|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, October 31, 2004 at 6:13 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Where It All Begins Again Greetings and Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! Happy Halloween Folks! I hope to get this sucker done before al the grommits start knocking on my door, demanding candy. I could give them phone books, since I have so many. Maybe it’s an Arizona or Phoenix thing, but I get like a phonebook a week. I have no idea why they hand them out so freely, but there they are, piled up in front of my door. So why not share the love? Trick or Treat! Thunk! There ya go kids, go call some one who cares! HAHAH! Oh, the humor! But one thing I’m not going to joke about is this week's wrestling. Let’s get to it, shall we? WWE TV – The Series Raw Recap info courtesy of Doug Maynard Welcome aboard Doug, and a very solid first recap. Keep up the great work. A very solid show. A surprisingly good show, and it really put together a lot of segments and built for the future. Not a lot for me to rip on. That’s a good thing. Oh, sure there were some things, but it was mainly something that just bugged me as a fan. I’d rather not make it a big deal, since I want to see if WWE can repeat the magic next week. So instead, I was left with this. The real question, who’s getting Snitsky this week? Eric Bischoff We get a recap of his match against Eugene. So, he’s got a humiliating haircut? Tell that to the six guys at my work who have the exact same thing. They sure don’t seem to know that they’re living jokes. I’ll be sure to tell them on Monday. Shawn Michaels AKA HBK HBK, after having knee surgery returns to TV, mere days later. He comes out on crutches. He hobbles, but he moves. He thanks the fans and says how it was all for them. Now, HBK is injured, and it was made out to be a serious injury. Yet here he is, less than a week later, appearing on TV. That’s not a good thing. Oh, I know it was an attempt to capitalize on his Taboo Tuesday voting, and he did say some nice things, but the effect of this appearance goes much deeper. Injuries happen in wrestling. Many wrestlers work through a serious injury, and that something I’ll discuss in a future edition. But this injury has more to do with backstage clout than anything else. HBK got his World Title shot in a boring match against H. I’ve never seen so many HBK fans come out of the closet for his match. I had no idea Meltzer was such a huge HBK mark. He said that anyone who knows anything about wrestler would say it was a great match. Well, I watched the match again. If it had been Tyson Tomko and Stevie Richards, it would have been vigorously pissed on. HBK overselling is what it was. Sure, he was legitimately injured, and he sold it, but isn’t that what selling is all about? Making the injury look real? Having a real injury makes the job easier, not harder. He then stomped his bad leg later in the night, and after giving his Sweet chin Music, he didn’t even grab his leg, which was probably, in reality, killing him. Knee injuries and stomping, are not a good combo. But hey, folks like HBK, so they’re allowed to mark out as fans, but admit it was only a great match if you were an HBK fan. Don’t try to pass it off as a classic. It wasn’t. RVD can sell like a mo-fo, but no one is running around claiming he’s the greatest worker ever. As for injuries, did you know that John Cena worked through his bad knee? For months? How about Victoria? You see that giant knee brace she wears? She’s injured her knee over a year and a half now. I’m not sure she’s ever had it fixed. Countless others have had an injury comparable to HBK’s and kept going. But the difference is that they aren’t HBK and don’t get the fan bonus for working matches injured that they give HBK, who was a favorite as a kid. It’s your fandom, and that’s cool, but for those of us who aren’t HBK marks, don’t try to make it something it wasn’t. Exciting. Now, about his injury. You folks do know that John Cena is one step out of the grave right? Injury angles have been getting overdone lately, and now, they just farted in our faces by having HBK walk out to ringside, and hobble around the ring. I swear, I thought he was going to drop the crutches (which he did) and start dancing, telling us all it was a joke. Credibility was shot for me with that angle. That’s one of the major reasons I don’t like HBK. I can’t trust the guy. He’s pulled stuff like that before. So, how can any injury angle be seen as real, when they’re been done badly for years now? All injury angles were hurt by that segment. Real and fake. I’d like you folks to start thinking about this. If HBK shows up Monday night, how is that helping? Also consider this, if he’s able to wrestle in a week or two, why couldn’t the WWE have waited, or tried to capitalize on it? Edge vs HBK has a nice ring, and Edge beating HBK would put him equal to H. It also solidifies his heel status. He’s been doing a great job, but a nice high profile heel win would do wonders. That’s about all I have to talk about from Raw. The show was good on many levels and again, it’s the small things that bug me. Tiny details that add up. But the show was great. Evolution got a short beat down, and surprise, folks liked it. It should happen more often. WAAAAY more often. Doug, you did a great job and I really liked the factoids scattered through the column. You know, I had forgotten that Steph and H’s one-year anniversary was recently. Thanks for the reminder. Heh, take a look at who was in their wedding party and where they are on TV. Interesting eh? Smackdown Recap Info Provided by Chad "CMV1" Mathews Another solid show and the trend continues. Again, small minor things that bugged me about the show. And maybe one big glaring one. Tough Enough One big rumor floating around was that Vince (who was at the shows all week) and Steph got into a very heated argument about the content of this segment. The Contestants came out and dissed Big Show and then took bodyslams from him. Now, the rumor states that Vince was the one who decided to not edit that segment out. Something just doesn’t seem right about that. Vince knows better. He really does. Steph, on the other hand loves the Tough Enough shtick, since this new merging of shows is pretty much her idea. Now, let’s stop and think a second. Vince, not at show. Steph is at show. Where is the rumor coming from that Vince wanted to keep that segment in? From spies at the hospital? No, from the arena. Where people hear what Steph has to say. So, who spread the rumor do you think? Think there might be some spin on it? I know I do. There’s two effects from this little incident. First, as far as exposing the business, that’s long past. It made Big Show look weak. He should have just pounded the guys into the ground, and thus kept them off TV. Which would be a good thing. See, there’s a big difference between guys and hot chicks (SURPRISE!) The other bad thing is that these guys are working with the regular talent apparently, and that’s not good. These guys are getting angles and they may not even win. AS for getting experience, isn’t this what OVW is for? Working matches, getting mic time, working in front of crowds, and charting their progress out of the spotlight, so that they aren’t rushed into anything? I don’t know, but one thing I am certain of, is that this version of Tough Enough isn’t working for me. Carlito Caribbean Cool LOOK OUT! HE’S GOT A KNIFE! Why? Why do this? I’m just speechless. And to top it off, he’s got a big goof with him. Wonderful. Heidenriech and Friends OK, so it was Paul that made that angle work last week. Solo, it isn’t nearly as good. Then there was that segment with Taker. Very good, until the cheesey music started. That shot the angle to hell. It went from being a very intense segment to a fluff piece, and I don’t think that was the vibe they were going for. Go back to film school buddy. It’s all too easy to put some keystone cops music mentally behind it and make it something other than what you wanted. If you absolutely, positively have to muck about with it, try using crowd reactions instead. That sets the tone since it’s more familiar to the viewers, and it’s not like WWE hasn’t been doing it for years. Successfully I should add. Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio These two work fantastically together, This was a different type of match, and they pulled it off brilliantly. It’s the two conflicting styles that hooks me in every time. Great match. Torrie and Dawn Hot chicks are always a good thing. Booker T and JBL Man, this has been some outstanding work. Near perfect. I have no complaints or comments about it. Awesome and thanks. Finally some one has a clue on how to do this. Keep it up and don’t screw around with a system that is working. No extra drama is needed. Trust me. I’d even suggest that they separate and stay apart, but not verbally, until SS. You don’t want to overexpose it. Booker has his shot. All is well. Let JBL try to set up Booker by using some one else. If they have to work together to get their big match down, do it on house shows. Let that word of mouth be the advertising, so that the net fans will look forward to it, and the on air verbal sparring with hook the marks. Over exposure, aka too many matches before the big event always weaken the outcome. Because you’ve already seen it. You’ve given us a taste. WE like it, and here’s the key, we’ll pay for the full course. For a week without Vince, I’d say the WWE did very well. Once again rumors are running wild about backstage chaos, but the product on our TV didn’t reflect too much of it. I think Vince laid the law down very strongly. Even so, the shows were top notch, with only small complaints, but still signs of a bigger problem if situations aren’t handled carefully. They’re still hints, but lets hope the days of wild and crazy wrestling antics are put on hold for a while. Kane’s House It’s Halloween in the neighborhood. All the houses are decorated with ghosts and pumpkins. Except Kane’s house. Inside, Kane is walking through the living room lighting candles. He’s wearing a silk robe. Kane: Happy Halloween, Happy, Happy Halloween! Tonight, is the night, for loooovveee. Everything is in place. Candles, check. Wine, check, assorted cheese platter, check. OH, yeah. Music? Yep. LITA! HONEY! ARE YOU READY? From Upstairs, Lita Responds. Lita: DAMMIT KANE, LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH! Kane: Just one more second my little passion flower of poison! I have to check on the hors’d vours. Heh heh, hor’s. Lita: Fine. But you better hurry. The mood is quickly fading. Kane: Damn! OK HONEY, WHENEVER YOU’RE READY Lita comes downstairs in full-length bathrobe. She doesn’t look happy. Lita: OK Kane, let’s get this over with. It’s Halloween, and I promised I’d sleep with you. So come on and do me, and then I can take a shower, and cry myself to sleep. Kane: OH baby, you know how to turn a guy on! Man, I’m so horny! Let’s go! Lita flops on the sofa, while Kane looms behind her. Kane rushes over to the stereo and hits play. Rob Zombie’s "Living Dead Girl" plays forth. Kane: It’s my favorite song. Don’t you find it romantic sweetie? Lita: Yeah. Hot. Kane: Care for some curdled milk? Maybe some fresh blood? How about a human finger? Lita grabs the cheese, and pops it into her mouth, and takes the glass of wine. He drains it all and holds it out for a refill. Kane: Oh baby, you’re so dainty! Let’s get right to it! Kane leans over Lita, who closes her eyes. Kane starts sniffing Lita. He then licks the side of her face, and Lita shivers. Kane starts to open her robe. Suddenly, Knock is heard at the door. Lita: You better get that Kane! Kane: Damn! Kane jumps up and opens the door. Kane: WHAT? Person: Trick Or Treat! Kane: Who the hell are you? Person: You don’t know? I’m THE MASKED LUTHER-DOR! Luther reigns strikes a pose. Luther: man of action! Trained in all the ways of high flying! Willing to defend my mask against all comers! Kane: Aren’t you a little old to be trick or treating? Luther: Listen Pal, just give me some candy and no one gets hurt, OK? Kane: No. He raises his arms and lowers them. Across the street, JR, who had been tending to a group of kids, burst into flames. Yelling and flailing about, the kids are surprised. But then one is heard to say "Cool!". Kane slams the door. Thuds are heard. Kane opens the doors, and sees that the front is covered in eggs. Luther is running away, stops and rolls and then springs up and keeps running. Kane shakes his head. He heads back in, and sees Lita, her robe tightly wrapped around her, flipping channels on the TV. Kane: Where were we? Oh Yeah! He stands behind Lita, and looms over her. He starts Sniffing and licking again, he starts to open her robe. He slowly starts moving his hand down, while Lita sits stiff as a board. Just when it looks like Kane is about to cop his feel, another knock is heard. Kane curses, and stomps over to the door again. He throws it opens and scowls down at the small figure. Kane: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT? Rey Mysterio: Trick or treat, man. Kane stares at Rey. Rey is wearing a frilly pink tutu, bright pink leggings and small wings. Two wavy attenna stuck to his mask complete the look. Kane: What the hell are you wearing? Rey: Look pal, just give me some damn candy OK? Kane looks over Rey to the end of his driveway. Two guys are standing there, holding plastic cups and cracking up. One is really tall, and has long gold and silver hair. The other guy looks greasy. Both are wearing nWo T-shirts. Both wave to Kane, and crack up all over again. Kevin Nash: HEY PAL! DON’T MIND OUR LITTLE BUDDY! HE’S SPECIAL! Scott Hall doubles over with laughter. Nash quickly joins him. Rey: Come on man. Kane looks puzzled, but gives him a caramel-covered apple. Rey: Thanks man. Kane watches him walk over to the two guys. They take the apple. Hall: Time to fly to the next house Tinkerbell! Nash: Yeah, maybe if you use your pixie dust you’ll get more than this apple. Rey: I hate you guys. Nash takes a bite. Nash: GAHHH! It’s not an apple it’s an onion!* Kane smiles at them as they turn to stare. They start towards him. Kane raises his arms and lowers them. Across the street, the crowd in front of JR’s house has grown. JR has managed to get to his feet, but bursts into flames again, and falls down screaming. The gang of kids cheers." Cool trick! Do it again!". Kane closes his door. Lita is once again flipping channels on the TV, in a nervous fashion. Kane takes his place. He rubs his hands and leans forward again. Sniff, lick, robe, and reach. This time he gets a handful. He stands lick Lita’s ear. Lita is trembling. Another knock on the door. Kane stops. He gets up, his face a mask of fury. He stomps over to the door. He throws it wide. Man: Hello Friend! Have you considered the Lord Jesus Christ as you Savior? Man#2: Hallelujah! Kane: WHAT? Man: Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Ted DiBiase, and this is my friend in Jesus Sting! Sting: Praise the Lord! Kane: I don’t have time- Ted: There’s always time for Jesus! Have you been saved friend? Let me tell you about Sting: Talkin’ bout Jesus! AMEN! Hallelujah! Ted: Easy Sting. Now friend, getting saved is more than just accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. There’s more, much more! But it's worth it! Sting: Yeah! Worth It! Hallelujah! Praise Jesus! Saving Souls! Praise Jesus! Ted: Excuse me friend. Sting, what did I tell you about being too excited? Sting: Uh, Praise Jesus? Ted:No Sting, save that for after they’ve been saved. Sting: I’m sorry Ted, but talking about Jesus always gets me excited. I can’t help myself. Hallelujah! Ted: It’s OK sting and I forgive you. AS I’m sure our savior Jesus- Sting: Praise Jesus! Glory to God! Hallelujah! Ted: Sting, go wait in the car. Sting: But Ted! I gotta talk about Jesus! People need to know that Jesus is the way! It’s That Devil’s Night and folks have got to be saved! THEY HAVE GOT TO SEE THE LIGHT OF JESUS AND SAVE THEIR SOULS! HALLELUJAH! PRAISE JESUS! GLORY, GLORY HALLELLUJAH! Ted: Sting, you have got to calm down. Now look, you just stand there and let me do the talking OK? You just be quiet. Ready? Good. Now here we go. Ted turns back to the door, only to find it closed. He knocks again. No answer. He knocks harder and rings the bell. Finally the door flies open and Kane is standing there fuming. Kane: GO AWAY! I’M TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH MY UNWILLING WIFE! I ONLY GET IT ONCE A YEAR! SO GO AWAY! He raises his arms before the two cowering missionaries, and lowers then. Across the street, the crowd gives out a cheer. Ted and Sting run away**. Kane slams the door. Across the street, a collective "AW!" goes forth as JR goes out. Kane stomps across his living room and starts his routine. Lita stands up. Lita: I’m sorry Kane. You blew it. YOU. BLEW. IT. The mood is gone. I’m outta here. Kane: But, but, but- Lita: No Kane. Not this time. You’ll just have to think about how you blew it. Now, I’m going to go. I’ve had enough of this. You disgust me. Lita stalks past a stammering Kane. He takes off her robe, revealing a hospital gown. Kane bites his knuckles with desire. Lita: That’s right Kane. You almost could have had me. But now, I’m going to take a sleeping pill and go right to sleep. I’ll be dead to the world. I’ll be so out of it, I could sleep through anything. That’s right Kane, anything. Maybe I’ll take a cold shower first. So tough break Kane, maybe next year. If I don’t kill you first. Kane watches Lita go up the stairs. He sees she has nothing on under the robe. AS she walks higher, he sees the toe tag on her foot. He whimpers. He hears the upstairs door slam. The shower turns on. He goes over to the coach and flops on it. Then a light goes on in his dark and demented mind. He starts to laugh and rock back and forth. Kane: Baby, you’re the greatest bitch I’ve ever known! He jumps off the couch and runs upstairs to get it on. ** - Thanks to Nick H. for the idea. Ted and Sting will be back again. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic : Changes in Dynasties It wasn’t that long ago that ABC was the number one network. With Who Wants To Be Millionaire changing the nature of television, they reaped the benefits of success, and left nothing behind to pick up the slack. Now, the company that owns ABC is having problems and it’s forcing its network heads to pay the price. Gone is Lloyd Braun, the man who put in place this seasons shows. Instead the new captain of the ship will be the one who gets the credit. NBC is also a network on the move. It has recently completed a merger with Vivendi and GE. Most of the top execs at NBC will be staying however. CBS has also had a change in its top policy as Mel Karmazin stepped down and Les Moonves stepped up. Nearly every network has had a change in it’s executive staff within the last five years. It’s not uncommon after a bad season for the cleaning out to begin at the top. When things stay bad, the heat is on to turn things around. When it fails, the head guys get the axe. Even non-entertainment based companies shuffle management after a series of bad quarters. The shareholders demand success, and part of the job of being upper management is being responsible to those folks. Excuses side, the ultimate responsibility goes to those in charge. They are the ones that pay the price, even if it’s not their fault entirely. WWE hasn’t been doing so well lately. Heck, they haven’t been doing so well for years. There have been changes in management, but not in one important area. Ratings have dropped, house show attendance is down. It’s only by taking the less traveled path have they managed to make money and come out ahead. It hasn’t been the result of creative’s work that has produced these changes. It’s been the work of bean counters and moneymen. They’re the ones who have come up with new ways to draw revenue. But most of these actions are one shot deals. A lawsuit can be tapped only once. Traveling to foreign markets works for a while, but that novelty too will fade. Look at Oregon. They didn’t get wrestling for a long time, and once they went there for the first time, it was a big deal. Now, the magic is fading. It will happen overseas as well, but maybe, just maybe, not for a while. Roughly 13 million people watched all WWE programming in 1999 around this time. Now, about 5 million people watch ALL WWE programming. That’s 8 million people who have flown the coop. TV used to be the main source of money for WWE. Now, they have to travel halfway around the world once a month to make that up. PPV used to be a big deal, now they have to have two of them a month to make the same kind of money they did back in the day. In a nutshell, the employees, aka wrestlers, have to work twice as hard to make the same kind of money they were five years ago. They have to travel more, work more dates, and exhaust themselves so that WWE can do roughly, if not less, than the numbers they used. That’s not a good way to go. That’s not a good business model. So, who’s to blame? The wrestling we get during these shows has been some of the best I’ve ever seen. There have been clunkers, but mainly it’s the big goofs who get yanked up and thrust into the spotlight who stink up the joint. Or the cronies of the management getting a shot. But overall, those matches can be quickly forgotten. IS it the dreaded "Cycle?" I think not. Tastes change true, but the pace of these trends has picked up and now a fad can be over before the day is out and back on again in a week. Retro was huge and still has weight. Wrestling can fill that niche, as the undying rumors of an ECW or WCW re-union can attest. Here’s an interesting note to add to the equation. Stephanie McMahon took over as head of creative about the time the drop occurred. The move to Spike was not a huge loss in ratings. It got roughly the same numbers in it’s first few weeks as it did on USA. Sure, some folks took a while to make the switch, but once they did, they left again. Creative has been the black hole of the WWE. Most of the complaints have been about crappy angles, not crappy wrestling matches. Crappy gimmicks to "shock" audiences into watching and horrible add campaigns. Which is tied closely to creative. Creative is the problem, and even pulling every trick in the book to try and boost ratings has failed. The talent that left, either because of creative differences, or simply because they wished too, has been brought back time and again to hotshot angles. Rock is always used, but never advertised. Mick Foley has made two returns, and is now staying far away. Goldberg was brought in, Roddy Piper, Hogan, and countless one time deals have been used. To nil effect in the long run. Opportunities to get heir name out there, and in a positive light, have been hamstrung by crazy ass writing calls for angles. They went to Iraq, and then went racist. "Make a Wish" and then beat a retard. My all time favorite, was when they changed the letters from WWF to WWE. "Get the F Out" and fans did, and they were SHOCKED that they went. They have even gone so far as to hire outside consultants at who knows what price, to take a look at the situation, The result. Nothing. Money well spent, eh? Now, no one outside of management knows the real story of what goes on in creative and who is making what calls. But five years is a long time. A change needs to be made, and it needs to be made sooner rather than later. If WWE is going to be serious about shopping around it’s TV deal, ratings, which could be so much higher if they just stopped the bullshit, are going to play an important factor. Content will also be looked at in light of the harsher and stricter FCC. Win or lose this election year, the impact of the media has been felt and if the GOP loses, well, 2008 isn’t that far away. Guess what paving the way target #1 will be? The Entertainment industry. Michael Moore will be enemy #1. OK Folks, time is running out and I want to throw out some much deserved plugs for this week. Been a while since I have. PLUGS! Chris Daily look at a lot of newsblurbs Breaking the Walls Down Mr. Tito celebrates his sixth year. SIX YEARS PEOPLE! Way to go man. I still respect ya Tito even if I don’t agree with your politics, Tuesday will settle it once and for all. Well, probably not, since I expect some serious arguments no matter who wins, but it’s great working with you Sir. Wrath Of Tito The Monkey is this months Columnist of The Month Winner! Congrats my man! I’ve been a big fan of his work, and am glad to give him this plug. The Eyes of The Monkey Dumass also celebrates his one year anniversary. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY YA ORNERY BASTARD! I kid, I kid. A Dumass Thought Snapple has been busting his ass and putting out some great columns lately. He may not like Carlito, but I still think Snapple is cool. That interview…but I don’t want to spoil it for you. Read it for yourself. Wrestling In A Bottle THE MOVIE BAR – read reviews, talk movies, TV, and just about everything Lop Forums LOP Columns Forums OK, time to go. Let’s roll Bossman, Big Show. Hey Show, what’s wrong? What do you mean I’m ignoring you? I’m talking to ya now! What’s that? Oh, Kane's house. Well, you know, you just haven’t quite fit in, but I’ll see what I can do HAH, I got an idea for next week. Don’t worry. SO get on that casket big guy, and let’s roll. Until Next Time, Thanks For Readin’ And Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* Very Rare Photos from MR. KENNEDY'S WEDDING!
|
|