The Rant of the Week: Thoughts on Reasons why not to become a wrestler
    Submitted by Phantom Lord on Sunday, January 23, 2005 at 7:41 AM EST





    Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow Phantom Lord and this is your all mighty Rant of the Week. I’m coming to you as always from the urban cesspool that is New York City and if you were watching the news here you would think that WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE. It’s the Blizzard of 05 and we’re getting upwards of 25 inches of snow with 50 mph winds. I mean you would think we’ve never had a little snow before. I had on Mark Simone’s show this morning on WABC and Warner Wolf said it best. He said it’s the newscasters job to basically scare the hell out of you. Plus Weathermen love these storms since they get to be on tv every two minutes tracking the storm. Its kinda like hype for a ppv…just on a weaker scale (Say that of Smackdown).

    Still though it wasn’t that bad outside. I did some shoveling earlier and aside from coming close to a heart attack I cleared my sidewalk and driveway. Of course with the wind and snow it was covered back up within a minute or two. But hey it was a good work out nonetheless. My only gripe is the snow was like powder. I mean I now know what it must have been like being in Motley Crue or Guns N Roses back in the 80’s with all that cocaine. Speaking of Motley Crue I was able to find a link to download the new Vince Neil song “Promise Me” and I must say it’s a damn good song. Granted its corporate rock in everyway possible from its drum machine drumming to its bland guitar playing. But with that said its still a hell of a lot better then most of the shit on modern rock radio today. And on the GNR or should I say Axl Rose Experience Front, GNR bassist Tommy Stinson claims the new GNR album “Chinese Democracy” will be out in April of this year. Its been a decade since Axl started work on this thing and its gonna have to sell at least 10 Million Copies to break even, but I contend there will actually be Democracy in China before this album comes out. It’s a shame if you’ve found the bootlegs of GNR shows from 2002 floating around then you know Chinese Democracy and Madagascar are going to be huge songs for them.

    In other more important news (to me and hopefully ever red blooded American male with access to FUSE) I was alerted that Juliya from Fuse did a photo spread for Stuff Magazine. Holy Shit is all I have to say. If you want to know why I thank God to be an American, this quote from Juliya in the interview says it all. I was like, “Ohhh, this is totally me!” I’m really into pinups, fetishwear, corsets and leather. I love lace; I love rubber. It’s important for a woman to feel attractive, and that’s what turns me on. I’m a naughty girl.

    If you want to see the pics, I posted links to them in my live journal. Or you could just go buy the magazine. I’d do that…but I’m cheap. On the subject of Hot Chicks, you know I’m all for this Playboy thing with the WWE Diva’s…but I would be equally happy with a Victoria photo shoot in Stuff or Maxim. WWE…Make it happen.

    Speaking of Diva’s, I read the results to the NWA-Mid Atlantic Championship Wrestling Show in South Korea. By all accounts the show results look like it was a train wreck of epic proportions. I mean the main event wasn’t Jeff Jarrett vs. A.J. Styles for NWA Title. No the Main Event was Sting vs. Billy Gunn. What did South Korea ever do to deserve that? Well I bring this show up because Gail Kim made her first big appearance since getting axed by the WWE.

    This was appearently a huge deal in South Korea and there was a huge press conference for this event.




    Credit to TigerDriver 91 on the DVDVR Board for posting the pics

    Yeah the WWE Fired her and brought in nameless whores with big tits. Great move guys…

    Well here are the short results thanks to Gerweck.net

    Gail Kim & Lollipop vs. Malia Hosaka & Nidia
    Nidia flew from Puerto Rico by the request of Gail Kim(Nidia's second visit to Korea). Lollipop was terrible and Gail Kim had some problem(I heard that she vomited beef steak previous night). When Gail greeted Korean fans by using Korean language, heel team attacked. Gail Kim & Lollipop won via pin fall.(2 out of 5)

    Is that the same Lollipop who whipped her tits out on a TNA ppv last year? Hmm…I better refrain from saying anything negative about her since last I heard she was dating Low Ki. I’m from Brooklyn and I know well enough not to piss off another guy from Brooklyn who can probably kick my head clear off my body.

    All I can say is if anyone from the WWE is reading this please bring Gail back. The WWE Women’s division is so weak right now that it’s being led up the ramp and into the slaughter house as we speak. Bring Nidia back to while your at it. I’ll gladly trade a pillow fight for a bad women’s match any day of the week.

    Well as much as we like to think bad booking is the biggest problem facing wrestling right now, its not. There is an epidemic of drug use in and out of wrestling that would put the so called legitimate sports to shame. I got this e-mail earlier from Michael Moody who is a award winning director, writer and producer and he releasing a new documentary on pro wrestling that is getting a lot of attention called 101 Reasons Not to become a Pro Wrestler
    I wanted to send you the link of this trailer so that you could perhaps cover this story and make your readers aware that this DVD will be released in 2005.

    The pro wrestling industry, Vince McMahon and the WWE are getting out of control with drug abuse, no union for the workers and many other problems. I'm directing a documentary "101 Reasons not to be a Pro Wrestler" and have a trailer online which you could do a story about and link for your readers to watch.

    Click Here to View the 6 Minute Trailer for the Documentary

    It’s in Windows Media and Quicktime form and I watched this the other night before I even got the e-mail today and I was blown away. Appearing in the video include New Jack, Vampiro, Shawn O’Haire, DDP, Chyna, and many others. And the basic theme that I got was Wrestling is in a position where it could be much better but the powers that be (The McMahon’s, The Jarrett’s, ect) refuse to make the changes that need to happen.

    But the big issue is should wrestlers unionize. I personally don’t think it can be done. I mean there sure as hell is a need for some sort of Union since the vast majority of wrestlers are chewed up and spit out once their usefulness has be sucked dry. But New Jack said it best in the trailer. How can you unionize if Vince says he doesn’t want it and he’ll fire you? Wrestlers are Independent Contractors, which means they have to handle paying their taxes, social security, health care, and other benefits most people take for granted on their own. I remember reading that back in the 80’s Jesse Ventura was pushing for a union in the WWF and Sgt. Slaughter got fired for trying to start one. With the way politics is right now in the WWE I couldn’t even imagine a union in the WWE. Oh if you thought Triple H didn’t like putting people over now…imagine what would happen to his opponent if he was unionized.

    I think it’s a noble idea, but I don’t think it can happen…well not at least with out Government Intervention. Its like I said, if you think drug use in Baseball, Basketball, Football, and Hockey is bad…its nothing compared to what’s going on in Wrestling. The news we hear about is the tip of the iceberg as you have to figure every wrestler is on some form of painkiller at the minimum. I mean just last week Erik Watt’s tried to kill himself with Painkillers. I mean hell most Americans are over-medicated. I mean me personally I take 3 pills a day. 1 for my Thyroid, 1 for High Blood Pressure, and 1 for Anxiety/Depression.

    And that’s just the prescription stuff. I don’t think we even need to go into the illegal stuff that plagues wrestling. Jake The Snake Roberts is a prime example of what happens to a great wrestler who gets hooked on sweet lady h. But even with all those problems the biggest one of course is politics as certain people who get a spot basically hold down and sabotage careers of guys who could make more money for the company and everyone involved simply because it would prove they aren’t a draw.

    See this is why I look at the WWE and I see WCW. They are making the same exact mistakes WCW did right after they struck the proverbial iceberg and charged full speed ahead. The WWE could be doing so much better right now, but they are more or less are stuck in a holding pattern. Watch the trailer for the movie. Konnan hit it right on the head. Hey I like JBL as a champion, but I would of rather seen Booker T or RVD as champion way before him. JBL got his spot because of company politics and Booker T and RVD who could be huge draws for Smackdown were buried in the low card simply because the powers that be do not want to push them.

    I never could understand that. I mean this is America. We are a capitalist country. You’d think if Wrestler A made more money then Wrestler B then Wrestler A would be the champion since the champion is the one who’s supposed to be the flag ship and the one who brings in the money.

    Well in any event I hope to be able to get this DVD when it comes out because the New Jack and Vampiro segments look like they are worth the price of the DVD alone. Vampiro is a guy who could have been huge in WCW but he was fucked over. But hey there were a lot of guys who should have been big in WCW and would have kept the company afloat had they been given the chance…but what if’s get us nowhere.

    Oh since I mentioned Smackdown, I have to share this Interview that Batista did with The Sun over in the United Kingdom. . Holy Shit did he ever bury Smackdown and everything he said was the truth.

    Tell me this quote does not sum up Smackdown to a tee.

    I try to watch the shows but, for me, they're hard to sit through. And that really makes me sick as it should be a top show. I've watched their tapings live and it seems like a lot of the guys couldn't care less. There's a lack of passion and pride. They need the stress of a live show on them, like we have. A lot of them think: "Oh, it's taped. If I mess up, we'll just redo it.

    Just another reason why BFD as those of us in the IWC are now calling him rules. I mean I’ve been saying for a long time that Smackdown should be live. Being taped kills the vibe to the show. I guarantee if Smackdown was live the dead silent reactions some guys get would lead to them not being pushed anymore. I mean if you watched it this week they had to dub out the crowd in Montreal calling Joy Giovanni a slut…but they conveniently left in her flipping off the Frenchies.

    You can tell when the crowd noise is dubbed in. Again it was something WCW was notorious for on Thunder and then on Nitro towards the end. Wrestling fans are smarter then most people would give them credit for (Well maybe except the idiots who root for Cena). It’s a simple theory if we don’t like someone then we wont respond to the. But on the same token many great heels have become unwilling faces because people were popping for them. Hell Randy Orton’s career took a turn for the worst the moment they turned him face.

    But like I said, Batista makes a great point. When watching Smackdown you can tell that most of the guys are not to inspired to be there. The term phoning it in comes to mind when watching some matches. I think its clear Booker T is only wrestling cause he’s got a nice big fat pay check. Eddie Guerrero looks burned out as hell from all the stress he put on himself as Champion. I mean when Funaki is the best person you can think of to make Cruiserweight champion with no build up what so ever that sure as hell means creative needs some new blood.

    And since I mentioned John Cena, my streak of bashing him must continue as this whole censoring of the “Ruck Fules” hats is by far the dumbest thing ever. Of course word is its really a marketing ploy by the WWE for the whole “Buy what we cant show you on tv” line of thinking that does work wonders with suburban white kids who long to be a ghetto superstar. But I really hate Cena. Its bad enough he disgraces the United States title belt with that ridiculous spinner plate but its pretty damn clear he’s going to win the Royal Rumble since we are all clamoring for JBL vs. Cena at WM 21.

    Angle wise it would be pretty good as JBL would have some money promos railing on Cena about why he represents EVERYTHING that is wrong with America. But Cena cant exactly go more then 2 minutes with out using the Five Moves of Doom. A Wrestlemania Main Event needs to be at least 20 minutes. Unless its an all out brawl or something this match has the potential to be the worst Main Event in Wrestlemania history ever and that covers a lot of ground. Did you ever think there would be a day where Bradshaw would actually be the skilled veteran going into a match?
    That thought scares me. The WWE should at least give Eddie Guerrero the shot at the title. To say he has unfinished business with JBL would be an understatement. But the WWE seems to be going for Eddie vs. Rey which in it self is going to be a great feud (I actually have a money idea to get Eddie over as a major heel…WWE if you want it you have my Resume. Call me).

    Oh before I go, it looks like TNA had to go prove me right by announcing the main event for Against All Odd’s as Jeff Jarrett will be taking on Kevin Nash. The “press conference” was pretty damn funny as Nash flat out admitted he’s only in it for the money. It’s a good build up for the match. I will give them that…but its still going to be Kevin Nash vs. Jeff Jarrett. Ah well if you want a reason to order the PPV A.J. Styles vs. Christopher Daniels in a 30 minute Iron Man Match for the X Title. Need I say more. That my friends might be the match of the year and its in competition with the Elimination Chamber and last months Ultimate X where A.J. won the title.

    Granted TNA makes a lot of the same mistakes WCW did, but the fact remains from top to bottom they put on a stellar show and they cram more wrestling into Impact in an hour then the WWE does sometimes in an entire weeks worth of shows.

    At least I’m honest. I might shill for TNA and I technically do work for them as I write for the e-fed and moderate their street team board…but at least I’m highly critical of what I see. Its like I always say. If I like it I’ll say so. If I don’t then you’ll be hearing about it.
    Well I’m done for this week. Odds are I’m going to spend the better part of the next week digging out from the Blizzard because as I type this I have a monster snow drift in my back yard. I wish my camera would upload to the computer. You should see what the street looks like. Cars are basically entombed in snow and it’s a mess when everyone digs them out especially when the Sanitation trucks come by and plow everything back from where we just dug out.

    Well on that note as always take care and remember someone has got to provide you with this information and it DAMN well has got to be me {S Bob Grant

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