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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, February 27, 2005 at 4:19 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Hiatus Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman. Well, just when things are starting to roll, life throws a curve at you. There will be no column next week. Wevvy is going to be working like a dog, all weekend long. That means that Wevv will be getting paid overtime, which is always a good thing, but it also means that there is a double whammy in the making. The week after that is my birthday, and so that means something special for you, my fantastic readers. I always try to do something special on that day, as a way to give back, but with the big weekend, it means a change of plans is in order. So, I’m going to write up a very special Kane’s House. It’s time for Kane to take a little trip to McMahon Mart. While that does mean that there will be two weeks of no reviews or deep thought, it does give me a chance to just sit back and just watch what WWE is going to do to build up to Wrestlemania. It’s a critical time. There’s still five weeks until the big event, and right now, WWE is acting like it’s next week. In the mean time, we got a PPV to review, some important TV to cover, and OAW. Let’s get rolling shall we. WWE TV – The Series No Way Out Report can be found here It’s the last PPV before Wrestlemania. There is no PPV in March. So, Smackdown had a tough job to do. Set up angles for the Big One, and also help cross promote Raw. Did it live up to the hype? Well, I’ll say this. It was a wrestling focused show. The TV show spends more time developing angles, but they should pay off in a PPV. But the focus has been shifted lately. Wrestlemania looms in the back of every angle. Are you sick of hearing about Wrestlemania yet? Nevermind, let’s cover some matches. Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guererro vs The Bashams. A very good match to start the show. The Bashams looked good, keeping up with the pace and style set by Eddie and Rey. A good fast paced match, that had some slow parts, but they used those spots very effectively. Great psychology. At one point the Bashams do the Ol’ Switcher-Roo. Eddy went up for the Frog Splash, saw the switch and played along, only to reverse the tables on the Bashams. Great spot, and finally, Eddie is cheating like the good old days. Effectively. Fun match. Rey and Eddie get the pin after some hot potato with the belts. Teddy and Carlito, Best Buds Carlito shows up with one of the wives of the board members. He taunts Teddy, who gets his own shots in. Great spot. Oh, and the Batista count down is on, and no one expects any earlier than the main event, even though WWE tries to play it like he’ll show up early. Yeah, right. Booker T vs Heidenriech Sweet Al Wilson, this was horrible, and it wasn’t Booker’s fault. Johnny does get to injure Booker, which does no one any favors. Line of the night right there however. Cole" Have you forgotten what that man did to me?" No Mikey, I haven’t. Though I wish I could. Cruiserweight Open So, Paul London is now a caveman? Bah. Some great action, even though Funaki is first out. Jimmy Yang gets to work the bulk of the match, and that guy is good. It comes down to London and Chavo and Chavo sneaks his pin. Good stuff, and Chavo is a solid champ. Luther vs Undertaker Eh, it was a match. Taker no sold as usual. Tazz and Cole even brought up the camera shot, and right then, Taker no-sold another blow to the head. Classic. But I don’t mind the fact that Luther lost. He stayed right in it to the end. I do have issue with what happened Thursday. Luther once again turned into a pussy, even after cutting another solid promo. Instead Taker got to beat up Jindrak again. Come on WWE. And you wonder why new stars aren’t being created? Right there. They do a good job, but then get pissed on. They don’t even have to win, though they should. If they can hang with the top stars, then they can say they are top stars in a believable manner, but when they turn to pussies, it shoots it all to hell. Fuck Undertaker. Because it’s all to protect him. Fear is one thing, but being an utter coward is another. Angle vs Cena Great match, and it was all Kurt Angle. Eddie gave Cena a great speech before the match. But in the ring, it was all Kurt Angle. The sad thing is, Angle can’t go much longer. Or more appropriately, he shouldn’t. Angle is a hell of a talent, and he means a lot to Smackdown. But the guy is a walking medical problem. But he’s also a victim of the hierarchy of the WWE. Angle was played, totally, completely and absolutely but the powers. He supported them, and is getting the shaft. Angle Taker? Not gonna happen. Hell, shouldn’t happen. Angle has given so much to WWE, he shouldn’t be forced to job to Taker. He shouldn’t be forced to job to HBK either. But at least that match will be good, and if HBK is the one pushing for it, he rises a few notches in my book. Angle shouldn’t be left out in the cold. -Wow, quite a tangent. Obviously I have more to say about Angle, but I’ll save that for some other time. But, it’s time for another tangent. -Cena – The guy won his match and gets to face JBL at WM. But, he is also the US champion, with a spiffy new belt, that is really over. The sad thing is, he won’t be allowed to keep it. No way in hell is WWE going to let him hold two belts. So, after all this pushing, he’s going to have to lose. Cena is in a tricky situation. A loss might put his push back severely. It would be a shame to lose the spinny belt. Booker could get it and keep it as is, but Booker is not a guy the WWE likes pushing. A tournament is an answer, but there just was one for the US title. So what to do? The one belt has to come off, but he’s the #1 contender, and he needs to keep winning. Catch-22. But enough about that, on with the PPV. Hot Chicks The Divas Talent Contest got three segments, and it really showed me something. Hot Chicks can blend together when put into a group. Michelle showed the most personality, and the rest were hot, but it was a bland kind of hot. I enjoyed seeing Dawn and Torrie, and maybe it’s because I know who the hell they are. I did love the massage, and the catfight. But Joy won hands down, even though Michelle did well. She got the live vote, but the net vote went to Joy. I look forward to Dawn and Michelle working together. JBL vs Big Show Slow match. Not a bad match, but not very good either. The barbwire did not come into play, and that was a good thing. However, this match lacked the spark I had seen previously. The end was a mess too. Show slammed Bradshaw through the ring. Watching it at the bar, folks liked it. It was " WHOA!" but followed closely by " PIN HIM!" The last part did not happen. Instead we got the train wreck of an ending, in which the refs missed the call, Show got to show off his strength, to no good purpose, and then promptly lost. So, Bradshaw win again. Why? Smackdown. Batista did run in and beat up the lackeys, but it was nothing special. Why? They’ve been getting beat up a lot. So it was nothing special. Cena got to beat up Bradshaw. Which did nothing for me. All the priorities were wrong. Show lost, so that Bradshaw could win and stay champion, and face Batista, who never laid a finger on him, but instead got beaten up by Cena. So Batista was standing there looking stupid. While Show got absolutely nothing out of this match. It was all for Cena. Raw Report can be found here Raw starts things off with Trish, which is a great way to start the show. Poor Trish. She got a nasty black eye. After some great mic work, we got ourselves a match. One note though. Trish vs Victoria vs Molly Hey! It’s the entire active Women’s Division in action! Solid match, with the heels teaming up on Vicki, and finally turning against each other. Molly got Vicki down, but Trish pulls her out of the ring and steals the pin. Nicely done. Where’s Waldo? Well, actually it’s Batista, who is late again. Johnny Ace isn’t going to like that. Chick Fight! Trish and Christy exchange barbs, Candace gets slapped and it’s a free for all! Great back and forth between Trish and Christy. Show her how it’s done Trish. Stacy and Randy, Who’s that Peeping? It’s HBK. He says that taking it is fun. Man, that is funny, if you just say it aloud. HBK then rips off Eddie’s speech from last night. Simon Dean Still Sucks. Not even Jericho could help him out. It’s not Nova’s ring work that needs help. The guy can wrestle, as he showed here. Jericho did what he could, but until something is actually done with Simon Dean, it’s pointless. Teddy and Bischoff, Best Buds Teddy was on. Eric was solid, and great by-play between the GM’s. Tomko Speaks! He shouldn’t. He had a match with Kane, and Kane made him look good. Well, OK. But everybody is talking about Batista. Oh well, Kane at least wins. Big Goof # 5893 Masters shows up in a limo. Aw man, he gets a limo? Bah. Muhammad Hassan Man, that Daviair guy is a heat magnet. Benoit shows up to shut up Muhammed. Daivari and Hassan double team Benoit, and get the pin. Nicely done again. Christian and Edge vs HBK and Orton Great match. Edge and Christian are tops. HBK looked tired, and didn’t do much. Orton looked on fire, but then again, it’s Edge and Christian. HBK mainly punched and kicked. Working the house shows will do that. Ask H, who had the night off. Con-Chair-To , which was nice to see, but they missed and HBK gets the pin. Backstage Edge goes nuts again, and beat the hell out of HBK. Damn, I hope this means that HBK wants to do the right thing by Edge and dot he job, but reality is kicking in and it means that HBK wants his pin back. Damn. Big Goof Match. So, that’s Masters? He looks no different than any of the other big goofs. He also looks green as hell and just stiffs poor Stevie. Of course he wins. Bah, try something new WWE, and bring up a guy who can wrestle and give him the Big Goof push? Triple H, Sooper Genius That’s right, it was H all along. He’s so smart. He spills everything, right out in the open. With the door open, so naturally Batista can hear everything. Come on, at least try WWE. Contract Signing Both sides make a last pitch for their shows. Hear that excitement for Batista vs Undertaker? Me neither. H speaks and then Batista does the old thumbs up with the Smackdown contract, before he goes nuts and beats up H and Ric, and signs with Raw, announcing that he wants H’s title. So that was Raw. A placeholder of show, as the main focus seemed to be put all the big goofs on TV and see who they like best. I’d say it was Kane and Batista. Actually, all the scrubs got a match, Snitsky (who I pray doesn’t get the IC title), Simon Dean, Tomko, and goof # 5893, or he is called by WWE, Chris Masters. Hassan could fall into that category, but that guy is damn good, on the mic. I have yet to see him actually wrestle a full-length match, but with Daivari, it could be good. Smackdown Report by Brandon Scott Berthelot Coming off a Pay Per View, Smackdown went into transition mode. The hype machine kicked into high gear as Wrestlemania fast approaches. Well, not fast, as there are still five weeks to go, but you get the drift. Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio vs The Bashams It’s a repeat match. Not bad, but a little less than Sunday. Still good. The tag champs retain. So, is it time for the return of the LWO? I hope so. Hey, if Eddy and Rey want to have a match, what better motive than control of the LWO? That way, they can be on the same side, but have a great match. LA will go nuts over it. So, oh yeah, letting them really shine and become true superstars isn’t the plan is it? It’s al about H, HBK and Taker. My bad. I got swept up in my desire to see something I care about. JBL, FAG Of the Year Why did Bradshaw win on Sunday? For this. Bradshaw is going to celebrate being the longest champion in over ten years. So it was all for some crappy sports entertainment. Whoop-ee. Kurt Angle Invitational Squash, but the biggest thing was Kurt seeing HBK challenge him to a match at WM. Go Kurt, kick his ass! Heidenreich More poetry. Yeah, whatever. I take solace in hoping that you will be cut when the next ones roll around. Which should be right after Wrestlemainia. I can wait, Big Goof. Party Time Bradshaw is injured and banged up, and tells Orlando " Don’t touch me!". That’s what she said, HAH! That goes for both of them by the way. So, the Limo rolls out, and we see a bunch of people no one knows, but apparently are friends of JBL. At least until he shoves them in a locker with their genitals duct taped to their legs. - I’ll lay off Bradshaw for now. He’s doing a good job, but the booking and angles could be so much better. I do blame him for Amy, but as a champion, it’s creative’s fault for his weakness. The guy has talent, and it’s being wasted. - - So, Bradshaw comes out and claims he is a wrestling god. That is a no-no. No one buys it, and it may, just may get him some more heat, but I don’t think it will be the right kind of heat. More of flip the channel heat than actual booing. Thank God, Big Show comes out and just lays waste to everything in sight. But the Cabinet is there to keep him under control, and Cena runs out for the save, once again, being the only one who can touch Bradshaw. And got a match. Chavo vs Funaki Short match, and Chavo retains and then the Caveman runs out to beat down Chavo. Taker vs Luther and Jindrak Taker beats up Jindrak, as Luther is once again too much of a pussy to get involved. After the match, Luther yells at Jindrak and then they trade blows, so they’re broken up. Yay. Linda McMahon A good speech from Linda who says Teddy is doing a great job (he is) and that Carlito should stop bothering the Board. Teddy then lays the verbal smackdown on Carlito. Good stuff. Big Show and Cena vs JBL and Orlando Great work from Show, who was on. He grabs Orlando's arm at one point and tells JBL to tag in. Great work Big Guy. But it’s all about Cena, who gets the pin on Orlando. Smackdown was a placeholder show, coming off the PPV. New Angles were started and the monster push of Cena hit full swing. Without Batista clogging up the picture, it’s all very open. Some angles being developed seem poor. Like Heidenriech vs Booker. I’d rather see Jindrak vs Heidnereich. At best it’s two big guys squaring off, and can be used for a hopeful face off of Batista vs Big Show or Kane. But the big question is what about Batista? He’s facing H, true, but how will that be handled? Now that the mystery is over and it’s clear cut, will the same level of excitement be maintained? Five weeks folks. The angle was working when Batista wasn’t in direct conflict with H, but now? It’s in H’s hands and we’ve seen how he treats his opponents. Just to name a few names, Goldberg, Booker T, Big Poppa Pump, and Benoit, who was sheltered by HBK, and even that didn’t work out too well. Kane’s House Lita awakes from a sound sleep with a start. The house is dark, chilly and still. The snowstorm has muffled everything and buried in powdery white silence. Lita: Kane? Did you hear something? Kane? Are you awake? Lita reaches over and finds Kane’s spot on the bed empty and cold. Lita pulls herself upright, and slowly drapes her legs over the edge of the bed and tries to stand. She hisses with the pain in her knee, but makes it to her feet. She reaches over to the bedside lampstand, and flicks the switch, but nothing happens. A subtle sound makes her jump slightly, which causes her knee to flash pain. She gives a little moan of pain, and starts to make her way over to the bedroom door. She tries to find her robe, but it’s missing. Dressed only in a long flannel nightie, she shivers in the cold. Reaching the door, she opens it a crack and listens. Nothing but the silence greets her. A sharp crack from downstairs makes her jump back from the door. Her heart racing, she opens the door a little bit and calls out softly: Lita: Kane? Is that you? Kane? The only sounds she hears is a shuffling from downstairs, as if something large and heavy was trying to move silently. Cursing to herself, Lita opens the door and steps out into the upstairs hallway. She starts to make her way down the hallway, thinking the storm must have knocked out the power when the bedroom door behind her slams shut. Lita jumps and turns and falls to the ground as her knee gives way. In the total darkness, Lita tries to force her eyes to see what is in front of her. Lita: Who's there? Kane? Is that you? Bossman? Anyone? Silence answers her. From downstairs another, less defined noise is heard. Lita tries to stand, but can barely make it to her feet. Her breather short with pain, Lita feels her way to the stairs. Reaching the top, she start to make her way slowly, quietly down. A Creak from the hallway behind her gives Lita a fright, and trying to make speed, she shambles down the stairs. She trips at the bottom and cries out in pain, crumpled in a heap. A low moan from the top of the stairs brings Lita to her sense. She tries to stand, but the pain is too great. Crawling, Lita starts for the kitchen. Keeping her ears open, Lita only hears the stairs creak once, and then nothing, but feeling the hairs on the back of her neck rise, she knows that something is close. Sobs escape her lips as she crawls into the kitchen, pain and fear twisting her features, but unseen in the pitch-blackness. Lita makes it to the kitchen, where she curls up in the pantry, where a flashlight is kept. She fumbles frantically for the flashlight, while strange sounds reach her. Desperation driving her on, She manages to get briefly to her feet, and reach the shelf where the flashlight is kept, until collapsing in a heap with a cry of pain and fear. The strange sounds stop. Fumbling the flashlight on, Lita throws open the pantry door and shines the beam into the kitchen. Lita: Who’s there?!? SHOW YOURSELF! The beam passes over a large figure that freezes as the light hits him. Big Show: Oh, sorry. (He puts down the fried chicken leg he’d been gnawing on) Just wanted to make sure everything was OK, with the power being out and all. Um, sorry bout this, and OH MY GOD! WHAT’S THAT???? Lita swings the flashlight to where Big Show pointed, and sees nothing swings the flashlight back as she hears a strange whooshing noise and the slam of the back door. Big Show has vanished. Relief coursing through her, Lita starts to laugh hysterically. Her laughter is cut short, as a she feels heavy breathing on the back of her neck. Lita screams and swings around, and crumples in pain as she jostles her knee. In unsteady hands, Lita focuses the flashlight on the large inhuman figure before her, who isn’t wearing a shirt. Lita screams again and the large figure lets out a long moan. Lita keeps screaming, as the figure speaks. Creature: Oh baby, you look so hot and you smell so good! Fear and pain, all mixing together has got me so HOT! Lita: KANE! WHAT THE HELL??? What is that on your head You scared me almost to death! Kane: Oh this? (Kane pulls off the facemask) It’s a night vision goggle set Bossman lent me. It let’s me see in the dark. And watching you….mmmmmm. Lita: You sick Freak! You Twisted son of a bitch! Good grief Kane! Lita grabs some handy nearby items and proceed to pelt Kane with them. A jar of peanut butter hits him dead center in the forehead and he falls down. Lita shuffles to her feet and starts limping back upstairs, cursing Kane as she does so. Lita:I can’t believe I married such a sick freak! I should just put a toe tag on right now, since I’ll probably wake up dead. And open a window, so that the cold will preserve my body, so that when they find me, who knows how long that will be, I’ll be in good shape so that my family will recognize, me! That’s if this sick freak leaves me in one piece! Lita can be heard stomping upstairs, stopping to yell a particularly nasty bit back at Kane. Kane rubs his forehead, and shakes his head. Then he smiles, and puts the mask back on and gets to his feet with a spring in his step. Kane: I LOVE that dirty tease! Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: The Old Guard Batista has made his choice. He’s going to face Triple H. While the build up to this angle has been rock solid, now it’s time to stop and take a deep breath. The plunge is upon us. There are five weeks until Wrestlemania. I’ve said it many times in this column to really drive that point home. The PPV is not next week, or event he week after that. There are ten shows between Wrestlemania and now. Five Raws, and five Smackdowns. That’s a lot of shows. AS WWE is found of reminding us, anything can happen and if the track record holds, it won’t be good. There are four matches that will reflect the fate of the company after WM. Those matches are: Batista vs H Cena vs Bradshaw Kurt Angle vs HBK Undertaker vs Unknown Four veterans have matches. Bradshaw is the new guy to the main event scene, but he has been around for a long, long time. Of the four, he’s got more than one opponent lined up. Big Show is waiting in the wings, and is part of the angle. All four matches are heavy with politics. But there is one match that could become a true classic, and I’ll focus on that. HBK vs Angle Angle eliminated HBK from the Royal Rumble, and that is the basis of this feud. At last, the match has been announced and it’s time to start the hype. This is a match I look forward to. Angle has been in the main event before, but injuries have pushed him down to a lower tier, and his stint as champion has always been mixed. Something always seems to steal his thunder away. HBK on the other hand has been back for over two years, and has been on the main event level ever since. The nostalgia bug runs strong when it comes to HBK and his ring work has been good, but his angles have been lackluster, often flipping between opponents and mostly of the one-shot variety, or as good as. His feud with H has always lurked in the background, overshadowing his other feuds. Edge was good, but ended quickly after a pin by HBK, until brought back with Edge winning. Angle has been protected and rightfully so, due to injury. His recent feuds have been against Big Show with Bradshaw, Eddie, which was horrible, and buried them both, and Cena, which had promise, but just didn’t end satisfactory. Injury and the return of Taker stalled it. Taker just showing up stole the thunder and energy, as Angle as GM suddenly had to shift gears to Taker. But this is a true classic match. Both are renowned workers, with very different styles, and both can handle themselves on the mic, in very different ways as well. Neither has faced the other before. To make matters even more interesting, both are on different shows. It’s Raw vs Smackdown. It’s the new generation vs the old generation. Angle has tried to make his way to the elite levels, but has never gotten there. HBK was there from old, and hasn’t left since, but has been sliding down the card due to rumored conflicts with creative. He had to wrestle Mark Henry, that’s not a reward. I don’t think H has even set eyes on Mark Henry, a nine-year veteran. It’s really up in the air who will win this one. While I’m rooting for Angle all the way, as long as its good match, I won’t mind if HBK wins, at least until he pisses on Angle the next night, like he does with almost all his opponents that aren’t named H or Flair. Cena vs Bradshaw Bradshaw is the companies man, but Cena is being pushed in spite of upper management support. Mainly because they hope to make money off hi, but still don’t like him. He’s got a movie coming out by WWE films, and his merchandise sells, and he’s rumored to have a record coming out. But Bradshaw has the belt, and now has a record, and it’s only going to get longer, and that has to stick in H’s craw. Never mind the fact that H held the belt for all but nine months since he was given it on Sept 2, 2002. He didn’t win it, he was given it after Lesnar went to Smackdown. Oh, and by some strange coincidence, he’s had the old WCW belt, five times, five, times, five times, five times, five times. Oh, and only four other people have held that belt since then. HBK, Benoit, Orton, and Goldberg (remember him?). Ah, fudge, time to talk about H. In conclusion, Bradshaw vs Cena has potential to at least move the belt around, and let us see something new. Bradshaw chasing the title. Hopefully, better than he did against Eddie, which was atrocious. H vs Batista Following the same pattern WWE established last year, Batista has been brought along slowly, leading to the big moment he signed the contract. Similar to what they did with Benoit last year. But now that the suspense is over, what now? So much to rant about, but it all boils down to "please don’t fuck this up". My biggest fear is that H will go into his usual method of "building" opponents. Piss on them, and make them look weak when they should look strong. Or having them say how great H is, which is the same thing. It failed with Orton, and failed big time. Batista has been having a lot of squash matches., to make him look strong, but the same thing was done with Big Poppa Pump, and that turned out horrible. Granted, there are huge differences between BPP and Batista, but there are also eerie similarities. That’s where the warning of five weeks comes in. WWE seems to be able to only handle one idea at a time, and when in crunch mode, goes back to basics. " Nothing but H". With Vince out, it makes the scene even more confusing. That means that H and Steph are in charge, and that can’t be good. The creepy dynamic that has resulted in good angles, that fail at the last second, but still keeps most of its momentum is throw out of wack. The PPV was a sign, and not of good things. Too much parting of the ways from simple wrestling angles into crappy sports entertainment. And the fact that no one is built up for Batista after WM makes me wince. But, there’s five critical weeks to go. It could work out. It could be good. At least, I’m hoping so. Undertaker vs Mystery He’s going to have a match. It’s a fact. Taker has a streak going into WM. I could have sworn it was 13, but it’s being stated as 12. Actually, it is 13. Wrestlemainia 7. Taker pinned Jimmy Snuka. I guess superstition is playing a factor. So, the rumor is Randy Orton vs Undertaker. Which would be a great way to build Orton back up. Ending a Legendary Streak, hello Legend Killer, and welcome back. But the fact remains that Vince loves Taker, and won’t let him look weak at all. It’s severely damaged careers, but then again, those others weren’t in H’s wedding party. The real question is should it be ended? I’d say yes. Just form the fact that taker doesn’t have much time left and it doesn’t hurt him in the least. He’ll always be over with his gongs. He loves to take time off. He’s past due as a matter of fact, but, ah, five weeks, so what’s one or two, or even three? Plenty of time for a two week build, and squash. Then he can take three months. But if not Orton, then who gets to job to Taker? It can’t be a jobber, and with Luther constantly losing and running away, he can’t last. It has to be some one who is getting a response, so that means a star in the making and such a squash will force that guy back to square one. You haven’t seen the Dudley’s lately have you? Did wonders for the Tag Team Champions. So two guys could be fed to the stagnant Taker, who sucks the life from the show by constantly being fed talent to make it look like he’s over. Nostalgia can be a bitch. So, that’s what we have to look forward for sure for WM. I’m sure more will be added in the coming weeks, but these are the cornerstones of the card. WM itself will do well on name alone, but to carry the promotion into the summer and beyond is the key. Vince said it best last year. Where it all begins again. Only, hopefully, it will be better than before. OK, that’s it for today. Quick plugs and I’m outta here and see ya in two weeks. PLUGS! LOP Forums LOP Columns Forum! THE MOVIE BAR! Reviews, Forums, and MORE! Writermania, Still Alive! Your favorite columnist fight to be the best! LOP Merchandise! BUY IT NOW! Until next Time, Thanks For Readin’ and Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* Even MORE Hot Shots of TORRIE WILSON Tearing the Night Up!
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