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Submitted by Dumass on Wednesday, June 16, 2004 at 12:58 AM EST
 Welcome, one and all, to A Dumass Thought. I am your host, the resident God of wrestling, Dum "Banging your girlfriend like a hammer on a nail" Ass. We're going down the newcast today, as I am in a pretty bad mood. No, nothing happened; just weather is making me angry. The news, but first, the return of RANDOM THOUGHTS~! Random Thoughts~! -------- 1) Tonight is the season ender of the 3rd season of The Sheild. I have my predictions. This is going to be great. 2) FX is not disappointing me at all. Next week is the 2nd season premire of Nip/Tuck, which is my second favorite show going on right now. I tell ya, it's looking to be a great summer for me and FX. 3) Laci Peterson is a whore and her husband is a murderer. 4) My goal for this year is to get on The O'Reily Factor as a guest. Wish me luck. 5) I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation UNDER GOD, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all. Amen. 6) Welcome to the jungle; we've got fun and games...... --------- End Random Thoughts~! --------- _____________________________ The WWE has canned Victoria's dance routine performed during her entrance. The idea of dancing was Victoria's, but it was decided to drop it after last week when the WWE considered it to be "horrible". Y'know, I would like to think that the WWE cannot tell the difference between good and bad. It's completely evident that they have an idea for good and bad, but that idea seems to change damn near every week. Here's two things I would want to know; who is it that said it would be a good idea for Victoria to start "shaking her groove thing" and is the person who suggested it fired for such an apparently 'horrible' idea. Come on WWE; take some fucking responisbilty for an obviously stupid idea. I'm having a running bet that the entire blame for the dancing is being brought on Victoria because she didn't "sell the dance properly" or something stupid like that. In protest, I say the WWE should fire Tom Pritchard for being a fucking moron. Why? I don't like him and it was most likely his bad idea. Despite having his share of enemies, most people on the SD-Brand are happy to have the Undertaker back as the locker room leader. Taker has gone out of his way to try and help fellow superstars like John Cena & Dawn Marie recently, and his "veteran presence" has helped boost morale a little for the SD superstars. Also, many feel that Taker is just "one of the boys", as he hangs out with all the superstars and doesn't think of himself as "above anyone else". I'm not happy that the Undertaker is back. I know someone is going to question me as in 'Why aren't you happy about the Undertaker is back, Dumass? You have no right to say anything like that because you're not in the WWE and if you don't like it then you should stop watching and you suck!!!'; well guess what? I have stopped watching. Now, since these wrestlers depend on me to watch the shows and buy the crap they advertise for them to get those nice fat paychecks that no "real wrestler" would ever see in their grandchild's lifetime, they had better listen to me since I, along with a selected few, do happen to know what is good for the WWE and what is bad for the WWE. Number one thing that is wrong with the WWE is that they constantly believe that the Undertaker is worthwhile in 2004. Now, personally, I have never seen a good Undertaker match; I've never seen a decent Undertaker match; hell, I've never seen an Undertaker match that has not been introduced and welcomed by a mighty yawn. I would love to know who are the morons who keep writing letters to the WWE requesting more of the boring antics of the Undertaker. Listen folks, he isn't good. He's never been good. He isn't even good when he being made to look good. Why? Because dead people suck as wrestlers! The gimmick has always been stupid, even for kayfabe. Oh yes, we're all supposed to believe that a dead guy comes back to life (over and over again I may add) and his sole purpose is to destory [ insert the following: Hulkamania, Warriormania, Jake Roberts, Randy and Liz's love, Kamala, El Gigante, Papa Shango: The Ultimate Pimping Machine, God, Satan, Steve Austin, The Rock, Triple H, Mankind, Kane the Necrolover, Yokozuna, DDP, Jim Ross, and Ric Flair ]; I think not. If you didn't read this whole thing, maybe I can sum the whole thing up:  I've got a fever, and the only prescription.......is no Undertaker matches. Three weeks after announcing it had hired WWE wrestling bad boy John "Bradshaw" Layfield as a financial analyst for the network, CNBC said yesterday it was shocked to learn that JBL was in fact a WWE bad boy and it sacked him for doing the Nazi goose step and stiff-armed salute during a World Wrestling Entertainment match in Munich...... "We find his behavior to be offensive, inappropriate and not befitting anyone associated with our network," the NBC cable financial network said in a statement about Layfield, who wrote the book "Have More Money Now: A Commonsense Approach to Financial Management. "They hung me out to dry," Layfield told The TV Column. "I was playing a character. It's the same as Vin Diesel playing a Nazi." Layfield insists he's not an anti-Semite and says he made the gestures to incite the German audience to root for his opponent, Eddie Guerrero, during the Munich match. "I'm a bad guy [on WWE]. I'm supposed to incite the crowd. I've done [the Nazi gestures] for decades. I really didn't think anything of it -- I know how bad it is, I've lived [in Germany]. I've been to Dachau, seen those places where they exterminated millions of Jews." You know, the Nazi had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear. (10 points for anyone who can give the movie where that's from) This clearly shows that Bradshaw is coward. Come on man, just admit that you were wrong. Now, normally, I'd praise the guy for have the guts for going out there and doing something so incredibly stupid that he has to be respected for it. Guess what? This isn't America's Funniest Home Videos and I'm not Bob Sagat; Bradshaw is a fucking moron and should be shot on the spot for (1) actually going along with the act and (2) blaming wrestling for his actions. Oh wait, you don't see it? Let's repeat what he said; " I'm a bad guy [on WWE]. I'm supposed to incite the crowd. I've done [the Nazi gestures] for decades. I really didn't think anything of it. " Hold the fuck up there, Big Tex; first of all, I highly doubt that you can be stupid for decades (for course, for you, I'm sure it's not that much of a streach). Secondly, I'm seriously reconsidering my chosen waste of time and I may stop watching wrestling altogether because of this morons' actions. I've stopped watching regularly when the Katie Vick incident went down (like I promised my fans I would back then) and this incident is reaching the point where I may officially boycott the WWE entirely. Now, I know that this may possibly mean shit to my readers and my fans, but guess what; they need people like me, the loyalists, to continue watching and they are seriously dropping the ball on that line of offense. Now, to blame the fact that you're a heel so that's why you feel compeled to start throwing Nazi signs everywhere doesn't cut it. Guess what Bradshaw? We don't live in a kayfabe world anymore; you don't have the luxury of doing something that stupid because it's "what your character would do". If you honestly believe that, then you're a lazy wrestler and should be fired for that alone; hell, they got rid of Golddust for less and he was at least over at some point. Now, I know people are saying "Dumass, why are you giving a shit?" Simple. Because if Bradshaw gets away with this, then that shows the WWE that attempts like this are acceptable; thus ruining the quality of the product even more. Listen, we're watching a fake sports show. There is no dilliusion there expect for the morons that aren't looking behind the curtain. We watch a sport that has little, if any, credibility in the grand realm of all things athletic and guess what, throwing up signs of oppression are not a good way to help us reach an audience. Contrary to popular belief, this isn't against Bradshaw, this is against the WWE and their non-punishment for something a moronic as this. This isn't shock value, this is ridiculous. It's ridiculous that the WWE will not fire Bradshaw for this. That's what's bad about the WWE. Rumors continue to fill the air on which team if any former WWE Champion Brock Lesnar will go to if he does indeed make it into the National Football League. The Minneapolis Pioneer Press recently ran an article covering Lesnar’s workout for the Minnesota Vikings (the team that Lesnar has said that he would like to play for). The article explains that the workout took place yesterday as Brock ran a 4.75 40-yard dash, which is quick for a defensive lineman. Apparently he did not due well on the football and agility drills and was labeled a “project with a capital P” by Vikings director of college scouting Scott Studwell. To show I'm not all serious and angry tonight:  WWE tried something new at this weekend’s house shows to probably test it out to see what it would do on television. They had Torrie Wilson dress up as John Cena and deliver a rap before his match. Luther Reigns ran out and tried to stop her due to orders from Kurt Angle, however she gave Reigns a low blow, slapped Angle, and ran to the back. Ladies and gentlemen!!!!!!!! Give it up for.................M.C. BOOBIES!!!!!!! M.C.: Hello everyone! I'm sure glad you're here to see me, Torrie Wil...I mean, M.C. Boobies perform. This one goes out to all the homeless people of my crew. Yes, check it, check it My name is Torrie, but my nickname is Boob I'm here to lay down the funk for all of you I wish for love and peace in the world Watch me twirl my hair on my finger to make a curl OH! YES! THAT IS RIGHT!! Well, I am rapping for all of you, my fans and this rap for peace is my master plan Me and and John Cena are hard to bone and at night he makes me lick an ice cream cone WHO'S HOUSE!!! BOOBIES'S HOUSE!!! Thank you everyone!! Please buy my Playboy spread. Oh, and please cheer for John Cena. Thank you again. I am out. The reason that Jerry “The King” Lawler and Jim Ross are now wearing suits on Raw is part of the new dress code policy that WWE has implemented. Several critics including myself feel that it is a big improvement, considering Jerry Lawler is way past the age to be wearing tights. .....and Ric Flair is too old to be wrestling. Again, bad WWE. Believe it or not, a fan that attended Bad Blood is actually auctioning off a cookie on eBay that Eugene gave away at the event. That's just stupid. Here's a link to something more interesting.ENJOY. Already working full-time at WWE Headquarters in Stamford, as well as for Byte This, it is believed that WWE is allowing Tommy Dreamer's in-ring contract to expire. The terms of the deal cease to be binding in a few weeks. At this point, it is not expected that WWE will release Dreamer. Rather, he will continue performing his current roles and possibly be used in a way similar to Al Snow (aside from his commentary duties), where he can work a match or angle as needed, but still make money taking indy bookings. I will have a Tommy Dreamer History column out soon. I wish the best for Tommy because he truly is one of the hardest working wrestlers I had the privilage of seeing. There is something I always say when someone asks me about Tommy; if every wrestler was like Tommy, there would be no reason to complain about workrate and shit like that. Well, that's all for this week. Everyone remember that the contest for a good ending to the columns is still going on. I've got some good ones and mostly some bad ones; maybe yours is better than all of them!! Send them in now. I will pick a winner in 3 weeks. If I find none that work, I will simply donate the money to charity. Come on!! You don't want those orphens mooching your prize, do ya? Send your closers to me NOW!!!! Til next time, This is Dumass pondering "Would it be considered stealing if you raped a hooker?" AIM: Dumass4k Lethal Wrestling: Shit, nigga. This be mah possie, blood.
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