The Rant of the Week: What's with all these damn rules
    Submitted by Phantom Lord on Monday, August 30, 2004 at 6:27 AM EST



    Greetings conversationalist’s all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow Phantom Lord and this is my often imitated but never quite duplicated RANT OF THE WEEK. I’m coming to you from deep below the bowels of New York City in my Bunker as I ride out the Republican National Convention. I’m all for the GOP being here, but damn there has to be an easier way to do this shit. I mean, as it is there is no real reason for any convention since the candidates are chosen through the primaries. The only real reason for the conventions are for corporations and high profile donors to shell out big bucks for future favors from elected officials. That’s how America works. Sure it would be nice if there was some honesty in the Government…but what’s the other choice? Socialism? I don’t think so. Taxes are high enough in this country…there isn’t anyway we will fork over 60% of our paychecks just so we can have free medical coverage and free college. Then there’s always Communism. There are a lot of countries that would just love America to fall apart. But that won’t happen. Then of course there is my favorite one…Religious Fundamentalism. Well I’ll save that one for my website Free For All Daily.

    So yeah I just love the fact that the convention is here. Of course since I am technically a recluse now I could easily go down and join the protesters. Hey…Anarchist and Commie chicks are pretty hot. What’s that…Oh yeah Viva la Revolution…say could you take off your top to stick it to “the man”…yeah move into the shot of the camera…

    * Looks Around *

    Sorry about that folks, That’s another column on another day. But with out naming names (But you know who you are Hi-yuck) another website which is known as the IWC Retirement Home got a little bit snippy that LOP beat out everyone on posting the Smackdown Spoilers the other morning. Time Zones are a bitch aren’t they? While others are asleep we on the East Coast are on the ball. See it’s reasons like that why we are ranked 33,419 on Alexa and they are ranked 155,000. Of course having the best opinion section on the entire Internet also helps…but you all ready knew that.

    I’ve been meaning to talk about this Dress Code thing with the WWE. Now one of the reasons why I’m not some IT Guy for a cooperation is cause I don’t like following protocol. I mean when I was in my last school the rules said we should dress business casual. Everyone didn’t follow that. I mean I don’t think I ever saw anyone day in and day out wearing business casual clothes. I mean that’s one step below a uniform. Uniforms are called conformity. Some of us don’t like to conform. Now when I first read the reports that WWE Wrestlers had to dress up when arriving and leaving arena’s I thought it was a joke. I mean the WWE preaches individuality and all that other crap…why make people wear suit and ties if they aren’t suit and tie people.

    This comes from the PW Torch

    Wrestlers are beginning to get considerably angry with the dress code, especially since new evidence questions the legality of the penalty for violations. Since a dress code was never mentioned in their contracts, wrestlers are curious as to whether WWE is going beyond its legal scope in fining wrestlers, who are independent contractors and not "employees." "They're treating us more and more as employees every day," says one wrestler. Management still remains firm behind the dress code, citing that it is not asking too much and that wrestlers were arriving to arenas in a very unprofessional state of fashion, so action had to be taken.

    Despite a clear conflict of interest with his character, Undertaker is also required to obey the dress code

    First off the words Bull Fucking Shit come to mind when I read that last line. I mean I can see The Undertaker showing up in a long black trench coat with black jeans and a black shirt…but never in a million years can I see him in a suit and tie. But the legal aspect does have me thinking. I mean that since all wrestlers are paid by the show, I don’t think the WWE does have a legal right to fine them. As it is I’m pretty sure companies and dock pay or reprimand…but I’m pretty sure legally they can’t be fined. It’s a very tricky issue and I’m sure if someone gets fired they will have a nice multi-million dollar unfair labor practices lawsuit on their hands.

    Maybe Jesse Ventura had the right idea about starting a wrestling union. But I know a lot of wrestlers are in SAG. Well I won’t get into the Union issue since that’s outside my realm of knowledge and Tito’s is working on a Union column and he understands this stuff a lot better then I do. I’m just a loud mouth from New York that’s been watching wrestling for damn near my entire life. So back to this issue about the dress code. It sucks for starters. I sure as hell wouldn’t go by it. I mean guys like Flair scream about Kayfabe being broken. If you’re a good ol’ boy say like Hardcore Holly…It makes no sense for you to wear a suit and tie if your more into flannel and jeans.

    Well I was talking to my father Phantom Classic about this earlier and I asked him legally can the WWE do this and he said since they don’t classify them as employee’s they can’t. So all I know is this, if the WWE is making this an issue and they really are fining people they have one hell of an unfair labor practices lawsuit just waiting to be sprung on them. See its funny, McMahon dodges anti-trust violations since there are so many Indy feds in this country. But Vince has a stranglehold on the television viewership. So companies like TNA are relegated to slots like 3PM on a Friday since no big network wants to take a chance on wrestling since it isn’t “cool” anymore.

    Well when it comes to competition it looks like CZW is jumping into the PPV game as they are advertising a September 2nd PPV on Directv to introduce everyone to the product and on their 9/11 show, they will be taping a show to be aired on Directv. I’m glad since one I have Directv and two I’ve been wanting to see CZW for ages. It’s just insane the stuff they have done. I hope this PPV shows clips of the Cage of Death 5 match. I saw some pic of it and good lord that is one of the most innovative match ideas I’ve ever seen.

    Picture the ECW Arena. In the middle you have the ring. Bolted to the ceiling is a walkway made out of steel cage fencing and on the otherside of that walkway on the otherside of the arena is another ring filled with over 1 Million Thumbtacks. Basically from what I understand about the match it was like a game of capture the flag and the whole object was to get from one side to the other and back. Of course you can take a guess what happened with a ring under the scaffold filled with Thumbtacks. In addition to that CZW boasts some of the best Lightweight Wrestler’s in the NorthEast. Its like ECW just with more highspots and Blood. Who doesn’t love that?

    See that’s what made wrestling great in the mid 90’s. There was so much competition. If you liked dumb gimmicks then you had the WWF. If you liked the Big Name Stars along with young guys who could fly all over the ring then you had WCW. And if you liked The Ultra Violence mixed with adult themed angles…you had ECW. If this PPV deal works for CZW could we see the same thing happen? It’s hard to say right now, but Rome wasn’t built in a day and for a new age in wrestling to come around it will take time. My hope is with TNA moving to monthly PPV’s along with Impact and Xplosion TNA will get a good prime time spot and then finally we can have some choice…and by choice I don’t mean RAW and Smackdown.

    Speaking of Smackdown, it looks like JBL has turned out to be a better heel champion then a lot of people expected. Now granted logic dictates that Eddie should have never lost the title and Kurt Angle would be our champion right now, but JBL has made the most of a political move. I mean there are a lot of guys in the WWE who are deserving of the push that JBL got. But since JBL got the title, he’s made the most of it. First off his promo’s have gotten a lot better and believe me I remember him as Justin ‘Hawk’ Bradshaw. But the last two weeks with JBL in a Halo have been hilarious. I mean it doesn’t get any funnier then the cowboy hat turned sideways. And if you paid attention to the match graphics before the commercials, JBL had this priceless look that only a handful of Valium and vodka could give you. As much as I like The Undertaker, I hope he doesn’t win the title. I’m enjoying JBL as champion too much.

    Before I forget, if there were ever a reason to tell Kidman he can no longer use the Shooting Star Press…this last Smackdown was proof of that. Kidman who’s never been able to hit the move right kneed Chavo Guerrero in the face when he landed and he basically knocked him the hell out and gave him a nice concussion for his trouble. Paul London can do a perfect Shooting Star Press. A.J. Styles can do a perfect Shooting Star Press. Hell even Teddy F’N Hard can do a perfect Shooting Star Press. Billy Kidman does what I like to call The Wounded Duck Press. Kidman is lucky if he can flip himself over with out hitting the ropes (Which he has done plenty of times). Just give up the move all ready. I remember he used to use an backward looking Pedigree just after coming over from WCW. Why not go back to doing that.

    Leave the Shooting Star Press to people who won’t fuck up and nearly kill someone.

    Speaking of a fuck up, Brock Lesnar probably won’t be making the practice squad and he will be left with an interesting dilemma. Does he go back to the WWE knowing he will be shit on or does he continue his quest to be taken seriously as an athlete and go for the World Football League or the C.F.L. Personally I would suck up my pride and just go back to the WWE. I mean first off he was making an insane amount of money. I think he was making around $9 Million a year. Personal pride is one thing…but you’re a freaking moron to be giving up that kind of money. Especially when your nailing Sable who seems to need her implants fixed every couple of months(Brock…stop squeezing so hard).

    So if I were Vince, I would take Brock back. I mean Kurt Angle vs. Brock will always be money. Brock vs. The Undertaker still has loads of potential as does Brock vs. Eddie. I contend that Paul Heyman needs to go back to his roots and bring back The Dangerous Alliance. You have him take back Brock and Brock becomes the modern Vader. Hell if Vince is determined to make HEIDENRICH into something…make him the new Sid Vicious since he pretty much has the same level of talent as Sid. I mean we saw what he did to poor Josh Matthews this week. Matthews could have been a staple of the cruiserweight division after Tough Enough…but he’s cannon fodder for a Roid Monkey. If they were Smart they could build a mini angle out of this. Have Matthews come back for revenge and build up to a match on a throw away PPV and then Matthews makes a valiant effort but ends up losing big. David vs. Goliath angles never fail…most of the time anyway.

    Well I think that’s it for this week. Before I go, I saw the VMA’s last night and it was quite possibly the worst awards yet. I hate rap, but I know a good video when I see it and 99 Problems was the Video of the Year. What made it so great? Jay-Z Getting Shot and Rick Rubin. No Rick Rubin…no great video. It was the usual MTV Bullshit. A video that ran its course a long time ago wins the award. Outkast won the damn Grammy for Album of the Year. For once MTV Should of given an award to a song that deserved it. Honestly the Nominations should have been 99 Problems, Cold and Empty by Kid Rock (Jackson, Mississippi is an equally good video), Sometimes by Britney Spears (That video where she dies), The Unnamed Feeling by Metallica, and Walk On by Modest Mouse.

    I mean out of all those videos…99 Problems still would have won. But screw it…it’s MTV. When’s the last time they played videos that meant a damn anyway’s. Besides there’s VH1 Classic and FUSE. FUSE has the lovely Metal Mistress Julyia.

    And with that I am done for this week. Hopefully the Convention will go off with out a hitch and my urban cesspool will go back to it’s usual high stress self. As always check out my My Live Journal to leave me feedback and other comments.

    That’s it for this week. Take care and remember someone has to provide you with this information and it DAMN Well has to be me {S Bob Grant

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