Take up thy wrestling boots and walk#100 - The You be the Booker Royal Rumble
Submitted by Pt2 on Saturday, January 29, 2005 at 6:23 PM EST





This column has nothing to do with the upcoming WWE pay per view, The Royal Rumble. This is a special event based around the semi-popular “You be the Booker” Game featured in this column. To make the column shorter than the 20,000 epic it would have been to include every entry, I’ve put most of the entries into a column which will read similar to a Commentary transcript for an actual Battle Royal - and managed to cut it down by several thousand. When you see the size of this column, you‘ll thank me later. If this Rumble transcript doesn’t interest you, you can just read part 2 of this thing - this is where the actual YBTB stuff begins. It's split into two because otherwise it sends the page funny, and that ain't good. Alternatively, you can scroll through the column finding the order of elimination and the scores each competitor got, they are highlighted in bold. Whichever way you choose to read this 100th edition of Take up thy wrestling boots and walk, I hope you enjoy it

Pt2: Welcome Everyone, to the YBTB Royal Rumble! I'm Pt2, here with YBTB legend, Miss Tinaali, and Tina, we've got a great show lined up tonight!

Tina: That's right Prime Time, We've got the best of the best in this international competition. People have come from far and wide to watch these men test their mettle in the ring tonight, and all I have to say is that it's a good thing it's not a battle of wits because otherwise some of these men wouldn't have a chance.

Pt2: International competition is right, we've got entrants from as far away as Korea, Brazil, Australia, and plenty of guys from North America too, and these guys are bringing it all, in order to win the chance to compete with the YBTB champion, Xanman. Tina, you've been in plenty of YBTB contests, but never anything like this - there's never been anything like this. What do you think it's going to take to come out on top tonight?

Tina: Well I never had the opportunity to go head to head with the man they call Xan but I am familiar with his work. It'll be interesting to see who thinks they have what it takes to beat him. Since I've retired from this business it's like everyone has tried to top me but honestly, who could top Abyss & Sharkboy eating rocky road ice cream. As for what its going to take for a win this evening, I think the most important part is to not underestimate your opponent. There are a lot of fresh faces out there and with that comes unpredictability. Factor in that anytime you are dealing with this type of match a lot of the times it's luck of the draw. Past records don't mean a thing. You only have to win one match here.

Pt2: Very true, so much of this is going to come down to who judges what, but Kevin Kelly is standing by with a man who is expected to do well regardless of who marks his work, a man you know very well Tina... the man who beat you for the YBTB title, Random Guy 5. Kevin?

Kevin Kelly: Thanks guys, I'm here with the former YBTB Champion, Random Guy number 5, and Random, you've gotta be one of the favourites going into this thing.

RG5: Former? Last time I checked I never lost the damned thing...it was robbed from me, ripped out of my hand like a newborn ripped from its mother's breast before he could even begin to suck.

Kevin Kelly: Well, that being said, Xanman is the YBTB champion, and you have to go through 30 other guys to get back at him Random, not an easy task.

RG5: Fuck no it ain't easy.. Easy is your high school girlfriend after a couple margaritas. Easy is beating your little brother at video games! Easy is fabricating rules and manifesting matches to keep the pride of the forums off the main page...winning a match against some of the best from the IWC is not easy, Kevster, its hell on earth. An unjust hell spawned for the amusment of some puppets beyond keyboards... Anybody ever tell you that you hold a mic like a dick?

Kevin Kelly: Whuh? Lets try and stay on topic, please….

RG5: Seriously man, you look like you're waiting for that microphone to spew some random white stuff all over the front of your British little shirt.

Kevin Kelly: I’m not British, I’m an American.

RG5: "what do you mean you're not British..? I thought everybody who worked for this dolt was a tea-toting Englishman?"

Kevin Kelly: Well, I don’t know if…

RG5: Out with it son...I ain't got time to hear you stutter...I've got 500 words of brilliance to create and brilliance takes time.. its not like popping off questions and lipping a microphone while hoping Random doesn't E-slap the taste out of your mouth..

Kevin Kelly: No-one ever said Random guy was a master of tact, so let me get through it and ask one final question: What number did you get?

RG5: what? huh? couldn't hear ya over the frothy white protein shake you've been guzzling from Xanman in the back. It doesn't matter what number I got you swallowing little bitch to a main page whore, all that matters is that in that ring later..the good people of Lop come to realize...*looks at Kevin curiously* not CUM you fiend, I said "come" to realize that they've been missing the best this site has to offer, sitting on the sidelines awaiting the next episode of "weakest link"…. which reminds me I've got further bussiness to attend to, so if you don't mind, "Kevster" I'll be taking my scenario and writing now, if you can get that stick outta my face long enough to let a genius work...

*Random walks away, leaving KK with a look of disgust*

Kevin Kelly: Back to you guys at ringside…..

Pt2: Well, I'm sorry folks, we don't condone that sort of language here at YBTB, but Tina, you'd have to think from that, Random guy has got his sights set on a rematch with Xan.

Tina: Well before we get into that I want to say this much. He may have technically beat me but only because I was out of the country. He would have never stood a chance against me and my many wins. They don't call me the Queen around here for nothing Prime time. Now, with that said RG is a cocky one and not in the way that he likes to think. Little men have big mouths that they usually can't back up. I mean seriously, he walks around here like he's king shit but look at how he claims he was ripped off. Talk about delusions of grandeur. It wasn't a rip off, He just couldn't stand up to the competition. The best thing for him to do at this point is to just scamper away with his tail between his legs like a homeless, flea-infested mutt.

Pt2: Equally strong words there from Tina, but what do you think his chances are tonight? He is the only man in the rumble with past YBTB experience....

Tina: Like I said before Pt2, experience means nothing in a situation like this. Every time you step in that ring it's different. He might have been good enough to pull a win out of his ass before but the true test of a champion is if you can do it again. Can he adapt as the situation changes is the real question here.

Pt2: That's true, and with the question of adaptation in mind, what about Phantom Lord, a man known for his booking, making his debut at the YBTB format?

Tina: Phantom is a big fan of the old school booking style so I think its safe to assume he's going to use that same style here this evening. Old school is making a comeback in many circles but some people just aren't big fans of it. Phantom does have the talent though to take the best of the past and successfully meld it with the best of the future in a unique way. I think for him it will all come down to the judges and their personal tastes. I've seen some incredible stuff out of him in the past so I will definitely be looking forward to seeing what he brings to the table tonight.

Pt2: It will be interesting, No doubt, but now I'm just getting word that Todd Pettengill is standing by with a man who might just surprise a few people tonight, Morpheus, Todd are ya there?


Pettengill: I hear ya Pt2, strong words from the Random one there, but I'm standing with the TWO-TIME! Columnist of the Month, Morpheus, and he is on a roll!

Morpheus: A roll? I guess you could call it that, Todd. It is not something I have set out to do, but I have been quite pleased with the results. Now, I am a busy man, as I am sure that you are as well, so let us get down to business.

Pettengill: I'm sure you are a busy man, preparing for the Rumble, so if you could just tell everyone watching on coliseum home video how much of an effect your recent success will have on the Rumble, considering your new to You be the Booker events

Morpheus: Will my recent success have an impact on the Rumble? That unfortunately remains to be seen. These two things are so different from one another that it is difficult to conceive of a viable connection whereby one could benefit from the other directly….. But indirectly, I think it does give me a slight edge over the other competitors. What is that edge, you ask? Fear. Uneasiness. Insecurity. These people know they are about to go toe to toe with the man who has accomplished the impossible, and achieved what has been the Dream of many, but the reality of one, and that’s me, the Dream Master.

Pettengill: Understandably, Morpheus very confident, I won't take much more of your time sir, but if I could ask one final question.... who do you think is going to be hard to beat in the rumble?

Morpheus: I take no one for granted Todd. I am sure the heavy favourites like Phantom and Random will be worthy competitors, but Zuma, adeaton, and others pose equally great a threat. I will keep my watchful eye fixed upon all who enter that ring, and my eye will remain fixed on them as I throw them over the top rope to the floor. When all is said and done, I will stand alone in the ring, victorious. Everyone will recognize when the smoke has cleared just who is the Master of this Realm. Pleasant Dreams, Todd.

Pettengill: Back to you guys at ringside!


Tina: Prime Time. here's a man who is on the right track. Confident because of his multiple past successes in other competitions like the COTM, he still knows that you can't come in here thinking that its going to be an easy win. Something tells me Morpheus has one hell of a gameplan going into this matchup. You know, Random sure could take a lesson of a hundred from this obviously classy competitor.

Pt2: Well, there is no doubt about it, morpheus is a classy guy and a top competitor, but we've only talked about the known commodities so far. Perhaps the best thing about this rumble is that so many Take up thy wrestling boots and walk readers entered, so most of the guys out there, we don't know what they can bring to the table - we'll be as interested to see what happens how it goes down as everyone at home.

Tina: Absolutely, It speaks volumes about the respect that this YBTB competition has around the world. We've got people checking in from Saskatchewan, Brazil and Australia. You have to wonder what kind of flavour they are going to add. We've got a well known face around here in Dubzilla who is from N'Dubs, and for those of you unfamiliar with the area it’s right outside of parts unknown. Add to that this mans love for the liquor and who knows what he'll dream up. Also, one of our contestants is out there stationed in Korea so we've even got the military checking in. Win or lose, he's still my hero Pt2. Then we've got the US. New Jersey, the place where big hair will never go out of style and good ol' Alabama. Nice to see the rednecks join in the fun.

Pt2: Definitely, it seems that LOP can rival the WWE by having Hog farmers of our very own! That was Arkansas wasn’t it? That’s why I leave the analysis to you, Tina! I think we're about ready to kick things off, so lets go up to the Fink....

The Fink: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time, for the 2005, You be the Booker Royal Rumble. First, allow me to introduce the judges…..

From Australia, LOP’s down under wonder, Davey Boy!

Pt2: Nice reception from the crowd for Lords of Pain columnist Davey boy!

Tina: Well he is one of the old timers around here now. Always a fan favourite.

Pt2: Absolutely, respected by all, the down under wonder.

The Fink: From Canada, Valley Boy!

Pt2: The brainchild of the Memmy awards!

Tina: Ahh, one of my favourites from the forum. I can't say anything bad about ValleyBoy. Hell, we better not because we don't want his mom coming after us. She's a bit of a wild one there.

Pt2: Absolutely, Valleymom is a house of fire.

Tina: Not one to tangle with AT ALL!

The Fink From Cardiff Wales, the finest fleece of LOP, Sheepster!

Tina: Everyone's favourite barnyard poster. I just hope the boys from Alabama stay away from him.

Pt2: Hahaha, I'm sure Sheepster feels the same way!

Tina: Ever run through a cornfield backwards?

Tina: I hear its a lot like that!

Pt2: I can't say I have, I'll take your word for it

Tina: It's not from personal experience man. Just word around the water-cooler. Maybe we should ask that Random Guy?

The Fink: And from the United States of America, LOP’s velocity reporter, Billy Arceneaux!

Pt2: A man you've duelled with many a time, Tina

Tina: Yes, a very worthy opponent. Poor Billy gets the sympathy vote just for having to suffer through the WWE product every week. That's dedication there.

Pt2: Tinaali, uncharacteristically rooting for TNA there... well, it looks like all the judges have been announced, so we're going to take you through the format: We started out with 30 entrants. Predictably, not all of them could handle the pace here in YBTB, so some of them took their ball and went home, leaving us with the Elite Eighteen - Those eighteen guys are going to get into the ring, and battle for the chance to win a title shot at Xanman. Remember, only the number one guy can get that title shot.

Tina: Right you are Pt2... and the eliminations continue on from there. Out of those eighteen men only four would make their way into TUTWBAW. That means that fourteen of them would have to do just that.... take up their boots and WALK! See ya. Buh-bye. Thanks for playing.

Pt2: Absolutely. Only one can walk away victorious. I think we're just about ready to begin, so lets go back to the fink to kick things off....


The Fink:And now, lets find out who drew, Number one! GoDouger 2005!

Pt2: Well, this is bad news for GoDouger, means he has to go the longest to win the prize at the end of this thing.

Tina: Yeah, I can't say I'd want to trade places with him right now. That's not luck of the draw, That’s more like a jinx. You have to be one hell of a competitor to stay in the running that long.

Pt2: Definitely. And there's another unlucky son of a gun about to join him....


The Fink: And introducing, Number two! Corleon!

Tina: All hail the Don! I'm guessing this one is a Sopranos fan, eh?

Pt2: You never know, and this could be interesting because we've got two rookies out there to start us off. GoDouger from Bridgeport Connecticut, and Corleon from Los Angeles.

Tina: It's the East Coast vs. West Coast wars all over again Pt2. I'm wondering when the ghost of Tupac and Biggie are coming.

Pt2: I get the feeling you've just earned me about 30 angry e-mails there, tina. The bell has rung, and we're underway! They lock up, Godouger takes him down with an armdrag, and puts him in an armbar, applying pressure to the shoulder.

Tina: Angry emails? Love 'em! Bring them on kiddies. Man GoDouger is looking to put the hurting on Corleon!

Pt2: He sure is. Corleon tries to counter, kicks up, GoDouger sweeps the legs out from under him and moves round into a front face lock. Wonderful counter wrestling from GoDouger.

Tina: GoDouger sure loves the submission holds doesn't he?

Pt2: He seems to be using basic mat attacks and for now it seems to be working, be interesting to see how he copes when the bigger names get in there.... and the countdown is on, we are ten seconds away from having another entrant....

Pt2: And here comes Luis Garavello! What do you think of this guy's chances Tina?

Tina: I dunno Pt2. Suddenly I've got the urge for some salsa. Must have been that entrance music!

Pt2: It's certainly got the crowd here moving their feet. From Sao Paulo, Brazil, Luis Garavello. And he's gone straight for GoDouger, pulls him off Corleon and Irish Whips him to the corner, charges in, and a big splash against the turnbuckle!

Tina: Or as they call it in his native country, "chapoteo grande." Do you think it's still an Irish Whip there?

Pt2: I think the Irish Whip is truly international. Big Clothesline from Garavello on Corleon, and this Young Brazilian is cleaning house! Now, he Sends GoDouger into the ropes.... BAAAACK Body Drop!

Tina: And with that the countdown begins... cinco, cuatro, tres, dos, uno. It's the wonder from down under- Y2Xavier. Is it really true that their toilets flush in reverse Pt2?

Pt2: I believe it is Tina, but I think he'd better have more on his mind than plumbing. Xavier comes in, picks up Corleon, hits him with a bodyslam. GoDouger is up, hits Garavello with a hard right hand, was that a closed fist Tina?

Tina: So what if it was? You gotta take those cheap shots when you can in a match like this. It's survival of the fittest out there.

Pt2: Well, Ole Pt2 hasn't been in on one of these things, I don't know all the tricks of the trade... Corleon has got the advantage on Xavier, and is pounding his head into that turnbuckle, as you hear the crowd count.... They reach ten, and Xavier falls to the mat.

Tina: Wow! What a thump! I think they heard that one all the way back home. Maybe someone should call Y2Xavier's momma!

Pt2: What a thump is right! we've got 4 men in the ring, no-one eliminated yet, and the countdown to number 5 is on! It’s Stinger!

Tina: Yeehaw!!

Pt2: The native of Auburn, Alabama, formerly one of the LOP columns forums heavy hitters, and he's making his way to the ring.

Tina: It's really starting to get crowded in there. That means its getting more dangerous because you can't keep your eyes on everyone.

Pt2: That’s very true, and just as you say that, GoDouger gets clocked from behind by Stinger.

Tina: You know, this Stinger guy is one of our most dangerous and controversial contenders. He's actually been banned from LOP so he's taking a risk just putting in an appearance tonight. Gotta love that in a guy!

Pt2: Indeed, we have an LOP fugitive in the ring right now! Corleon is groggy, and Garavello runs in, hits him with a clothesline! Over he goes, Corleon is out! (Elimination number 1, Corleon, scored 30%)

Tina: Wow! It's about time someone takes a body out. Corleon is sleeping with da fishes now!

Pt2: Well, somebody has to come last, and it seems that Corleon didn't really know what he was up against here! still, thanks for playing, we appreciate the effort. Back in the ring, Stinger is brawling in the corner with Garavello, while GoDouger is being pounded on by Xavier.

Pt2: The crowd will tell you it's that time again, as GoDouger fights out of the corner with a back elbow.... and here comes Phantom Lord! Business is about to pick up!

Tina: Phantom is definitely going to liven this crowd up. He's one of the most hated columnists here on LOP. Stinger better watch out though. If Phantom uses his magical moderator powers he'll be outta here!

Pt2: Ha, I think Stinger's lucky that Villiano ain't in there.... Phantom gets straight into the fray, and he just slapped the taste out of Stinger's mouth!

Tina: God, he'll be lucky not to be shitting teeth for the next week!

Pt2: Stinger nails him right back, Phantom returns the favour, and they are punching each other, hard right hands, right in the middle of the ring, this is mayhem Tina!

Tina: I'm a big fan of mayhem as you know Pt2. I'm hoping for some blood here soon!

Pt2: oh! With the way Stinger just nailed Phantom, you may be lucky! Garavello pushes Stinger into the ropes, and hits him with a big Powerslam!

Tina: It's really heating up now. The tension in the ring is amazing but wait! It's time for our next entrant ,William Johnson who is stationed out there in Korea. I hope they know he left base for tonight.

Pt2: Phantom's recovered now, and he's coming out of the corner, and he's picked up Xavier.... he's got him by the hair, and he throws him into William Johnsen.... Clothsline! I wonder if that was rehearsed?

Tina: Wow, Phantom looks like he's got some pent up anger to work out. Feel bad for this guys in the ring with him. Pt2, that wasn't rehearsed. That is just the sign of a ring general there.

Pt2: Ring general or no, that’s high impact right there. GoDouger is still in there, and he's trying to fight off Stinger, but Stinger is fresher and he's really not having many problems right now. Xavier and Garavello are double teaming Phantom lord now, and Phantom is trying to chop his way out of the corner!

Tina: Good plan by Xavier and Garavello. Sometimes you gotta work together to take out the tougher competition. GoDouger sure is hanging in there but he's showing some signs of tiring. If this was a death pool, he'd be next on my list.

Pt2: Yeah, That number one spot has come back to haunt him. Xavier hits Phantom with the spear, and as he gets back up, Garavello hits him from behind! You can't trust anyone in there!

Tina: See, this is what I'm talking about. You can't let too many get in that ring at once because it gets harder and harder to keep an eye on them. The more experience people know this.

Pt2: Yeah, and it's a vicious circle, because if you don't get them out quick, it's harder and harder to get guys out of there... and another guy joins the fray, to compound things, as here comes Mr. Warren!

Tina: A good ol' boy from South Carolina. Lots of wrestling history from there. I wonder if he's as good as any of his predecessors

Pt2: with a thumb to the eye for Phantom as soon as he gets in there, he looks like he's picked something up from Flair, The Carolina's do breed some dirty fighters

Tina: The dirtiest player in the game. They don't call him that for nothing. That's not a bad person to have as a role model... unless of course you're on an airplane.

Pt2: No ma'am, Flair and a cape is not a good mix.... Oh my word, Y2Xavier just threw Phantom Lord over the top rope! ( Elimination number 2 Phantom Lord, scored 49%)

Tina: Whoa!! I didn't see that one coming! Talk about the unexpected.

Pt2: And this crowd is surprised too! Phantom will have to make his way back to the locker-room, but Stinger jumps on Xavier, not giving him time to catch his breath.... and over the other side of the ring, Garavello is hanging on! He's being forced over by GoDouger and William Johnsen.... he's going.... going..... no, he hits the apron and rolls back in. Luis Garavello almost eliminated there.

Tina: Whew that was a close one. Good job of hanging on there. I just can't believe GoDouger is still in the ring.

Pt2: As they fight on in the ring, here's a reminder, we've had 8 entries, and two men have been eliminated... William Johnsen is rocked on the ropes, and Stinger, Garavello and Mr. Warren gang up on him! and he's fighting them all off, big clubbing forearms, and he's still in this thing! Unbelievable.

Tina: I salute you Spc. Johnson! You don't mess with the stars and stripes!

Pt2: And here comes Dubzilla! Another LOP main pager enters the fray!

Tina: Did he just flick a toothpick at GoDouger? What next? A round of drinks for everyone?

Pt2: That wouldn't surprise me... The Dubs from N'Dubs, the Scott Hall of LOP.

Tina: Without a doubt Pt2!

Pt2: GoDouger runs at DubZ... and tastes a right hand! Here comes Stinger.... and another!

Pt2: DubZ is wiping the floor with anyone he comes up against! Xavier goes down, Garavello goes down!

Tina: Go Dubz. It's your birthday. We're gonna party like it's your birthday. Gonna drink Bacardi like it's your birthday...

Pt2: And DubZ can drink Bacardi with you without fear, because the rest of the rumble has broke ranks and dived under the bottom rope to re-group! DubZ has cleared the ring with his alcohol fuelled fury!

Tina: Not much longer. It's just about time for the next entrant!

Pt2: Indeed it is, you can hear this crowd counting down.... and here comes Big Brother!

Tina: Blame Canada!

Pt2: From Montreal, Quebec... and he's not getting into the ring! and everyone dives back in, and charges DubZ, this thing is back on!

Tina: Smart move to hang back. There's no rule saying you have to get in the ring immediately.

Pt2: No, there sure isn't, and no one wants to take on DubZ the way he was going. William Johnsen gets hold of Stinger... and throws him outta there! ( Elimination number 3, Stinger, scored 57%)

Tina: FEEL THE STING!!

Pt2: Stinger is pulling at William Johnsen from the outside, ref get him outta there!.... and the referee's have broken it up, and are forcing Stinger to leave.. William Johnsen is still in, and these guys are back going at it! Big Brother is in now, and joins the group attacking Xavier over in the corner. DubZ has GoDouger up for the Outsiders edge!

Tina: Oh this is it for GoDouger. He can't survive this!

Pt2: No way! Down to the canvas! GoDouger has to be out, now! Wevv Mang is making his way to the ring, and he's trying to help the group in the ring pull Xavier from the outside! The referee's have pulled him off and forced him into the ring, but dirty tactics from your Writermania opponent there.

Tina: Much respect to Wevvie though. I don't mind the dirty stuff. Something tells me we'll see more of it before this is over.

Pt2: I think you might be right, as he low-blows DubZ.... that'll put out the fire in a hurry!

Tina: Ouch... now THAT had to hurt!

Pt2: Best get some ice on to reduce the swelling... and Wevv looks pleased with himself. He's posing for the crowd, but he'd better watch out! Wevv lost his focus there, and turns round... Massive lariat from Garavello! And GoDouger is STILL alive in this thing!

Tina: Damn.. how is he still hanging in there. See Wevv just made a big mistake. That's something that only newcomers should be doing. You can't allow yourself to get distracted like that.

Pt2: No, you sure can't, he had a good draw coming in at number 11, but he threw away his advantage, and now he's got the Big Brazilian Luis Garavello standing on his throat. That'll wreck your singing voice! Side Russian leg sweep by Mr. Warren to Y2Xavier, and the Australian is in trouble again, but he's locking his legs around the ropes! great strategy there.

Tina: Nice move there by Warren but I love the abuse Luis is giving to Wevv.

Pt2: DubZ comes over and interrupts Garavello, and he's spared Wevv... NO! He just kicked him square in the cahonies! Well, I guess turnabout is fair play, and Wevv Mang is down!

Tina: He wasn't helping him. He just wanted to get his shot at him instead! Nothing like the lowblow.

Pt2: Definitely not, anything goes in the YBTB Royal Rumble. we're moments away from the 12th entry joining this thing, as if we needed more carnage in there.... and it's The Blue Falcon, another dark horse in this thing, Tina.

Tina: The Blue Falcon? Didn't he have a sidekick named Wonderdog? or in this case... underdog.

Pt2: Well, with the big boot he got fed, he better have that dog run for the emergency services! William Johnsen just took his head off there! Wevv Mang is still rolling around in the corner, trying to protect his balls from any more punishment, while over on the far side, DubZ is being set up on the top rope by GoDouger... amazing that he's still in this thing after 22 minutes, but not only that, he's still dishing out punishment!

Tina: Without a doubt Pt2. However that's a rookie mistake right there. Why go through the trouble of setting him up for a move when you could just push him out of the ring and eliminate him? Battle royals are not the place for high risk moves.

Pt2: No, your quite right, and DubZ pushes him back into the ring. Big Brother is applying the mandible Claw to Mr. Warren! That's a different tactic, try and knock him out then lift him over!

Tina: It definitely resolves the issue of resistance. A dead body doesn't fight back.

Pt2: But it's also a dead weight. Mr. Warren got saved there, Wevv Mang grabbed the hair of Big Brother and pulled him off, but I don't think that was to do Mr. Warren any favours Tina. He got it so he could do what he's going to do now... and ram his head into that turnbuckle... wait, where's the turnbuckle pad? The turnbuckle pad is.... I think in the confusion, Wevv Mang has undone the turnbuckle pad! What a veteran manoeuvre!

Tina: Ha! I'm not surprised at all. It's time to let the crimson flow!

Pt2: And the French Canadian is wearing the crimson mask... Wait! Wevv and Big Brother duck out of the way, just in time to avoid the body of Luis Garavello, whipped into that exposed Turnbuckle by the Blue Falcon! Think of the impact on the spine!

Tina: The ref better get in there and check on him after that. Things are not looking good for Luis. Is the ref signalling for the medics?

Pt2: The medics are on their way down to the ring... but Luis is making his way back to his feet! What courage by the Brazilian!

Tina: He's come to far to give up now but still, he's got to consider that a spine injury could ruin his career. There's courage and then there is stupidity. It's a fine line between the two in this business.

Pt2: The medics are returning to the back, and they countdown shows they'll pass our next entrant, and he is.... Morpheus! The dream master is hitting the ring, number 12!

Tina: Look at the fire in his eyes! He's been waiting for this moment to make his presence known. I think this is going to be the end for a lot of people here.

Pt2: You might be right... head butt on Big Brother! DubZ charges him, and he gets the sleeperhold on DubZ! Within seconds of hitting the ring, the Dream master has DubZ in a sleeper hold!

Tina: Goodnight Irene! They don't call him the dream master for nothing.

Pt2: DubZ is trying to fight it! Moving to the ropes, that won't do him any good in the Rumble, no referee to break it up tonight Dubzilla!

Tina: Wait a minute! Here comes the Blue Falcon making a break!! Did you see that Pt2? He just ran up on Morpheus. You have GOT to be kidding me!

Pt2: Definitely Don, I mean Tina. The Blue Falcon clocked him with that forearm right to the side of the head, forcing him to break that patented Dream-master sleeper hold. Wevv Mang is brawling with Mr. Warren over the other side of the ring. Wait, whats this? Kick to the stomach by Wevv... he sets up up.... Big Piledriver from Wevv Mang! Mr. Warren must be knocked out!

Tina: Patented or not, I think the Blue Falcon just caused him to lose some royalties with that hit! WOW! What a hit. You can tell its starting to get down to the wire here. Not too many survive Wevv's power moves. Wait! What is Wevv doing? He just pulled out a hoagie and beat Mr. Warren with it!! Talk about adding insult to injury. It's a move right from Bossman and Big Show.

Pt2: Good god, Tina, what will these guys do next.... the countdown is back on, we're moments away from another competitor joining the fray……

Tina: It's the Canadian Kid coming to the ring. I've heard great things about this youngster.

Pt2: Me too Tina, I had the privilege of seeing this guy train, and he looks like a real talent. Jumps in the ring... and goes straight for Big Brother! The two young canadian columnists are slugging it out in the middle of the ring. Big Brother gets the advantage, and whips CK into the ropes.... and it's a cross body block! Great counter move there from the Canadian Kid!

Tina: I'm not surprised. Canada is known for their wrestlers.

Pt2: For sure, that move might earn him a spot in TNA's team Canada. I'm sure you can help him out with an application, although I don't know if they are hiring. DubZ, still feeling the effects of that sleeperhold is being punished by Y2Xavier, and over the other side, GoDouger is on his way out of there! Mr. Warren, William Johnsen, Garavello and Blue Falcon are all trying to get him over and..... he's dropped. GoDouger is out. (Elimination number 4, GoDouger2005, scored 62%)

Tina: Well GoDouger shouldn't have any shame here in his performance today. That man put on one hell of a show. Absolutely amazing the amount of brutal punishment he took today.

Pt2: No doubt, the man gave it his all, and looked damn good out there today. But the action doesn't stop. Garavello, turned on Blue Falcon, goes to the eyes, hits up with an elbow up-top the head. Looks like we've found the Brazilian Dusty Rhodes today, Tina.

Tina: Or maybe Garavello is actually the Midnight Rider unmasked?

Pt2: In that case, I think Chuck Palumbo is Mr. America unmasked. Sidewalk slam on Morpheus by Big Brother. BB brings him back to his feet... and hits him into the ropes! Morpheus is on the ropes, hanging on.... he's got his legs hooked around the middle rope, it'll take an army to get him off of there now

Tina: Or just one angst ridden columnists who just happens to be making his way down the ramp now! The one, the only... thank god... Random!

Pt2: And listen to the boo's Tina! These Take Up thy wrestling boots and walk fans do not like this man one bit!

Tina: Well it's great to see that your viewers have good taste.

Pt2: Random's in... and he's got Blue Falcon by the mask.... scoops up him, and drops him down with a bodyslam. Business should pick up now. As much as he has alienated himself from the fans with his words over the past few months, he knows what he's doing in the YBTB arena. Wait though, drop toe hold by the Blue Falcon, and The Blue Falcon has random in a front face lock on the mat! I don't think Random expected that from the newcomer!

Tina: What have I been saying all along though Pt2? If anything is going to stop RG from winning this it's going to be his underestimation of his opponents. Rip his neck off Blue!!!

Pt2: And it looks like he heard you! He is mauling at the neck of Random! He's like a terrier with a steak, and Random dives under the bottom rope to regroup! RG5, The favourite going into this thing, visibly shaken by the underdog, Blue Falcon!

Tina: I won't lie and say I'm not enjoying this Pt2. How could I when the grin on my face is so obvious?? RG better watch out though because his back is to the ramp and its almost time for our next entrant.

Pt2: I don't think he's going to be hit from the back though, he'll know when the next entrant is coming down by the sound of the crowd... and he dives back in. There's the buzzer to signal entrant number 15... and it's Malenko-1000, I wonder if he's also a man of 1000 holds?

Tina: I sure hope so because it's starting to get crowded in there again. So many of these guys have been in there for so long it just amazing me. How are they doing it?

Pt2: Well, there's a reason we call these guys the elite eighteen Tina, and we bring you the very best here at TUTWBAW. Xavier and Big Brother, whose face is bloodied from that exposed turnbuckle, are double teaming Canadian Kid. Malenko-1000 just executed a sweet northern light suplex, and I think William Johnsen is stunned Tina!

Tina: To say the least. Talk about working stiff. I felt that all the way over here. Did you hear the sound that made upon impact? Just amazing!

Pt2: If he knows a thousand more moves with the devastating effect of that, then Malenko-1000 might very well be there at the end. Random sizes him up, and hits him with a big kick to the midsection. Goes for the DDT, reversed out and into an armbar by Malenko-1000! Back elbows by Random, and I think he might have broken Malenko-1000's nose with that one. Random is saved by Dubzilla, who cuts off Malenko-1000 with a full nelson, and the LOP veteran's are double teaming Malenko now.

Tina: Starting to look like LOP's version of the Kliq there. That's okay. Something tells me they are no match for the man of a thousand moves. Heh, he's just resting right now.
Tina: Never waste an opportunity to decimate your opponent. That's what I always say.

Pt2: That's a good motto to have in competition, especially one as unpredictable and volatile as this. I think the last couple of guys coming into this thing are going to have a real advantage, some of the guys in the ring starting to look very tired now... can you believe it, Luis Garavello coming up on 28 minutes, and still alive in this thing?

Tina: Unbelievable there Pt2. What gumption these men must have. What a show of just absolute will to survive!! Well this next opponent.. I dunno about him. " The Assassin Hummingbird?" What is THAT all about? Is he going to flap his wings and peck our eyes out?

Pt2: Another guy we don't know much about, a regular TUTWBAW reader making his debut here. With a name like that, I'd expect to see some highflying attacks... Malenko-1000 with a dropkick on William Johnsen, and the big Airman is starting to really show signs of strain now. Xavier, still alive in this, comes over to meet the new entrant from Monterey, California, and pounds on his back with clubbing double axe handle blows. Xavier still hitting hard Tina, in surprisingly good shape since he's been in this long.

Tina: Well hopefully he has some ground-based moves in his arsenal as well because this is not the time nor place for the high flying moves. I love a good spot but with that many men in the ring going up to hit air is just downright dangerous. It's suicidal even... Xavier on the other hand, he's played it smart and that's why he's still here. Let's hope the Hummingbird does the same for his sake.

Pt2: Yeah, if he gets caught on the top rope, there's nowhere for him to go but out. Random seems to be hitting his stride now, punishing Mr. Warren over in the corner... and he whips him across into that exposed turnbuckle! He must have seen The Blue Falcon do that on the monitors earlier! Spinal injuries seem to be a common theme tonight, Tina.

Tina: They sure do Pt2 but you have to expect that when being whipped into exposed steel at the speed these men are. It's just brutal but that's what this is all about.

Pt2: And finally, Sheepster is up from the judges table and he's trying to fix that turnbuckle padding. Thats a bit late for Mr. Warren, who was doing well here but is now writhing in pain. And Random isn't letting up on him, he's moved on in for the kill. He looks to be setting him up for some kind of submission hold, to take advantage of that injured back.... and he's locked in a Texas Cloverleaf! Look at the face of Mr. Warren, contorted with pain!

Tina: Pure anguish but he can't even tap out. All he can do is hope to be tossed over the top by someone and to be honest, that's not going to help his back much.

Pt2: Absolutely not, there's a reason that the NWA and WCW used to ban throwing your opponent over the top back in the day, and Tina's just hit up the reason for it.... oh my goodness! Random had his back to the ring, and Canadian Kid just hit him with a dropkick to the back of the head! Canadian Kid may have inadvertently saved Mr. Warren there, but there was nothing inadvertent about the punishment he just inflicted on RG5!

Tina: Good for the Kid. Well this is it. Our last contestant is coming out now. He's a bit of a local boy for me too Pt2. Cleveland isn't all that far away from me. Here he is... "Dangerous" Dan Glamour!

Pt2: I guess you'll be rooting for him then, and Dangerous Dan Glamour jumps right into the thick of things, and he's gone straight for the Assassin Hummingbird.... Hummingbird comes off the ropes and launches himself at Dan Glamour.... and bounces back off him! The Assassin Hummingbird did not expect that!

Tina: Of course I'd root for him but only because of my deep intense hatred for the Steelers. Too bad they choked! *bursts into laughter* SUCKERS!!!

Pt2: The good thing about being British is that I won't have a damn clue what people are talking about in the hate mail after that one.... back in the ring, and The Blue Falcon is picking up steam, and he's finally making some progress on Malenko-1000, whose been really dominant since he got in there. I haven't seen him get taken off his feet yet!

Tina: Nope not once. If these guys were smart they would start ganging up on him since he's definitely one of the top competitors at this point.

Pt2: Blue Falcon hits him with a shoulder tackle, and down he goes. When a guy bigger than you runs into you, I don't care how good a wrestler you are, you're hitting the floor. Dan Glamour Bodyslams Big Brother down by the corner.... and he's climbing the turnbuckle... this could be a mistake Tina! YES! Xavier spots him and knocks him outside to the floor! Dan Glamour is out! (elimination #5, “Dangerous Dan Glamour, 70%)

Tina: Bah! What a fool! Haven't they heard me over here at all? See, that's the problem with these young whippersnappers these days. They need to listen to us vets of the sport! I didn't win my previous ones by luck you know.

Pt2: That was just a foolish move. He's a big guy, with a late draw, why take chances? Stay on the mat!

Tina: Well he made a rookie mistake and now he's paying the price.

Pt2: Indeed, he's thrown away that coveted number 18 draw.... and with the freshest man in there now gone, that makes the job for everyone else that much easier. Wevv Mang has the Assassin Hummingbird down. He better watch his back though.... Malenko-1000 has him.... Atomic Drop, over the top rope! Malenko-1000 has eliminated one of the LOP main pagers! (elimination #6, Wevv Mang, 75%)

Tina: Wow! What a shot! I would have never guessed a vet like Wevvy would go out like that.

Pt2: Well, they are starting to get tired in there, and when you get tired you make mistakes. That being said, Luis Garavello, the man from Sao Paulo is still going, and still giving out the punishment to William Johnsen... and he's been in there for 36 minutes now Tina.

Tina: That may be so and Garavello has been fighting like he's trying to cross the border here but look at Johnsen... He might be taking a beating but he's still in there as well. That's that military training coming in handy. Our men are trained to survive the most extreme conditions.

Pt2: Look in the corner Tina... RG seems to be striking up a deal with Xavier.

Tina: Looks like those former ties to the columns' forum are making for strange bedfellows...

Pt2: Stange indeed... and they both jump on DubZ... but look at the last surviving main pager battle them off!

Tina: He can take 'em. This isn't much different than a bar fight to good ol Dubz... or to translate for you my English friend- the pub.

Pt2: I appreciate that... God knows what I thought you were talking about before you clarified there. Morpheys steps in to lend DubZ a hand, taking on Xavier, and DubZ perches Random on that Turnbuckle! This is the move that GoDouger tried earlier on him, it backfired then, lets see if the Veteran can use it to greater effect. Goes for the Superplex. Random blocks it. This doesn't look good for DubZ.... OH MY GOD! Random just Suplexed DubZ out of the rumble from the top rope! Unbelievable! (Elimination #7, Dubzilla, scored 76%).

Tina: Damn that Random fool! Well I'll say this much for Dubz. He may have lost the match but he won't lose the fight. RG better watch his back after the show.

Pt2: Well, he might not lose the fight, but his night is over now. Tremendous move by the former YBTB champion of the world. Canadian Kid is looking good in there at the moment, he's using the typical Rumble strategy of hammering a guy in the corner.... it's worked before....

Tina: but will it work again?

Pt2: The way Canadian Kid is going right now, I wouldn't bet against it. Malenko-1000 has wisely targeted Garavello, whose been going for well over 40 minutes, and is focusing on the legs. He's get a pressure hold on the left leg of Luis Garavello, and if you take the mans legs out, you take out a great part of his defence, and that's his ability to hook onto those ropes and keep him in.

Pt2: Whoa! The Blue Falcon eliminated the Assassin Hummingbird with a monstrous clothsline! Blink and you missed it! (elimination number 8, The Assassin Hummingbird, 79%).

Tina: And I did! I was so busy watching the other side of the ring; until I heard that thump that is. What a move! An incredible show of strength by the Blue Falcon!!

Pt2: Indeed, the Blue Falcon really impressing here tonight. People reading back home in Saskatchewan will be proud, I'm sure.

Tina: I bet. All five of them!!

Pt2: I'd just like to remind readers that the opinions of Tina ali are her own, and we here at TUTWBAW bear the good people off Saskatchewan no ill will.

Tina: Hey, I didn't mean anything bad but honestly, besides the Abominable Snowman and his family how many people actually live there? And secondly, would YOU brag about it?

Pt2: Tina ali, what a humanitarian.

Tina: You know Pt2, I hear that whale blubber and fish oil is a highly nutrious meal.

Pt2: Big Brother has been bleeding for most of this match, but somehow, he's still managing to avoid all the sharks in there and stay alive....

Tina: Sure ignore me. Always the businessman... Well back to the match I guess. It doesn't look like he'll be able to avoid them much longer though because theya re starting to circle for the kill.

Pt2: Indeed they are. And it looks like Morpheus is going to be the big shark that gets him a fish supper..... My GOD! Just as I say that, he hits him with a back body drop and dumps the multi time CotM outta there! Morpheus is history, and the man wearing the Crimson mask, Big Brother from Montreal, lives on! (elimination number 9, Morpheus, scored 80%)

Tina: But not for much longer. Watch out Big Brother! Behind you!!

Pt2: Oh! Did you hear the noise his head made when Malenko-1000 hit him with that bone crunching German suplex?

Tina: Woohoo doggies! I sure did. I guess Big Brother doesn't see everything we do afterall.

Pt2: Haha, I guess not... Malenko has him back up now, and is trying to get him over.... Random's coming in to help... here comes Xavier... and The Blue Falcon... they are all trying to get him over, and he's still hanging on!

Tina: How much more can one make take? I swear he's got the strength of a thousand men!!

Pt2: I know what you mean, but will that strength by enough... he's hanging on AAAND... no, he's eliminated. It took 4 men to do it though, Tina. A great effort from Big Brother. (Elimination #10, Big Brother, scored 84%).

Tina: Definitely. When it takes four men to do the job of one you certainly do not look weak.

Pt2: Especially when two of those guys are established LOP guys Y2Xavier and Random guy, and with Blue Falcon and Malenko-1000 impressing, Blue Falcon should be damn pleased with his effort. But the action doesn't stop, and William Johnsen seems to have a second wind now, and Canadian Kids blow's aren't phasing him!

Tina: I don't even know who to cheer for anymore. The action is just that good!

Pt2: He's got the Canadian Kid in a chokehold... and he's got the Blue Falcon in a choke hold with his other hand now! He lifts them both up.... and drops them out to the floor! double elimination by William Johnsen! Can you believe that strength?! eliminations number 11 and 12, respectively Canadian Kid and Blue Falcon, both scoring 85%).

Tina: Yes I can! I told you our troops are trained to accomplish the impossible Pt2. Well this is it.. we are nearing the moment of truth.

Pt2: That's right, there's 6 men left in the ring. 4 men will go on to the column and either Luis Garavello, Y2Xavier, Random Guy 5, Malenko-1000, Mr. Warren or William Johnsen is going to take on YBTB World Champion Xanman! And Random doesn't let up, summoning the strength to attack Mr. Warren. They are brawling over in the corner, while Malenko moves for the big Airman. Garavello and Xavier have been in this thing for well over 50 minutes now, but show no signs of giving up!

Tina: Abolutely amazing Pt2! I don't know how these men are doing it!!

Pt2: Nor do I.... Malenko-1000 has William Johnsen up, showing great strength of his own.... he's got him in a vertical suplex position.... and he's going to eliminate him..... NO! He fell on the rope! Does the air force issue protection for the testes as standard?

Tina: I believe so. I believe it's called the IronBall 3000.

Pt2: Well, from the look on William Johnsen's face, they better start working on a 4000, because it doesn't cut the mustard. Random and Mr. Warren have broken off and are shaking the ring now, but whats this... Malenko runs off the ropes... OH MY GOD! MALENKO-1000 just hit William Johnsen with a spinning heel kick, and knocked him right out of the ring! We're down to the final five Tina! One of these men will face Xanman! (elimination #13, William Johnsen, scored 86%).

Tina: WOW!! What a MOVE!! I hope XanMan has been taking notes here tonight because no matter who he does face, it's going to be one hell of a fight. All of these men have been astounding.

Pt2: Absolutely No question about that, and can you believe that when they have been in the ring for over 50 minutes, that at least one of Garavello and Xavier will be there at the end?

Tina: No I can't. If it wasn't for the official time-clock here to my left telling me you're not lying I'd think you were full of Heinz beans.

Pt2: Well, they are still there, and they are still going at it... I can't get over that move by Malenko-1000, what a great move that was, and they are going at it again. Random has Garavello, Xavier and Mr. Warren are double teaming Malenko-1000. Garavello fighting back against Random, he comes off the ropes, and gets backdropped over the top! It's over! a valiant effort by Garavello, but he's eliminated by Random, and RG5, Malenko-1000, Mr. Warren and Y2Xavier go on to the main column - the match beyond! (elimination #14, Luis Garavello, scored 87%)
Tina: Wow, what an amazing match. It's just incredible to see how this fresh young talent making their debuts and in such a dramatic way!

Pt2: Absolutely, and I'm sure many of the new competitors we've seen here today will want another crack at the title, and I'm sure all they'll have to do is ask. Thanks for joining us everybody, for Tinaali, I'm Pt2... now lets go and find out whose facing Xan. So long everybody.



Part two of this column, with the result, can be found right next to this column.








*NEW GALLERY* MUST SEE! Very Rare Photos of KAREN ANGLE Over the Years!

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