The Wrath of Tito - RAW review, Triple H's acting, Kane, Konnan, more
Submitted by Mr. Tito on Tuesday, May 18, 2004 at 11:11 AM EST
Welcome back to the Wrath of Tito. I hope to get through this column, for my head is freakin' killing me after a pretty big migraine headache yesterday. I've started to get them during my early college years and they come up occasionally now. To quote Charlie Murphy, "I don't know about you, but my head is bumpin'!". It's not easy, too, trying to bowl in a bowling league after the main attacks from a migraine. The way it comes for me is that my vision on one side of my eye gets fuzzy (which gets worse and worse). Then, once the fuzziness is gone, I sort of have tunnel vision but with a major headache. I can seriously see why any athlete would want the game off after a headache, for I just bowled below my average for all 3 games!
-I have to warn you that I DID NOT see Judgment Day. As a consumer, I have the right to choose what events I want to see. I'm sorry, but there was no desire on my part or my good friend's part to see this event. If it turned out better than expected, then good for the Smackdown roster. I didn't watch the show, therefore, I will not comment on it.
-I'm happy for Triple H in that he's trying to have a movie career. Good for him. HOWEVER, it's rumored that the Game may get the lead role in the Conan the Barbarian remake (personally, I'd love to see him do Conan the Librarian... ok, enough of the UHF jokes). That's a pretty big role to take early into your career and it's something with BIG shoes to fill. I'd recommend trying out smaller roles before taking a big one, especially if that movie were to flop. We'll have to see what Triple H does in Blade 3.
Just a funny story about the Blade movies that I couldn't resist telling. My brother has friends that play the "Blade Drinking Game", in that they pour shots of whiskey or whatever when watching either Blade 1 or Blade 2. For everytime Wesley Snipes does a special pose after an attack, you'd have to take a shot of whiskey. Nearing the end of the movie, most are shitfaced. I heard that the game gets really bad during Blade 2, when Snipes does way more poses than he did in Blade 1. Not that I condone this crazy kind of game, BUT if you're at your dorm or apartment and bored, why not try it out?
-Brian Christopher or Grandmaster Sex-ay is already gone from the WWE. It's easy to see that everybody saw that one coming. Christopher isn't exactly the best social politician backstage, and being Jerry's kid, you must outperform your expectations. Goodbye Christopher, as it will be funny to hear about the next try on getting back into the WWE (Christopher actually stayed at the hotel that the wrestlers did for Wrestlemania 20, with his own money, just to kiss ass and get a job). Actually, though, the WWE got rid of the wrong Lawler....
-I get a good back of e-mail regarding Stone Cold Steve Austin and how I said that the WWE doesn't need him. Last week's RAW got a 3.4, which is the first bad rating since Wrestlemania. This came after a stable string of RAW ratings. My guess? Sampling error or some kind of bubble in the Nielson system that week. We'll see what the ratings present for Monday's show. I still insist that the WWE doesn't need Austin. When Austin was there as General Manager, he was NOT and I repeat NOT a draw in that position, nor was he a draw as sheriff. I'm sure I'll get the argument about how his shirts do the best in live merchandise sales. That's a good argument, especially when the only one who was advertising the shirts was Austin, who wore them every week. Numbers, across the board for the RAW roster, are up since Benoit's arrival. I never discount what Austin did in the past. HOWEVER, he was becoming a burden on the shows and adding nothing because he can't wrestle any longer.
-Konnan to the WWE? I thought someone was already playing Conan? OK, I'm too funny... It appears as though Konnan is pushing to get into the WWE through longtime friend, Rey Mysterio. If Konnan were to enter the WWE, it would most likely be for Smackdown, a show with a very nice urban hispanic demographic. One thing I'll say, though, is that I wasn't impressed with Konnan during his last years in WCW. I thought he was a good wrestler through 1996-1997, but once he started dressing in street clothes and hanging around Nash and Hall, things quickly fell apart. He just didn't have that zip he once had in the ring, or the flare that makes you want to get behind a wrestler. I don't know, maybe he join the WWE and yell his Spanish catchphrases to the crowd to get over in the WWE. Who knows?
-Walmart cheap DVD's are a hell of a drug! For dirt low prices, I bought "Universal Soldier 2: the Return" and "Mr. Nanny", featuring a wrestler in each (Goldberg in Universal Soldier and Hogan in Mr. Nanny). For whatever God knows reason, I've been on a Van Damme kick lately. I love the first Universal Soldier, as I recommend buying it for a low rate right now at Walmart OR Circuit City. A movie, for around $5 that you will definitely not be disappointed in. However, Universal Soldier 2 isn't quite the first one... I'll watch it again for a better perspective, although I remember Bill Goldberg getting his ass kicked in it. Now, with Mr. Nanny... I KNOW it's bad acting. I KNOW the script is pretty bad. I KNOW it's corny. But Mr. Nanny makes me laugh. Anytime you see two little kids beating up Hulk Hogan, it's funny. I laugh my ass off when they rigged the showerhead to come off and smack Hogan right in his face. It's probably my favorite Hogan movie out of all of his stuff, but for pure entertainment value only.
-Some fans are obviously upset about Kane getting the World Title shot at Badd Blood. However, do you honestly think he has a chance of winning? It's very obvious that the World Title is only going to either HBK, Triple H, or Chris Benoit for the whole year of 2004. Why? Those 3 are your money-men. HBK and Triple H are doing their thing right now, and will likely put on a fantastic "Hell in the Cell" match at Badd Blood, one I'm looking into seeing (although ticket prices are very high). I'm happy for Benoit, for he's ensured of keeping the World Title another month. Hell, I'm hoping that a series of good matches against Benoit will jumpstart Kane's career, because lord knows he needs it after some very bad feuds or damaging losses.
Ok, on to the RAW review...
RAW is TITO
Opening match was Lita vs. Trish Stratus... OK women's match, with Trish doing most of the carrying here. Very repetitive finish with Kane coming out, causing Lita to get distracted enough for Trish to roll her up. Pat Patterson, the usual WWE finish guy, have you become lazy? It's hard to push this whole Kane/Lita storyline. Kane plays the sick bastard OK to an extent, but Lita has some absolutely horrible acting skills. The crowd is starting to seriously notice, too, as I'm noticing her pop keeps shrinking and shrinking.
Looks like Randy Orton has had several pitchers of Triple H's Koolaid after verbally trashing Shelton Benjamin backstage. HHH probably pat Orton on the back and said "good boy".
Backstage, Uncle Eric and William Regal talk with Eugene. It appears as though Bischoff is probably going to mistreat Eugene in some way or fashion, while Regal's liking of Eugene will grow by each week (in a caring way). We'll see...
Next, we had a match featuring Val Venis challening Kane to a match for previous actions. I already forget what happened last week or weeks before. SQUASH MATCH. Val Venis might as well join Smackdown so that he could maybe join the Holly and Billy Gunn stable. After the match, Matt Hardy tried to attack but Kane kicked his ass in return, trying to injure Hardy for good. Lita, on the mic and screaming what can barely be heard with an open ear, tells Kane to stop and says "yes" to whatever Kane asked her. I hope it's to relive the Return of the Jedi scene with Princess Leia. Oh wait, what am I talking about? Kane gives her a back hug and walks away smiling. Ok...
Pretty good tag match between Edge/Benoit vs. Batista/Orton... I really liked the spot with the IC title, when Orton rolled over on Benoit's flying headbutt. Both Orton and Batista are slowly getting better in the ring, but I still suggest that they still have some more to learn. At least Batista is looking like a physical threat, which we saw tonight when Batista and Kane were face to face in the ring. The match ended with the IC champion tapping out to the Crippler Crossface, as I wonder how long will Benoit hold two titles?
The next segment of RAW featured the new interview guy interviewing Eugene. The Michael Cole wannabe was quickly removed when Johnathan Coachman interrupted the segment to take over the interview with Eugene. The Coach talks down to Eugene, to the point where Eugene believes it and walks away. Then, the Rock's music hits and the Rock suddenly appears in San Diego. Totally unexpected and I'm glad for it. He takes Eugene to the ring and says he wants to be a friend of Eugene's. Rock rips on Coach pretty good, which is very easy to do anymore. At one point, Rock asks Eugene about certain wrestlers, and Eugene gave "Triple H" as one of his responses. Rock somewhat ripped HHH in response, which makes me wonder how much that will upset Mr. Stephanie McMahon. It doesn't take much, even when Rock rips on his friends (calling Kevin Nash a "Big Daddy Bitch" one night). They decide to beat up the Coach, but Mr. Garrison (Cade) comes down to attack. Both Rock and Eugene fend off both Coach and Eugene, with Eugene making the save on the Rock. Funny segment, I will admit. I still don't like the WWE's portrayal of a mentally handicapped wrestler.
I really enjoyed the Battle Royal. It had a slow start, but once a lot of "fat" was chopped off, it became a stage for some drama. Kane finally showed some toughness tonight, as he destroyed everybody with a chokeslam at one point. The chokeslams set up the showdown with Batista and Kane, which the fans were pretty up for. I was guessing that Chris Jericho would get the next shot at Benoit at Badd Blood, but it looks like HBK vs. HHH will be the real main event instead while Benoit retains the title against Kane. Just rid Kane of all of his side storylines, let him start winning matches against big names, and push him as a monster and let Benoit do the rest in the ring, and we may have something at Badd Blood.
LAST WORD: Two great matches on television... can't complain, plus, the Rock was in town. This show gets a [ B+ ] in my book, for the midcard still needs work. Simply put.
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@That's all for today. Thanks a million for reading.
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