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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, July 25, 2004 at 5:45 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Divas Search Special Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman. This was a very trying week of wrestling. You know the main reason I still watch wrestling? Habit, and the fact that there is nothing on Monday that has caught my interest even remotely. Thursday is another story, but right now, it’s the same as Monday. Nothing really catches my interest like wrestling. What has brought Wevv into this recent bout of pessimism? Hot Chicks of course, and the fact that WWE has no friggin clue. Let’s take a look and see. WWE TV – The Series Raw Recap Info provided by Steven "Rommel" Schaeffer H talks for at least ten minutes. He goes from being the good guy to the bad guy, from caring about Eugene to making fun of Benoit to threatening Eugene, and then throws out a line to wake the people up. Ten minutes for a 30-second joke. Thanks H. Main points from this promo, in case you fell asleep. Benoit is now a crybaby, Eugene has been fired, and H gets rewarded for beating up the retard with a 60 minute Iron Man match. Which should be no problem since he hasn’t wrestled since the PPV, several weeks ago. He’s well rested. Tajiri vs Sylvan Grenier Rhyno comes out with his tag team partner. Ditto for Sylvan. Both interfere in the match, and Tajiri loses. Stacy Kiebler SummerSlam Ad Thank God some one knows how to use a hot chick. One hell of an ad. I must say, the guy doing these ads has a clue. The Eugene and Regal one was great as well. Too bad this guy will be fired for "knowing nothing about the business". Oh, and for not having enough short blond haired wrestlers in it. Highlight Reel Jericho, well done, very well done. He had a great skit. He introduced the Divas, and had them take part in a contest. Jericho leads the girls over the guardrail. Thanks Jericho. You’re the man. He led them into Bischoffs office and had them tear it apart looking for an immunity pass. Great fun. I’ll discuss the contestant merits in OAW, and yes it will take a whole OAW to cover everything about this contest. Strangely enough, I reviewed my tape, and didn’t hear any booing. The opposite in fact. I heard cheers when they came out, and cheers when they said their names, and cheers when they passed through the crowd. I did hear some boos later on. When Bischoff entered. I also heard booing when he was yelling at them. I did have a laugh then. See, Bischoff was being polite, and when the cameras are off, I imagine the winner will get it ten times worse. Brace yourself honey, it’s going to be a rough gig. That was mild compared to what Vince and the rest of management will be doing to you in resentment for winning of THEIR contest. -By the way, for those not familiar with leering after hot chicks, hooting and hollering can be mistaken for boos. It was "Whooo! Yeah baby" Not "boooo!". Think back to the sounds you may have heard at Mardi Gras, Frat parties, and any wet T-Shirt contest, whether in person or on MTV. Compare the noises. Similar, eh? But of course, no one watches those things, since they’re evil and vile. - Final comment in this section about the Divas Contest. It was the second highest rated segment on the show. It trailed only the over-run. Let me say this again for the haters. SECOND HIGHEST RATED SEGMENT OF THE SHOW! HALF A MILLION PEOPLE TUNED IN FOR THIS! Now go back to your pile. Hurricane vs Nathan Jones 2 Hurricane is trailed by Stacy and Trish is with her Problem solver. Decent match. Tomko is learning and that’s a good thing. Tomko over powers, and the after match beat down is just getting underway, with Tomko going for a slam on Stacy when Rosey saves the day in his new duds. Crowd cheers, imagine that. Ric Flair hates Mick Foley King reads the passages from Ric’s book that deal with nothing good to say about Mick and Bret Hart. It’s a shame, cause that book has so many other selling points, and WWE really thinks that Bret Hart can wrestle. Stroke people, stroke, and it’s going to be a long time until Mick is ready to come back to the WWE after the way they have treated him. Well, he did do a shoddy job. He got Randy over huge, and that wasn’t the plan at all. Too bad Mick didn’t know that. Batista vs Benoit Really good match. Great power moves form the big man, and Benoit was Benoit, which is to say amazing. Batista beat the heck out of Benoit, and Benoit gets trapped in the ropes and Batista takes advantage. The ref calls for the bell, but Batista isn’t done yet. Demon Bomb and he raises his hands, and the crowd goes apeshit. Right then and there, the decision should have been made to change the plan for the show. Not a huge change, but one little thing that could have done wonders. After the break H consults with Batista. The talk is centered on H. What would Wevv have done? Simple. H: Did you take care of Benoit? Batista: Yeah, I took care of him, He’ll be a pushover for next week. Walk away. Simple as that. Batista is the enforcer of the group, and so, if H doesn’t win next week, Batista can say that he beat the snot out of Benoit and it’s H’s fault for not being able to beat a weak and nearly crippled Benoit. Welcome to the upper ranks Big Man, Don’t get hurt. It’s a simple way to acknowledge that Batista just made an impact and recognize the fans support, without going all out and pushing him to the moon. A slow and steady climb, that starts with one small step. Kane vs Jericho Good long match. Nice work from both, and it’s good to know that they can work well together. Jericho used his quickness and flash, and Kane stuck with his strength and power. Jericho got the early win, after sending Kane to the outside, and Kane was unable to get back in time for the count. Bischoff came out and changed the rules of the match, and it went on. Falls count anywhere now. Kane and Jericho battled into the crowd, and Batista came out and decked Jericho. Kane got the pin. Walter Reed Medical Hospital Patients Now we know why no Eugene. Think that the administration for the hospital greeted the idea of a wrestling retard with open arms? Heck no. Also, the troops probably when asked who they wanted to see probably listed hot chicks over the retard. Welcome to reality WWE. Not everyone loves the retard. He’s funny yes, but the politically correct stance is that portraying a retard on TV in such a fashion is not a good PR move. Eugene is a guilty pleasure. WE love to laugh at the retard, not with him. We don’t want to see him bleed. Lose, no problem, but bleed? No thanks. Randy Orton vs Edge Very good match, and Edge was actually able to have some offense in this one. He actually looked like a champion. Good for him. Nice back and forth, nice two counts, and some great energy. We had a ref bump of course, and naturally Edge made a pin during that time, but it didn’t count. Randy regained his advantage, but Edge overcame, and made the pin, but cheated to do so. He had his feet on the ropes. So that was raw this week. Weak on material, but high on energy. H was gone after the first hour, and that’s a plus. Sure, JR and King had to keep talking about him, but I was able to ignore them. So forward progress on angles, Edge, and Orton, Batista is a shocker, but man, that pop when he slammed Benoit, has me thinking. He’s ready for a main event push, but maybe not to stay. A solid feud with Benoit could be the key. Benoit should win, but Batista can hang with him, and folks will buy it. Literally. You know, it’s amazing what the show can be like without H all over the place. Potential, but it’s on hold. Smackdown Recap info provided by Chad "CMV1" Mathews Show opens with Kurt in his wheel chair. He talks a long time about how he is a great guy, bring up the broken neck and Olympics thing, which is getting really old. It’s been 8 years to the day, and he’s done so much more since then. At least in terms of WWE history. He covers his ass well for interfering, I’ll give him that. Then it goes off kilter. He brings up Tony Chimmel, and many of us damn internet smarks knew what was coming next. Yep. Fired. It was drawn out. Angle told him to get on his knees (*wince*), and beg. Just once, I’d like a quick firing. I didn’t watch the Apprentice, but did they keep the contestant around after they fired them or was the boardroom segment over as soon as Donald said "You’re fired?" - You know, so many folks have been fired and come back, some without even bothering to explain their return, that the impact that a firing is supposed to have is nil. No one believes it. Chavo vs Spike vs Jamie Noble Spike wins on his own. Decent mat based wrestling. A few high spots spiced up the match. Spike pinned Chavo for the win. Hot Chicks The chicks want more TV time, and I’m right there with them. Angle agrees, but I know it’s not going to be a good thing. Angle does make it a lingerie match, so maybe I’m wrong. Billy Kidman vs Bubba Round two of the singles competition. Accompanied by their tag team partners, all played a role. D-Vons was to cost Billy his match and get chased away by London. Bubba gets the pin. FUNAKI! Funaki is back as the #1 Smackdown Announcer. AWESOME! Man, I love Funaki’s work, and it was no different this time. Booker T shows up, and Angle gives him the belt. Not officially, but he does hand it to him. Shades of Triple H, yet, I think Booker can play the role better than H. Funaki complains, and Angle makes fun of his accent. He then fires Funaki! YOU BASTARD ANGLE! Oh man, it was good, but it’s getting old. Real quick. -The funny thing is Funaki really is the #1 Smackdown announcer. Josh Mathews may be close, but he’s no Funaki. Funaki rules. Dudley Family reunion Spike, Bubba and D-Von all have a nice chat. Spike still doesn’t want their help. So D-Von and Bubba say they won’t interfere if Spike doesn’t interfere. Spike agrees and they announce that D-Von has a match against Rey. Nicely done, but it’s still has a way to go. This could turn south real quick. JBL Promo and Match JBL comes out, and the cow moos. MOOO! Bradshaw then touches the fans, and the Curse of Victoria kicks in. Never touch the fans. JBL speaks, and no one cares. He rips on Philly's sports teams, and still no one reacts. That’s bad. He tries Rocky and gets some response, but not much. Apathy reigns. So JBL then calls out a jobber. He squashes him good, and then goes on to try and get some more heat. He quickly starts goose stepping and saluting to Seig Heil! Just kidding but it may come to that. That curse is devastating. So, Bradshaw announces he won’t be wrestling at SummerSlam. Great another champ who doesn’t wrestle. The lights go out and Taker appears. JBL turns into a pussy and says he’ll wrestle Shannon Moore, since he got that sexy new haircut. JBL threatens Taker, and then tries to cheap shot, which leads to one move. The Chokeslam and it’s over. Taker then says "You. ME. SummerSlam." -There it is, the buy rate sensation. How soon till WWE throws Eddie or some one who can actually wrestle into the mix? I give it a week. Poor Paul Heyman A promo for Heidenriech airs, with vocals by Paul. It’s interesting, but you know, the fatal flaw for all these newbie pushes is that at some point they have to wrestle. Strange how the pushes usually end about that time, eh? Dawn Marie vs Sable vs Torrie vs Miss Jackie – Lingerie Match All looked damn good. Dawn just knows how to be hot, Torrie is on, and Jackie has the skills, but needs time to become a true vixen. Before the match starts, and really, who cared about the match, Angle appears and fires all of them. WWE, you fools. On the bright side, this may lead to an angle where the chicks try to get back on TV. That could be good. But it probably won’t be. I’d rather seen them just disappear than have to go through the creepyness that Vince loves. WWE just doesn’t get the fact that happy chicks are a good thing. Enough, more on that later. D-Von vs Rey Nice mixing of styles early. Very good work from both. D-Von went for the injury, not the pin, and Rey countered. Bubba then got involved, but it wasn’t enough as Rey pulled out a win. Nicely done. This also sets up a good plot point for later, if WWE decides to use it. John Cena vs Luther Reigns Cena came out holding what looked like two dildos. He gave them to a kid. Then, his first slam is against Angle and he hints that she left him for dildos, making the connection complete. Way to go WWE, really good thinking there. Little to no reaction to Cena’s words after that. Decent match, but not great. Cena was reacting too quick for some moves. In one case, Luther got some great air, but Cena was long gone by the time he started coming down. A small thing, but it was noticeable. Booker came out to interfere, and Cena ducked too quickly again. Booker nails Luther, and Cena gets the pin. Eddie and Angle, Best Buds Angle demands that Eddie come down and apologize. Vince came out, and that intestine problem must be worse than we thought, since it looked like Vince crapped his pants from the way he walked. Vince was great on the mic. He then asked for Angle’s resignation, and Angle got down on one knee. OK, who else was thinking nasty thoughts? Angle then begged. Vince went nuts and attacked Kurt. Kurt, to his credit, didn’t puss out, but backed off. Vince then fired Angle. He then re-instated Angel as a wrestler. A match is made for SummerSlam, Angle vs Eddy. Eddie then came out, and Vince hopped in his car, and they bounced together. That was a great visual. The show has made a lot of progress towards a cohesive story. However, the flavor for these angles is lacking. Some have potential, simply because they haven’t been tampered with. Spike, London Kids, and the Dudley’s is intriguing. Taker vs Bradshaw is one that I don’t expect to be good, but can accept simply because it involves those two. Eddy vs Angle, well, it’s brand new and too soon to tell how this is going to go. It’s times like this that I miss Big Show. Come back soon big guy. The GM spot is now open, and the expected person to fill that role is Steph. Hopefully not, but maybe, just maybe, if she’s on TV, her duties as head of creative will be lessened, since she’s on TV. Wishful thinking, but it’s a possibility Wevv’s House (Next To The Cemetery) Front Yard Wevv is sitting in his garage. The door is closed, and it’s a tight fight with the hearse, casket, Mark Henry and Ralphus on the other side from him. Wevv is using the casket as a desk. Wevv: Well folks, it’s been an interesting few weeks. You both have worked hard, and tried your best, but I’m afraid it’s not working out. I’m going to have to let one of you go. Mark: Good luck Ralphus. It’s been a pleasure working with you. No one has been able to keep up with me on chicken wings, but you sure came close. Wevv: I’m sorry Mark, but you have to go. Mark: What? Man, I got a contract! Two more years! Wevv: A wrestling contract, true, but not one with me. Mark: Aw man, but why Wevv? Wevv: Well Mark, you’re too expensive. Mark: If it’s about the food, I put it all on Big Show’s tab! See? No Problem, Big Show will have to pay for it! Wevv: Mark, Big Show doesn’t have a tab. Mark: Aw man. Well, thanks for giving me the opportunity. Who’s going to take my place? Just then, a bass line can be heard from inside the house. The inner door opens and a large man is silhouetted. The music can be clearly heard, and the large figure moves into the garage, singing. Rikishi: I know you’re hurting baby/ But I got the cure/ Just put a little ass on it! PUT A LITTLE ASS ON IT!/ Ass on it/ and put your ass right out the door! Wevv: (wincing) Rikishi is available, and well why not? Rikishi: That’s right Mark. The Quiche is here and he’s taking YOUR spot! Thanks for giving me this gig Wevv. I need the money. I got laser eye surgery to pay for, not to mention a nose job. Wevv: I don’t pay anything Rikishi. We went over this. Rikishi: Well, in that case, I’ll need some time off. Wevv: What? Just for curiosities sake, how much time? Rikishi: Well, I think Rock said he’d be in Hollywood for a couple of months, and that’s where the clinic is that does that new lazik, so I’d say seven months. Wevv: isn’t lazik same day surgery? Rikishi: Yeah, but this is special surgery. Eight months tops. Mark: I’m available Wevv! Wevv: Now hold on a second here! Rikishi, I just hired you, I’m not giving you any time off! Mark! NO! The bill alone from Dominos is enough to pay my mortgage for a month! Ralphus! Leave the casket alone! Rikishi: Fine! I’ll stay. My, that casket sure looks slippery. Mark: I’ll cut down on the pizzas! I’ll stick to Chinese! Wevv: NO Mark! No! I have fifteen different people all named Chang calling and asking for money! Rikishi! I hired you to do a job! Now stop acting like a baby! Everyone starts trying to talk at once, and Wevv is getting more and more pissed. Suddenly the garage door opens. A screeching sound is heard and everyone goes diving for cover, as another hearse comes rolling in. It slams into the hearse already in the garage. Smoke is coming form the second hearse, which looks like it’s been through a war. The drivers side door falls off, as a figure emerges, coughing, form the wreck. A second, larger figure emerges from the other side. The first figure speaks. Bossman: Where the hell did this come from? Big Show: What did you hit this time? Buffalo? Moose? Police car? The Loc Ness Monster? Man, nothing would surprise me by this point. Bossman: It’s another hearse! That bastard Wevv! I knew it! He’s going to replace us! Big Show: Well, then we got back just in time! Mark: Aw hell…. Welcome back Bossman and Big Show! You got some splainin’ to do…. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Hot Chicks and Wrestling, One More Time… I just don’t get it. There is an attitude in the IWC that I just don’t understand. I can see part of the reason for it, but the level is beyond me. The IWC hates chicks on TV. All chicks, whether they’re hot or not. They hated Chyna. I can understand that. They hate Torrie. They hate Stacy, they hate Jazz, they hate Lita, and they hate Miss Jackie. They hate Dawn, They like Trish, but are very critical of her. They like Vicki, but it was briefly, and it’s soon turning to hate. Now, there are ten hot chicks on TV and the IWC is in an uproar. Chicks. Hot Chicks. On TV. And they want them off TV as soon as possible. And they want them to take the rest of the chicks too. Let’s take a look at some of the bigger complaints about the ladies. They take up valuable TV time from other wrestlers: The inherent flaw in this argument is that the ladies get very little time. Maybe five ten minutes max. Their bits are very brief, and as for the matches, it’s rare that they go over five minutes. Now, compare that to the opening monologue of H or Bradshaw. They use up more time talking than three cruiser matches. And very often the whole point of the promo can be summed up effectively in three minutes. They’re just T and A: Well yes. Would you rather have some ugly broads on TV? The WWE Divas have come a long way from cheap panty shots. They now have some good mic skills, and have athletic ability. They may not be at Benoit’s level, but they are better than Bradshaw and Holly. They may not use power moves, but the agents have come up moves that are just as flashy, and they look way better than Holly performing them. Holly giving the Alabama Slam on some cruiser who has potential or Torrie school-girling Sable, who are both easy on the eyes, and I’ll still enjoy seeing, regardless of who wins or loses. Personally, I don’t think every chick has to wrestle. There are more benefits to having them stand next to some one then by having them get in the ring. The last one is the more common complaint. Now there’s a contest that is bringing ten hot chicks to TV. And they are taking up valuable TV time. Time that could be making money on top of what they’re doing for Raw. And it’s not wrecking the show. Indeed, the Divas segment was the second highest segment of the show. So folks are interested. It doesn’t matter if they’re just channel surfing and stopping to watch some hotties parade around in bikinis. They got hooked. They may stay, depending on what the rest of the show has to offer. Offer them crap, and they’re gone. Simple as that. Now, the price tag for this competition is $250, 000. That’s half of the development territories budget. That’s a lot of coin, but the fact is, Vince had the final say on how much to offer. I am a bit surprised by the amount, since I figure $100K would get just as many contestants. Now, I realize that the chicks won’t be good in the ring. They aren’t trained wrestlers. But attempts to convert hot chicks into wrestlers have met for the most part with failure. That isn’t to say that they have no value. A hot manager can do miracles. Test got over because of Stacy Keibler. Sunny was a phenomenal success, partly because of her looks, and partly because of whom she was managing. Once she was separated from her team, her team quickly faded. The key thing to realize is that the money isn’t going to come rolling in from putting these chicks into matches. The money comes from marketing them as hot chicks, not wrestlers. Posters, magazines, DVD’s, public appearances. Guest spots in TV and Movies.. These non-wrestlers can be used to help promote events, and their time can be spent doing that instead of working to maintain their wrestling skills. Looking good takes as much work and energy as keeping wrestling skills sharp. So let’s take a look at what the Divas search is all about, and what the "Winner" can expect. The price tag of $250 K has brought out some top-notch competitors. It’s necessary, since WWE has a bad rep of not treating their female talent well. The history of Sable and Chyna still effects WWE today in their handling of talent. As soon as one of the ladies starts getting a bad rep, the punishment comes down heavy. The plethora of vomit matches and degrading antics have decreased significantly, but the memory still lingers. Fans who see the dollar amount and think they can do it are quickly reminded of the past. The final ten contestants have quite the resume. We have models, TV personalities, Playboy Bunnies, and athletically trained talent. Some are more valuable for their connections. Access to Howard Stern (Amy Weber), Jimmy Kimmel (The Juggy Twins) and Hugh Heffner (Carmella) is not to be underestimated. Those names have main stream media outlets that can do wonders for promoting WWE events. That does play a factor, and is the only reason I can think of for the Juggy Twins to make it this far. The other set of twins was hotter. No matter who wins, the winner is going to get a rough reception. Once the cameras stop rolling the resentment from the rest of the crew will come pouring in. In the structure of WWE, the kind of money they’re getting paid will be held against them, before they even show up. Then there’s the fact that "don’t understand the business". Then it will be their lack of wrestling training. Then they’ll be beat up and humiliated, and start to complain, which will make matters worse. Vince just doesn’t understand how to make money off of hot chicks, something every schmuck with a web cam and an internet connection has figured out. Every Divas special is promoted briefly, and then gone. It’s a grudging attempt to make some money. It’s like Vince doesn’t want to do it, but knows that it will work. So it gets back handed treatment. When it works, it’s a shock. The basis is very simple. It’s hot chicks, who are on TV, being hot, and showing a taste of what they have. They don’t even have to get naked. Maxim magazine has proven this. Hot chicks getting down to their skivvies works just as well, and sometimes better than getting totally naked. The celebrity factor is the key selling point, not the near nudity. Chicks who appear on Raw and Smackdown, well, they’re celebrities. Fans know who they are, and like to get a good look at them. WWE has bungled this contest. The back biting politics are effecting the implementation of a solid money making enterprise. The resentment needs to be nipped in the bud right now. Assure the chicks that while they may be getting a ton of cash up front, they aren’t going to be getting any money off of merchandising. It’s all gravy for WWE. Fans get to chose who wins, but WWE has the final say (read the rules). If some one is a big problem they will be gone. Finally, don’t expect these broads to come out doing suplexes, shooting star presses, and moonsaults. All Divas are not wrestlers, and that’s the way it should be. I can guarantee that the fans don’t give a hoot if they can wrestle or not. If they can, hey good for them, but that’s not the sole motive for my vote. These broads are going to put to work right off the bat. As for firing them right off the bat, let’s not forget these chicks have agents. Agents who are familiar with contracts. Agents who will fight for the money. Agents who know just how much WWE is worth, and know the contracts forward and back. WWE better watch it’s ass. Those media connections we mentioned earlier? It won’t be good if these chicks get on one of these shows and start dishing out the dirt. That guy who likes guys with short blond hair in particular has something he doesn’t want the public to know. Like what really happened to Test and how H’s role in Conan is back on. It’ll be back to the pile if he’s lucky. Now, about how the show is placed, that is a problem. So much opportunity wasted. WWE is thinking short term again. One DVD vs several. A chance to have a time slot of their very own. A chance to branch out and expand the WWE empire. A chance to pave the way for future reality shows, heck, shows in general. The Divas Special got a 1 rating, and that is good. MXC has been getting a .85. For Spike, the Divas special was good, and WWE could have asked for the time slot after Raw. The odd block of varying time that has perplexed Spike for its programming. A flexible show, say 15 minutes of actual material, and padded by advertising, would have been solid for WWE. Advertisers that won’t advertise on regular WWE programming, may have done so on this special. It’s money wasted. It’s respect wasted. If it ain’t wrestling, Vince doesn’t have a clue. That’s it for today. Mark Henry has gone into hiding. He’s not taking his firing well. Rikishi was happy with the packet of Ding Dongs we gave him. Now Bossman has to get the hearse ready, and Show is hunting Mark. A four hundred pound "athletically gifted Athlete" shouldn’t be too hard to find. So some brief news, some brief plugs, and that’s a wrap. X-pac is rumored to be making a return. Chyna was on Howard Stern, and from what could be understood, X-Pac and her are broken up and Pac is headed back to WWE after his stint in rehab. I can think of one reason why this may be good. See, back in the degenerating days of DX, Pac and Billy had a feud over who would own the rights to the Degen X name. X-Pac won. So, form a TV perspective, X-Pac still owns the name, and may have some legal basis to it, since it was broadcast. So, by bringing Pac in, he can lose the rights on TV, and then Degeneration X can return. Something to think about. Plugs! LOP Forums! LOP Columnist Forums! Xan man returns! PVP talks about the women’s division! What would the Monkey do? Tina Ali sounds off about Grumpy Old Men, and Random Guy has no need to regain his credibility, since he beat me in Around the Horn. At least from me, the guy is solid. So Bossman, it she running? Any luck Show? No? Come on, Show, this is mark Henry we’re talking about! It’s not like he can hide in the closet or behind the sofa! All right, let’s roll. Welcome back guys, and you better keep your noses clean. Until next Time Thanks For Reading and Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* Must See! The WWE Divas PARTYING HARD After WrestleMania 24!
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