here in the rotten apple as a good old fashion Nor-Easter is approaching. Supposedly we’re gonna get up to 14 inches in the city. I don’t really care. I just hate the wind. The wind blows the snow around so much you would think you were in Motley Crue’s dressing room during the mid 80’s. In any event I have my shovels are ready and the industrial strength rock salt is in the bucket and ready to be spread onto the sidewalk. Of course the only downside to this is the moment you get it all cleared as soon as you go inside warm up the snow’s all ready covered up what you’ve shoveled. It’s a never ending battle…but enough of my battle with Mother Nature. Time for the filler section.

    So the Oscars are tonight and can anyone say they honestly care? They hired Chris Rock to host in the hopes of boosting ratings and seeming hip to the kids. So far the gamble has paid off as all the right wing pundits who are for censorship are saying how once again this is Hollywood thumbing is nose at the rights of parents to hide their kids from filth. I know I’ve been accused of being a right wing nut, but this stuff just makes me laugh. OH MY GOD…CHRIS ROCK MIGHT USE A DIRTY WORD…WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

    Man fuck the children…that’s what I have to say. Congress just upped the fines for indecency on television and radio; the FCC is going after everyone. You know why they are doing this? Because a slim minority of people on the far right think they can impose their will onto everyone because parents today are to stupid to tell little Johnny and Susie no you cant watch that. I mean Hollywood only makes what we want to see. If we didn’t want to see violence and sex then that wouldn’t be making the money it is. It’s as simple as that. If it wasn’t making money then odds are they would be pushing more of this family friendly sanitized crap that’s guaranteed not to offend anyone.

    Sorry I got off on that tangent there. I like to think I speak for people like me. We’re simple in our tastes. We like what we like. Speaking of things I like, who’s seen the new Judas Priest video for Revolution. Holy Fuck it is good. Priest is going to have the tour of the summer and if this video is any indication, Priest is going to have one of the best stage shows in ages. Its gonna be good this summer. Ozzfest has Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden, Priest is gonna be touring, Motley Crue is now roaming around on tour, and Megadeth is going full force (even if it is just Dave). And to think they say heavy metal is dead and it’s not even a draw. I hope to be able to catch all these great bands this summer, but Phantom would need to fill the “Needs to find a job and get some money” fund.

    Well now that I’m riding high on my caffeine fix, I say its time to get to the column. I know I’m opening the gates of hell from ECW fans just on the title of my column alone, but you know it needs to be said. ECW was never about being trendy or being corporate (then again if they were maybe they would still be in business…nah Heyman still would of bled the piggy bank dry).

    With the ECW DVD selling so damn well, theres a lot money to be made off a one off ECW Show. Well the WWE figures since they own everything about ECW they should be the one to do it. Shane Douglas on the other hand had the brilliant idea of doing his own Reunion show the night before. Well that first plan didn’t pan out since CZW isn’t going to part with the ECW Arena on that night, so Shane is going to now run the show two days before the WWE promoted ECW PPV. This all has led to a bidding war between Douglas and the WWE and Tommy Dreamer is caught in the middle.

    Tommy Dreamer, representing World Wrestling Entertainment began contacting several former Extreme Championship Wrestling stars not currently under WWE deals to take part in the 6/12 ECW One Night Stand PPV at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City.

    Several names, including The Sandman, were contacted over the past 24 hours by Dreamer, who is heading up the ECW PPV project for WWE, reprising his old ECW management role.

    There is no word if WWE is contacting the performers as a way to prevent them from working for a reunion show being organized by Shane Douglas on Friday 6/10.
    Credit to PWInsider.com & NoDQ.com

    So yeah basically Tommy is the former hero who is now has a corporate gig and he’s working his way up the food chain so to speak and the success of the ECW ppv will probably decide his future at Titan. Well the part that angered me is basically the WWE’s position is either you work for us or you don’t work at all. I can tell you right now if the core of ECW is not on the WWE ppv then it will be basically a WWE throw away show with the ECW logo plastered on it.

    One thing many are failing to mention about the show Shane is doing is its secretly a TNA show since Jeremy Borash from NWA-TNA is helping him put it together. So here we have the one thing we ECW fans have been wanting since March of 2001. One more ECW show so it can go out on a high note and it hangs in the balance between the WWE and NWA-TNA.

    Now we all know the WWE loves when I throw common sense at them, so here’s an idea. Now go with me on this one cause it could just work. Why not just co-promote the damn thing. I mean it wouldn’t be the first time a co-promoted show has happened before. New Japan and All Japan did them all the time and so did the NWA and AWA and they were pretty big draws for all involved. The way I see it is this. Shane’s got the talent and Vince has the cash. If you are telling me that you cant come to some sort of agreement for one night of greatness then I don’t know what to say really. In the end its about the bottom line and that’s Money.

    So far here’s a list of wrestlers pretty much confirmed for the Douglas promoted show.

    TNA wrestlers Shane Douglas, Raven, Jerry Lynn and Chris Candido as well as The Sandman, Sabu, Bam Bam Bigelow, Terry Funk and many, many more former ECW stars.
    Credit to Joey Styles & 1Wrestling.com

    So those guys are pretty much locked up. The WWE PPV is up shit creek with out them. This bidding war stuff isn’t going to work. In the end all it will end up doing is cause Vince to shell out double and triple what Douglas is offering and loyalties aside I’m not sure many would be willing to bite. See despite my theory of annihilating ones enemy, I believe in anything that will see as little blood shed as possible. This is where I think the co-promoted show is the best thing for all party’s involved. All the ECW guys get a nice big pay day that they deserve and we the fans can be happy and not call for anyone’s collective head because this person didn’t want to work this show and so forth.

    I know it’s a pipe dream since if it isn’t on the WWE’s terms then Vince isn’t interested. But Vince has blown many HUGE paydays before because of his ego. The ECW show will probably be the biggest payday for the WWE buyrate wise next to Wrestlemania 21. Like I said, its common sense. Do what’s right for the bottom line.

    But of course what we’ll probably end up seeing in the months leading up to these shows is sabotage and paranoia galore as both sides will be equally as guilty when neither show happens and once again it will be me and you the common fan left shaking our collective heads thinking about what could have been. Most of us could have easily walked away after the McMahon wankfest that the Invasion turned into. Don’t piss us off again. I might be part of the 10% on the Internet, but I’m also part of that 90% called the core audience and we can only take so much bullshit.

    Speaking of bullshit, am I the only one who really doesn’t care about this whole Matt and Lita thing. I mean ok its sad they’re having their collective troubles, but my god you would think the way the news has been this week it’s a matter of up most importance. If I didn’t know any better I’d say the whole damn thing is a work between them to keep interest on them while they are out. Its funny seeing the reactions of the diehard Matt Hardy fans. I swear its almost like life and death to them that Matt and Lita might be breaking up.

    Couples break up all the time. If its meant to be then its meant to be. If it’s not then oh well I guess they’ll find happiness someplace else. Me personally I feel bad that they are on the rocks, but I’m not going to lose any sleep over it. I have enough fucking problems in my life that keep me up all night. But hey, I’m not going to complain about them here. I have my Live Journal for that. Just be happy I’m drunk right now. But as soon as I get my wisdom teeth out, you have my solemn promise that I will be doing this column high as kite when I’m loaded up on Vicadin.

    On that note I’m moving along as another amusing story out there is just how bad off is Vince McMahon. For those of you under a rock, at the Royal Rumble things didn’t go as planned and they needed to finish up the show so Vince came running down and he slide into the ring and he banged his leg on the ring apron and when he tried to stand up he tore his quad. Now we all know Vince is an egomaniac so naturally he sat in the ring and looked puzzled rather then admit to being in a massive amount of pain.

    Vince was helped to the back and then that little voice in his head said “WALK ON YOUR OWN DAMN IT…YOU DON’T WANT TO LOOK WEAK” so Vince did that and his other quad tore and now because of that Vinnie Mac is confined to a wheelchair for the conceivable future. I hope he makes a full recovery, but you know shit happens. So what if your in a wheel chair. Get your self a motorized one and a hot nurse and your set.

    I mean my father just had a major back surgery and because of a nasty post operation infection he's on some major IV drugs now three times a day. You think he likes having to sit for over an hour as the iv drips and drips into the line that's surgically implanted into his arm for the next 6 weeks or so and even after all that he might have to retire early.

    Vince stop being a pussy and start being Mr. McMahon.

    Even in a wheel chair I'm pretty sure you still can put the fear of god into people.

    YOUR VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON DAMN IT. YOU BEAT THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT. YOU WENT TO WAR WITH TED TURNER AND WON. ARE YOU GOING TO LET A LITTLE THING LIKE A DOUBLE QUAD INJURY STOP YOU? Kurt Angle is wrestling with a neck more brittle then the Palestinian/Israeli cease-fire agreement. If your going into hiding because of a little leg injury then you are not the Vince McMahon we all know and love.

    Damn that would make a good promo for someone. Come on WWE you have my resume and writing samples all ready. Shoot me an e-mail or something. TNA at least got back to me.

    Speaking of good promos, the best thing the WWE has pulled of in ages was the face turn of Batista. Damn that was a great moment as it kept building and building cause you knew he was going to kill Triple H. I marked out when BFD drove Triple H through the table and a lot of us on the Internet agree that Batista is the new Goldberg. What ever it is, DAVE has it. There is something special about him and I think on Monday night we saw the dawn of the BFD era of RAW.

    So Dave Batista now that you’ve made your decision and plan on destroying Triple H at Wrestlemania, what do you think of Smackdown’s chances of survival…



    That says it all doesn’t it folks. I don’t know if it was unintentional on the WWE’s part, but that was a pretty damn cryptic message of what the WWE really thinks of that other show that happens to be produced by them…Smackdown.

    Now you all know I’m not thrilled with the prospect of John Cena as WWE Champion.

    Some have claimed I hate him because he’s a wigger. Well that’s partly true. Others have said I’m giving others a free pass because they all have Five Moves of Doom. So which is it Phantom? Do you hate him cause he’s a wigger or do you hate him because he’s bland. Wanna know why I hate him? Cause I have to deal with retards like this…

    Subject: LOL...LIFE
    Date: 2/20/05 3:44:13 PM Eastern Standard Time
    From: grekaros@nyc.rr.com
    To: Jd8295@aol.com

    Sent from the Internet (Details)

    Ok, here is the deal..you are the gayest thing ever not John Cena's belt. The truth is, you're a loser and all u can think of doing is writing crap, about someone who you despise for being better than you, on your stupid page. Honestly you are just SAD. Sorry PLAYA, but the thing is that, John Cena will always be ontop in Smackdown -- and let me tell you something : If you don't like John Cena...why do you waste your " precious " time writing so much crap about him? Seriously man you have to get a life. No kiddin!

    P.S. - I would like to see you be a better wrestler. You do say that he is liked by the audience but not in the rong. I would like to see how much better you would do.......WoOOw -- you really have to get a girl!

    YO - YO - YO !! PeAce PlayAa

    You can e-mail that address if you want, it was a fake one. See this is what I have to deal with because of Cena. My only problem with Cena is he has become a parody un to himself. They market him like he’s a thug but that’s a load of shit. He’s a sanitized version of Eminem when Eminem was worth a damn back in 2000. I mean the whole Ruck Fules thing is so stupid. I understand its all about money and Cena is a draw. But there comes a time in ones career where you must step it up or be doomed to failure. If your going to be the WWE Champion and wrestling guys like Eddie Guerrero or The Undertaker and winning a match with a fist drop is not going to cut it.

    The FU is not a credible finisher for a champion. It’s a fireman’s carry, which means it’s the basic of all basic maneuvers. I know Cena used to use the Protobomb as his finisher in UPW which is a powerbomb into a side effect of sorts if I remember correctly. See that would be a believable finisher for him as champion.

    That’s the one real problem with the WWE. Everyone does the same damn moves. It becomes cookie cutter and once again we the common fan don’t like that. Speaking of things we didn’t like, you could hear a pin drop when Chris Masters made his intro on RAW this week.

    See this is the biggest problem with the WWE. Lack of character development. Masters came out and the crowd went dead. Why are we supposed to care about him? Oh yeah he’s a BAH GAWD HOSS AND HE’S GOT A HUGE BODY. Ok so why are we supposed to care about him? He’s just using Lex Luger’s gimmick from 1993 and that went over real well.

    Personally I thought he did well enough in his debut. He’s a powerful guy and he wrestled like one. Unfortunately for Stevie Richards he damn near got decapitated in the process when Masters channeled Ivan Putski and destroyed the hell out of him with The Polish Hammer. Phantom Classic said he was channeling Billy Jack Haynes by stalking him for the swinging full nelson finisher. I like the full nelson, I’ve always been a mark for the move so I am willing to give this kid the benefit of the doubt here.

    But a lot of people agree that these guys are just being rushed up from OVW to damn quickly. Word has it the WWE asked Jim Cornette who runs OVW to put together a list of 25 guys in order of readiness for the big time. Cornette spends the better part of a week doing this and he gives them his list and who does the WWE call up off that list? No not Nova or Nick Dinsmore. They call up Matt Morgan and HEIDENRICH who were respectively near the bottom.

    I think I read about that on the DVDVR Board, I forget where the actual story came from but it made me laugh. Cornett is a genius as scouting people and the WWE ignores his choices and goes with a couple of generic hosses. See character is everything and they are not giving these guys anything original. HEIDENRICH got over with the Internet shearly because most of us hate Michael Cole and the Heidenrape incident looked like a scene right of OZ and we all know Cole would be the guy trading blowjobs with the Aryans so he doesn’t get beat up by the Brothers.

    For the most part every big man to come up to the WWE in the last year or so has had the same exact character of big guy with black tights and boots. The one person on Smackdown who I think could break that mold believe it or not is Luther. I was impressed with his I don’t fear The Undertaker promo. It shows he has depth and I always thought he was good in the role of Angle’s bodyguard. But after that promo I was like the WWE could build a nice little mini feud with him and the Taker up to Wrestlemania 21. Now of course someone accused me of being high if anyone would believe Luther could end the Taker’s streak. My theory is screw the streak. Build it up as a good old fashion respect match between the two. Make it lead up to a nice I Quit match and the loser has to shake the winners hand and say I respect you.

    I miss The American Badass…it would be a perfect reason to bring him back. Things were better when it was your yard. See the WWE really needs to build for the future and in a couple years Luther could actually be a solid upper carder. I know people have trouble believing me sometimes as I have sarcasm down to an art form and some people cant tell if I’m being serious or not. This is one of those times where I’m dead serious. Luther is where Batista was in 2002. He needs to be molded because if he isn’t the WWE will cut him and its off to Japan where a lot of guys creative said they had nothing for are now huge draws.

    Theres still enough time to build that Taker/Luther angle if they wanted to. I mean they’ve built entire ppv’s on 3 days notice so why should this be any different. But yeah I guess The Undertaker vs. Randy Orton seems more tempting to them. I mean they did have one good match on Smackdown shortly after Orton’s debut, but then again that night The Undertaker was selling like a mad man for some reason. I cant see a point to an Orton/Taker match. That stepping up to the plate crap and climbing the ladder stuff HBK spewed means nothing these days. Orton was on top and he blew it. If the Undertaker has to lose at Wrestlemania make it a match that means something. A hot shotted Orton/Taker match will be filler material at best…sort of like The Undertaker vs. A-Train and Big Show at WM 19.

    It seemed like a good idea at the time but in retrospect it will just be that match in between the good ones.

    To get away from the WWE, I downloaded the debut show Internet Show from Jersey All Pro Wrestling and damn it was fun. I haven’t seen much JAP, but Dan Maff vs. Jay Lethal has more heat to it then any title match the WWE or TNA have in a long time. See its all about heat. It doesn’t matter who is in the match, if there’s heat to it then it will be good.

    Jersey All Pro sees the future of wrestling being the Internet. Click on Demand downloadable shows…with a cable modem and a 250 Gigabyte portable drive it’s a beautiful thing.

    All I know is the JAP show at the ECW Arena on March 26th looks good. Teddy Hart and Jack Evan vs. Homicide and B-Boy in a Steel Cage. If you’ve seen the Teddy Hart/Homicide music video that JAP made then you know putting them into a cage has the making for an old school blood bath. As an added bonus you can take bets on whether Jack Evans will splatter himself in some form.

    So yeah head to www.japw.net and download the first episode of JAPW World Wide…you wont be disappointed.

    On that note here is your moment of zen courtesy from SomethingAwful.com


    For once I’m at a loss for words as to what this exactly is, so until next time take care and remember someone has to provide you with this information and it DAMN well has got to be me {S Bob Grant

    And now The Plugs

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