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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, November 21, 2004 at 8:19 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – LOOK OUT! IT’S YOUNG BUCK! Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman. Sometimes, Fate likes to play cruel tricks on the WWE. After starting the stabbing angle between John Cena and Carlito, news broke this week about rapper Young Buck stabbing a guy at the Vibe awards. It was a gift. But, the time has passed to cash in on this incident. Trying to recapture that moment, well, it will be tricky, well nigh impossible. But, WWE doesn’t really need to try and get that moment back. Let’s take a look at this weeks TV. WWE – The TV Series Survivor Series Didn’t watch it. Taboo Tuesday got my money, and well, I’m not going to start forking out cash left and right for PPV’s. Sorry WWE. But it sounded like a good show. Heidenreich and Snitsky These two got the first inter show interaction. Hah. Just goes to show that WWE thinks they got two big stars on their hands. How little do they know. Reading reports and message boards posts, it seems like it was a good show, but not a real barnburner. Besides, the fall out seems to be more interesting than the shows themselves these days. The stips for the control of the show was the big drive. RAW Recap Info provided by Doug Maynard Who gets to run the show first? Maven. A nice way to start this little experiment. Maven He interrupts La Res and announces tonight’s matches right of the bat. Nice touch. Coach vs JR? Damn, why? I really have no interest in seeing JR wrestle. Is that really what JR wants? I hope not. The rest of the card mentioned sounds good. Tajiri and Rhyno vs Regal and Retard vs Las Resistance Decent match with a Retard Power-up. Nice to see that there is more than one tag team on Raw. I had forgotten about Rhyno and Tajiri. But in order to make the fans happy the Regal Retards wins. Kids then storm the ring. Chaos is rampant! A punch is thrown and then a chair shot. Oh wait, wrong sport. Maria I’m glad to see her on TV. It’s just that, well, she’s not that good at interviewing. She needs work. It’s a good thing that she gets to work with a pro like regal. Eugene then runs in and douses everyone with chocolate milk. Ah, now I see. You’ll do fine honey. Good work from Eugene and Regal here too. Maven Gets the Chicks Maven picks up some broad named Candice. No idea who she is. In his office, H is waiting. Holy cow, a long winded promo from H, that ended with " And one more thing…" at least three times. But I will hand it to H. He pulled it off. Very good work, but way too long. That promo should have been a recurring theme. It was worded well, delivered well, but the length was a killer. It stopped being intense and went comedy. Oh, and one more thing… - Maven has been wrestling 3 and a half years? It’s been that long? Wow. And it’s only now that he’s being handled well. He’s in the main event, and while no one expects him to win, he’s there, and working it. Lita vs Molly Holly Standard match, nothing really special. Molly makes the match, but still gets pinned. Trish then comes out wearing a facemask. Oh well, but the funny thing is, she now has to act, and she can. I do like the new viscous Lita. The lines are getting blurred in this angle, but it’s a good thing. A nice gradual shifting of alignments. Well done. Coach vs ? It turns out to not be JR, thank heavens. Instead it’s Randy Orton, who gets a cheap pop by wailing on Coach. Eh, it was filler. Edge and Christian Promo Yes, Edge, it was entertaining. Nice work, and Edge is still trying to fit his role. He’s close, but just needs a little adjustment. I like the cockiness, I like the attitude, but there’s something missing. Christian really is Captain Charisma, as he’s got his part down pat, and is damn good. But with Edge, I’m not sure what could be done. Benoit and Shelton Benjamin vs Christian and Edge Good match, and nice work. Standard miscommunication win for Benoit and Shelton. After the match, Edge goes "Just Plain Nuts". That is not the missing ingredient. I’d say have Edge follow Christian’s lead for a while. There’s enough ego driven heels, so maybe a heel who just wants to win, period. Focusing on a goal, like the big belt was working before. Picking off one by one the competitors, and not using heavy machinery, but winning matches, could be a way to go. I think maybe, Edge should stick to tweener, and not be a full blown heel or face. Out for himself. Eh, it’s just ideas. More Hoochies For Maven Thanks Ric. You’re the Man. WHOOO! Lingerie Pillow Fight Nice. Very nice. Christy needs some work on her timing, like when to start the match, but that’s easy to fix. Decent filler match, but the feathers blocked the view. H and Batista, Best Buds Uh-Oh. H just said Christy is hot. That can’t be good. Punishment time for Christy. H then jokes about Dave TO Dave. Man, Batista needs to break away soon. Nice foreshadow, but still. Dave needs to have his say soon. Simon Dean Bah. At least Rosey showed up to put some life into these sketches. GO ROSEY! Heh, I had an idea. Rosey and Hurricane could be hanging out in the locker room. Rosey has the latest low fat, yet incredibly delicious sandwich from Subway. He says he uses it to fuel his super powers. He puts it into a locker, which he locks with a padlock. He then leaves and cue Simon Dean, who peeks around a corner. Fade to Black. After a match, Rosey returns to find his locker has been broken into and his sandwich is gone. Rosey goes on a quest to find the villain. He asks everyone. Finally, he finds Simon finishing off his sandwich. Thus, the sandwich feud begins. You now have a month of material. Rosey challenges Simon to match, while Simon can do his fat shtick. He can also say he can’t resist the tasty goodness that is Subway. Maven, Ladies Man Maven is chillin with his hos, when Jericho and Benoit show up to ask him if he’s going to accept H’s invitation to join Evolution. Benoit yells in Maven’s face. Maven is undecided. Yeah, right. Muhammad Hassan Well, that didn’t take long. Have fun in Iraq. I’m sure they’ll really like this guy. Hah. H vs Maven H wins, and it was a messy win. It was a forgone conclusion, but it might have been interesting to move the belt around. Maven wins, then next week a match is made for the belt, and Maven loses, while H bides his time, or even, hell, protects Maven, so that he can get the belt back. But oh well. Good show, while not heavy on action, what there was delivered. It was show focused on plot development, and it was needed. It set up a lot of long term storylines, and that’s always a good thing. But you can feel it can’t you? The return of some God-awful crap is bubbling just beneath the surface, ready to bust out and sink the show again. I hope I’m wrong, but the pattern is there. The show starts to make sense, the ratings go up, and then WHAMMO! Crap-Tastic TV returns with a vengeance. You got one guy Just Plain Nuts, Snitsky waiting for something to do, Trish on the verge of going nuts, and three more nights of wrestlers having control. Monday had better be good. Smackdown Recap Info courtesy of Chad "CMV1" Mathews John Cena opened the show, to a low reaction. Once again, the chain is more important than the belt. Things picked up when he started rapping about getting revenge, and then the stuff about balls happened, and the crowd subsided. Is it really that hard to figure out what Cena’s appeal is? He’s the feisty underdog, who makes fun of people, and doesn’t back down. Tough Enough Well, better than old broads, but still not enough to make me care. I’d say cut everyone. Except that guy. He’s OK, but he’ll be in OVW for at least two years before he makes a TV appearance. Which on? Doesn’t matter. All the big guys are the same. The little guys won’t make it anyway, and as for Dan Puder, well, he has to learn how to punch and kick, since that will be his main choices for offense for at least a year. Screw that wrestling crap, Punching and Kicking is where it’s at! Ask Taker. Hey, he could do something with these Tough Enough guys to learn respect. Like letting them pin him, one after the other. Whoever can pin taker the most wins. How’s that for a contest? Bah, this whole contest shouldn’t even be on the show, but in it’s own slot. As for getting them exposure, if they won one of these contests on it’s own show, they could appear on Smackdown, and guess what? They’d come in as winners. Half the battle right there. Michelle McCool Hey, I know her! She was a Divas Contestant. Cool. So, she’s teamed up with Rey and RVD? OK then, why not? I’ll go along with that. Heyman and Heidenriech. He lost so it’s over. Or is it? This guy does a complete 180 from where is here, as big scary guy to…well, I don’t want to spoil it. Charlie Haas vs Little Johnny Johnny goes nuts, leaves the ring and then cries. Freaky stuff, and not in a good way. Just sad really. They had a great gimmick for him, and this was the one they chose instead. Horrible segment, just horrible. Makes no sense, and is trying for that damn drama, but ends up being a waste of TV time. Just proves the theory that Heyman was the one over, not Johnny, but by gum, we better banish Paul from TV again, because he’s doing a good job, making good TV, and that was never the plan. RVD and Rey vs Kenzo and Rene Hey, that’s right, these guys are the Tag Team Champion! I had forgotten. Not being on TV will do that. Good match, and man, Kenzo has gotten better, but not by much. Outside hijinks ensue, but RVD and Rey pick up the win. Not the belts, of course, but the hollow victory. So you can pay to see them lose at the PPV. Kurt Angle vs Jobbers This is going to happen every week? Well, jobbers are plentiful… Welcome Amy Weber A good addition. She can talk, and looks good. Best pick up so far. Welcome back Amy, Bradshaw Promo MOOO! Hah, the song is on their new album. The new "Put A Little Ass on It". Anyhoo, Bradshaw talked and talked, and I’m not exactly sure where it went. Promo went in circles. Strong then weak, then strong again. He covered a lot of ground, but ended up right back the beginning. Booker came out, then Eddie, and finally Undertaker. All want his title. That is good. No wrestling actually happened, and while that would normally be bad, in this case, it made sense, and was good. Bradshaw the pussy? Bad. I don’t mind a heel who runs away against long odds, but I do mind it when they cry about, unless that’s their character. After a strong promo, Bradshaw, can run, but never cry. Carlito vs Cena The Stabbing saga was hyped, but it came off lack luster. Weak match, since Carlito is injured. Run in by Big Goof #234, and beat down of Cena. Cena is once again injured, and the injured kidneys came into play. Once again, another stretcher job. Bah. Joy, another Diva's Contestant was inther too. Welcome Joy.Well, after weeks of building stories, and delivering the goods, Smackdown lost momentum. Not a large amount, but it stalled. More emphasis on dramatic bits, and less on telling a good story. The main event tanked. While the ratings have risen steadily, that number is based on what went before, not on what was actually happening. Next week will be a telling one. Kane’s House Lita is in the living room, doing aerobics in front of the TV. Kane comes downstairs, bundled up in winter clothes. Kane: I’m going to shovel the driveway honey. Lita: OK Kane: This shouldn’t take long. Lita drops down to do some leg lifts. Kane leaves through the front door. Once the door is closed, his entrance music can be heard, coming from some where. Through the large front windows, a flash of light is seen, and a faint " WHOOOMPH!" is heard. Kane comes back in, as steam trails him in. Kane: All done. What’s for dinner. Lita: I haven’t gotten that far yet. But speaking of dinner, what are we going to do for Thanksgiving dinner? I mean, it’s not like we can go over to your folks for dinner. And no way in hell are you going anywhere near mine. Kane: What do you mean we can’t over to my folks place? Paul would love to have us over, and he makes a mean stuffing. Lita: Kane, Paul is dead. Kane: So? I’m sure he’d love to have us over. I haven’t seen him in months. Lita: Kane, did you hear what I said? He’s dead, your crazy brother killed him Kane: Honey, this prejudice you have against dead people is deeply disturbing. I thought when we got married that we could work through it. It must be the Holiday jitters. Don’t worry, Paul won’t judge you. You’re part of the family now. Kane has finished taking off his coat, and boots, and is back to his shirtless self. He goes over to the closet, opens it, and finds El Grande Bossman inside. Kane: Here, hang this up for me will you? Thanks. Kane closes the closer door. Lita: Kane, there’s no way I’m going to spend my Thanksgiving Dinner with a dead man. Paul too. Kane: Oh come on, honey. His Thanksgiving rat is to die for! I’m amazed at the amount of stuffing he can fit into those rats, but man, there was always enough! Bossman comes out of the closet. Bossman: Excuse me hombres, but I couldn’t help overhearing your problems. If I could offer a suggestion, you could have dinner here. Kane: That’s a great idea Bossman! Oh wait, Lita doesn’t cook. Bossman has made himself at home, and takes a seat on the couch. He leers at Lita. Bossman: She looks like she’s cooking now! Kane laughs. Lita glares at Bossman and gets up to do some jumping jacks. Lita: I suppose we could have Thanksgiving dinner here. But no dead people! You hear me Kane? No DEAD PEOPLE! Kane: Fine! I don’t see what you have against them. Some of my best friends are dead, but fine. This is our first Thanksgiving after all. But we should invite some people over. Living people. Lita: What about Bossman here? Would you like to have Thanksgiving dinner with us? Bossman: uuuhhhhhh….what? Dinner? Yeah sure! I love turkey! I’m a breast man, but I won’t say no to thighs! Especially ones as sweet and full as yours! Kane laughs, again, and Lita slaps Bossman so hard he flies over the back of the couch. Kane: We’d be happy to have you. Who else should we invite. A knock on the door, is followed by a panting Big Show. Big Show:Did some one say dinner? Kane, Lita, and Bossman:Big Show! Kane: Big Show, would you like to have Thanksgiving dinner with us? Big Show: I’d love to. I’ll have to see if I can fit it into my schedule, since I have three other places to go, but I’m sure I can make it. Tell you what, I’ll even bring the yams and pumpkin pie. Bossman: I’ll bring the mashed potatoes! The door opens and Gene Snitsky pops his head in. Snitsky: And I’ll bring the DEAD BABY! AHAHAHAHA! Lita and Kane: GENE SNITSKY! YOU’RE A DEAD MAN! Gene slams the door. Kane and Lita scramble over furniture and go running after him. Bossman and Big Show just look at each other, and then plop themselves onto the couch. Bossman: So, who’s going to bring the turkey? Because if we don’t, well, with those two, you never know what they’ll try and stuff. Big Show: Good call. I’m on it. I’ll call Rob and see if he can swing by Booker T’s and pick up one. Big Show picks up the remote, and starts flipping channels. Outside, through the window, you can see Lita and Kane chasing Snitsky down the street, snow covered bushes and trees bursting into flame, as Gene dodges blast after blast. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: The Injury Bug Injuries happen. It’s a part of wrestling. Wrestle for any length of time, and you’ll get hurt. It’s just a matter of time. A move done hundreds of times before can go just the tinniest off, resulting in time on the shelf. Injuries are caused by a number of things, from wear and tear, to a move gone wrong to bad luck. Many key wrestlers have been injured, or given fake angles recently. HBK, Charlie Haas, Ric Flair, Big Show, Kurt Angle, Eddy Guerrero, and many more. Some have been given the injury angle as a way to explain their absence for TV, as they need the time to complete side projects, like a movie. Others have legitimate injuries. Has television suffered from their loss? Yes and no. Yes in that key star drawing power has been removed, and no, in that it has given that time to others. It’s the nature of how these injuries are handled that I would like to talk about today. On Smackdown, John Cena just came back from an injury angle. Cena was not really injured, but he needed that time to complete his movie. On Raw, Kane is off with an injury angle, as he too, works on a movie. HBK has a legitimate injury, but was given his match at Taboo Tuesday, and then appeared the next night, to talk to the fans. Charlie Haas legitimately hurt his knee, but has been making infrequent appearances and wrestling off and on. Edge was injured, but stuck around on TV. Injury angles have been used for years to explain an absence or be used as fodder to build up angles. But recently, every single injury has been billed as life or career threatening, whether real or not. How many times has a wrestler received a backstage beating early in the show, only to come out at the end, wrapped in bandages and then wrestle as if nothing’s wrong? Too many. It’s become cliché’. When an announcement is made that a wrestler has been injured, it no longer packs the emotional wallop it used to. The simple reason is that every injury is treated nearly the same way. On death’s door, but by golly, in two months, he’ll be back and sell the injury for a week or two, and then the gimmick will be dropped. Too many times, after a brutal match, the stretcher is used. Heck, they’re even giving the insider "X" sign now, to try and fool the smarks. It’s gotten really old. It’s gotten stale, and frankly, what could be a good bit of drama is being wasted. Fans know what injuries are. They understand that if some one is hurt they can’t perform. Football players, basketball players, baseball, soccer, whatever. If the guy is hurt, he won’t be playing. The main thing they want to know is if the guy is coming back, and when. The injury itself may be caused by a gruesome hit, but the drama of that hit wears off quickly, because, bluntly, another one will be coming soon. A few weeks back, I was irate at the fact that HBK got to come out after a match that was based on the fact that he was wrestling hurt. 15 minutes of time was spent telling you that HBK was hurt, and that H was causing further injury to the knee. Bottom line, he went in hurt, wrestled, and then came out supposedly hurt worse. Or, at least he should have been. When HBK did appear, it didn’t look too bad. Sure, HBK kissed up tot he fans, and that was a nice thing to do. Even if it was to sell magazines. It was still a nice gesture, and I really do hope it was from the heart. The problem I had with that angle was that it gave three different messages in the space of week. First, if the guy is hurt, WWE has taught you to believe that he’s weak, easy game. Second, that the guy will probably be winning because that’s what usually happens. Cena did it one a bad knee. H has done it. It the fan in us trying to outsmart the WWE. Third, if a guy is really hurt, he never gets to say goodbye. He’s just gone. Unless he’s coming back soon. Like at the end of the show. That’s the pattern that has been established. Finally, if he’s really hurt, then why isn’t he on a stretcher, since if it’s a minor injury, like a broken leg, they should still be wrestling, or at least on TV. If it was a serious injury that is going to cause him to miss TV time, then he should be in life support, since that’s what WWE has trained us to think of as the only reason to miss TV time. Like John Cena’s kidneys. It bugs me to no end. There’s no consistency or distinction between injuries. A broken leg is treated at first the same as a broken neck. Stretchers, a lot of medics, and the announcers proclaiming the guy is almost dead, or may never be able to walk again. It’s the over emphasis on the injury, and not on it’s the effects that bugs me. You see, there was a time when an injury used to be played the right way. A good way. And one instance that wasn’t all that long ago, and a new star sealed his spot. Back in the day when wrestling was good, Stone Cold, before he got really huge, had a hurt neck. Instead of just keeping him off TV, an angle was created. Stone Cold got to have video clips of him at home recuperating. And steaming. Stone Cold was pissed. I mean really, classic Stone Cold pissed. He wasn’t wrestling for the title like he was supposed to. Instead, he was forced out of the title hunt. By Vince. In fact, in one clip, Austin was practicing with his bow. He had a target set up outside his home. On it was Vince’s picture. The classic Stone Cold-McMahon followed shortly. Sure, that was long ago, and would NEVER, EVER work in today’s modern age of drama heavy TV, where crazy antics are the norm, like lighting people on fire, or stabbing some one outside a nightclub. Oh wait, I remember one series of skits that wasn’t too long ago. Starring John Cena. See, it was back when Cena hurt his leg. I forget who got the blame for injuring him. I think it was Kurt Angle, but it could be Brock Lesnar. Anyway, Cena got to do promos from his house, and he gave some of the most intense focused promos I’ve ever heard him give. It raised goosebumps. Top notch stuff. It was quickly squandered, but while it lasted, it was excellent. Cena wanted revenge, and he was coming back to get it. Nothing about balls, or tea bagging or naked in the shower, but simply, "You hurt me, I’m going to hurt you". It’s bizarre, but I think I can trace it back to three separate instances in WWE history that changed how injury angles are played. The first, and perhaps the most tragic was Owen Hart’s death. Fan thought it was fake, and after the shock of the moment wore off, that fact set in. WWE then went on a campaign of desensitizing it’s fan to injuries that happen in the ring. That tragic moment is when it was decided to use more EMT’s than necessary for just about every injury angle since. The motive behind such actions are murky, and while there is a good part to it, the cold-blooded side hampers the benefits. I think the aim of the actions have been lost over time, and really need to be thought about again, now that time has passed. The second was the infamous Triple H injury. The one where he tore his quad, and then never really left. We got constant updates, and more information than we really wanted to know about H. He popped up all over the place. When he finally did make an actual wrestling return, the place was blown wide open. He hasn’t hit that peak since. It was a great moment, but it showed H what hyping oneself and absence could do. A well-planned, indeed over-planned return resulted in monster reaction. The other was Randy Orton's injury. The constant RKO updates put Orton on the map. He went from punk ass kid to well known punk ass kid who suddenly had potential and got the benefit of practicing speaking, and getting feedback without actually being fed to the crowd. WWE was high on Orton before then, but after, there was a desire to really push this kid. There is one other injury spot that should be mentioned, that did change the way WWE handles injuries, but wasn’t played as that big of deal after the first time. The Austin, Benoit, Lita, Edge, neck injury. It takes nine months to come back from. That’s a lot of time. Austin got the big build up, but when it was realized, hey he isn’t coming back soon, it has faded into the background, and I do think that’s the way to go. When a guy shows up on TV while injured, unless the point is really driven home, the fans will expect that guy to come running through the curtain at the end of the show. Not all injuries are life threatening. Not every injury has to buried under a ton of drama to make it have an emotional impact. Not every injury has to be handled as the most important thing in that persons life. But injuries are a source of angles, and an opportunity to make a change. The after effects of an injury can make for a nice long term angle, but when buried under drama, the probable outcome is apathy and disinterest, as it’s all been seen before. A break in the pattern is desperately needed. The result of all these fake injuries is apathy and disbelief, and that is never a good thing That’s all for today. Man, this column is late. It’s still Sunday, but not for long. OK folks, I’m outta here. Happy Thanksgiving, and next week, well, I’m sure you guessed it, it’s Thanksgiving at Kane’s house. QUICK PLUGS! THE MOVIE BAR – read reviews, talk movies, TV, and just about everything Lop Forums LOP Columns Forums Until Next Time, Thanks For Readin’ and Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* MUST SEE! Very Rare Photos of KAREN ANGLE Over the Years!
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