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Submitted by Pt2 on Sunday, June 27, 2004 at 9:53 AM EST
Welcome one more time to the column that styles and profiles its way onto LOP, Take up thy wrestling boots and walk. I’m the nature boy of LOP himself, Pt2, back once again from putting a figure four leglock on Kevin Kelly. Apologies for the lateness, this should have gone up yesterday, but personal problems for the Judge has delayed the column by a couple of hours. Still, his dedication knows no bounds, and I’d like to thank him for being an adjudicator for the second time. You be the Booker - Lords of Pain Re-capper specialAllow me to introduce today's Bookers. First, the challengers.... Representing the WWE, he is the re-capper of Velocity. Please welcome Billy Arcenaux! Representing NWA-TNA impact, Please welcome Sean Cramer! And finally, the reigning champion, with a record of 1-0, the NWA-TNA PPV re-capper, Tinaali! And now, a quick rundown of the rules, for those who didn’t catch the last contest. 1. Each Scenario has a maximum word length of 300 words. 2. Marks are taken off for obvious glaring errors in the storylines - Unlike the WWE writers, you can't forget what has happened before and have to keep it in mind. 3. The final winner will be judged by a friend of mine who has little access to the internet, on which he would rather see, to give the verdict of the “casual” wrestling fan. I’d just like to point one other thing out - Since this is a three way event, if everyone wins one scenario, the winner will be decided by adding all the scores together to come up with a cumulative score. The highest cumulative score wins. And without any further ado, lets get straight on with it - Otherwise we’ll be here all night. Scenario 1 1. Due to the success of Japanese promotions, The WWE has a growing market in Japan. Vince wants to take advantage of this by having Funaki win the world title. You must come up with an angle that removes him from Smackdown, his role of an announcer, and explains how he is suddenly winning enough matches to be considered a champion. Billy’s response: While backstage, Funaki makes the unfortunate mistake of spilling coffee on Paul Heyman. Paul, being very upset, demands GM Angle to put Funaki against the Dudley's in a handicap tables match. The Dudley's beat Funaki to a bloody pulp, requiring backstage doctors for Funaki. Unfortunately, GM Angle has a paper cut, and needs the doctors with him, leaving the bloody "crappy announcer" alone. After taking the doctors, Angle fires Funaki, and orders Luther Reigns to "dump him in a back alley". About 2 months later, vignettes begin to air, showing a mysterious man training in a dojo, and swearing to regain his honor. This man finally debuts on Raw, and is revealed to be " The Main Sho from Tokyo" Funaki (the word sho intentionally spelled without the w, as that is his first name). This new Funaki wears longer tights, with red and black, and sometimes black and white colors. After numerous victories over men like Christian, Tyson Tomko, and a few epic bouts with tag partner Tajiri, Funaki becomes interested in gaining the most honorable of all titles, The World Championship. After cleanly defeating Randy Orton, Batista, and Triple H in seperate singles bouts, Bischoff is forced to grant Funaki the World Title match against Chris Benoit. On the night of the title match, Survivor Series, Evolution destroys Benoit backstage, forcing Bischoff to name a substitute opponent for the match; Triple H. After constant interference from Evolution, the ref bans everyone from ringside. Funaki finds a way to counter the Pedigree into his new double arm brainbuster finisher, to become the new World Champion. Sean’s response: They are at Summerslam and Funaki is asking Booker T questions about his match later in the evening with John Cena for the U.S. Championship. All of a sudden Edge (who by this time is a heel) comes out and spears Funaki. The next night on RAW, Funaki comes out to the ring and says that coincidentally he wants to come to RAW because of what Edge did to him and that he is allowed to come to RAW because his contract with Smackdown! is up and his new contract is solely a wrestling contract. He then runs out of the ring and enters Edge’s dressing room and attacks Edge. Later in the night, Chris Benoit comes out to the ring and says that he is not going to have a new wrestler ruin RAW or is he going to have his old buddy ruining RAW so at Unforgiven it is going to be Funaki vs. Edge vs. Chris Benoit. The next week, Funaki is assigned a match with Matt Hardy. Funaki hits Matt’s own finishing manoeuvre, the Twist of Fate and gets the victory. With only thirteen days until Unforgiven, Funaki has another match on RAW. This time it is with Chris Jericho. Funaki also beat Chris Jericho with his own manoeuvre, the Walls of Jericho. The next week, with only 6 days until Unforgiven Funaki had a match against Edge. Funaki speared Edge and got the victory. Chris Benoit came out and said that Funaki has proven himself worthy of getting a World Heavyweight Championship shot, so their match will be for the title. At Unforgiven it was a very brutal match. At the end Chris Benoit hit the Flying Head butt on Edge, and then Funaki put Chris Benoit in the Cross face and won the match. Tina’s response: Funaki is backstage interviewing Akio and Sakoda on Velocity about their recent win. In the middle of the segment JBL comes out ranting and raving about immigrants. He starts to harass all three continuously asking for their green card while beating Sakoda into a bloody pulp. Funaki and Akio drag JBL off of Sakoda and begin to brawl. JBL breaks free and runs off screaming that he is coming back with the INS and he will get “all those gooks” out of wrestling for good. The following week on Smackdown JBL comes out to the ring with microphone in hand. His face is bruised and bandaged. JBL tells us this is what happens when you let those damn foreigners in your country. As he continues to spew his hatred Funaki creeps in the ring behind him. As JBL turns around Funaki grabs the microphone off of him. Funaki explains that in his country you fight for the honor of your people. His people live by that code of honor and he cannot just let someone like JBL insult them. Funaki then challenges JBL to a match later on that evening. Funaki wins his match and declares himself “Smackdown!’s #1 Contender.” GM Angle rolls down the ramp and says he has no right to treat an American that way. If he wants to be the main contender then he will have to prove himself in a gauntlet match the following week. If he can survive then and only then will he be considered for a title match against Eddie. The following week on Smackdown Funaki struggles through the gauntlet match but comes out a winner giving him a shot at Eddie for the following PPV. Lets go to the Judge’s..... Judge’s view: Very solid booking here. All scenario’s work. However, one works better than the others. There can only be one winner here. Scores are Tina 86%, Sean 77%, but Billy wins with an impressive 95%. I’d love to see that. Pt2’s analysis: For anyone who missed the first column, this is where I penalise anyone for breaking the rules. Sean comes close to being penalised by turning Edge without turning him, but I’m feeling generous and his “who by now is a heel” will do. But consider this a freebie. So Billy Arcenaux takes the lead! Funaki is grateful to him for showing how he can still be credible, and the entire Smackdown brand are getting blue ribbons ready to go on the cup. Ok, there isn’t a cup. Plus I’d have to send it across the Atlantic. Just pretend there's a cup. Anyway.... Scenario 2 TNA want a "feel good" angle, to counter the success of the WWE's Eugene character. However, they don't want it to look like a rip off of the Eugene Character. You must come up with an original "feel good" angle, that will get the fans behind someone using only the current TNA roster. Sean’s response: Dallas was in a severe accident and became blind over the week. We find this out next week on NWA-TNA Impact! Kid Kash had a match against Frankie Kazarian on Impact! on June 25 and when Kid Kash bounced off of the ropes, Dallas tripped him thinking it was Kazarian and then Kazarian rolled Kid Kash up and got the victory. After the match, Kid Kash beat Dallas down with a chair. The next week at the pay-per-view Dallas came out accompanied by Dusty Rhodes and he grabbed the microphone and said that he knows what Kid Kash did to him, and he says that even though he is blind he can still wrestle. Dusty Rhodes gets on the microphone and says that on Impact! it will be Dallas vs. Kid Kash and Kid Kash must where a beeper so Dallas can at least hear where Kid Kash is at. On Impact! the next week, Dallas defeats Kid Kash, but after the match Kid Kash takes off the beeper and beats Dallas with a chair again. On the pay-per-view on July 7, Dallas defeated Eric Young. On Impact! the Kru attacked Dallas backstage. Dallas said he was going to get revenge and that he would face any of them next week on the pay-per-view. Ron Killings accepts the challenge, but can’t overcome the size of Dallas the next week. 3 Live Kru says that they aren’t done with Dallas yet, and that they talked to Vince Russo and on Impact! it will be Konnan & B.G. James vs. Dallas in a handicap match. During their match, 3 Live Kru took off their beepers and through them outside the ring and then beat on Dallas with chairs for a long time. They crowd really got behind Dallas for all of this. Tina’s response: Eric Watts has Abyss kidnapped by Black Shirt Security. Goldy walks into Abyss’s locker room and finds a ransom note for $1,000,000. She throws the note down as Sharkboy walks by. He asks what’s up so Goldy tells him. Goldy refuses to because money is more important to her. Sharkboy can’t believe it. He goes to several wrestlers asking for help but the answer is the same - everyone is just glad the monster is gone. Sharkboy takes it upon himself to track Abyss down. He finds him in an old wine cellar at an abandoned farmhouse. He tries to lure him out but Abyss keeps saying, “Momma won’t let me. Abyss stay here and be quiet.” Sharkboy finally lures him out with a Baby Ruth. After his third Abyss speaks, “Sharkboy nice. Lotney’s friend?” The lovable Sharkboy says yes and coaxes “Lotney” out of the farmhouse. During the course of their newfound friendship they show clips of them walking around Universal. They stop for rocky road ice cream and share a laugh. Next they are off to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Of course there are some awkward moments along the way but with Sharkboy’s help the monster Abyss is gone. In his place is the sadly misunderstood Lotney. Goldy confronts “Lotney” in his locker room. She tries convincing him that Sharkboy is after the money. “No momma. Sharkboy care.” Sharkboy enters and tells Lotney it’s ok because momma won’t hurt you anymore. Behind Sharkboy are police who take Goldy away for abusing Lotney all these years. She’s actually his sister who bore a striking resemblance to their mother. She continued the abuse to use him for her own gain. So with Sharkboy’s help the once feared monster “Abyss” has now become everyone’s favorite pal, the lovable “Lotney.” Billy’s response: David Young, the man with the long ass losing streak, goes into a big depression, caused by the bullying of Team Canada, Kid Kash, and even Glen Gilberti. At the same time, Shark Boy is looking for a new sidekick. While walking backstage, Shark Boy looks at the TV Monitor, to see David Young lose in a completely one sided match against Scott D'Amore. After the match, Shark Boy stops Team Canada's verbal abuse towards the incredibly sad David Young, in the locker room. After a few weeks, Shark Boy is able to convince Young that he can be a winner, and to join him as his sidekick. After some motivational exercises, and some extra training, Young is ready to return to the ring (Shark Boy makes Young visit therapists as well, since I'm not sure if he talks or not). After a fast paced match, Young and Shark Boy defeat Team Canada when Young pinned Bobby Roode. Feeling confident again, Young challenges the man who thrashed him the most, Glenn Gilberti. In the weeks leading to the match, Young's confidence is again brought down through some promo's by Gilberti. To counter this, Shark Boy puts his mask on the line in the match, if Gilberti will apologize to Young after the match. After fighting for Ten minutes, Young gets the upset win. Gilberti apologizes, but Young levels Gilberti with chairshot after chairshot. After the brutal beating, Young proclaims that if anyone makes fun of him ever again, they will suffer " The Young Effect". After a few more weeks of tag team matches, Shark Boy and David Young defeat Americas Most Wanted to become the Tag Champs. After the match, backstage, Young cries in celebration, while holding Gilberti in a rough headlock. Judge’s view: I expected this one to be pretty tough. People have done better than I thought they would, but it still goes to show how tough it is to get an angle like the Eugene angle to work very well, without losing people. Still, good efforts. Sean scores 68% for his scenario. Billy was going well with his, but the brutal beating by young would kill all that was achieved for me. 74% here for Billy. Tina’s also starts very well, but I’m not sure about the ending. Still, it certainly has the mix of humour and sympathy you need for this type of angle, in my opinion. Tina scores 76%. Pt2’s analysis: Well, well, well, two scenario’s in and no one has screwed up yet. You guys are going to put me out of a job here. Apart from the whole writing it up thing. No penalties here. So that means that the scores are now Tina 1, Billy 1, Sean 0. Tina proves on this scenario that you can’t spell Tina without TNA by levelling the scores. Just a reminder of what happens now. If Sean wins the next scenario, we go to the cumulative scores system as explained earlier. If either Billy or Tina wins this final scenario, then they win the contest. Tense, eh? As things stand on cumulative scores, just as an update: Billy: 169/200 Tina: 162/200 Sean: 145/200 And with that in mind, lets hit the final scenario, one that tends to screw with our bookers heads a little..... Scenario 3 WWE champion Eddie Guerrero has a match set up with FWA champion Doug Williams. However, neither promotion is willing to have a man from another promotion holding their companies title. The wrestlers also feel that the match is too hyped up to give the fans a typical finish. Using an original finish which will satisfy both the companies and wrestlers involved, book the set up and conclusion to the match. Billy’s response: In the weeks leading up to this historic unification bout, it is announced that there will be three ref's(1 to start it, 2 for emergency). One from the FWA, one from the WWE, and a special ref decided on by both parties, Johnny Storm. It is also announced that 3 men from both promotions may accompany the champs to ringside, to help prevent interference. On the night of the event, in Britain, the WWE ref was chosen by coin toss to start the match. The others will be used as backup. Once the bell is rung, both Guerrero and Williams begin to display their amazing abilities. Occasionally, wrestlers from both promotions will argue at each other at ringside. At one point, Guerrero locks in the Lasso from El Paso submission, but the FWA team pulls the ref out and level him. The WWE guys immediately retaliate, as Guerrero calls for another ref. The FWA ref comes out with other officials, and gains control of the ringside area. Williams traps Guerrero in the middle of the ring with his specialty submission, but the WWE guys beat up the new ref. All hell breaks loose, as officials come out and order all men at ringside to leave. During the ringside fight, both Williams and Guerrero are flat on the mat after a top rope back suplex was countered into a crossbody by Guerrero. The 3rd ref, Johnny Storm comes out, and begins the 10 count. Williams looks like he will beat the count, until Storm stops at 8, and rings the bell. Storm announces the match as a no contest due to outside interference and harm to the refs. Williams tries to attack Storm, but Storm lands a low blow, and beats on him. Storm helps Guerrero up, and shakes his hand. Guerrero smiles, and then throws Storm into Williams. Williams hits the Chaos Theory on Storm, and Eddie lands the Frog Splash right after. Williams grabs a mic, and apologizes for Storm's actions, wishing for a clean finish. Guerrero responds by saying the next time he is in the area, he would be honored to fight again. Both men hug, and raise their arms. Sean’s response: Eddie Guerrero comes out on SmackDown! and says that there is going to be a special appearance by a buddy of his and that they will make an announcement. Later in the night, Eddie Guerrero and someone else come out. Eddie gets on the microphone and says that this is Doug Williams and he is the FWA Champion. Doug gets on the microphone and says that Vince McMahon has invited him to come and do one show at SummerSlam and that it will be him against Eddie and both will be defending their belts. Eddie gets back on the microphone and says that at SummerSlam it will be him against Doug in a Hell in a Cell match. Doug grabs the microphone and says that it will not be just any Hell in a Cell match, because it will also be a 60-minute Ironman match. During the weeks leading up to SummerSlam, Doug was not on SmackDown! but Vince McMahon was on there numerous times saying that Eddie can’t lose because they don’t want someone from a different company holding their championship. At SummerSlam they both enter and the match starts out. The first fall comes from Eddie when he puts the Lasso From El Paso on Doug and Doug taps out (20:47). The second fall comes when Doug gets the Chaos Theory on Eddie (36:55). The third fall comes when again Doug gets the Chaos Theory on Eddie (39:29). The score is now 2-1 with Doug in the lead. It looked as if Doug was going to win but then Eddie knocked him down and hit the Frog Splash and got a pinfall (59:23). Eddie went up top to try to get another one, but Doug moved and the match ended 2-2 and so both men retain their belts. Tina’s reply: “Welcome to our main event this evening folks. Tonight we have a very special treat for you. In this corner we have the WWE’s current, reigning and defending champion of the world Eddie Guerrero. And in this corner we also have a current, reigning and defending champion of the world, Doug Williams. In order to set the record straight as to who the best man in the sport today is they will be facing off in a very special belt against belt match.” At the announcement of the belts being on the line both GM’s come onto the ramp. Kurt Angle and Pat Roach begin to argue with each other. It seems that while Kurt wanted them to be up for grabs, Pat did not under any circumstances. At this point Eddie and Doug join in on the argument by saying that the fans want, and were also promised, an answer as to who truly is the best heavyweight in the world. The four quickly come to the conclusion that the only way to handle this is in a stipulation match. The titles will be on the line as well as the actual wrestlers. The winner gets the belt but has to spend sixty days in the other fed defending it. However if the match ends in a DQ or a count-out the belts will not change hands but the DQ’d wrestler will still have to work for the other promotion. After a long, hard, clean battle to keep the belt in his promotion, Eddie reaches up and loosens the turnbuckle right as Doug charges him. Eddie ducks. Doug’s face crashes into the exposed corner and Eddie goes for the pin. Right as the ref counts three he sees the exposed turnbuckle and DQ’s Eddie. Doug is declared the winner. Judge’s view: Possibly the best booked scenario so far. Everyone has done a fine job here, I wouldn’t have a problem with seeing any of these, and deciding a winner here will be tough. I like the ending to Billy’s scenario, with the hug and arm raise, but I can’t say I’m fond of the screw job finish. I’d say 76% for Billy. I like Tina’s scenario, and I do like the use of Pat Roach in there. I’d say an 80% there, because although I like it, it becomes obvious that a title change isn’t going to happen - though you still have no clue who is going to win, so it’s all good. Sean’s scenario does well - Not only does it show the importance of the title to Vince McMahon and the WWE, but it has a good climactic finish. While I’m not sure about the concept of an Ironman Hell in a cell, I think this is the best. 81% for Sean. Pt2’s analysis: I hate to do this when it’s so close, but Billy’s scenario runs 63 words over the 300 word limit. Unfortunately, that's a five point penalty. The other two are fine, and run to 300 words exactly. Lets see what impact that has on the final scores. Well, Sean wins the last scenario by the narrowest of narrow margins, denying Tina her second 2-1 win. So that means that we run to the Cumulative score. Tie break time, people. Adding all three scores together to get a score from 300, here are the final scores. Sean: 226/300 Tina: 242/300 Billy: 240/300 It doesn’t get much closer than that. By two points, the winner of the Tie Break, and STILL LOP “You be the Booker” champion, Tinaali! Commiserations to Billy. If it wasn’t for that late penalty, you would of won by three. Thanks to both Billy and Sean for participating, great contest lads. Although I think Tina is pleased that she won, I think she’s not relishing the sleepless nights and racking of the brains that these challenges present. Still, after that, I’m looking forward to the next one. Probably be back to the regular two person format. Hopefully, our champion will still be here, and I’m sure I can find a fresh challenger. If you enjoyed the column, or if you didn’ you can get in touch with me here - click here. That’ll do it from me for this week. Before I go, I’d like to encourage you to visit the LOP columns forum. There are some great columnists there, go and show them your support. I also received this E-mail, which I thought I’d share with you: “On July 10th, the entire world of professional wrestling will be taken by storm with Summer Showdown, when the largest independent extravaganza in the history of professional wrestling rolls into Wilmington, North Carolina with all the BIG guns blazing, blasting the roof off of the house and leveling the town to ashes with a deadly Molotov thingytail of explosive wrestling feuds and grueling battles which will surely test the outer-limits of human endurance. This special event is to celebrate the fourth anniversary of NACW and it's merger with Wrestling Xtreme Overload. The atmosphere will be electric as to a wall of sound and fans experience the ultimate in sports entertainment up close and personal with a large-scale entrance stage set, video projection, computerized lighting systems & pulsating original music which will combine to set the scene for this historic occasion featuring a eclectic star-studded array of world recognized wrestlers and a loaded card jam packed full of incredible main events, shocks and surprises, that will go down in history as one of the greatest events ever. Those already scheduled to appear include: Former WCW/WWF/NWA Superstar and former WCW World Heavyweight Champion Ricky Steamboat Former WCW/WWF Superstar Big Bossman Former WWF/WCW Superstar Buff The Stuff Bagwell Former WCW/WWF Superstar The Dawg Faced Gremlin Rick Steiner Dru Dlite, North American Heavyweight Champion The Turbanators with illustrious Perry James (North American Tag Team Champions) 8 time NWA World Tag Team Champion Ricky Morton Former WCW Superstar The Ragin Cajun Lash Leroux Former WWF/WCW Superstar, and current ALL JAPAN and NWA-TNA star D-Lo Brown With more stars are being added including 3 lovely ladies! Plus there will be a pre-event autograph and polaroid session with the superstars! Tickets go on sale at the following locations on June 28th: Game Giant on College Road in Wilmington Game Giant on Market Street in Wilmington Yellow Dog Discs located in University Commons on College Road 910-792-0082 Pawn USA in Shallote Tickets are: $12 in advance/ $15 at the gate on the night of event for ringside/$10 in advance/$12 at the gate on the night of event for General Admission/Family Pass $25 includes bleacher seats for 2 adults and 2 children ages 13 and under. www.nacw.net ” That isn’t the full line up, I just abbreviated the mail for length. If you are interested feel free to check out their website. Anyway, that’ll do it from me this week. Hope you all had fun during this contest, I know I did. Thanks to all the contestants for taking part, and if your still with me now, Thanks to you for reading. Have a good week, I’ll see you again soon. Pt2.
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