The Rant of the Week: My Official Taboo Tuesday Review
Submitted by Phantom Lord on Friday, October 22, 2004 at 7:00 AM EST





Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow Phantom Lord and this is all mighty and important Rant of the Week. I’m typing this as I’m watching the Yankees game and man is it weird as right now there are Riot Cops all along the field. Ah well so is a typical game between The Yankees and The Saux. Originally I was writing a column about Pat Patterson and his departure which would have been Part 72 in my continuing series of Why the WWE is the Titanic, but I figured what the hell…wait for the voting for Taboo Tuesday and write something after the ppv. But I’ll get to that in a paragraph or two. First I might as well say what I was going to say about Pat Patterson. Pat Patterson with out a doubt is a legend in the wrestling business. He had a great in ring career and he had some of the most memorable and violent matches of its time with Sgt. Slaughter in the Boot Camp Match and Bob Backlund inside of a Steel Cage for the WWF Title.

But I think Patterson’s decision to retire (Which reeks of a corporate power play forced retirement) will end up hurting the WWE…especially after tonight. I mean Patterson no matter how bad the actual talent has always been able to put together great matches. I mean his planning actually made LT look halfway credible at WM 11. Based on the reports, Vince asked Pat to take a look at RAW and figure out why the hell it sucks so much at times. Well Pat with his 40 years plus of wrestling took one look and said “Cause you push Triple H so damn much”. Now we know Vince is sort of like Mr. Burns on The Simpsons. He likes to only hear what pleases him and Triple H is the son he never had. So basically Patterson telling him that Triple H shouldn’t be pushed is like Smithers telling Burns that maybe he shouldn’t be mean to those Orphans. Ok…bad analogy but the point still remains. Vince likes to keep things a certain way and throwing off his sense of balance is a very bad thing and it’s no coincidence that Pat decided to cash in his chips and say so long suckers.

So now that Patterson is gone and we clearly see that Vince would tell an old friend to fuck off rather then upset his daughter’s husband…the question is can things get worse from here. Yes and No depending on your perspective. When it comes to World Title matches, things have gotten very stale. As it is Triple H has not won a title match on his own in ages. He’s in constant need of the run in to save his ass. As heel champion he should at least cheat on his own. With Patterson gone, I fear things will begin to look even more like the main event of a Monday Nitro with Run Ins galore on route to a cheap win for Triple H.

But all is not as bad as it might seem. Talent wise, RAW is in good shape. The problem will always be the inept creative team who only caters to Vince and not the rest of us. The culmination of recent angles came last night at Taboo Tuesday and I am going to go on the record right now by saying I thought the PPV was Great. That’s right, I was highly entertained by the matches and I had more then one mark out moment as I got caught up watching…but what moments did I mark out for? Well sit back and enjoy as I present…

The Official Phantom Lord Review of Taboo Tuesday

Taboo Tuesday live from The Bradley Center in Milwaukee, WI

The show starts off with a pretty cool pyro display, but it seems very surreal that a throw away ppv that should be on a Sunday is on a Tuesday…that aside we open up with The Diva’s coming out to find out what kinda outfits they would be in. Molly looked very elegant in her black dress and deep down it must annoy the hell out of her to do this shit so that pathetic losers like me can gawk at her. With that said…Gail and Victoria looked the best of the bunch and we went to The Coach to find out what they would be wearing…

Hold on…I just have to do this.



Dawson: SURVEY SAYS…SCHOOL GIRL OUTFITS!!!

Damn and I voted for the Nurses Uniform. I mean don’t get me wrong, a School Girl Outfit will make almost any chick look hot and The French Maid’s Uniform is a bit of a fantasy I don’t think they are willing to fulfill for any of us quite yet (Well at least with what they charged for the ppv). So the logical choice for me was The Nurses Uniform. I mean Molly would have looked great as a sexy Nurse Cratchet type and say you’re laid up in the hospital. Who wouldn’t love having Gail Kim or Victoria come in and say its time for your sponge bath? Ok I think that’s a bit too much info…so they had school girl outfits. We all love Catholic High School girl’s Uniforms so I can live with that, but first its time for the Intercontinental Title match.

I along with many others in the IWC and elsewhere tried to get you the people to vote for Stevie Richards and even with a flawed voting system where would could literally clear your cookies and vote hundreds if not thousands of times…he only got 2% of the vote. 2 FRIGGING PERCENT. I said as well as others a vote against Stevie is a vote for Communism so for shame to those of you who voted for everyone else. Especially the 7% who voted for The Coach. What the hell…I like The Coach, but come on someone deserving should have gotten that title shot. I mean poor Stevie had to dress in drag for a couple of months with no damn explanation and this is the thanks we give him…

But it did produce an exceptionally good Jericho vs. Benjamin match that would have sooner or later been on RAW thanks to the throw a dart at the board booking system the WWE has. I thought this match was very solid. My father Phantom Classic pointed out that Jericho was calling all the shots in the ring. I only really noticed the one at the end where he called for the reversal and he walked right into that Exploder/Power Slam that Benjamin uses. When it comes down to it, Shelton Benjamin is going to be a huge star for the WWE in the coming years and the title win set a good tone and mood for the rest of the show.

Up next we found out who Triple H was facing (which defeated the earlier idea of him finding out right before the bell) as it was Edge, Benoit, and HBK and the fans at the arena wanted HBK and the Internet did to. I mean it made perfect sense. Shawn blew out his knee and now he’s gonna face Triple H on one bad wheel as they would say. Edge took the news like a little bitch while Benoit did the sportsman thing and wished Shawn good luck.

Up next we had The School Girl match and Trish was sporting her best soft core porn outfit. Jazz came out next and surprisingly she didn’t look to bad from a distance. Nidia was out next wearing a top that was a bit too tight…but that’s never a bad thing. Gail came out next and she looked great in her outfit. She was followed by Molly who looked very cute in her 1980’s preppy girl outfit. She did look slightly pissed though, I guess when you have high morals it must be a downer to have to show skin to please people like me. Up next was Victoria and good god all mighty can she wear that from now on? Last but not least was Stacy and well…she can do a handstand…a damn good handstand.

Overall the match served its purpose. Plenty of upskirt shots. Gail and Victoria by far had the best ones. Nidia lost her top and Trish continued to work on poor Stacy’s knee. I still can’t believe Stacy actually can sell that convincingly. If the girl learns how to do some more moves she would actually be a decent champion when the day comes that she beats Trish for the Women’s title (And if you’ve played Smackdown H.C.T.P as much I have, you know damn well that she is impossible to beat once she is champion). See I figured this match was an excuse to have her win the title in a fluke…Molly Holly thought otherwise and sent her flying off the ring apron and then Trish sneaks up and throws Molly out of the ring where the mystery of the night is revealed.

That’s right…

PINK PANTIES!!!

So Trish retains her title and looks incredibly hot and innocent for such a devious vixxen. Overall it was a highly entertaining match for the purpose it served. I still say it would have made more sense for Stacy to have won in the fluke and that would set up a nice feud with Trish till at least the next ppv.

Up next was a match I was personally looking forward to as it was Kane taking on ”Black Jesus” Gene Snitsky. It was a chose your weapon match and Phantom Classic’s vote won over mine as he voted for the Steel Chain and so did everyone else. This match was a slobber knocker in every sense of the word. No fancy moves. Just to big white guys beating the piss out of each other. Lita was out there and she looked incredibly hot in her top that consisted of a fishnet shirt and a couple of tube tops that weren’t exactly being held in place right. As for the match, it could have been bloody. I was expecting both of them to blade like it was 1986 and this was Starrcade. I mean when you have a weapons match of all things…Blood is needed. Kane whipped on Snitsky and Snitsky whipped on Kane. Towards the end Snitsky said fuck this and he went for a chair and according to the rules that should have been a no no…but who really pays attention to the rules. He got in a few good shots and then he Pillmanized Kane’s throat with the chair and he walked off but then came back and stomped Kane all while the referee looked at him with that “You dumb bastard look”. Snitsky gets the win and Kane is coughing up Blood and Lita showed concern for Kane so I guess she’s now falling for the big lug. See an Indecent Proposal and a little date rape works wonders in starting a loving relationship.

Then as Kane was getting carted off, Snitsky came back and knocked over the stretcher thus making him a BAH GAWD LOW DOWN DIRTY SON OF A BITCH in the eyes of Good Ol JR. As for us on the net, it just makes the Legend of Gene Snitsky grow even further. I’ll find it funny if this time next year we’ll be talking about how Snitsky is the new Goldberg after he won the World Title from Triple H on the biggest RAW of the year.

Skipping along we come to the Eugene vs. Uncle Eric match and I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a direct punishment of him skipping out early on the last ppv. Of course getting chewed out by Triple H and not bursting out into laughter is a punishment in of it self. Eric tried his best to use his black belt skills, but people are forgetting one thing about Dinsmore. HE’S FUCKING CHANNELING ‘HACKSAW’ JIM DUGGAN WHEN YOU RAM HIS HEAD INTO THE TURNBUCKLES. Look at the facial expressions. Hell the only thing missing is a gigantic HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Eugene knocked Eric out and then he decided what the hell and went for the atomic leg drop and despite what people say…it will always be a cool finisher. Of course…I would of no sold it and nailed him with a kick right to the temple for the hell of it.

So Eugene wins and The Coach comes down and tries to pull a fast one on the crowd since they didn’t tell us what the winning stipulation was till after the match. After much debate, they decided being a servant was what won and it would be for 5 whole minutes. Of course this brought out Vince and he was not to pleased. Me personally I’m loving Vince’s new role on television. Just come out when the time is right and get a monster pop. He broke the news that it was a hair vs. hair match and if Bischoff was a man he would get his ass down into the chair and take what’s coming to him. Eric was about to walk off, but Vince said that if he did he was fired. So he came back and just as Eugene was about to star cutting…he got up and walked away again but for some reason The Coach convinced him to go back. Eugene starts the trimming and I swear Eric has hair plugs. But the best part was Vince taking a walk with The Coach and telling him to strip and put on the dress.

Much like the Trish barking like a dog sound bytes, I have a funny feeling that Vince telling The Coach to not be a slut and cover up will make their way onto The Opie and Anthony show. We go back to Eric and he looks like a barber college victim and Vince starts making fun of Eric for dying his hair. They finally go to the back as Eric’s head really does look like the coat of a skunk.

So where are we on the show…umm oh yeah Edge confronts Shawn Michaels once again and gives him a guilt trip on why the title shot should be his. You know I’m so glad that the marks…err fans didn’t give Edge this title shot. I don’t know what it is, but ever since he came back from having his neck fixed he’s lost that special something he had on Smackdown and now he’s just very bland. But I sense a huge heel turn is coming and I’ll explain later cause right now The Bitch and Benoit are taking on The Frenchies and it must have been a small tribute to Pat Patterson because they let Sylvan butcher the entire Canadian Anthem this time around. I still don’t get it…they are Quebeccer’s…I’m assuming they are for the separation of Quebec from Canada, so why not sing the Quebec equivalent of the anthem. All States have official songs…the Provinces up there must have them to.

So this match shot my theory that HBK would give the title shot to Benoit since Benoit wrestled most of the match. It was a fairly good tag team match as Edge and Benoit worked great together, but when the referee said he didn’t see a tag Edge said fuck this and left and I like how when he was in the back his entire travel bag was an over the shoulder carry on and he went outside where the car had it’s lights on. Now what kind of idiot leaves the lights on? That drains the battery. What happens if Edge doesn’t have OnStar in that car? We pondered those questions as Benoit went into Superman mode and won the tag titles on his own.

Interesting theories going around that he will be a one man wrecking crew and defend the titles on his own or they will do the whole “Forced to be Partners” angle version 87. Of course Benoit could also chose a partner of his own liking. Either way we can just slap the words Transitional Champion for Evolution. But hey, I liked this match and Benoit deserves some gold after taking a nosedive off the main event picture thanks to Triple H.

Up next was the piss break of the evening as it was time for Christy vs. Carmella. You know I might be in the minority, but they should keep Carmella around. She reminds me a lot of Woman from around 1989. All we need to do is get a new DOOM and boom we got some midcard fun. So they decide it’s gonna be the Lingerie Pillow Fight and for some dumb reason they put up the smoked glass boxed with the lights so we could see the silhouettes getting dressed. I really wish they were see through cause I would have killed to see Christy getting changed. But hey she’ll probably be in Playboy around Wrestlemania 21…so all in due time. Oh yeah there was a match or something involving pillows. Christy won after a vicious pillow beating.

I don’t know what was funnier, the fact that Carmella couldn’t even sell being pinned or the fact they have to use lawn blowers to clean up the mess.

This lead us to Triple H vs. HBK and during Triple H’s intro, when he’s on the ring about to do his water thing he looks into the ring and for once I will agree with him cause he had that “What the fuck is this shit” look on his face. HBK came out next and I don’t know if it was The Passion of the Christ or the massive amounts of Vicadin he took but some how he made it to the ring. This is where one of the markout moments I had came cause I was rooting for HBK to win. Sure he’s got a blown out knee, but he was selling it like his knee was hanging on by a thread. The figure four alone must have almost killed him cause I don’t think that was acting. Me thinks he was in some real pain. It was a pretty good match despite Shawn’s limited offense. I just hate Triple H as the champion and I thought maybe Shawn would win. DAVE came out for the obligatory run in and HBK managed to fight him off and turn around and nail Triple H with Sweet Chin Music, but as he was trying to get up so he could pin him…Edge came out from the crowd and he Speared HBK allowing Triple H some how roll over and get the undeserved win.

I was totally into this match and I was really behind HBK. At this point much like Liberals who say Anyone but Bush, I’m for anyone but Triple H as World Champion.

So far I was highly entertained by the PPV and the reason I wanted to watch was up next. Ric Flair vs. Randy Orton. What match did we pick? I voted for The Submission match…Phantom Classic wanted Falls Count Anywhere. We were both wrong as it was The Steel Cage. Flair came out in a new Black robe, but god it looked like something exploded around the collar…what was with those feathers? In any event Flair came out and then did Orton and they did some jaw jacking and the cage came down and it was a fight from the start. Flair looks like he really has something left to prove as he took Randy to school like he only could.

Orton was the first to bleed as Flair darted him into the cage and Orton tapped a mini gusher. Some back and forth action and Flair returns the favor as he’s thrown in to the cage and he bleeds like it was the mid 80’s. My favorite moment of the night came when Orton mounted Flair for some punches and he climbed to the top to stomp on him and Flair punched him square in the balls. Another funny moment came when Flair and Orton were up top and Orton pulled down Flair’s tights and Flair eventually fell to the mat and with his ass in full view, Earl Hebner walked right by and causally pulled up Flair’s tights. I could not stop laughing and you know somewhere Bret Hart was laughing his ass off.

In the end Flair tried to make a break for the door and he grabbed the same chair Snitsky used (Dripping blood all over it for a very cool visual) and he tried to go for the EL KABONG, but Orton ducked and he the RKO and got the win. I loved the end where Flair stood up looking slightly disoriented but clear minded enough to offer a hand in respect. Phantom Classic pointed out that it really looked like Flair did not know where he was. Either way it was a great ending to a PPV that I found highly entertaining and I thought was well worth ordering.

So over all if I were giving this some sort of official rating I’d give it 3 and half out of 5 stars.

A perfectly good night of wrestling entertainment and I really hope my dire prediction in F.O.F. will not come true and they do this again.

Now we can argue that the votes were rigged all we want, who really cares? I watched this show as a wrestling fan and I was entertained. That’s all I want (and most of you) at the end of the day.

So yeah watching Flair show respect, one can assume he will be kicked out of Evolution soon. Logic dictates that Edge will be taking his spot this way Triple H can keep him above the glass ceiling…but pressed against it in the process. Either way we will see Flair finally turn face and hopefully get a feud with Triple H where he shows him who the man really is cause Flair’s promo’s carried the hype for this ppv and he deserves one last run on top.

I’m almost done…so bare with me. I was watching Smackdown tonight and with Torrie coming out as the ring announcer, something dawned on me. If I didn’t know any better I would swear they were ripping off the PWA once again. PWA Pyromania which is handled by LOP Board member Mr. Stone has a female ring announcer by the name of Cher who is one of the few women on the board. He’s built a pretty nifty angle around her, but while watching Smackdown tonight and with Carlito hitting on Torrie…I swear they are slightly ripping us off. I doubt they are…but I got a good kick out of it and to those of you at the WWE…Please have Torrie wear that gold bikini and hot pants more often.

Taking a look at her in that outfit is why I thank God that I am an American.

Before I go, My Boss over at the TNA E-fed sent this to me and is asking you my loyal readers to take a look.

We need your help to spread the word about the latest, most exciting thing to happen to TNA. FSN's The Best Damn Sports Show Period is going to do a taping on Wednesday, October 27. They will be interviewing some of the superstars, showing matches and basically promoting TNA. This is where you prove yourselves!

We need ALL of you to get out there and spread the word any way you can. It's an extra taping but it's still free just like iMPACT. Not only do we need you all to show up but also we need you to drag as many people as you can get (kicking and screaming if you have to!) to the taping. It's your chance to be seen on NATIONAL TV! BDSSP gets tons of viewers so it's important that we fill the iMPACT Zone to maximum capacity. The times are the same as iMPACT- 6PM EST is gate time and bell time is 6:45.

There are many ways to promote the show without spending a penny. Call your local radio stations to see if they will mention it on the air... Write to the sports editor of your local newspaper... If you have an offbeat nightlife paper (like the kinds you find in coffee shops or bookstores) see if you can get it mentioned in there for free. Post the news on any or all message boards you are a member at. Submit it to sites that don't have message boards so they can put it on their news pages. Scream it at the top of your lungs in the middle of the mall if you have to!

This is our chance to prove to TNA that the street team can get the job done. Let's show them how much we, as fans, truly appreciate the wrestling they bring to us. They let us in for free to TNA so let's give them some love in return.

Also, just to make the taping even more fun we are asking everyone to dress up as his or her favorite wrestler. It's a couple days before Halloween so why not get in the spirit of the season? There will be more information about this in the new Orlando forum we created on the message board.

Thanks for all you do. It's because of fans like you that TNA has grown as much as it has but we can't slow down now!

See you all at the iMPACT Zone!

For more information click here at the official NWA-TNA Street Team Board

I’m done for this week. Keep an eye out for the next edition of A Dumass Thought, I’m hoping to have a special send off for Pat Patterson that only Me and Dumass and The Stooges can do.

So as always take care and remember someone has to provide you with this information and it DAMN well has to be me {S Bob Grant

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