DaveyBoy's Wrestling Menu - G.A.Bash Review, Questions I Don't Know The Answer To + News
Submitted by DaveyBoy on Wednesday, June 30, 2004 at 8:04 AM EST



THE WRESTLING MENU #92

Welcome one and all to the 92nd edition of The Wrestling Menu, the column that is sure to satisfy your taste buds when it comes to discussing all things wrestling.

Ok, today definitely will be a shorter column than usual. Well, maybe not shorter, but quicker to read. It will also be an unDaveyBoy-like column in that it will include more short & sharp comments, rather than insightful detailed writing (well, that's what I try for most other weeks anyway!!!).

I will have my review of The Great American Bash (which could be the main reason why this column is a little different today) in the 'Main' section of the column. I'm just going to pluck 10 questions concerning the WWE, which I don't really know the answer to, for my 'Appetizers' topic. While today's 'Dessert' section will be my brief (& mainly sarcastic) comments on some of the news and/or rumors that have surfaced over the last few days. I know that's similar to what some other columnists do, but that's what I feel like doing today. Plus, it may be a good change of pace.

On with the show.....


APPETIZERS - 10 Questions.....

..... I Don't Know The Answer To

SMACKDOWN

- What on Earth is that black thing in Kenzo Suzuki's mouth...??? At first, I thought it was a mouthguard, but then he began showing his top teeth. Whatever it is, I hope for his sake that he isn't knocked unconscious in the ring. It could easily be swallowed.

- Is it only during boring/bad matches, when us viewers notice things and/or people in the live audience...??? I ask this because I only noticed that guy dressed almost entirely in white at The Great American Bash during the terrible matches. Maybe I/we are too busy watching the actual wrestling during the better matches. I hope so.

- When will the WWE realize how much they are wasting the likes of Akio, Paul London, Shannon Moore & Billy Kidman...??? They did more in a few seconds during that cruiserweight battle royal last week, than what happens on close to a full episode of SmackDown!!!

- Is Nunzio's foot size really bigger than Rene Dupree's...??? That would surprise me if it's true. And has anyone else ever been turned face over a discussion on foot sizes...??? That last one doesn't count as one of the 10 questions.

- What's the point of giving Mark Jindrak a gimmick if he is only going to be used on Velocity...??? If that's how it's going to be wasted. then leave the gimmick for a guy who actually gets tv time and get rid of Jindrak. Hell, at least Sean O'Haire got to stand behind Roddy Piper on the main show for the couple of months that he lasted.

RAW

- How did Tajiri go from playing a significant part in the main matches of Raw for 3 or 4 weeks, to not being seen at all on Raw for the next 3 or 4 weeks...??? This guy is seriously underused. And looking at Kenzo Suzuki's terrible kicks makes me miss Tajiri more & more.

- Who invited Rodney Mack back...??? I'd be very surprised if any sort of gimmick gets him over.

- Is Chris Jericho going to turn out to be the second coming of Shawn Michaels...??? I'm serious here folks. He just seems to click with practically every opponent that he faces. He has paid his dues now & I seriously hope he is fighting for the World HeavyWeight Title by the end of the year.

- Do you think that Randy Orton bumps into things when he is walking down the street, or around his living room...??? I mean, he doesn't botch moves, he misses them. And his turnbuckle climbing problem really needs to be diagnosed by a professional.

- Ok, this one isn't being asked by me. It's coming from my girlfriend. Is Randy Orton gay...??? Well, I don't know the answer, so it fits the topic I suppose. My guess is "no", but I can't say that I have poof. Sorry, that should read 'proof'!!! :-)


MAIN

'Great American Bash' Review

For those that cannot recall my previous PPV review columns, this is the key that explains what the final PPV Rating means:

<50: Ask for a refund for not only your money, but also your time. [F]
50-54: Mediocre & disappointing. [D] (EG: Judgment Day '04)
55-59: Average. [C] (EG: Royal Rumble '04 & No Way Out '04)
60-64: Worth A Watch. [C+] (EG: Bad Blood '04)
65-69: Good event that was worth the money. [B] (EG: WrsetleMania 20)
70-74: Very good. [B+] (EG: WrestleMania 19)
75-79: Make sure you add this ppv to your video or dvd collection. [A] (EG: SummerSlam '02)
80+ : Make sure that the video or dvd is locked in a safe & cannot be erased. Memorable. [A+]

JOHN CENA defeated ROB VAN DAM, RENE DUPREE & BOOKER T to Retain the United States Title: Strange choice as the opener. I can see why they did it (to get what was probably going to be a quietish crowd revved up right from the start), but it sort of undermined the importance of the match. Plus, considering the weak middle stages of this card, it could have been better used to space out the bad matches later on. I really didn't like the first 6-8 minutes of this 17 minute match at all. The tornado rules were just wasted. Basically, it may as well have been a tag match. I also didn't like how RVD was eliminated... Way too much over-selling & being pinned after an offensive move is just silly. From there though, it got pretty good. I'm actually looking forward to a Cena vs Booker feud after what we saw in the latter stages of this match. Mind you, I'm hating the F-U finisher more & more every time I see it. It's so weak!!! Match Rating...7

LUTHER REIGNS defeated CHARLIE HAAS: Decent 7 minute match here, which is what undercard ppv wrestling should be like. Nothing special, but more than sufficient without taking up too much time. It was pretty much a stock-standard back & forth bout with the stronger & favored wrestler dominating a little more than their opponent. But it was performed efficiently. I'm unsure of his age, but Reigns has potential. Haas could be anything with the correct gimmick & proper use. Luther's 'Roll Of The Dice' type finisher is excellent Match Rating...6

REY MYSTERIO defeated CHAVO GUERRERO to retain the Cruiserweight Title: Holy guacamole!!! First 17 minutes is given to these 2 at 'No Way Out'. And now they get 20 minutes. If anything, that proves that the WWE trust Rey & Chavo to get the job done in the ring. And that is exactly what they did here. A great mixture of everything, this was terrific in almost every aspect. If anything, the knee injury to Rey came a little too early & dragged on too long for a 20 minute bout. Also, the psychology aspect of the match was a little unbelievable, as there was no way Rey could do some of the moves he did with a badly injured knee. But that is being way too critical of what was an entertaining, engrossing & intense wrestling match. Now can we get someone else in the cruiserweight mix please!!! Match Rating...8

KENZO SUZUKI defeated BILLY GUNN: Now, most people know that I don't overly criticize wrestlers regarding their talent. Hell, in my 2 years writing for LOP, I only have really done it to Rodney Mack, and that was more from a charisma perspective. Well, I've already had enough of Kenzo Suzuki, and he only debuted a month or so ago. I was wondering what he would do to extend the duration of a match on ppv (this match was given 8 minutes). Well, we found out: 2 nerveholds. I can't think of anything worse in a wrestling match. Apart from that, he botches moves, has practically zero charisma & just has no upside whatsoever. Seriously, I can't think of one!!! Whenever he is on my tv from now on, I will either walk out of the room, turn the channel, or continue wondering what the hell that black thing in his mouth is. I almost forgot Billy Gunn was his opponent!!! Match Rating...3

SABLE defeated TORRIE WILSON: I never thought a match could make me wish that Kenzo Suzuki came back out, but this one almost did. Absolutely no redeeming features here whatsoever. I am rating it a 1 out of 10 because Sable did a couple of good moves (I can't recall what they were) in the space of 30 seconds. As for Torrie, it's time to keep her out of the ring... FOR GOOD. Botched moves, bad acting, slow-motion wrestling. Folks, it was all here in this one. And just to finish it all off, Torrie was pinned when one of her shoulders was off the match for the entire 3 count. I want my 6 minutes back!!! Match Rating...1

MORDECAI defeated HARDCORE HOLLY: I was actually disappointed with this 7 minute match. I thought these 2 might put together something interesting. What we got was a pretty ordinary bout with not much happening at all. There was nothing too bad here, but there just wasn't anything good either. Even the intensity was disappointing. Really poorly booked match which appeared as if it had been thrown together on the night. Match Rating...4

JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD defeated EDDIE GUERRERO in a Texas Bullrope Match to Win the WWE Championship: This not being the main event told me 2 things: (1) JBL was going to be our new champ & (2) Paul Bearer was going to be murdered. Decent 20 minute match which was a little too inconsistent at the end of the day. The 'bullrope match' gimmick lasted all of about 2 minutes for me, when memories of standard strap matches quickly came flooding back. Plus, nothing too innovative was done using the rope. Intensity was down from their Judgment Day match, basically making the stipulation useless. Oh, but wait... the stipulation was there to give us the crappy ending where Kurt Angle came out & used 'Instant Replay' to reverse the decision. Predictable & inconsistent. Truth be told, I wouldn't have minded the finish if the referee had just called it correctly. Ok, with enough effort & a sufficient amount of spots. But nothing too special. Match Rating...6

THE UNDERTAKER defeated THE DUDLEY BOYZ in a Handicap Match: I'm calling it a 'handicap match', even though I think it was officially called a 'concrete crypt match'. Good God!!! I really don't know where/how to start explaining this. Ummm, first of all, the match (for want of a better word) completely played second fiddle to what was happening on the outside. Heyman kept interrupting the match & this apparently gave all 3 wrestlers an excuse to just stand there & stop wrestling. The Undertaker didn't lie down & the bout itself was your stock-standard 'Taker & Dudleyz stuff. Nothing too bad, but pretty stale stuff with no continuity whatsoever. It's actually really hard to rate this as a wrestling match, as it was so angle-oriented. Heyman couldn't murder Paul Bearer, so 'Taker predictably did. Of course, he only did this after he single-handedly defeated the WWE Tag-Team Champions!!! This isn't what I expect out of a pay-per-view main event!!! Match Rating...4

PPV RATING (39/80) = 49

Looking at the key, I have basically given 'The Great American Bash' an 'F' grade & said to 'ask for a refund for not only your money, but also your time'. Well, there you have it readers: The first ever WWE pay-per-view that DaveyBoy has failed. There was just so much wrong with this event. Even the little things were done badly. The referees were incompetent, the matches were ordered terribly, botched moves, shock tv, etc, etc, etc... But at the end of the day, quality wrestling will always get a pass on my ratings system. Unfortunately, quality wrestling was not what we were treated to here. Four out of the eight matches received failing grades. Two of them I would not watch again unless I was paid to. Seriously, the WWE really need to look at SmackDown & do something quick. If they don't, I really do fear for the buyrates of the next SmackDown ppv. I seriously cannot recommend for anyone to watch this. I am so glad that it was my brother that ordered (& paid for) this event.


DESSERT - News & Comments

Ok, as I said at the beginning of this column, I am going to just take a handful of the news & rumors that have been posted on LOP over the last few days & briefly comment on them. After watching & rating 'The Great American Bash', this might not be pretty.....

- WWE will have its own "election" in November to name a storyline president of SmackDown! and RAW: This idea's effectiveness is going to depend on how it's handled. And right now, I can't trust the WWE. It's simply going to be used to have a good cop/bad cop scenario on each show. Does Austin & Bischoff ring a bell to anyone!?!??! Does anyone recall the 'Redneck Triathlon' at last year's Bad Blood!?!?!? I do... unfortunately.

- In October, WWE will tape some RAW and SD! episodes in the UK: It's about fucking time!!! Now I do not swear easily in my columns, but this has been so overdue, it's not funny. It really does feel great when Michael Cole says something like "We thank all our fans in England, Australia, South Africa, New Zealand, etc... for tuning into World Wrestling Entertainment to watch The Great American Bash. For anyone who disagrees, watch SummerSlam '92. That shiver running down your spine in the main event isn't because it's cold outside!!!

- Tough Enough segments will be added to SmackDown! later this year; the plan is to help develop new stars: Interesting idea. I actually liked the Tough Enough series. I just can't see how the segments can effectively be introduced into SmackDown. It's just going to take up too much wrestling time. Then again, if it gets Mr.Suzuki off my screen, it mightn't be a bad idea after all. Seriously, just make another series of Tough Enough

- WWE will be working with different "major studios" for its upcoming WWE Films projects, including a horror and action film: Could be interesting. Personally, I'd rather see them develop a comedy starring The Big Show. Throw in Eugene & The Rock, and it's guaranteed to make you laugh.

- The current talk backstage in the Raw locker room is to give Rodney Mack a new gimmick once he returns to the Raw roster. Latest word indicates that Mack’s new gimmick will be a spin off of the Junkyard Dog: JYD had charisma, Mack doesn't. I hope he proves me wrong, but I'm not betting any money on it.

- Despite being an instrumental part of RAW lately, WWE has not yet decided on a conclusion for the Kane-Lita pregnancy angle: My surprise factor on this is a big ZERO. I really think that this is true & the WWE are making it up as they go along.

- Vince McMahon missed his first ppv in over 10 years last night due to an infection: That's a fair record that just got broken there. How ironic that it may have also been the worst ppv in over 10 years.

- WWE has new plans for Garrison Cade. He will portray a character that imitates Shawn Michaels. Set to be called "H.B. Cade," the new character will get wrestling gear similar to that of HBK: As stupid as this sounds, it may just work. I've never been too high on Cade's talent or charisma, but if he does have what it takes, this could work. Being a student of Shawn Michaels will mean that he should have HBK's blessing, and I couldn't see it being a long-term gimmick. It will just be something to establish him. Of course, it could also bomb badly. Hopefully, they don't take it too far to the ridiculous side of things.

- One of the scenarios for the SmackDown! main event at SummerSlam this August ... is JBL defending his WWE Title against Eddie Guerrero and The Undertaker in a three-way match: As soon as the ppv ended, I thought this would be the best scenario for the big August event.

- WWE still has Steven Richards dressing in drag ... to help Victoria against Trish Stratus. WWE has yet to explain why Richards is dressed in drag or if it was even him who helped her last week on TV: Sorry to be repetitive, but again my surprise factor on this is a big ZERO. Can't this angle be scrapped now & no-one ever mentions it again!?!?!?

- For those who haven’t seen, WWE has Sting featured on the main page of WWE.com with the heading: “Sting in WWE? Ric Flair has some strong feelings about this”: I personally don't think that Sting will ever wrestle for the WWE. If he did, there would be initial excitement & it would die down after 3 or 4 months. I think Sting is way past his best & he really has missed the boat with the WWE. Or maybe they missed the boat with him. Either way, it's too late. Spend the money on an AJ Styles, Chris Sabin or AMW instead. You would probably get change!!!

- Kurt Angle is expected to return to WWE soon, as most expect to see the former WWE Heavyweight Champion by SummerSlam at the very latest: Please hurry back Kurt. Pretty please. Pretty please with a cherry on top. SmackDown badly needs you in the ring.


On that begging note, that's all I have for edition #92 of 'The Wrestling Menu. I hope the change of pace was welcome. Let me know if you thought it was or wasn't. I hope I didn't come off as too negative, but when you watch a pay-per-view like that, it's hard not to. If you were one of the unfortunate few that viewed 'The Great American Bash', let me know what you thought of my ratings. Also, if you have the answers to any of my 10 questions, please do not hesitate to enlighten me. Same goes if you have any accompanying comments to the news items of the past week. I have always replied to all feedback & I will attempt to continue that streak this week. Just be patient though, as I have a big few days planned. It's my birthday on Saturday... Setup & recovery time might be lengthy. I'll have an alcoholic beverage for each of you!!! My e-mail address is DaveyBoy123@bigpond.com

What's on the agenda for next week's 'Wrestling Menu'...??? I actually wanted to take a week off (especially if I'm going to have a drink for every one of you buggers on Saturday!!!). But believe it or not, there will be another ppv upon us. See what I mean about the extra ppv's. 3 in 4 weeks is just ridiculous!!! Apart from my usual predictions, you may get something similar to this column; A little shorter & a little sweeter. Whatever comes your way, look out for that column same Wednesday time & same LOP channel next week. Until then, this is DaveyBoy signing off & asking you to remember that dinner is best served in 3 courses














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