WWE Raw Report 5-31-2004
Submitted by Steven "Rommel" Schaeffer on Monday, May 31, 2004 at 11:20 PM EST



Steven “Rommel” Schaeffer can be reached via E-Mail and at AIM screen name “Winged Mystery.”

The show starts with a very classy dedication to those who have fallen protecting our freedom and those who still fight today for it. Taps over a sea of white and green at Arlington National Cemetery ends the video. Of course, this is followed by the usual recap of last week, and the announcement of the main event. Shelton Benjamin challenges Randy Orton tonight. Introduced first on tonight’s “Special” Raw was the World Heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit and his tag partner Edge, whom co-hold the Tag Titles. In what is a fairly bad joke La Résistance comes down to do the J-O-B on Memorial Day, in their home province of Quebec no less. This is an all-Canadian opener… except Conway! La Résistance is the favorites when Edge in the ring, but Benoit trumps them in sheer popularity. Is that a “Let’s go Sylvain” chant? The heels quickly took control at the match’s beginning as I start to recap the match instead of observing the very odd circumstances. Edge came back with that move whose name I have once again forgotten, allowing Benoit to come in and clear house. He has a pair of Sharpshooters and a trio of German’s for Conway. The announcers are ignoring what is turning into a very good match, making comparisons to Canada instead of watching. The top rope head butt is missed, however, and La Résistance took control. They put Benoit in their finisher but Edge pulled Grenier out and Benoit locked in the cross face. Edge was unsuccessful in holding the untalented performer of the four outside, and the hold was broken up.

Back to the action, Benoit is stuck in a rear chin lock by Sylvain. The announcers are arguing over who is the Prime Minister of Canada while Benoit makes a comeback. Edge gets the hot tag now, getting booed for his offense by a good portion of the crowd. A top rope drop kick gets two, but it is broken up. Benoit comes in to out duel Rob Conway, but is accidentally speared by Edge. La Résistance capitalizes and nabs their tandem “Roll the Dice” finisher for a three count! La Résistance defeated Chris Benoit and Edge to win the Tag Titles. The fans in Quebec give their team a stand ovation. Guess I was wrong about this one. Not only did the heels win, they wrestled a very good match too.

In the crowd, still celebrating, La Résistance enjoys their win. Backstage, Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton concerning his match with Shelton. The stipulation is if Shelton beats him, Shelton gets a title shot. Randy says Shelton is not in his league, and Todd rebuts that he pinned him last week. Orton is not happy, and calls Benjamin an “Accident!” In Bishoff’s office, Regal and Bishoff talk about the main event tonight. Eric says he is taking back his show, which brings them to the subject of Eugene. The special young man comes in. Eric mentions that he originally brought Eugene in as a favor, but since he got so popular so quickly (He came in to a loud ovation from this hot crowd) he has to thank Regal and give Eugene his second one on one match. It is supposedly against a friend, which brings in Coach. Coachman is not Eugene’s friend, so we know it is not him. Bishoff makes Coach apologize to his nephew for what he said, demanding one in the middle of the ring no less!
Coach comes to the ring, and asks Eugene to come out so he can apologize. Now is a good time to admit I was wrong about Eugene. He is not offensive, has been handled well and is extremely over. Coach admits he was wrong as well, saying Eugene is not a joke and is not a laughing stock before apologizing. The two shakes hands before the Coach lists down the friends Eugene has amassed, something Coach did not believe Eugene had. He lists The Rock, The World heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit and all the fans, and then mentions he met someone else who claims to be Eugene’s friend. Out comes Kane, who offers his arms as the Coach calms the Special young man down. Eugene anxiously hugs the Big Red Machine, and gets hit from behind by Coach. Kane looks to defend his “Friend,” but of course turns on him for a beating.

In Bishoff’s office Eric and Coach have a good laugh at Eugene’s expense. Regal bursts in to yell at them, but Bishoff threatens his job to quite him. Bishoff claims tonight he puts an end to the embarrassment that is Eugene. In a match with no interference, subject to a pink slip, Eugene goes one on one with Kane. Victoria comes out for her match, with her abysmally stiff and exceedingly long dancing entrance. She takes on Jazz. Jazz quickly takes control with variations on leg bars and chin locks. Victoria has a hope spot with a spring board cross body to counter an Irish whip, but is back in Jazz’s submissions immediately there after. Jazz goes for a suplex (A nearly botched one) but Victoria flips over and under for a small package to win this throw away match. Victoria defeated Jazz to retain the Women’s title.

Another short vignette for the heroes of America brings to the second half of Raw.
The well hyped showdown between Orton and Benjamin takes place, and stinks up the joint. Orton comes to the ring with Batista, and quickly takes control. While Benjamin is down and Batista distracts the referee, Randy begins to remove the turnbuckle protector. He does this for an hour unsuccessfully, while Benjamin plays dead. Finally Orton attacks Shelton again, throwing him outside the ring. Once there, Batista distracts the referee some more and Orton finally removes the turnbuckle protector. He attempts an Irish whip, but Shelton gets his leg up to block. Orton ran after him, and when Benjamin turned the two butted heads, prompting Orton to blade slightly. Batista threw Shelton into the exposed steel while the referee attended Orton. Orton only got a two count on that, and the two were in a bad way before the much needed commercial.

We come back with Shelton trapped in a stretch on the ground. During the break Batista interfered. He continued to do so before the official threw him from ringside. Orton begged Batista to stay. Shelton eventually took momentum back, even landing on his feet to counter a monkey flip and hit a power slam for a two count. Orton attempted his cross body, but it was rolled over into a near fall. Randy used his variant on the hangman’s noose neck breaker to regain some control. But still Benjamin would not stay down. Eventually, Randy was disgusted at his inability to win the match, so his wobbled (Supposedly from loss of blood) away up the ramp. Shelton gave chase, and ate a sucker punch. When he took the All-American to the ring, however, he was subjected to Benjamin’s variant power slam for a pin. Shelton Benjamin defeated Randy Orton to receive an Intercontinental Title shot. That was a terrible match.

Backstage, Todd Grisham interviewed the lovely Stacey Kiebler about the WWE Diva’s search. She was extremely excited about the prospect, hyping the lifestyle of a Diva. There are only eight days left to enter, which is surprising. Triple H enters the arena to no ovation as far as I can tell. Not his fault, that match would kill any crowd. He takes the microphone and announces that everyone can stop awaiting the sneak attack, because Shawn Michaels is not there. HBK is banned from the arena, much to the former champion’s chagrin. Hunter now has to wait for Badd Blood, when this great rivalry ends in Hell in a Cell. A music video of Triple H’s experience in the Cell airs. Triple H promises to see HBK in hell. The announcers hype the very well designed card for the Raw Pay-Per-View. Hopefully the Shelton, Orton match is a mark improvement from the one they had tonight.

In Bishoff’s office, Eric sends Johnny Nitro off to fetch Eugene. Matt Hardy V. 1 enters with Lita to the first reaction from the crowd in half an hour. Matt and Lita both hate sparkling water. Matt’s life is better with Lita in it. Garrison Cade is his opponent, without his supposed manager. Well, now there is an opponent to take the interest away. Matt hit a stiff right hand, but Cade takes control early for a head lock on the floor. Hey, I spilled soda on my shirt. That never happens. I’ll go change rather than watch this. Yeah. I heard while I was away that Matt defeated Cade with the Twist of Fate. Matt Hardy defeated Garrison Cade. When I came back, he and Lita were celebrating their big win. The Smackdown! Rebound aired. In Bishoff’s office, Eugene was brought before Eric. Uncle Eric (Oh, which is why they made Eugene his nephew – I get it now) admits to knowing about what was going to happen with Kane. He states that he is doing this for his own good, because in truth he is not cut out for this business. The chance is Eugene’s now to prove the General Manager wrong. He hugs his nephew before his match with Kane, looking sincerely concerned.

One last quick vignette “Remembering our heroes” before the announcers tell us that Chris Jericho is not at Raw due to injuries. Video of the tour across the pond airs. Jericho’s music hits, bringing out Trish Stratus and Tyson Tomko to host the Highlight Reel. Trish tells the crowd she cannot understand French, and calls the audience “Frogs.” She sends kisses to Christian, who is stuck at home. She says the reason she has lowered herself to hosting the Highlight Reel is because she has a Highlight that must be shown. Tomko attacking Jericho from last week airs. She warns everyone not to become a problem, and Chris Jericho enters limping. He attacks Tomko with his excellent running Enziguri, but stupidly puts Trish in the Walls of Jericho to be kicked (missed) in the face. Tomko guerilla press slams Jericho onto a steel chair (Which does not break) and then Trish sits on the chair on his throat. Backstage, Kane stares evilly at the camera.

Kane and Eugene enter for their match. \After stalling fearfully, Eugene hits a surprising leg take down into a pinning combination. Kane looks shocked. Once more Eugene chains into a possible pin fall. A sunset flip, however, fails and Kane is on offense. Eugene tries a double axe handle from the top but is hit by a clothesline. Two count, annoying Kane. Kane starts to take full control finally, throwing him out of the ring and suplexing him back in. He begins to torture the special young man, beating him with impunity. Kane is showing some acne on his chest, and his physique seems bigger to match. Suddenly, Eugene hulks up! He rocks Kane with punches and drop kicks him out of the ring. Kane grabs a chair, and the referee grabs it. Kane whips the official into the corner, and Eugene seizes the moment to kick Kane in the gut. He DDT’s the Big Red Machine onto the chair, and the referee gets up to disqualify Kane. Eugene defeats Kane. After the match Kane sits up and destroys Eugene with a choke slam. He sets up a Tombstone onto the chair, but the World Heavyweight Champion Chris Benoit makes the save. He tries to put Kane in the cross face, but Kane is strong enough to escape. The Big Red Machine has to flee though, and Benoit attends to Eugene. The two celebrate as the show goes dark.

Matt,

I see that you are leaving the team. I am sorry to see you go. In my opinion, you always added a distinct measure of class to the LOP recap and report team. You delivered your report and subsequent analysis in a well thought out and professional manner. You will be missed.

That said, I watched Smackdown! tonight for the first time in over half of a year, and understand your decision completely. I can only hope your replacement is half as good as you are. If he is, we would still have the best Smackdown! reporter in the IWC.

Sincerely,
Steven "Rommel" Schaeffer

A correction: Reader “KnGoFyErWoRLd” caught a mistake I made last week. I posted that Victoria faced and defeated Gail Kim in singles competition. The mistake also crept up in Wevv’s column, Ridin’ with the Bossman, as he uses my report in addition to his own observations. I regret this error, and will attempt to avoid such grievous mistakes in the future.








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