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Submitted by Phantom Lord on Tuesday, August 24, 2004 at 6:04 AM EST
 is no longer with us, because if you wanted to really have some fun with this angle…why not have a Church of Satan wedding service. Granted I doubt he probably wouldn’t do it since he was a very private person, but if the WWE really wanted to go all out they could of easily got Marylyn Manson to perform the ceremony since in 1994 Manson was made a Priest in the Church of Satan by LaVey himself. I mean the wedding was dumb enough. I thought it was a great touch to have Eric Bischoff come out and read from The Bible. He read Ephesians 5:25 about how a couple who were so different ended up living happily together. Personally I would have chosen this passage. It just made so much more sense. Deuteronomy 22:23-4 states: “If there is a young woman, a virgin already engaged to be married, and a man meets her in the town and lies with her, you shall bring both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death, the young woman because she did not cry for help in the town and the man because he violated his neighbor’s wife. So you shall purge the evil from your midst” Yep, I’m going to hell for that Bit…AND YOUR ALL COMING WITH ME.-Denis Leary So yeah the wedding went on and when it came up to the does anyone have to object part, we get Trish in the greatest brides maid outfit ever. (It’s a shame Lita didn’t wear that outfit…except in Black). Trish calls her a whore and Lita responds by slapping her and then they tumble down the stairs. Now for those of you paying attention, the WWE practically told you she isn’t pregnant right there because no self respecting OBGYN (Well except maybe one who works for the Chinese Government) would ever say it’s safe for a Pregnant Woman to take a fall like that. But that doesn’t stop the wedding as Kane grabs Lita and brings her back into the ring. Then Matt’s music hits and Kane like an idiot turns towards the stage. Logic dictates if your in a fight with a guy who has size and strength on you…YOU ATTACK FROM BEHND. Matt comes out and makes a valiant effort to rescue Lita. Now I think that under church law had Matt simply got back into the ring and said I Do since Lita all ready did…they would be married. But nope…Matt figures they can escape and make it to the car and head for Reno or possibly Vegas since that wedding to Triple H and Princess Stephanie worked out oh so well. But Kane’s a BAH GAWD MONSTER and they cut to the stage to early so we saw the gas burners were on and as they make a break for the Stage Kane says I don’t think so and a Wall of Fire rises from the stage. Now it’s bullshit if your telling me Matt and Lita couldn’t of thrown fate into the air and jumped through it. Hell it be a nice way to write him out of the show if he disappeared in an Inferno. But that didn’t happen and Kane got back up and knocked Matt out with a big boot and then brought him to the stage and as Lita begged he Chokeslamed Matt to the floor. Hey Matt…you know that Chokeslam was dedicated to me So Kane brings Lita back to the ring and he says I Do and he kisses Lita and that’s the end of RAW as Lita has the look of despair on her face. So yeah I’m convinced they booked this wedding to spite me. They did everything exactly opposite of how I said it should have been done. I mean this whole angle from the start of his has been booked so poorly. It’s bad something simple as a heel turn is fucked up this badly because when Lita does finally turn heel it will have no impact what so ever. They should have done it tonight. Had Lita kick Matt in the balls and make him watch Kane marry her. HBK also should have ran in tonight to attack Kane…but nothing. Oh BTW, Gerweck.net confirmed what I figured out earlier. Uncle Eric read the wrong Bible Passage. The one He read and the one in the bible are totally different. Either way it should be fun to see HBK’s reaction to this. Honestly tonight I didn’t know what I was going to write about. I had one column half way written out. I was reading Wevv Mang’s Column when he mentioned Winter marked his anniversary of writing his column. It then dawned on me…I’ve been writing on LOP for a while to. I did some digging and I passed my 1 year anniversary on LOP on August 2nd and I didn’t even realize it. I was going to reminisce about my ECW Hardcore Café on AOL but then I got an e-mail tonight. Well you read it and then I’ll post my thoughts on it. This comes from a reader by the SN GuyXeno Dear phantom lord, To be honest I never really thought I would write to any of you guys from LOP but today I had to. I’m actually new to LOP and I have been reading all the columns the last few months and I’ve always enjoyed what you guys have to say. I’m writing to you because I enjoy your columns a little bit more. What i'm here to write to you about is the disgust that I have for WWE at the moment. I just saw raw and I thought it was horrible. I have been a wrestling fan all my life but the great majority of years in watching wrestling has been watching WWF/WWE. The earliest memories I have of WWF was watching hulk Hogan, Andre the giant, ultimate warrior, macho man randy savage, Ricky the dragon steamboat, all wrestle and enjoying every second of it. I really became a hardcore WWF/WWE fan during the mid 90's and even more of a fan when there was stone cold Steve Austin. At this time I also watched ECW and thought it was great but no matter what I was always for WWF. I never defected to WCW when WCW was kicking WWF's ass. I was proud to be a WWF fan. Even though the last 3 years of WWE hasn't been anywhere near as good as the Monday night wars era I’ve still been enjoying it. Until recently my devotion to WWE has been hanging in the balance. My complaint is from all the stupid ideas that come across on television. I never really was a fan of the brand extension but I knew that the benefit of it would be to see wrestlers who were being under used to have more tv time and to see deserving champions. That didn't happen. Triple h was champion ever since Bischoff introduced the world heavyweight title. Only 2 people managed to take away the title from him and that was Shawn Michaels who only had the title for a month and Goldberg who had it for 3 months. other than that it was all triple h until Benoit became champion. Benoit becoming a champion at WM20 was awesome. he also had a pretty cool reign as champion though it could've been longer. Eddie Guerrero was also cool as champion. other than that I don't hate JBL or anything and I do admit I like his gimmick but I just didn't like his sudden rise to the top. i'm tired of seeing people who were once great wrestlers and who still are but are being totally misused. people like Chris Jericho, booker t, rob van dam, and rhyno just to name a few cause the list is huge. why doesn't the WWE use these already great talented wrestlers instead of hiring new uninspired wrestlers like kenzo suzuki who has an awesome gimmick and a hot valet but sucks as a wrestler. mordecai had a cool gimmick as well but wasn't very entertaining. luther reigns, tyson tomko, and john heidenreich are all a waste of time. they seem promising at first until we see them wrestle. I don't know what’s with Vince and his obsession of getting huge people. sure they look impressive but they don't have the talent that lesnar had or even batista who has been doing nothing but impressing me every week. to be honest he should be IC champion right now. I’m glad Paul London is a tag team champion. I saw Paul London in some MLW matches and he was really amazing. he also has the best shooting star press I have ever seen. too bad WWE is holding his true talent back. that 450 he did was awesome. at least rhyno and tajiri are a solid tag team cause i'm a fan of rhyno as well as tajiri. then there is that stupid diva search. I’m all for hot women and enjoy being with them or using the internet to watch some porn. the first day they started the diva search had to be the day I went to raw in Miami. it was when they showed the diva search in I think new York or California. 3 times thought the night they would show clips of the search. it was very time consuming and I felt gypped. thank god I taped that episode of raw when they had to seduce kamala cause I had the freedom to fast-forward it. I feel sorry for all the live crowd who had to endure that shit. seriously it’s got to be fixed. Carmella should have been gone either last week or this week. but instead Michelle and Tracy who both showed they give a damn about this stupid contest have been voted off. and the rock came out and specifically talked to Carmella to try to give a damn about this dumb contest. hmm kinda suspicious. Anyway’s if I had to pick one person to win it would be Amy. it used to be Christy but her seriously needs to think and realize how stupid she can be before she goes out and does it. I think Amy has the look and the skill to be part of the WWE. I try to look for the girl who I can see as a wrestler and I imagine both Christy and Amy but I rather see Amy. then we have the kane-lita-matt angle. the worst angle ever. kane has been WWE'S little lab rat. kane was a awesome unstoppable monster. a man who used to put fear in the hearts of men. but he hasn't been the same since the whole Katie Vicki thing. that was just stupid. I knew his unmasking would be his definite downfall. sure they made him into a unstoppable monster again but it was all for one purpose....to bring back the dead man undertaker. after he lost to undertaker that’s all he's been doing was losing. he lost every PPV since WM20 until he won a match against Matt hardy at summerslam. pregnancy angles have never worked in the past and they intend to make it a long-term storyline. do they even know what there gonna do. I bet my balls that they don't. then they mix it with another boring wedding angle. 2 horrible angles in one. watching raw tonight gave me doubts about my devotion in WWE. it doesn't mean I will stop watching wrestling cause I do watch NWA-TNA because they do the one thing that I really want in a wrestling program and that’s WRESTLING. I do hope NWA-TNA becomes huge cause I might need an alternative. the diva search tonight created more stupidity and even though I was excited to see the rock but it took 20 min to get to him whooping ass. to top it off it was 20 min of that unbearable wedding. for the first time in WWF/WWE history I was strongly compelled to change the channel. that’s saying a lot cause I also witnessed the horrible mark henry and may young giving birth to a fucking hand. I kept watching in hope that something cool might happen like Shawn Michaels returning to ruin Kane’s moment. instead all I got was crap. the Matt hardy interference was cool but was expected as well as his beat down. I guess it's time for that surgery. my apologies for the long email. this was all my rage and anger that I’ve kept bottled inside for so long that finally went out of control. I don't know if you find it an honor that I emailed you with my problem out of all the people I could've emailed or if you find it an annoyance. I hope you let the other members of LOP and the community know of this email because I know I’m not the only person who is disappointed with WWE. I still intend to watch raw and Smackdown but i'm not sure for how long. PPV suck now and are a waste of money. GAB and summerslam sucked. i'm sorry for the long email and the horrible grammar. for the first time i'm ashamed to be a WWE fan. thank you for your time. I think that summed it up better then I ever could. Fans like me and my reader above make up what is left of the WWE’s viewing audience. By continually pissing off common fans who spend hard earned money to watch something they enjoy they run the risk of driving them away for good. Vince and company still thinks they can land the trendy fan. Well they can…only problem is it won’t be happening like this. See by allowing Triple H to destroy Orton’s title run from the get go they are putting the business at risk. Orton is not the next Rock. I don’t think he’s the next Austin either. What he can be is Randy Orton. That’s all he has to be. He’s a smart-ass heel. Last time I checked those are the heels that fans love the most. The N.W.O. worked so damn well because Hall and Nash were a couple of smart asses who carried the load. That’s at least what I think and a good portion of the common fans that watch think that to. Before I go, this coming Weekend the MTV VMA’s will be on. Can anyone honestly say they are going to watch this train wreck of a show? MTV isn’t even trying anymore. The whole show from top to bottom sucks. The awards are predictable and the performers are blah at best. The only one I’m remotely looking forward to watching is Jessica Simpson because despite being a dumb blonde…she can sing and I will admit I like her cover of Take my Breath Away and her new single Angels. She has an amazing vocal range and looking great is a bonus. 99 Problems is going to win the Video of the Year award. I don’t doubt that. I hate Jay Z, but damn Rick Rubin is a genius and there is a reason why a Jew from Long Island knows Rap better then anyone else. Plus he’s Slayer’s Producer and Slayer can never do any wrong. I’m pulling for the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s to win the MTV 2 Award since that’s the only good award that hasn’t been tainted by corporate money. Check out my Live Journal. Maybe I’ll post who I think should have been nominated for Video of the Year. But I’ll say this much. Fuck D-12, Fuck G-Unit, and Fuck MTV in General. Fuck VH-1 as Well. The only good networks are FUSE and VH1 Classic. With that I am out for this week. As always take care and remember someone has to provide you with this information and it damn well has to be me. Next week I’ll be reporting live from my Bunker as New York City will be under siege by Pinko Commies, Pro-Lifers, and other political types. Thank God I’m done with School so I have no reason to go to Midtown Manhattan. And now the Plugs Visit the Lord's of Pain Message Board. Home to the Psychotic Wrestling Alliance and some of the best discussions on Wrestling, Entertainment, and Politics around Visit Free For All Daily: The Most Brutally Honest Political, Sports, and Entertainment Opinions on the Internet Visit what has come to be known as The Raven Effect (The Official Website of Raven)Check out some exclusive pieces of Raven memorabilia up for auction from Raven Visit Spiritual Fitness Wear, A clothing line from Two Time W.O.W World Champion Heather Lee Millard Don’t be lazy…Click here to send me damn some feedback at Jd8295@aol.com Note if you don’t label it as Feedback, then it gets deleted with all the Spam mail for drugs and porn that I get. Also, you damn Cam Whores…LEAVE ME ALONE EXCLUSIVES: Top 10 Trish Stratus Moments, Top 10 WCW Cruiserweight Matches, MORE!
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