A Dumass Thought - Special Guest Column #1
    Submitted by Dumass on Tuesday, July 27, 2004 at 7:55 PM EST



    (Well....Well....Well....It is I, your column writing God, Dum "Owning your mother like Lance did to the French" Ass. Here's the story. Due to lack of wrestling enjoyment and, more importantly, personal issues, I won't be able to write a column for about a month. No worries though since I've elected some of the LOP Column Fourm finest to take the helm in their first showings on the main page. I've always been a person to promote new talent to all of you, and these next few weeks will be some of the prime stuff that the farm system here at LOP can produce. First off, it's Julian Phoenix and his Flight of the Phoenix column. I've been reading this kid writing since he started and he's impressed me a ton since his first column back in Apirl. I hope you all enjoy his work like I do. Thank you and enjoy. - Dumass)





    Hello, and welcome to the column that promises to soar to new heights when it comes to all topics of the wrestling genre, Flight Of The Phoenix, with me, Julian Phoenix.


    To quote the title of WWE Diva Lita’s DVD, “It just feels right” finally having JP on the main-page. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past few months, I’ve been writing FOTP on the LOP Columns Forum since around April, and as of late, the column has really come into its own. My style of writing has been compared to that of an early Dumass, and because of this, I was asked to participate as one of the columnists for his project. I would be crazy to turn down a free shot on the main-page, so naturally, I couldn’t say no. However, my fifteen minutes of fame does come at a price, as Dumass told me that if I don’t do a good job, he’ll personally neuter me with a rusty saw. Needless to say, I’m under a lot of pressure.


    For this, the 15th installment, and special edition, of FOTP, I’m going to discuss someone who also has found himself suddenly thrust into the spotlight. This past Monday night, Randy Orton won a Battle Royal for a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship at SummerSlam; something that came as a pleasant surprise for one Julian Phoenix. For the past few months, Orton has been tearing up the mid-card scene on RAW with is ever increasing ring-skills and natural charisma, however, come August 15th, Orton will go through the ultimate test when he goes one on one with arguably the best wrestler in WWE, the World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Benoit.


    Is Orton capable of proving to the world he is ready for the main-event? More importantly, can I write a good enough column so Dumass won’t make me sound like a 6 year old girl by the end of the week? The answers to both those questions to come, but first…


    Verbal Diarrhea: Julian Phoenix’s Haphazard Thoughts



    --The WWE fires one useless pile of horse shit in Rikishi, but wants to hire another just a few days later. It appears as if WWE is talking to Kamala for an angle involving him in some fashion. Gee, almost makes me wish they had kept Rikishi.


    Almost.


    --Wevv, I love ya’ man, but I don’t care how many columns you write about how the Diva Search isn’t as bad as people say it is; I say its absolute bullshit and a total waste of time. I was thoroughly pissed off on Monday when, instead of giving the fans another match after the Battle Royal, WWE opted to fill the show with Diva Search glut. I swear, I’ll be glad when this garbage is over with. I can only go the bathroom or make a sandwich so many times throughout a two-hour period.


    --William Regal’s new ring attire is funny…. but not in a good way. For those that missed it, he now wears a singlet adorned with the colors of his homeland. I’ll spare you from any further descriptions. Yeah, it’s that bad.


    --Did anyone notice Rodney Mack was in the Battle Royal on Monday? Don’t feel bad, neither did I.


    --It looks as if JBL will be defending the WWE Championship against The Undertaker at SummerSlam. Before the bitching and complaining starts about how Taker and JBL won’t sell each other’s moves, let me quickly say that I am looking forward to this match. As I’ve said in many a previous column, JBL has really impressed me with his character, and I’ve always been a fan of Taker. Just another reason for me to order SummerSlam.


    --It has been revealed that Brock Lesnar has signed with the Minnesota Vikings in the NFL. While other people may be bitter towards Lesnar for choosing the NFL over WWE, I for one respect his decision. He walked away from millions in WWE for a contract with the NFL, and that’s something I really admire. Good for you Brock, and I wish you the best of luck.


    --I said this last week, but since it’s the main page, I’ll say it again: Nip/Tuck continues to rule all television.


    Ok, that’s that. On to the meat and potatoes of this muh’ fucka.


    Spotlight: Orton



    When I think of the term, “astro-push”, Randy Orton’s rise to fame always comes to mind. The man has been pushed to the moon seven ways to Sunday, and I can’t say I’m surprised: when you’re the pet project of Triple H, you’d be stupid to think big things aren’t in store for you. I think it all began when Shawn Michaels put Orton over in their match at Unforgiven 2003, because that’s when I was all but certain the guy would someday be something big. Of course, his subsequent victories over top-level WWE talent, like Hardcore Legend Mick Foley for instance, didn’t hurt things either.


    Ahhh yes, Mick Foley: the man solely responsible for making the fans take Randy Orton seriously. Before his match with Mick at Backlash 2004, Orton was a quasi-solid mid-carder, and even though he had been the Intercontinental Champion for about three months, still lacked that intangible “it” factor that is essential in the makeup of a successful wrestler. Orton and Mick had been feuding for a good while, and going into Backlash, Randy even owned a pin fall victory over Foley – at WrestleMania 20 of all places. Still, something more needed to be done.


    Now, I didn’t see the actual match (something I regret), but I really didn’t need to; Orton’s crowed reaction the next night on RAW was all I needed to begin to take this kid seriously. The fans were actually cheering the guy, just 24 hours removed from beating the quintessential fan-favorite Mick Foley, in his own match no less. From the pictures I saw of the match (the one of Orton with the back full of thumbtacks in particular), I had a new found respect for Orton, and apparently, the fans that attended the following RAW shared that sentiment. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Randy Orton had finally arrived.


    Because Orton was the Intercontinental Champion when he beat Foley, he really elevated the championship to a level it had yet to see since its lackluster return at Judgment Day 2003. The division wasn’t necessarily desperate for some footing, but it was still a far cry from the good ol’ glory days of the IC title, but Orton somewhat mended a portion of the damage. Randy continued to restore credibility to the championship in damn fine feuds and matches with the likes of Shelton Benjamin and Edge in the following months, and it was during this time when Orton really established himself as a real mid-card monster. I’m sure it would have only progressed if Edge had not beaten Orton for the Intercontinental Championship in what turned out to be a stellar match at Vengeance 2004.


    You might be thinking if Orton was seemingly doing so well as champion, why in the blue fuck would WWE (Un)Creative take the IC title off him? God only knows what he could have pulled off had he continued his feud with Edge as the champion, or even with new challengers like Chris Jericho or Matt Hardy. You’re thinking the WWE can be really stupid at times. You sure do wish you knew the logic behind some of their utterly moronic decisions, too. Allow me to help.


    WWE’s logic behind this can be summed up in three words:


    Orton. Benoit. SummerSlam.


    I may be alone on this one, but this idea is utterly brilliant on WWE’s part. What they have in Randy Orton is a superstar bleeding opportunity, and I admire Vince McMahon for seizing it by jewels before its too late. There’s no question: like him or not, Randy Orton is one of the biggest heels on RAW right now, not to mention insanely over with the fans. Don’t believe me? Well, I’m sure I wasn’t hearing things when the crowed was cheering Orton during the Battle Royal. A heel. You know, the guy that normally gets booed.


    Its been blatantly obvious that WWE has wanted to make a huge star out of Orton for months now, and this is a good as time as ever. With wrestling’s answer to Jesus Christ in Chris Benoit as the champion, this match is all but guaranteed to be memorable. Orton would really have to be a sorry ass, piss-poor excuse at a wrestler (read: Orlando Jordan) to fuck something this good up, and that’s something he’s proved he is not, on multiple occasions.


    Hell, Orton doesn’t even have to win the match to come out golden; just look at Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit at the Royal Rumble 2003 for proof. Benoit didn’t win the match, but that didn’t stop 20,000 + people from giving him a standing ovation by the time it was over. No, I think all Orton has to do is prove that he can hang with Benoit in a high-level atmosphere, and then just go from there.


    Randy has already shown, at least to me, that he can handle himself in a main-event level match. I’m sure one is quick to forget that young Orton was a participant in the second ever Elimination Chamber match, alongside top guys at the time in Shawn Michaels, Kevin Nash, Chris Jericho, Triple H, and Goldberg. However, a gimmick match involving six guys, where you aren’t even the main focus within, is far different than a one on one encounter where the entire world has its eye on you, just waiting for you to fuck up. As I said earlier, Orton has a pretty big test ahead of him.


    Ask me and I’ll tell you: I doubt that Orton will win the title at SummerSlam, however, that doesn’t mean I don’t want him to. If he does pull a rabbit out of his ass and wins the thing, then hell, good for him. I’m reminded of another match, ironically almost exactly two years ago at the same PPV, where a newcomer by the name of Brock Lesnar upset The Rock to become the Undisputed WWE Champion and the youngest World Champion in WWE history. Will lightning strike twice? Who am I to say?


    The biggest payoff for Orton when all this is over, regardless if he wins or loses at SummerSlam, would be a feud with Triple H. One way or another, it’s going to happen eventually. WWE teased us with this very juicy prospect this past Monday, when Trips begrudgingly congratulated Orton on his Battle Royal victory, as well as being a bit hesitant to shake his hand.


    I think a serious program with Hunter will really further Orton's main-event level status, and even more so if it’s over the title. If Orton wins at SummerSlam, Trips will be furious that this young kid did something that H was never able to do: beat Chris Benoit. So furious, in fact, that he might even oust Orton from Evolution.


    Randy could pin H in a non-title or tag match of some sort, and from there, you have a promising feud in time for Unforgiven, and undoubtedly, through future PPVs to follow. Just like he would with Benoit, Orton doesn’t have to necessarily beat Hunter in a match, just prove that he can hang with him. Look at Chris Jericho during his feud with Triple H in 2000; even though Y2J lost the Last Man Standing match at Fully Loaded, he still came out looking better than he did going in.


    WWE has the proverbial goldmine when it comes to Randy Orton and his match at SummerSlam. All I can ask is that VKM and co. don’t half-ass this opportunity like they have so many others in the past. If they do botch this somehow, it is my opinion that it will join the Angle/Triple H/Stephanie love triangle and the 2001 InVasion as one of, if not the, biggest missed opportunities in WWE history. If WWE Creative does what its supposed to do, than the ball rests in the court of young Randal as to what his future as a professional wrestler will be. If his charisma, talent, and past matches are any indication, than I’m sure Randy Orton will take his ball and make one hell of a slam dunk.


    Flight In A Nutshell



    WWE has a potential main-eventer in the form of Randy Orton; he has the ability, charisma, and look to make it big, but his match at SummerSlam will make or break his future as a major league player.

    _____________________________


    And so ends Volume 15 of Flight Of the Phoenix, as well as my first run at the main-page. After glancing over it, I think it was a pretty good effort, so I’m fairly certain my tentacles will remain attached to my body. I can only hope Dumass sees it that way. Be sure to drop by the Columns Forum now and again to read further editions of Flight Of The Phoenix, as well as some of the other spectacular columns on there by my fellow forum brethren.


    That’s all for this edition. I’m a feedback whore; so leave some kngofyourworld@hotmail.com. Good, bad, whatever; feel free to drop me a line.


    As always people, thanks for flyin’ with the Phoenix





    *NEW GALLERY* Whoa Payton!! VERY HOT Modeling Shots of Payton Banks!

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