Take up thy wrestling boots and walk - special edition - Tina vs. Billy II
Submitted by Pt2 on Wednesday, August 11, 2004 at 2:22 PM EST





Welcome one more time to the column that rocks harder than Dave Navarra on Viagra, Take up thy wrestling boots and walk. I’m the man who calls himself Pt2, back once again from the ether of the week, here to share my thoughts and to declare the winner of the “You be the Booker” contest. Readers may remember that some controversy in the last event has left us with the need for a tie-break. Today, earlier in the week than usual (something that this week, I‘m afraid, cannot be avoided) I bring you that tie break.

But first, it’s the usual stuff. Wrestling talk.

I tend to try and be positive when I write my column. I think there is generally too much negativity around, and so I try to counter-balance that by emphasising the good. For all that, it’s a shame to say that every time I go to write, I end up thinking the same thing.

Smackdown sucks.

See, I’ll try and think of something to write about wrestling, and that is the first thing that jumps out at me - it’s the first thing that I think of when I think about wrestling, ANYTHING about wrestling. Smackdown has devolved to a state of zero interest.

This is really weird for me - to be completely disinterested. I’ve sat through plenty of bad angles and ideas, but there is something different about this time. It may not be the worst I’ve seen, but most of the time, if something is bad, I tend to stick around, see how long something is going to run before they pull the plug - I watch from some kind of morbid curiosity if I’m not being entertained. Either way, I kept watching.

But I find it a real struggle to sit through Smackdown now. And so since I can’t write about anything positive for once, I thought I’d try and work out why I, Pt2, who sat through the Giant Gonzales push, who sat through Katie Vick, can’t sit down and be kept interested by a roster stacked with talent.

Much like Beyond the Mat, I decided to start at the top.

And looking at the Smackdown roster, that’s as good a place to start as any. And trust me, this isn’t going to be just about JBL. But since I’ve just mentioned him, lets carry on.

Granted JBL has a great character. For the first few weeks of the new character, I thought Bradshaw had a new lease of life, and would actually be more of a success than I ever gave him credit for. It was a bit of a rushed push, which I think may slightly hurt in the long run, but all in all, it worked out better than I thought it would.

Who else is at the top of the card? Eddie Guerrero.

When Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit won their brands respective world titles, many fans thought that Guerrero would be the long term champion, and Benoit was just to give everyone a good feeling at Wrestlemania, that the long title chase was over. There were many doubters who said that Chris Benoit’s popularity would fall once he became champion, that he didn’t have the charisma to sustain the fan interest, something that Guerrero could do. The rumour went around that even the WWE bosses thought that Benoit was just to be a short term champion, and Guerrero would be in it for the long haul.

Benoit is still champion. Guerrero isn’t. And there is really no denying that Benoit’s reign as champion has been more enjoyable over on RAW than Guerrero’s on Smackdown. In a complete reversal of what people expected to happen, reaction for Guerrero started to fall after his title win. Just like The Rock in 2000, when it comes to Latino Heat, people seem more interested in the chase than the prize.

Now I’m not going to blast them more than I think is fair - Guerrero and Bradshaw wasn’t terrible. But it was hardly compelling either. I’ve said more than once that Guerrero’s good but I don’t understand the boner some people get for him, and he needs to work with a bigger star than Bradshaw before he’ll really be main event level.

That’s where Angle comes in. Angle’s infallibility has been thrown out the fucking window these past few months. No one can say that Angle is entertaining what ever he does. He’s been as dull as a Sandman marathon these past few months. Getting Angle back into the ring has to be of benefit to the Smackdown brand. They need stars. Angle is one of the biggest stars they’ve ever had. God, it’s like it’s made to measure isn’t it?

The Undertakers angle started promising, but I think it’s been a little mismanaged. Still, I’ll wait and see. Call it reserving judgment.

They are the only bona fide stars on the show right now. Every other former star or potential star has been mismanaged to the point where they are a side show - an also ran. You can’t help but think that RVD and Booker T thought they were getting a new lease of life and chance to main event when they moved over to Smackdown - I know that's what fans of both men seemed to think. Instead, they both end up doing exactly the same thing as they had done over on RAW. Glorified mid carders. It’s a shame. Even if they weren’t used in the world title picture, they could be used more effectively and the show could be a little more interesting. A little depth never hurts anyone.

John Cena and Rene Dupree have both been tipped as future stars, by a lot of people including me.... but like Booker T and RVD they have been mismanaged.... being in the public eye a lot doesn’t really help if all you doing is shit when you are there.

This is really more of a rant than a coherent argument. I usually try to aim for something a bit more balanced, with some semblance of proof in there... but fuck it, it’s an opinion column. This is my opinion. This above all else - to thine own self be true.

And if you don’t agree, you can either write your own column at the LOP columns forum, or send me some feedback at takeupandwalk@hotmail.com



Tina - Billy II



Well, this is the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Through an oversight on my part, Billy Arcenaux was not crowned the You be the Booker contest in the last event. Tinaali, the queen of the Lop columns forum, escaped with her crown. But can she come away from this challenge with the title around her e-waist?

I promised that it would be a better fight than Tyson - Williams. Well, thats not going to be hard, but with two great bookers here, either way this isn’t going to be an upset. Who will win, and face Random guy number 5 in the next event? Read on to find out!

As it’s the tie breaker, the participants are only issued with one challenge. It’s basically sudden death. Also, the word limit is up from 300 words to 1,000. All other rules remain the same.

The Challenge: You work for the WWF. It is 1994. You have just pulled off the angle where the heel half of the locker room buries the Undertaker, and you are preparing for the Undertakers rebirth and the continuance of the feud with Yokozuna. However, Mark Calloway has just defected to WCW. It's 1994 WWF, and Vince won't let the heel appear to have driven his top face out of his company. He is convinced he can use it to make someone a bigger star. He wants YOU to create that star.

Using only the roster of the WWF active in May 1994, and not featuring World Champion Bret Hart or defector Mark Calloway, finish the angle showing how the "death" of the Undertaker can be avenged.

The Challenger, Billy, will go first.

Billy Arcenaux: It has been months since The Undertaker was sealed inside a casket at the Royal Rumble, and the general feeling among the locker room is that "The Phenom" will never be back. During a match involving Intercontinental Champion (since April) Diesel, the lights dim and lightning strikes the arena. Diesel, while shocked, shrugs this off. Weeks go by, and in at least half of his matches, lightning strikes, specifically at the moment he destroys an opponent. During a backstage interview where Diesel talks about these recent events, Paul Bearer confronts Big Daddy Cool. He says that this is a momentous occasion, and that answers will soon come. A week later, Diesel is stripped of his Intercontinental title when during a title defense, the lights when on and off, and he went into a completely uncontrollable state, causing himself a double dq. Diesel immediately finds Paul Bearer, and asks him why all of this is happening to him. Paul responds by saying that you have been chosen. Diesel, looking confused, asks who has chosen him. He is then suspended in disbelief when Paul responds by saying, "The Undertaker." Diesel storms off in shock, as Paul says, "The Undertaker lives within you! You cannot refuse it. Soon, he will be REBORN!" In the next two weeks, Diesel continues to struggle with this, wondering if it's true, and if he could even accept it. During this time, Shawn Michaels is named the new IC champ, and brags about it in front of Diesel. Shawn, knowing how upset his friend is, gives him a title shot at the King of the Ring. Leading towards the event, Shawn discusses the possibility of this "transformation" with other wrestlers, and persuades them to do something about it. At the event, Shawn shakes Diesels' hand, promises a clean match, and wishes him good luck. Near the end of the match, the wrestlers Shawn talked with come out and destroy Diesel. After betraying his friend, Shawn delivers the superkick, and wins. As Shawn and the wrestlers celebrate what has happened, Paul Bearer comes out, and raises the urn. Lighting strikes the ring posts, and Diesel sits up! One by one, he takes out everyone in the ring, and even Tombstones HBK! In amazement, the commentators say, "We have just witnessed the death of Diesel, and the resurrection of The Undertaker!". Diesel, now The Undertaker (outfit and all), with Paul Bearer, announce on Monday Night Raw their hunger for vengeance. Yokozuna will be dealt with, but only once The Undertaker has taken out everyone in his path. After weeks of destruction, and weeks of avoiding any confrontation, Yokozuna accepts the Undertaker's challenge, and will fight at Summerslam, in a casket match. With no one to assist Yokozuna, Undertaker is able to put him in the casket, and seal him in. Undertaker says, "It is done." Undertaker, in the ring with Bearer, bows to the urn, and says that he can finally, "Rest in Peace." The lights go out, lighting strikes, and the gong sounds. When the lights come back on, and the smoke has cleared, it is Diesel, in his Big Daddy Cool attire, lying motionless. Paul kisses the urn, and walks off.

And now, the reigning champion, Tina:

Tinaali: The scene opens up in a dark cemetery. As the camera zooms in we see it is Lex Luger, Tatanka and Randy Savage walking slowly with their heads down. Lex Luger comes to the gray slate mausoleum and stops. He places the wreath of flowers at the base of the door. There is a blue sash across it that reads simply, “friend.” He stands back up and faces the other two men. “You know, it’s just not the same without Taker around here.” Tatanka looks up with a determined look on his face after laying Taker’s trademark hat by the wreath. “Somehow, someway we must avenge his death. We have to right this wrong. Yokozuna must pay for what he has done.” Savage nods his head in agreement. “I’m really concerned with Razor. He is not taking this well at all. I asked him if he wanted to come pay his respects with us and he just shook his head no and shut the door on me. I don’t know what’s going on there. “ They turn to leave as the camera zooms in on the mausoleum, It begins to fade to black but the hat is missing.

Later on Tatanka is scheduled against Yokozuna. Tatanka is off to a good start in the match but before long Yokozuna decides to get in a few cheap shots. As he sets Tatanka up for his finisher the lights begin to flicker and a static filled laugh resonates through the air. It sounds like Taker but that just can’t be since Yokozuna buried him alive last week. Filled with rage, Yokozuna takes out his frustration and beats him to a bloody pulp before the ref calls the match.


The following week the show starts off with Yokozuna walking down the hallway to his dressing room. He opens the door and turns on the light. Sitting on the bench is a present wrapped in black paper with a purple bow. Yokozuna looks around to see if anyone is near before walking over to the box. Sure enough, it’s for him. He tears the paper off letting it fall to the floor. He lifts the lid and sees a card that reads “See You Soon… in Hell!” It’s Undertaker’s black hat. He quickly drops the box and leaves the room completely spooked.

He immediately goes after Randy Savage at the announcer’s table. “Savage, I know you and your friends are behind this and I don’t find it the slightest bit amusing. If you don’t put an end to this crap then you, Luger, Tatanka and Ramon will all be joining Taker in that cemetery.” Savage is completely confused and swears up and down that he has no idea what he is talking about. Yokozuna drags him from the table all the way back to the dressing room. When he opens the door, the package is gone. “But it was here a minute ago… I don’t understand. “

Yokozuna is scheduled this evening for a match against Luger. He comes down the ramp looking around as if trying to find someone in the crowd. He enters the ring and the bell sounds starting the match. Luger is pounding the hell out of him and Yokozuna returns the favor. He applies his finisher and the lights go completely out this time. The same crackly laughter fills the arena once more before the lights come up. This time there is someone standing on the ramp dressed in the Undertaker’s clothing. “No way! It can’t be!! You’re dead Taker! DEAD!! I buried you myself!” Taker laughs before running in the ring and attacking Yokozuna. He sets him up for the Last Ride and the ref DQ’s the match.

Before the show ends it is announced that next week Yokozuna is scheduled in a “Last Chance for Revenge” match. The match is will be a gauntlet match where he will be facing Tatanka, Luger, and Ramon. The crowd cheers at the announcement as they are quite tired of Yokozuna and his heelish ways.

The day of the show finally arrives. Just like last week Yokozuna walks into his dressing room and sitting there on the bench is an envelope. This time the card reads, “Tonight is the night I send you to Hell.” He has no idea who is behind this and can’t wait to put an end to it.

The rest of the evening passes by without incident until it is time for the gauntlet match. First up is Tatanka who wants nothing more but to put a hurting on Yokozuna. Again, he’s off to a good start but it doesn’t last long. Yokozuna easily puts him away for the win. Next up is Lex Luger. Luger gives him much more of a fight. It’s looking like Luger is going to win as he manages to get Yokozuna into the Torture Rack. Yokozuna manages to break free of the hold and brings Luger down with him in his fall. Luger is knocked out and Yokozuna gets the pin.

Next up is Razor Ramon. His music hits and the pyro goes off but he isn’t appearing. The music quickly cuts off and we hear that same evil laughter. Finally the voice speaks. “Tonight is the night for my revenge. You cannot kill what lives in the hearts and minds of my friends and fans. Tonight is the night that we meet in hell..Yo..ko..zun..ahhhh.”

Taker runs into the ring. Yokozuna immediately attacks him ripping off his hat and trenchcoat and it is none other than RAZOR RAMON! The crowd goes wild with excitement. Yokozuna stands there in shock. Ramon immediately pummels him and with each blow Yokozuna is weakened. A low blow brings down the giant. All that is left to do is Razor’s Edge and the Fall-away Slam. He struggles but the crowd cheering him on gives him the strength that he needs to pull it off. Yokozuna is down for the count and a superstar is born!


[i]Judges view: This is going to be very hard to choose. Both of them are good, but both have the fault of being pretty cheesy in places. All in all though, I think that a fair reflection would be 84% for Billy for a well thought angle, but Tina gets the advantage for allowing Razor to make a bigger impression. 88% for Tina.[/i]

Pt2’s analysis: It was my adjudication that was so controversial last time. This time out, however, I don’t have to do anything. Neither fails to answer the storyline, neither impedes any of the rules, and though she runs very close, with 999 Tina stays 1 word under the 1000 word limit. So, no penalties.

And with that, it’s all said and done. Tina ali remains champion, and will go on to face Random guy number 5. But I’m sure that we haven’t seen the last of Billy Arcenaux, and I hope that he will return in the future - he took Tina to the limit, maybe the title could be his soon?

If you have any comments on the column, any thoughts on the contest or opinion section, or would like to be a part of the You be the Booker contest in the future, please e-mail me at Takeupandwalk@hotmail.com. Priority will be given to members of the LOP forums.

Thanks for reading. See you soon.

Pt2


No puffins were hurt in the production of this column.









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