Stuck in the Middle With You - Stick with Wrestling

Stuck in the Middle With You - Stick with Wrestling
Submitted by Da J-Train on Sunday, November 21, 2004 at 6:27 PM EST

Welcome back to my column everyone. Long time no see. I have missed you all immensely. Where was I? I could have been dead this whole time and you all wouldn’t have known or likely cared! It has been awhile, and you know I apologize for that. Oh, you all know the excuses… classes, work, girlfriend, GTA: San Andreas, family visits, masturbation… it’s all a rich tapestry of busy for me. But seriously, my schedule is tighter than a 10 year old. It’s just gonna get worse though, and that sucks. Black Friday is closing in fast and finals will be starting soon. But hey, the hair’s still growing for cancer and I am still keeping it real down here at SUNY Purchase.

Anyway, I will do my best to crap out a decent column this time around. I’ll be honest with ya; I am extremely burnt out right now. I really can’t wait until Thanksgiving Break and I can get away for a few days. That’s all I need.

So, what’s up for this column? What extraordinary topics shall we cover? The Roster Cuts? Mohammed Hassan? Survivor Series? The Election? Why the fuck I can’t beat the second Zero mission in San Andreas? Well, I was considering doing that all, but by now, every columnist and his brother have covered these topics and if I do it, it will just be overkill. So, in a constant effort to be different, I will go with another topic. It will deal with Vince McMahon’s love, interest, and usual failure in dipping his hand into different mediums.

BUT FIRST...

Letters! I get Letters! I get sacks and sacks of Letters! LETTERS!!! That's right; it's time to answer some of my Love, Hate, Kind-Of-Care-For, and I-Only-Like-You-as-A-Friend-Mail… You know, it’s really sad, but it usually takes me this long to reply to mail under normal circumstances. That must be why no one came to my birthday last year.

Feedback O Rama

Letter 1 :

Hi juss wanted to email you about your column. Give you my opinions about what u talked about . but first about the rap videos , rappers juss talk with there hands alot , and to consider eminem and d12 rap thats like an insult to the genre of music. that opinion wotks with john cenas raps too.

Ok i juss wanted to know your opinion on how smackdown keeps on editing the undertaker off of there televison broadcast .

and dont chu think that wrestling ratings have been down lately because do to the exposeure they get on the internet?

M. Doonan

M. Doonan,

I don’t really know much about the Undertaker situation. For some reason, I think that they are keeping him off of TV because they want to keep up his enigmatic status. That will probably end soon because I think he will win the WWE Title at Armageddon. Considering he has a hand in writing Smackdown and the fact that his Heidenreich feud is relatively over, I would pick him winning over Guererro or Booker T. But that’s just me, I may be wrong.

I think wrestling ratings are down because wrestling is no longer a popular fad. When wrestling ratings were at their peak, wrestling was a popular fad and casual fans were the majority. Now that wrestling is no longer the popular fad, not to mention crappy shows, these casual fans are gone, which made up a bulk of the ratings.

Letter 2 :

J-train

Your column asked what could one person do as a wresteling fan. A lot if the one person happens to be an Internet icon like the J-Train with thousands of readers and connection with other writers and web sites.

Vince always discounts the Internet viewing audience. Until we prove that we are a demographic to be reckoned with he always will. What I am suggesting is that someone with a voice on the Internet perhaps the columnist on LOP promote a viewer blackout of WWE just for one Raw and one Smackdown. Just to see what it does to ratings. If they drop considerably maybe Vince will take notice if they don’t maybe Vince is right and we aren’t that important.

M. Teegarden

M. Teegardenl,

Thanks for the kind words concerning me and my column. However, I really wouldn’t consider myself an Internet Icon. I do get thousands of hits, but I really don’t have much internet connections. In fact, I really have no connection with anyone from LOP. I suppose it’s safe to say that I keep to myself in terms of the LOP community, so I really don’t talk to anyone like Phantom Lord, Wevv Mang, or any of the others, with the exception of a random IM convo with Daveyboy.

I also can’t say that I have been contacted by anyone from the WWE. I got a few emails from a member of OVW’s staff, but no one from the WWE. It would be cool though, so if anyone from the WWE, or even TNA is reading this, let me know.

I really don’t think that a blackout will have a huge effect on the WWE. The IWC still is not the majority of the WWE’s fan base. However, if I see something that pisses me off on Raw or Smackdown that pisses me off to no end, I will definitely take your suggestion under advisement

Letter 3 :

I think that Triple H kind of sucks now . He was a lot better in DX . I'm tired of seeing Triple H as a heel wrestler . Triple H is just a wimp now . He has to bring Evolution out to help him through his match . If Triple H abandoned Evolution and at least brought back X-pac and Chyna the world of wrestling would be better .

williamsh01

Williamsh01,

Ok.

Well, that’s that. One more Feedback O Rama down, who knows how many more to go. On to the rest of the column.

Stick to Wrestling

I happen to believe that Vince McMahon is not only an influential man in the history of professional wrestling, but he also happens to be a good businessman. If anyone denies the fact that he is influential, they are just fucking insane… and I know some of you are out there. Also, you have to acknowledge the fact that he triumphed over adversities in the 1990’s in terms of the steroid trials and the WCW competition. Whether he triumphed through ethic means is up to debate, but despite it all, he is still standing as a multi-millionaire, in charge of the most widely distributed Professional Wrestling Federation in most of the world. Sure, most of his tactics have been questionable, but can anyone honestly say that most major businessmen in current or pastoral United States haven’t employed questionable tactics in their march to what our country dictates is successful?

Considering the fact that Vince McMahon has been in the wrestling business all of his life, it goes without saying that he knows the business. You can’t be in a certain business for as long as Vince has been and not gain a sense for that business. Granted, one can make a pretty good argument that Vince is out of touch with the current viewing audience and business trends, but for the most part, he still knows what he’s doing.

Yes, Vince McMahon is a man who has attained lots of success over many years. However, Vince is obviously a very proud man who would want nothing more than to show that he can succeed in a more acceptable medium. As fun as wrestling is, let’s be honest, it’s pretty much considered low brow entertainment, and not even a legit sport. So, Vince obviously has the desire to show that not only can he succeed in a bush league business, but also in a more serious and legitimate one. Therefore, Vince tries to extend his arms into different areas of our culture like music and movies. Unfortunately, Vince is a very proud person, and his pride is allowing him to believe in the theory that at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

I personally hate it when Vince McMahon tries to dip his wang in the legit sport or entertainment venues. It’s one of those things where these same venues turn around and say, “What is Vince thinking?” They all scoff and pretty much write off Vince’s chance for success in this new venue, kind of like some wrestling fans do when they see a new OVW wrestler when they have too many muscles or are a certain size. However, when this happens, many times society turns to wrestling fans for an explanation as to why Vince McMahon can be so idealistic or just plain dumb. I happen to believe that we sort of get the brunt of his decisions to branch off into other mediums as yet another reason to scoff at a wrestling fan for liking such a stupid concept.

That’s kind of a drag isn’t it? I mean, how many of you people out there got shit for the XFL either during its inception, actual games, or eventual failure? I’ll bet that the vast majority of you got some kind of snide remark from a non-wrestling fan about the XFL and how stupid the whole concept was, either before or after the league commenced. Granted, the XFL was a bad idea. Stuff like the XFL and WBF in terms of sport legitimacy, The World in terms of restaurant ownership, and the WWE’s short-lived music label, are all pretty much bad ideas with virtually no long term success. Most of Vince’s attempts to extend his influence are all bad ideas, and it sucks because they come back down on us.

So it’s no surprise that I get pissed every time I see news about the WWE Films. It’s almost a certainty that this whole venture will be a failure on some or all aspects. I hate to be the fan that I mentioned earlier that judges something before I see it, but this is something you can almost put money on. Considering No Holds Barred, it pretty easy to assume that WWE Films will be a failure as well. Both The Mariner and Eye Scream Man seem like those poorly produced, terribly acted, and just overall not entertaining movies that are in the theaters for about three seconds before they go straight to video, like Dennis Rodman in Simon Sez. Granted, Dane Cook was in that movie, but still, you all get what I mean.

So why does Vince continue to do this? I mean, really, it seems like the positives outweigh the negatives in a situation like this. Because of these movies, Kane and John Cena are taken out of storylines and off television. Now the fans can’t enjoy these wrestlers for a few months. Not only that, this is one of many situations where wrestling fans will feel the brunt if, and when, this experiment is a failure. If it fails, it’s just another situation where people can scoff at all of us for being wrestling fans and at wrestlers for being untalented actors, despite the fact that they AREN’T actors. It’s a situation that can be avoided by Vince McMahon maybe looking at his aspirations, and just using some will power in wanting more.

Then again, would it really kill the wrestlers just to say no? Really, could they be fired for that? Take the album that was recently covered on Wrestlecrap.com. That album had wrestlers sing their own tracks. Naturally, all of these tracks were terrible. I mean, you have someone like Bret Hart singing a sappy ballad and The Undertaker telling fans to Dance with the Taker. Vince obviously loves music, because there are so many other situations where he has had his wrestlers look ridiculous by singing or performing “concerts”, like at another Wrestlecrap covered moment where most of the legends of my childhood participated in a concert where Vince himself sang a shitty song.

Really, can’t the wrestlers just say no? To save their dignity… can’t they impose a certain artistic veto against the proposition of Vince McMahon to make them sing, act, or perform in another way for his own selfish desire for horizontal integration? I just wish that someone, no matter who, would look Vince in the eye and say that they won’t participate because it’s a stupid idea. Would they be fired or just depushed? Say the Undertaker decided not to participate in that album because he thought it was a dumb idea and stupid for his on-screen character. Do you really think that Vince would fire or depush one of his more popular stars? I suppose you could argue that these products are good for the kids because they want to see their stars in different ways, but kids are impressionable and dumb.

I just wish that Vince would stick to wrestling. Stick to what he’s good at. It’s been proven that he is. Maybe if he focused more groups on the WWE programming and less on projects like Eye Scream Man. Vince, stick to wrestling. The product is usually so much better when the majority of your mind is dominated by your care for the product. And any wrestler who may be reading this… especially the big name ones, if Vince approaches you for this stuff… save some integrity and tell him to go fuck himself.

Cheers and Jeers

Alright, this section has gained popularity, I am pleasantly surprised. So, keeping with demands, I will continue this.

CHEERS to The ECW DVD.Wow. What an excellent DVD. I mean, really. The documentary is well done and it really accentuates the passion that everyone from ECW had for the fledgling federation. It also brought me back to some of to good times. I can’t help but think how many fans got this DVD, saw how bad ass people like Tazz, the Dudley Boyz, and Tommy Dreamer used to be and whether or not they want those characters to come back. Sure, a lot of the things the Dudleys used to do can’t be done now, but they can at least be like their former selves. I wish that they could have picked different matches. I mean, the matches are all good, but considering that they covered Sandman vs. Raven and Tazz vs. Sabu, I figured they would have those. But seriously, cheers to this excellent DVD. Sorry if you can’t find it, I know it’s sold out all over the country in different places. That’s the benefit of working at a Best Buy.

JEERS to Maven for being Maven. I have said this before, but I really dislike Maven. I don’t think he is entertaining on the ring or on the mic, and that was proven when the crowd died for his entrance on this past Raw. It pisses me off that he is getting this mega push now as well. Every fucking time Tough Enough comes back on in some form, Maven gets some kind of push to try to reinforce in the fans’ minds that Tough Enough was some sort of a success. Granted, it was a success in the short term for ratings, but in the long term, not so much. There are four reasons Maven got this push: 1. Shawn Michaels is injured. 2. Kane is injured 3. They want to push Shelton Benjamin as more of an intercontinental champion and 4. Tough Enough is back. That’s all, no more, no less. Soon, the WWE will get out of their denial and realize how truly worthless Maven is. And no… I don’t think he proved shit in his last match.

CHEERS to the WWE for Dan Puder. Other than Justice, he is the guy I am rooting for in this whole debacle. I think the WWE could do so much with Puder. He has legit fighting status and can obviously hold his own in terms of mat wrestling with the best, simply based on his handling of Kurt Angle. I think he could have a good standing in the WWE, and I have voted for him twice… Justice once, just because I like his size and charisma.

JEERS to the WWE for The recent re-acquisitions of Diva search contestants.. It kind of negates the whole Diva search if you sign them. I mean, we were all under the impression that one person would be signed when that one person won the contest. I figured that that was the whole point. So, instead of doing that, 4 contestants now have on-air roles. That’s a little lame. Sure, I am all for new women… but not at the expense of some people that I happen to be a fan of… like Rico, Johnny Stamboli, or Gail Kim. Even if you want new blood… why not call up Alexis Laree?

CHEERS to Bischoff’s new attitude. It sucks that he is gone for a month, but I liked his attitude. It’s about time he reverted to another version of the Bischoff that would not take shit from anyone. I love how I mentioned it and it happened too. It kind of gives me false hope that someone from the WWE reads this and they are using my shit.

JEERS to The WWE for calling up developmentals too early.. The recent call ups of Gene Snitsky and Aaron (Jesus) Aguilera have troubled me a little bit. Not because they are bad… time will tell for those, even though I am unimpressed with Snitsky. It’s just that, both of these guys weren’t in the developmental system for too long until they were called up. Snitsky was in OVW for like five minutes. There are other wrestlers who have paid more dues in OVW and have been there for longer. That’s the only problem I have with the whole situation. Why haven’t people like Johnny Jeter or Matt Cappotelli been called up yet and these guys have? Who knows.

Well, it’s about that time again…

Free Flowing Hostility: Minor cultural items I am Bored With, Tired Of, and Pissed At.

1. Dennis Erickson.

Fuck man, I am a life long San Francisco 49er fan and this season is murder. They are getting beaten worse than a hooker on pay day lately. Who’s to blame for this? Who knows. Maybe it’s the management. Me… I’m putting the blame on Erickson because it’s an easy scapegoat and because I thought he was the wrong man for the job in the first place. Fuck Dennis Erickson. He sucked in the NFL originally with the Seahawks, he was mediocre in college, and he sucks now. 1-10 is deplorable. I hope he gets fired, I really do. I don’t know… it just pisses me off and frustrates me that my team, who has had such an amazing history, is getting flushed down the toilet.

2. Elevator awkwardness.

Isn’t it a little bit ridiculous as to how awkward it is in elevators? I often wonder why it is that when two people stand in elevators together; they both stand there looking forward as if the other person isn’t there. You’d think that in such a close setting such as an elevator, you would at least acknowledge the person standing presumably next to you. I also find it kind of strange that if you are in a situation where it’s just you and another person, that other person seems to try whatever it takes to stay as far away from you as possible. What’s even more astounding is that one of the only ways to rouse any kind of reaction with the other person is to fart… which can be fun… but let’s be honest, no lying crop dusters in a confined space.

3. People who seem to be afraid of Rain

Maybe it was because I was coming out of work and was really pissed off, but the fact that about 6 people in front of me, stopped suddenly, thus blocking me in and hindering my chances to get home. What was keeping them from going out? It was raining. I’ll repeat that. These 6 people all stood there for 5 minutes staring confusedly at the sky because it was raining. I hate the fact that rain is so feared. It’s rain. I mean, it could kill you potentially, but how often does that happen… especially when you are walking no more than 35 feet to your car. They were literally standing there asking each other what they should do because they didn’t have an umbrella. I mean, really people… it’s rain… water. It fucking evaporates. The worst it would do to these pricks is that it would make them cold, which would easily be fixed by walking the 35 feet to your car and turning on the heat. These people were not old either. They looked very well off, so it’s assumed that they have heat in their cars. Fuck it, maybe they were made of sugar… but I doubt it… they were just pussies who are afraid of rain.

Well, that’s that, so let’s wrap this one up before this column gets any longer.

The Caboose

What did we learn today?

We learned that Vince should stick to wrestling
We learned that Matt Morgan the ECW DVD kicked ass.
Finally, we learned that people have weird fears of rain.

That’s it for this week… I’ll write again soon… my schedule will be clearing up soon..

Thanks guys for reading. No promises on when I will be coming back to write, but I will try to make it sooner than later. In the mean time, have fun.

----------------------------------------- Da J-Train -------------------------------------

merlinJAP@hotmail.com (If you email me, put FEEDBACK in the email subject or it will be deleted)

AIM: JPAW101…. Feel free to talk to me, I am friendly and give good hugs!

The HOTTEST WWE Diva?!? Maryse Looking Hot!

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