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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, July 18, 2004 at 7:40 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Comic Book Characters Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! What a fascinating week of wrestling. We have a PPV, the two TV shows, and a Divas special to cover. Oh, and there was TNA this week, both on Friday and Wednesday, so that’s even more wrestling for you wrestle-a-holics. Let’s get stated. WWE TV – The Series Vengeance is MINE! Recap Info provided by Steven "Mr. PPV""Rommel" Schaeffer I didn’t watch the PPV, but did read the recapps. I had no interest in paying for it, or even going to the bar to watch it for free. There was only one thing I cared about on this PPV. Would H beat Benoit. The answer was no. Benoit won after some retard hijinks. There was some other big news coming out of the PPV. Edge beat Randy Orton for the IC belt. Randy ahs held that belt for a long time, and I hoped that Monday night would be the start of something good. A reign like that shouldn’t be dismissed out of hand. I was looking forward to Monday to see what the next step WWE would take was. RAW Recap Info provided by the Hardest Working Man in Recapping, Steven "Rommel" Schaeffer Show opens with Evolution hanging around in the locker room. They’re all pissed because they all lost. H is the most pissed of all. Eugene is to blame they say. The crew wants to beat the crap out of Eugene, but H calms them down and tells them to follow his lead. Eugene makes a retarded entrance. He then gives a retarded apology. H then flips his switch and goes all buddy with Eugene. Excellent. Very well done. The guy can do the job, but he loves doing more than his share, and that’s the problem. Allis apparently forgiven, though H tells Eugene that Uncle Eric is upset. Nice work from Randy and Batista, and Ric was probably laughing his ass off, which is why he spent most of his time hiding behind Randy. Batista vs Edge OK, Edge had a big win last night so why was he booked into a match in which he got almost no offense? It was like seven minutes of New Intercontinental Champion Edge getting his ass kicked. Lots of power moves from Batista. Edge turned the tide, but Randy came down to distract him. Batista remained his momentum, and was about to win, until Edge reversed a spine buster into a roll up, and he got the pin, while hanging onto the ropes. STILL YOUR INTERCONITENTAL CHAMPION, EDGE THE CHEATER! - What the fudge? It’s not the match that bugs me. It’s good to know that Edge and Batista can work well together, but this match is the wrong type at this time. Edge wasn’t that strong going into the PPV, now that he has an edge(ha), it’s just been tainted from this man handling. Take some time to set these matches up for crying out loud. A win would have done wonders, and that’s not sarcasm. Eugene Visits Uncle Eric Great job from Bischoff. That was prime. He tells Eugene that he didn’t blame Eugene, and that he’s been sop impressed with his wrestling skills that he’s giving him a full time contract. Beautiful. My first thought was the swerve. Once Eugene signed, Eric would then announce "and your first opponent is….BATISTA!" and thus we get three solid weeks of Eugene getting pounded by Evolution, but some how squeaking out a win, until H beats him for once and for all. But Eric announced that his first match was going to be against Chris Benoit. Even better. Hell, let Evolution help the retard win, and then have H beat him. The King Gets His Wish So, WWE just had to drag some hot chicks to Raw for the King to drool over, since Coach is getting all the trim. Little did anyone realize the controversy this action would spark. Rommel, yes THAT Rommel, got quite the scoop, showing that not only is he the King Of Recappers, but also a solid journalist. Here’s the link: LOP Exclusive Flair, Author Todd interviews Flair, who cuts a solid promo when Hurricane interjects himself into the mix. Funny thing is, Flair was cutting the type of promo that Benoit should be using. Rhyno vs Rob Conway Rhyno has a new buddy, and it’s Tajriri! Excellent. Now, they just need a chick to manage them. Stacy would be good. As a cheerleader, who is bubbly and peppy. That would contrast nicely with Rhyno’s menacing promos. Huh? Wha? Oh yeah, there’s a match. Rhyno wins, after Tajiri interferes. Tomko vs Maven MAVEN LIVES! He’s accompanied to the ring by Nidia. Tyson by Trish, and there was a little fracas at ringside, but Maven still loses. Highlight Reel Jericho opens his segment fantastically, marking his prowess at Musical Chairs, and reminding us (hey if he doesn’t, no one else will) that he’s the first ever Undisputed Champion. He also gives the very telling statement that in WWE you don’t settle your differences in private, but on TV. SO his guest for tonight is Kane. Kane wasted no time in calling out Lita. Lita arrived and cut the strongest promo I’ve ever heard her give. She insulted Kane and is apparently sticking with Matt hardy. Oh, and she’s still pregnant. It couldn’t be all good now could it? She left the ring and Kane went nuts. He went for the Jerichotron – NO! That’s a five thousand dollar piece of equipment and it probably comes out of Jericho’s paycheck! Jericho stopped him, but was thrown from the ring. Kane left, and Jericho started busting on him. Interesting. He finally got the Big Red machine to head back to the ring. The match begins. Kane vs Jericho Pretty solid match. Kane had his power moves, but Jericho had his speed and flashy style. Back and forth, and neither could put the other away, until Kane hit Jericho in the balls, but the ref saw it. Jericho gets the win. -Well it’s something I thought I might like to see, and here it is. How to add some spice to the mix? It’s still early to go for the all out grudge match. Jericho does have the low blow to use as fodder for some promos. Kane does need to do something to "impress" Lita. A title would be nice. That’s the missing ingredient. But that’s tied up with H. So, let’s do some skits. Jericho in a Kane mask would be pretty funny. Lita as guest host doing the interview? I still think the long term plot of Lita getting the women’s belt, and then Kane getting the Heavyweight belt, and thus having the rationale of "We’re champions, we should be together" could fly. Sigh. Some much possibility, but there’s always H to think about .See, it’s the later events that could put a kibosh on things. More Chicks And she was cut. Thanks for coming, get the F out! Hurricane vs Ric Flair Not a bad match, but nothing spectacular. You knew Ric was going to win, so that diminished it for me. Still, at least Hurricane got some TV time, and that’s a good thing. 2004 Playmate of the Year She’s still in the running. Eugene vs Benoit Pretty solid match. Benoit was friendly to Eugene, but as the match went on, Benoit got more cautious and realized that here was a true threat. Things started getting interesting when H and his posse came down and beat the snot out of Eugene. Eugene bled. Bad. Edge came out to help and your IC champion was beat down. Regal came out and was beat down. Show ended with Evolution standing unopposed over the bodies of two champions and a lovable retard. Oh, and Regal was in there too. So, H gets to bloody the retard and beat up almost all the key faces. Where does it go from here? No idea. In five minutes, they blew weeks of angles. Going got hard to top that visual. Reader Dan Jackson did send in the following theory that is too good to keep to myself. Hey Wevv, Here's a thought; do you think Eugene is a sort of Anti-HHH? Bear with me here. HHH's nickname of "The Game" came about as a result of the conceit that he was the "Greatest Student of the Game" and so he was "That Damn Good". Now Eugene's gimmick is to be an idiot savant who has an encyclopedic knowledge of wrestling history as well as an exhaustive repertoire of other wrestler's styles and finishing moves. Here we have a wrestler who is actually demonstrating that he is a student of the wrestling game, as opposed to one whom just claims to be. HHH is the "Cerebral Assassin" (couldn't you just pop J.R. in the nose sometimes?) while Eugene is mentally just a child. HHH manipulates, Eugene trusts. HHH is muscle-bound, Eugene has an average build. Straight blonde hair, wavy brown hair. Tailored suits, crumpled windbreaker. Et cetera. I thought early on that Eugene would end up being the reason that HHH got booted from Evolution, though I didn't (and still don't, entirely) think that it would be because of the school-yard bully prejudice of the other Evolution members against Eugene. I thought it would be because Eugene was going to beat him with a three-count as a result of the his own moves capped off by the pedigree (or maybe a combination of the RKO, a Batista-style powerbomb and the Figure 4 in quick succession). The other members of Evolution would claim that HHH was inhibiting Evolution's progress, that the fittest would survive, nature had selected them and not him, and whatever other Darwinian references they can think of. Even if this wasn't the original plan, I think it's how they are developing the storyline, and I have to say it's the best thing HHH has done in ages. It actually makes for enjoyable back-stage antics, and HHH mic time that doesn't make me automatically get up for a piss break. Thanks for listening to my uninformed opinion! -Dan Jackson Uniformed? I disagree. That was a very astute observation. Eugene the Anti-H. It does raise anticipation o for the next show. Well, at least for me. Smackdown Recap info courtesy of Chad "CMV1" Mathews Booker T starts off the show with a solid promo. He says that he won last week, and that it was an oversight on Kurt’s part that he was not awarded the belt. Rene Dupree came down, and said that he should be the champion. Kenzo Suzuki then came and joined the party. Very good work from all the parties. I am impressed. Booker got his fire back. Then Cena came down and cut a really strong promo. Well done. It’s amazing when he doesn’t talk about balls, poop, or other homo acts. Makes a world of difference. Cena then left to go find Kurt Angle. The three men and lady stayed in the ring to wait for him. Cena finds Angle and beats up Luther, while Kurt whines. Luther goes through a wall, and security comes in to stop Cena. Angle then gets tough. Cena is dragged away. Not bad. Strong opening. -OK, this is way too much time wasted. Cena’s hunt for Angle is an after break event. The melee between Booker, Rene, and Suzuki is before the break, the fade away fracas. I don’t know about Luther being beaten so easily. The thing is, I like the Cena push, but it’s too off balance. Cena is getting the superman push, and that grates on me. It’s also blowing weeks of angles for a mega push, that will have nothing left. Unless….. Rey Mysterio and Spike Dudley vs Jamie Noble and Chavo Solid match, lots of reversals and flying. Well paced, and solid. The Dudley’s make an appearance to help Spike, who manages to get the pin. The Dudleys applaud and Spike starts whining and acting like a pussy. "Leave me Alone! Whah! Whah!" Cena vs Booker T, Rene Dupree, And Kenzo Suzuki Yes, it’s a three on one handicapped match. Six weeks of angles flushed. Suzuki got DQ’s for choking Cena early. Cena was fine. Cena then pinned Rene Dupree. But Booker finally pined Cena after Luther interfered. So it’s not like Booker actually beat Cena. It took four guys to put Cena down. Yay. -Here’s what I think, I think Cena is being pushed as a mega man so that he can fued with Taker. That way, when Cena is unstoppable, and hopefully really popular, Taker comes right in and beats him, stealing the heat. Now, Taker vs Cena could be good. It could, but I doubt it. At this rate, I’ll be sick of Cena. Poor, Poor Paul Heyman OH man, Paul gets saddled with another rookie and has the near impossible task of making the guy look like a star. That poor bastard. I suppose it’s the only way to stop him from making the show good. On the bright side, if Heyman makes it work, he may get more input into the show. Like last time. Matt Morgan and Nathan Jones? They were good until they wrestled, and well, nothing could really help those dudes, except time. Which ran out. So good luck Paul, hope this big goof doesn’t hurt anybody in his first two minute squash match. Be sure to call Hurricane and Stevie Richards and get some pointers, since Johnny hurt those guys on multiple occasions. Paul London vs D-Von It’s the singles match up before the title defense. I’m sure next week it will be Kidman vs Bubba. Not a bad match, and D-Von does the job. AT least it’s about the titles for now, instead of are they for real. Oh wait, Cole was muttering something about that, so we’ll have to wait and see. Bradshaw vs Eddy Guerrero It’s a steel cage match. You know, I hate Bradhsaw’s entrance. A cow mooing? What the fudge? Bradshaw then shakes hands with the fans. So, he’s a face now? Man, I hope the curse of Victoria kicks in. It’s the right character, but the wrong actions. Cocky heel dammit! Rich Snob! Evil Business guy! That’s the Bradshaw I liked. That’s the Bradshaw that had such great potential. Anyhoo, the match was really slow. Lots of spots, fall down, rest, get back up, punch, fall down, rest, move, move, fall down, rest. It did have some psychology going, but it was tough to stay interested. Equal amounts of offense, and each got to hit some big moves. I do hate that cigar on the back thing Bradshaw does. Yes, I’m smoking a cigar while a guy’s head is between my legs. Just do the move. End was Senior Americano making a surprise appearance and stopping Eddy from stopping Bradshaw escape from the cage. Bradshaw wins. Senior Americano then tries to escape, but the door is locked. Eddy gets his hands on Americano, and the mask comes off revealing Kurt Angle. Show ends. So, all that taunting about Kurt being injured has forced him back into the ring. I don’t know what to make of it. On one hand, Kurt is very seriously injured, and should take the time to heal. On the other, Kurt Angle may start wrestling again, and that is always a treat. But if it comes at the cost of his wellbeing, well, that diminishes it. Now, from an angle standpoint, Kurt is no win the mix. It says volumes. That Bradshaw needs help as a champion, that the feud has played itself out, and that Kurt as GM wasn’t cutting it. To me, all valid points. But now the rumors are starting up that Steph is coming back, since the GM spot is open. But it isn’t. Kurt never stepped down as GM, so he’s still the man, and even though he interfered in the match, that doesn’t mean he loses his job. He may just become a wrestling GM, which is something that WWE loves to do. Just be careful Kurt. Wevv’s House (Next To The Cemetery) Driveway Wevv is standing in his driveway, sweating. Before him stand a bashful mark Henry and an embarrassed Ralphus. Wevv: OK guys, I’ll go over this one more time. Mark, you ride the casket. You sit back thee and just hang on. You do not jump off when we pass McDonalds. You do not jump off and go get some chicken when we stop at a light, and most of all, you DO NOT EAT WHILE RIDING THE CASKET! Mark: But Wevv how am I supposed to hold onto the casket? It’s hard to hold onto the casket and your drink at the same time. Wevv: What did I just say? No eating while riding! Jeez! Ralphus! Ralphus jumps at the mention of his name, and then sheepishly points to himself. Wevv: Yes, you! I told you that you’re supposed to make sure the casket is hooked up to the hearse right? So what happened? WE drove off and left Mark behind. So make sure that it’s hooked up. And another thing, don’t stop, no matter what. Just keep driving. Run red lights, cut off cars, whatever, but never, ever stop the hearse. Got it? Good. Wevv’s cell phone rings. Wevv reaches into his pocket to get it, and answers. Wevv: hello? Hold on a second. Mark, Ralphus, do a few practice rounds around the block, OK? GO slow. There are kids playing around here. Yes? They what? Who? They broke into the arena and did what? No, I have no idea what you’re talking about. No, I tell you, I deny all involvement. Nope, sorry, wrong number. Yes, this is Wevv, and no I have no idea who Bossman and Big Show are. No, I work with Mark Henry and Ralphus. Ralphus. No, Ralphus, Chris Jericho's old bodyguard? From his WCW days? Big fat guy, no teeth? Never mind. Yes, if I hear anything I’ll call you. Promise. Thank you and goodbye. Wevv hangs up, mops his brow and looks up in time to see Mark and Ralphus come by. Wevv: Good! Good! Much better! Suddenly, a tinkling of bells can be heard. Mark’s head perks up, his face splits in a goofy grin and he hollers Mark: Ice Cream! Floor it Ralphus! Ralphus looks back at mark and floors it. The hearse speeds up, and the Ice Cream truck comes around the corner. A collision is narrowly avoided, and the Ice cream truck skids back under control. The truck speeds up when it sees the hearse and casket begins to turn, and the sound of Mark hollering can be heard. A high-speed chase begins. Wevv, who has been standing his driveway watching the scene unfold, mops his brow again, and then looks up and says. Wevv: Why me? This gimmick seemed like a good idea t the time, a bit of comedy relief and all, but man, sometimes,…gah. It’s too damn hot. Big Show and Bossman are wanted fugitives, Mark henry is Mark Henry, and Ralphus, well, he doesn’t talk, so that’s a plus. I need a drink. Wevv goes back inside his house, as the merry sounds of the ice cream truck merge with the shrieking of tires, and thumps of collisions, and Mark Henry yelling for ice cream. Yes, another typical Sunday in Wevv’s neighborhood. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Saving The Day Spiderman is set to break all kinds of records, and it’s only been out a few weeks. The top moneymakers in the movie biz have lately all shared a common theme. Comic book characters coming to life on the big screen. The top five movies can all be defined as comic book stories. All are action or adventure (Ron Burgandy is a comedy, but is very comic book like). Folks are flocking in droves to see movies that have a lot of visuals, and characters that have straightforward personalities. Well, Spider man has a lot of character development, but the script is solid, and also has a lot of really cool action scenes to keep it moving. Comic books have been a part of growing up for many kids and adults. The genre is still strong. Now that movies are being made out these treasures, the world is perking up to the smell of money. It’s pretty simple to make a movie out of them. They have storyboards, well-defined characters, and short stories that can be spun off into sequels. A rich universe is now being tapped, and the results are money. The adaptations are not all good, but the effort sparks attempt after attempt. There’s a market, and it can’t seem to get enough. Back in it’s heyday of popularity, wrestling used to have a lot in common with comic books. Wrestlers were larger than life. The angles followed a similar pattern, but with some twists and turns to keep things interesting. It wasn’t all-good, but the stuff that worked was so good, the crap was easy to overlook. Rock was the man, Austin was top gun, Angle was the new kid who had that scary talent, and Taker was the force of evil, along with the H, Big Show, and Vince. When Jericho first appeared, the crowd went nuts. Somehow it all got lost. The simple challenge of being the best no longer mattered. Instead, we went soapy and maudlin. Now it was all about feelings, and emotion and the creepier the better. Even back during the early boom, the characters that worked were all comic book like. Hulk Hogan, Randy Macho Man Savage, Big Bossman, Big John Studd, King Kong Bundy. All comic book names and all had some followings. The emotion was high, but it wasn’t about forcing the emotion of drama and dread, it was about being the best, and righting the wrongs. The greatest periods of popularity seem to correspond to the times when comic book like character were balanced enough to keep from being saturated against realism. The fact that some of these guys could wrestle also helped immensely. An example of a comic book type character that WWE has right now, on their roster is Kane – The man has stayed a big scary monster. I think that’s the key to his durability in the face of crap. His angles have been the stuff of legend. Legendary jokes. From lighting JR on fire to humping a dead chick to electrocuting Shane in the balls. Yet he’s still a favorite. Folks react when he comes out. Another example, on the opposite end is: Rey Mysterio – Heck, he’s even got a mask. His speed and agility are very characteristic of another masked hero. Rey has lost on just about every PPV he’s been on, but fans still love the guy. His victories are fewer than his loses, but that doesn’t stop the cheers. There’s plenty more to choose from. Some just need a little tweaking to get the right vibe, but al can fit into a comic book mold. It’s more than just having the right characters. Story matters as well. The simplistic format is Good guy has to stop Bad guy. What the bad guy wants changes from story to story, but the format is the same. Even Anti-heroes can be placed in these roles. The main thing is that Hollywood seems to have embraced the theme of comic book movies and while dramas still play a factor, the main bread and butter for these studios is the money making machines of comic books. The market has backed up these assumptions On interesting note to the comic book formula. They’re serial in nature. That means that the story doesn’t stop. It keeps going from one story to the next. Similar to Soap operas. In the comics, they have layers of stories, since they have to set things up for the next big battle. You know, wrestling has a lot more in common with comics than with soap operas, but WWE is still all keyed up to follow the soap format. Heh, where’s Dr. Doom when you need him? That’s it for today. There’s a lot more that could be explored in the comparison of Comics to Wrestling, but, I got a draft to get to. Fantasy Football is kicking off, and man am I psyched. Some news to cover before the plugs. Rikishi has been released. Yes, I know it’s a dark day for Fatty fans. I’m sure Rock isn’t too happy about it, but you know what? Rikishi had it coming. They guy did take off months for laser eye surgery without telling anyone. He is suffering from additional injuries, and refused to lose weight. But when all is said and done, the guy may be back. The Divas special has come and gone. It’s an interesting mix of finalist. There’s the athletic chick that WWE loves, the token black chick, a pair of twins with ties to Jimmy Kimmel, a chick with ties to Howard Stern and the Playboy Connection. Then there’s the professional models and TV actors. $250 K sure does bring out some fine talent. I just hope they don’t make them wrestle. If they want hot chicks who can wrestle, then they should plunder the Indies. Those chicks has experience, and would be totally grateful for the chance to work for WWE. But WWE insists on creating their own talent. Oh well, I’d vote for Carmella, Joy or Maria. PLUGS! Mr. Tito covers the PPV, Raw, news, and much much more. Always a good read. Wrath Of Tito Phantom Lord and Friends bring you another edition of Fact or Fiction with special Guest, The Stro! Wrestling’s Fact Or Fiction Davey covers the PPV and ranks it, and also looks back at the classic Cactus Jack vs Triple H match. The Wrestling Menu Dubzilla compares Eugene and H, and sounds off on the recent spate of wrestlers attacking the IWC. Turnbuckle Tailgate Pt2 reviews the Monday Night War DVD and also has an announcement about the You Be The Booker Contest Take Up Thy Wrestling Boots And Walk Snapple… Snapple writes one of the best parodies I’ve ever read. I am so looking forward to the next installment. Read it and see. Wrestling In A Bottle LOP Forums! LOP Columnist Forums! Loose Cannon talks about faces and Heels, Philip Van Philie calls for the push of the King of wrestling, and Optimus has some justice for you. Tina makes a triumphant comeback as well. That’s all for today. So if I can track down mark and Ralphus, we’ll roll right out of here. Ah here they come now. What the? Mark, what is that all over the casket? Ice cream? Good grief. No, just stay there. Let’s go Ralphus, and let’s hit the car wash on the way out. Until Next Time, Thanks For Readin’ and Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* Even MORE Hot Shots of TORRIE WILSON Tearing the Night Up!
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