|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Dumass on Saturday, October 23, 2004 at 4:35 AM EST
 (Inside of a broken down Chuck-E-Cheese restaurant, Vince and his cronies say goodbye to one of their own) Patterson: 45 years in de business and this is what I get... Sarge: Look at it this way, it's your type of place. There's little kids running around everywhere and a ball room in dark corner Ace: Not to mention a salad bar. Patterson: I always liked tossing my own salad Ace: We've heard the stories, Pat. Vince: Well, Pat, it's been something else these past few years and we'll all be sorry to see you go. Triple H: *mumbles* Yeah right Pat: What was that, H? Triple H: Oh nothing...I was thinking of the good times and years of quality entertainment you've given us. Ace: Yes. Who could forget the times you and Brisco ran around in your soiled underwear? Brisco: Christ...Former tag champion...own my own body shop and the highlight of my career is that... Sarge: Consider yourself lucky. You weren't labeled a traitor when you came back.... Ace: ...Or a queer.... Pat: ...I liked the Dynamic Dudes clothes you and Shane had to wear. Ace: Damn it...I'm a Legend in Japan. Why do I have to put up with this shit. Pat: Because it's my party! Sarge: So start crying, bitch! Vince: Johnny...tonight is about Pat. He's given us so much over the years and tonight we're giving thanks. Ace: He hasn't given anything to pro wrestling! All he's done is show that some guys who walk around and hug men in their underwear are gay too. Pat:I am not gay!! Sarge: Yeah and I didn't supply John Kerry with that info to betray all the troops in Nam. Ace: Oh, great. Here's another speech about Nam again. Ace: You weren't in Nam Sarge! It was a character you played. A fictional character!! Sarge: Listen to me Maggot...Its cause of Hippies like you that I was taking fire in Siagon; FROM MY OWN MEN NO LESS!!!! Pat: Why were they shooting you? You had a nice little suit on. With your little helmet and everything, it was so cute! Ace: Now is not the time for your gayity Pat! *Triple H turns to Stephanie* Triple H: See this is why I'm running them all out one by one Steph: Don't worry. Daddy will soon be next. Triple H: Yes, and the WWE will be all mine... Vince: What was that Princess? Steph: Nothing daddy. Triple H: Yeah, nothing.....Vince.....sucker... *Gerry Brisco stands up* Brisco: Well, if no one is going to take the floor I will. I would like to say that, with all the years and great times me and Pat had together, I just wanted to say thank you. You're strength and pushing helped us to be over with the fans. So I would like to thank you, Mr Mac Mahon, for making Pat and I a success. *raises plastic cup* To Mr Mac Mahon! Patterson: Mr. Mac Man? Mr. Mac Man...OK THATS ENOUGH. Ace: Calm down Pat Patterson: If i'm going out...I'm gonna tell you all what I really think about you Patterson: Fuck you Ace...we all know how you got your break in de business and for 25 years I've had to put up with Vince's bullshit. Vince: Pat....you're stepping your boundries.... Patterson: Oh no you dont...It's my party. SO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP. JR: About damn time someone said it Vince: WHAT!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!! PATTERSON!!! YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!! Ace: Two days too late, Vince Vince: ACE...YOUR FIRED Sarge: Now this is what I call a party. JR: I guess I'll do it....OH MAW GWAD!!! OH MAW GWAD!!!! Pat: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DUMB REDNECK MELTED FACED IDIOT!!!! Ace: Ouch. I think a little BBQ sauce was on that one. Triple H: Ok Pat...I think you need to take a seat Pat: AND YOU!!!!!! Triple H: You got something to say to me old man? Pat:YOU ARE THE REASON WHY I'M LEAVING!! I'M TIRED OF ALL YOUR BROWN-NOSING AND ALL YOUR ASSKISSING!!! I WANTED TO PUSH YOUNGER GUYS TO THE TOP, BUT YOU AND YOUR FUCK BUDDY STEPHINIE ALWAYS UNDERMINDED WHAT I DID!!! ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN YOU!! YOU ARE WORTHLESS IN THIS SPORT!! I'VE FOUGHT PIECES OF SHIT TOUGHER THAN YOU AND NONE OF THEM WERE CRIPPLED!! YOU ARE PATHETIC, YOU PAMPERED, SNOBBISH PIECE OF SHIT!! Steph: Pat...I cant believe you would say such things Sarge: Y'know something. He's right. Vince: At ease Sarge...thats an order Ace: Yeah. I mean, we all have been kissing Vince's ass for a while now and all he does is blow us off,like we're a couple of goof-offs or something. JR: God knows I've been down in the McMahon dirt for a while now. Ace: That's it. I'm outta here. Patterson: Sit down...your not going anywhere! Vince: Your damn right you aren't! How dare you disrespect me like that! Pat: Shut up Vince. You think you can come into my party and act all bigshot on them because they work for you. Vince: Damn right! I'm Vince McMahon, damnit! Ace: Fuck you Vince and fuck you Triple H. You've been holding down this company for years and I for one am not going to be here when it dies. Sarge: This is better than my boot camp days. Triple H: Would you all pipe down...god thats the problem with you old timers. When your time comes to go out to pasture you start acting like your about to die. Steph: That's telling them, big daddy! Vince: Steph!! I thought I was your only 'big daddy'!! Patterson: Princess Stephanie...where to I begin with you... Steph: Don't you dare, Patterson. I'm my daddy's little girl. Sarge: This is gonna be good. I got $50 saying Patterson defangs her in one shot Ace: I'll take that. JR: Double or nothing, Sarge. Patterson: Lets talk about Daddy's Little Girl shall we... I was always amazed at how you went from a dimwit to a slut and then to a sophisticated business woman Steph: Thats.....thats....that's because I'm a good actor! Patterson: A GOOD ACTOR? HA!! Triple H: Easy Pat...I dont wanna have to put a hurting on you. Ace: Be careful, Triple H. You might walk to steps and cripple yourself to 7 months of rehab again. Triple H: What did you say to me Ace? Ace: You heard me, you dumbass. You're a cripple who only got the belt over pity and you happen to fucking the boss's daughter. Sarge: Fireworks aplenty on that one. JR: OH MAW GWAD!!! Vince: Everyone calm down... *arguing stills ensues* Vince: I SAID CALM DOWN, DAMN IT!!!!! Sarge: You didn't have to yell... Vince: You know how many leaks we have?! The last thing I need is to see on a site like that LOP newsite, "WWE Creative team involved in brawl at Chuck E Cheese". Triple H: Yeah, I'm pretty sure some of those idiot columnists would be aching to see this happen.  Gewirtz: Hyatte is gonna eat this shit up. Hee hee. Vince: Brian...what are you doing back there. Gewirtz: Ummm...I'm doing some research on fart jokes. Ace: Damnit Brian! You're posting all of this, aren't you?! Brian: Noooo...of course not...CLOSE DAMN YOU!!!...CLOSE!!!!! JR: Oh god....not another moron... Brian: Well, we have to raise ratings some how. Patterson: I think I said what to do about the ratings Vince and what did you say...hmm...oh yes...We live and Die by Triple H.... Vince: That was completely out of context! Pat: I'm quoting you! Vince: Yeah, but you weren't supposed to hear it! Triple H: DAMN IT I LIVE AND BREATH THIS BUSINESS!!! I DIDN'T SACRIFICE AND SUFFER FOR THIS!!!! Steph: You are like Jesus, baby! Ace: Yeah, the blind leading the blind. Sarge: He's not the first one she's said that to also... Ace: ...this week. Sarge: How the hell do you think Snitsky got his push? Triple H: Is that true, Steph?! Steph: Maybe.....probably.....all I really wanted to do was talk to him... Patterson: SEE!!!!...And they think the only way to get a push was to show me all that you got. *everyone is quiet*  JR: YOU SLUT!! Steph: I'M NOT A....wait...him or me? *everyone is quiet again* JR: YOU...YOU...YOU SLUT!!! Steph: Oh ok.....I'M NOT A SLUT!!! (Sarge turns to Brisco) Sarge: Hey Gerry...how you gonna top this party when it comes time to put you out to pasture? Brisco: I'll be buried with Mr Mac Mahon....like we were supposed to be. *everyone is silent again*  Owner of the resturant: Mr McMahon? Do you want the cake out now? Vince: YES DAMNIT! Let's get this party over with. Patterson: OOOH...I get a cake. Ace: Great. The McMahons spared no expense on you, Pat. A whole 10$ cake.  (Owner brings out huge cake) Sarge: Woah. That's a lot of cake for 10$. Vince: There's a surprise inside. Sarge: ITS A BOMB...HES GONNA KILL US ALL!!!! Ace: Oh god....no... Vince: It's not a bomb, you idiot. Sarge: How do we know? Ace: If it starts ticking, run for your life. I'll have your slice. Sarge: But I want cake too!! Vince: THERE'S NO BOMB!!! Triple H: I really wish there was. Steph: You can bomb me later, honey. Triple H: Don't touch me. Tramp. Steph: But I need someone to bomb me. Ace: Get some punch. You'll get bombed that way. Sarge: THERE'S A BOMB IN THE PUNCH!! JR: Yes Sarge...theres a bomb...why dont you go get rid of it? Sarge: I knew those commies would try something. Pat: Enough about the commies and bombs, can we cut the cake now? Vince: Not before we since Happy Trails. Vince:Lights...I SAID HIT THE LIGHTS DAMN IT!!!! (A lone light shines on the cake and someone pops out)  Ace: That's it....I'm outta here....no more... (Sarge pulls out a gun) Sarge: Commie slime....CHAAAAAAAAARGE!!!! Pat: .....I'm with Ace. Goodbye Vince. I hope you rot in hell. *Sarge opens fire* Triple H: HIT THE DECK!!!!  *Sarge continues to fire and nails Triple H with an armbreaker* Vince: DAMN IT...I'VE BEEN HIT!!!! SARGE!!!!!!!!!!! Sarge: I'm coming too, guys!! Have a good one Pat. We'll miss you. *Vince is holding his wound and sits down. Gerald Brisco sits next to him.* Brisco: I....love you, Mr Mac Mahon. Vince: Shut up, Gerry. _____________________________________________ Thanks for reading, I guess. Thanks to Phantom Lord. Read his column. Next week is my one year anniversary. I'm going to have something special for my fans. See you guys then. Dumass <----Email me!! AIM: Dumass4k Lethal Wrestling - Like woah. I-Mockery.net - Mocking pop culture and whatever else we can get our grubby hands on. Randy Orton Comics - Faking Injuries Better Than His Dad. *NEW GALLERY* The AMAZING New Karen Angle Tease Photos!
|
|