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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, May 2, 2004 at 4:51 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman - Antagonizing The Fans Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! It’s a jam-packed column again today, but hopefully this time, I’ll have space left to give some well-deserved plugs. Last week, I was at the limit of my text program that I use for code. It’s getting to be a frequent occurrence. I ramble way too much. How bout that NFL draft? Looks like the Bears are going to try to recreate the magic that was the Bears linemen. OK, let’s stop wasting time and get right to it. I’ll warn you right now. There are plugs in the middle of the column. I did it to prove a point. Bear with me and then check out OAW. WWE TV - The Series Raw Recap info provided by Steven " No, I’m not going to say that Rommel Sucks, because he rules" Schaeffer You know, there’s really nothing I can say that should offend WWE. These are the same people who accused Kane of being a necrophiliac, and it wasn’t a joke. They were 100% serious about it. They even went so far as to provide a visual. So, with that out of the way, let’s get rolling. Well, JR did say that Vince has more time for creative. He really showed it tonight. I wonder what goes through Kane’s mind when he gets to the arena and sees a grinning Vince waiting for him. I imagine it must be along the lines of " Oh good grief, now what?". You think he tries to sneak in, hoping to avoid Vince? So, instead of doing the match by match review, I’d like to do something different. I’ll just list the lasting impressions from Raw this week. Chick Power Lita, Vicki, Molly, and Gail had a pretty good match. That one kid sure didn’t want Vicki hugging him, but she did it anyway. The poor kid’s dad didn’t even have time to take a picture. Pt2 made some good points about the women’s division and you can check out his column here: Take Up Thy Wrestling Boots and Walk I agree with him and will add this. I’d say that the women’s division is one of the most exciting in terms of the debuting of new moves. Gail’s swinging arm bar was pretty cool. A reason for the matches to appear so sloppy might be that they’re constantly trying to work new moves in their arsenal. It takes time to get them down. The division has come a long way. Of course, it doesn’t help when a thing like Kane attacking the chicks is part of the match. You just saw the ladies wrestle one another, yet Lita can’t run away. She’s petrified with fear! Matt then comes down and gets squashed good. Kane Man oh man, what happened to ya big guy? You were a scary monster, and now you’re unintentional comedy relief. Smelling girls? Sigh. You got to light JR on fire, and now this. Why do I get the feeling that this is what Vince had in mind for Big Show and Torrie? It’s got that creepy feeling to it that’s Vince’s trademark. Monster? Well, monster perv maybe. I eagerly await the skit where Kane is hiding in the ladies shower, yet they can’t see him, until he lunges out and grabs their panties and sticks them on his head and does a creepy dance. - Now, would you be shocked at this dramatic turn of events? Maybe a little, but we’ve come to expect such weirdness from Vince. - Phantom knows the score when it comes to Vince. Triple H He’s come a loong way. I’ve almost reached the point where I will no longer bash the guy. Almost, but not quite. His action with Tajiri on Monday went a long way towards earning my admiration. Dude, he was yelling at a plant! That was hilarious. Then that match with Tajiri. Really good. It looked like he was beating the crap out of the guy, and yet Tajiri wouldn’t give up. It was great. There’s just one thing he has to do to cross over into the Wevv Support zone, alongside such legends as Big Show, Bossman, Jericho, RVD, Booker T, Godfather, and various cruisers and chicks. Do the job for Kane. Not just a quickie pinfall and then get up and pound the crap out of the guy. A real match, where Kane beats the crap out of H, and then gets to gloat about it. Remember the necro crap? Well guess who was the one saying those things. That’s right, H. Now do the right thing. WWE wants Kane to be a monster, well, if they’re serious about it, then let him beat H, and badly. Enough to take him out of action for say, three or four months? H is right there on the breaking point of getting back into the crowd. He’s got the right mood now. Popular bastard. The guy who is a rat bastard, but is likable because he is a bastard. Like Bossman. Eugene Howard Stern did a skit on Friday. Long time show friend Gary the Retard was on. Stern and Artie Lange just busted on Gary and it was pretty funny. Then it made me think of Eugene. Busting on retards can be fun. If you’re so brutal that it becomes shockingly funny. WWE is holding back and that’s a good thing. Going all out on Eugene would be a really bad idea. So I thought about this. Eugene is supposed to be a comedy figure. So why does he have to be retarded? Why can’t he just be goofy? Nope, he’s gotta be retarded. I just can’t figure out why. Really, if the guy was just a raging drunk who got stupid drunk and then did the things Eugene is doing, that could be pretty funny. The bleeding hearts couldn’t complain too much, since the guy is doing it to himself, and then the pay off is the guy getting help and a new character is born. So, when this is all over, will Eugene be miraculously cured of being a retard? I imagine that going over as well as Kane recovering from his hideous burns. Jericho, Trish, Christian, Nathan Jones, and Grand Master Sex-AY! Great promo by Christian. Nathan Jones, er, Tyson Tomko has got a hell of a lot of tattoos. Trish has become one excellent heel. She plays the part very well, but once again, if she became the complete package, a beautiful, but deadly heel, with brains to match, well then, you might just have something. This bit gave me an idea for something that has the potential in my mind to become really big. It started with the pop for GMS when he came out. He then got beat down. But Jericho made the save. That’s the next step. Y2J and GMS vs Christian and NJ2 (Nathan Jones 2). The promos could be outstanding. GMS and his goofy hipster speak, Jericho, not knowing what he’s saying. If they’re not allowed anywhere near the big belts, then have them grab the tag belts and start a feud over them. Chris Benoit Back to being treated as a jobber who got lucky, and not a true champion, after three months as a solid champ. Hilary Clinton Was it just me or did Hilary look really uncomfortable? So that was Raw. For the full details, go click the link above and read Rommel’s recap. If you ant more folks thoughts on what’s going on with Raw you could always read Davey Boy’s thoughts. He gives his opinion on Austin and Eugene. The Wrestling Menu And of course, there’s Mr. Tito and his weekly raw recap. Wrath of Tito Smackdown Recap info provided by Mathew Tremly Smackdown has started to come together as a show. I think Dubzilla made some really good points about how a show should be put together. Turnbuckle Tailgate Let’s get on with the memorable moments. Bradshaw Nice piece about illegal immigration. Too bad this is a topic that can’t be solved by, you know, a wrestling match. At least he didn’t appear on TV, and that’s always a good thing. It’s funny that WWE did this piece right after South Park did one. Which would you prefer? "They TOOK MY job!" "They Took YER JOB!" or political commentary by a Texan who says he now lives in New York? Well, I guess its back on the pile. Charlie and Rico The skits were toned down. I know, it’s hard to believe but they were. It was played as more of an odd couple vibe, as opposed to Rico trying to convert Charlie. At least, I hope so. I wonder if this idea was the one that Vince had for Brock? Vince never throws an idea away. Rico now wrestles, and that’s a step in the right direction. It still needs to find it’s groove, but I think it’s getting closer, and better. I’d say tone tone down Rico trying to nail guys, and stick with the mystery of Jackie and Rico being together. Folks now know that Rico is flaming gay, now have fun with it. Fun, not creepiness. Torrie and John" I’m No Homo" Cena Poor Torrie. You were doing so well. No you get abused every week. Man, Vince just hates chicks. Cena needs to cut a promo, and in a bad way. If he can stay away from the masturbating references, and guy’s private parts, it could be good. He wants to take Rene out. And not to dinner and a movie. Oh, and Rene has dyed his hair. He now looks like every other generic blond guy. First the haircuts, and now this. Where do they get those poodles? Poodles R Us? Lose the dog. Dogs and WWE do not go well together. Kennel of Hell anyone? If Torrie is there for window dressing, then let her look hot, and that’s it. No more beatings. Let her cheer for John. Hell, it’s a damn good opportunity for her to try on different hip hop outfits. The really skimpy kind, and that’s all that really matters. Kurt Angle This bears a striking similarity to some things I’ve been doing in PWA. I like it for Angle. It’s a new direction for him. The guy is limited in the ring now, and has to adjust to that. True. If he’s going to be rat bastard GM, then maybe he should debut some new I’s that he won’t stand for. Like Insubordination, Incompetence, and Indecent. ECW Light Paul is now in a manager role. He’s mentoring the Dudleys into becoming more "extreme". So they are no longer a tag team. They are now a bargain. Two for one. How does this translate into extreme? It doesn’t. It just means that the Dudley’s are jobbers. It reminds me of when H would come to the ring with Flair, and all Flair would do is interfere. It did more harm than good. Fans have a good idea of what is extreme, and this isn’t it. So that was my lasting impressions of this week of TV. Both shows are becoming carbon copies of the other. Our champions are both now involved in tag teams, both shows have a chick getting beat up, and both have a creepy vibe running through them. The undercard is the highlight of each show, not the main event. The big problem, and has been for a while, is that WWE is exploring social issues, but forgetting that the end result has to happen inside the ring. There has to be a winner and a loser at some point. Illegal immigrations can’t be summed up that neatly. Neither can the topic of religion, patriotism, racism, and family issues. Well the last one, could. Keep Vince, Steph, and Shane all far away from WWE creative and put Heyman in charge. What’s going on? Where’s the exciting cruiser matches? Well, you can blame Johnny Ace and Vince, or you can ask Winter what his thoughts are. Let It Snow Or send a letter to Da J-Train Stuck In the Middle With You So, if this is happening in WE, is there an alternative? How bout that TNA stuff I keep reading about? What happened to Tina, who used to recap TNA? Well, I asked Tina to fill me in on the TNA low down. Here’s what she said. The past few months in TNA have seen quite a few changes. As we all know by now they are getting their house in order for a television deal with Fox Sports Net. Sure we haven’t had an official announcement yet but let’s face it; all the signs are there that this is a done deal. So, let’s go over a few of the biggest differences we are seeing every Wednesday and Saturday on our television screens. And begin! Vince Russo is back and he is cleaning up the show. A good clean show and Russo you say? Not possible! Yet, since his return as Director of Authority he has done just that. It’s hard to believe that this is the same man who on his last run in TNA was the leader of Sex? He has opened the cages and let the dancers fly away free into the night. No more Lollipop for us. The strange this about this was that I didn’t even notice the girls missing until Tenay pointed it out about 30 minutes into the show. Right now it is as if TNA wants to be the FCC’s darling and it is well on its way to doing just that. It appears that TNA wants to become a true alternative to the WWE. Off the top of my head I am going to guess that it has been close to two months since I have seen a drop of blood spilled. They have never shied away from it before. As a matter of fact it appeared to be downright encouraged! Not only has the language been cleaned up and the blood cut out but there isn’t one risqué? storyline going on right now. Nadda. Zip. It’s good clean fun for the whole family. About now you are probably wondering what is left, right? The easiest way to show you is by doing the math. (WWE)? (Blood)? (Foul language)? (Rico AKA risqué storylines)? (Half-naked women) =? The answer is simple wrestling. That’s right kids. What is left over after you take out all the crap is wrestling and that is what TNA gives you. As I have stated on numerous occasions this is exactly why I think TNA is well worth the $10 every month. So, how has TNA been doing the past couple of months? They have been doing great. Jarrett & Co. are furiously trying to prepare for us the best damn wrestling product that they can give. Granted, they still have quite a while to go before they can be considered direct competition for that other show but they are well on their way. Right now all the pieces are being laid out and most of them are fitting together quite nicely. Sure at times the storylines may not be that exciting but that is because they want us to concentrate on what used to make wrestling so much fun to watch and that is what goes on in the ring. All of their angles are resolved one way or another inside the squared circle and as far as I’m concerned that’s what has been missing in the world of professional wrestling for a long time now. I don’t want sports entertainment. I want an entertaining sport. Quote the TNA Mark nevermore! Thanks Tina. You can email Tina to get more info, and also ask where her column and recaps are, and offer support, encouragement, and just to say nice things. Tina Ali – TNA Mark, But That’s OK - womenarefromlop@hotmail.com TGI Friday’s (Near Wevv’s House) Wevv, Bossman and Big Show are seated at their table. Big Show, once again has his leg propped up on a stool. Wevv: OK guys, can we get through one meal in a public place without being thrown out or causing a riot? Bossman: I don’t know Wevv, can we? Big Show: Yeah, is it statistically possible for us to be in public and not create some kind of disturbance? At a nearby table, the staff starts a happy birthday song. Big Show stiffens, and starts getting wild eyed. Wevv: Easy Show! It’s not us! Bossman, get him another stiff drink, STAT! And NO HIJINKS! Bossman: Awww! Wevv soothes Big Show, and Bossman quickly returns with a drink, which Show gulps down. Big Show: Thanks Wevv, BM. That was close. I’m feeling better now. Wevv: Good. I don’t know where our waiter is, but maybe we should start on Today’s topic. I’d like to talk about Kane. Waiter: Hi guys! My name is Tom, and I’ll be your server for today! Can I start you off with some drinks? Or are you fellas ready to order? Bossman: What..the..hell… is… that? Tom: Oh, you mean my belt? It’s an old wrestling belt. WE have to wear stuff, so Id thought I’d wear this since WWE is coming to town. You like it? Bossman: That is the WCW Heavyweight Championship belt! Why is it covered in…stickers?!? Wevv: Let it go Bossman. We’re ready to order. The group orders. Another song starts up, and Big Show orders another round of drinks. Wevv: Hey, take it easy Show. You have to ride the casket home. Now, about Kane. What can I say? The guy is not the guy we saw and got to know all those years ago. His history is so screwed up, it’s impossible to keep track of. He started a feud with Taker, and now is on different shows, and can’t interact. HE lost his mask, he’s a creepy bastard, and evil, but incompetent. Bossman: How dare that kid disgrace the noble history of the WCW belt! Who does he think he is? Larry Zybyskco would ROLL OVER in his grave if he knew about that! It’s got a sticker with kittens on it! KITTENS! Wevv: uh, BM, Larry is still alive. Bossman: Right. (winks at Wevv) Sure thing. Big Show: YEAH! Who does that kid think he is?! Has he paid his dues to wear that belt? Did he ever have to do a bathroom scene? I’ll bet he never got dragged through a cemetery on top of his father’s casket! That little bastard! Wevv: Kane? We were talking about Kane? Bossman: Back in my day, you know what we’d do to that kid? Big Show: No, what would you do? Bossman: We’d….well, it wouldn’t be pretty that’s for sure. Big Show: (Draining his glass) You know what? I’ve done three sketches about me taking a crap. THREE! What has that kid done for the business? DID he have to get squashed by a bunch of midgets in masks? I bet he didn’t… Bossman: Yeah! I jobbed for over five years! FIVE YEARS! Everyday, before the booker would tell me I’m jobbing, he would tell me about the value of the belt.(sniff) good old Ole. He’d then punch me in the balls. AND I LIKED IT! Big Show: Yeah, I was talking with Booker one day, right after he got told he was going to be pushed as a convict in his title shot. He told me all about how much that belt meant, and what an honor it was to have his name dragged through the mud to get a chance to be squashed and forgotten about. Bossman: Back in the days when I was with the Ministry, we were told that jobbing was an honor. It was to make the champ look good. So when Blackman, Bradshaw, Ron and I would run out and get squashed, we were proud to do it. Dammit, the belt meant something in those days! Now punk ass kids can buy them in stores and put sticker all over them! What the hell does Korn have to do with being a champion? NOTHING! The kid can’t even keep my drink full, how can he be a good champion? Wevv: Oh, this could get ugly. Gimme the keys Bossman and calm down. It’s just a belt, and a fake at that. Tom returns with more drinks. Bossman staggers to his feet. Bossman: Kid, do you know the value of that belt you’re wearing? Tom: $39.95? I don’t remember, I bought it years ago. I don’t even watch wrestling anymore. Bossman: Let me tell you something kid, back in my day, we had to wrestle to wear that belt! Do you even know how to lock up? Tom: Well, no. Management hasn’t given me the keys yet. Bossman: SO now you’re being held down by management! It’s always the same with you kids! Well, let me give you a key you can REALLY use! Bossman fumbles for his nightstick, getting it tangled in his belt. Tom backs away, and Big Show starts to get up, and falls backwards through a table. Bossman: That’s the spirit Show! Show em the hardcore style! You could learn a lot from Show, kid. Now stand still and let me whack you a few times… Tom: HELP! Tom runs away, as the riot gets under way. Wevv grabs Show and Bossman and hustles them out the door. Wevv drives them off into the night. MAN! We didn’t even get to eat this time. Oh well, add it to the list. No booze for Bossman and Big Show. I should have seen that coming. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Covert Hostility WWE is all about its fans. It says it goes out of it’s way to appease and entertain it’s millions of fans worldwide. When it travels to a foreign country, it goes out of its way to let the folks know that they’re coming and can buy tickets to attend the events. Heck, sometimes they even book extra shows, so that fans that didn’t get a chance to see them, can get the opportunity to experience WWE live. WWE loves it’s fans. But it appears at times to be an abusive relationship. Gone are the days of WWE telling it’s fans to "Get The F Out!". Now, WWE has turned to subtler ways of abusing it’s fans. It’s not always obvious, but every once in a while you get some one complaining about it. One way is to throw commercials right in the middle of an important match. Commercial breaks are a part of TV, true. But during a live show like Raw, WWE has some control over when they go to commercial. During Smackdown, it’s a taped show, so the board ops and director can plan for when they go to commercial. Some one is making the call. I tried to show what it does in the earlier part of my column. It breaks up the flow. During a sporting event, the announcers ever say "Look at marshal Faulk take off, it’s clear sailing down the field, but we’re going to take a break since we have a few seconds before he scores!". Then come back with a video recap of the touchdown. It’s just not the same, and sports folks know that. Now, I understand that it’s a live show, and the action rarely takes a break, but there’s a difference between a planned spot for break and just cutting away for the hell of it. There are planned breaks during the show that are used for commercial. Times in between matches, when the ring needs to be cleared, and the T-Shirt guy comes out. The entrance and exit of personalities, the spots gone awry, There are times when it helps to build drama and make sure the fans come back after commercial. WCW used to do the run in before break to keep fans entrenched, and wait out the break. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t. More often than not, the comebacks were sloppy and the beginning was cut off, or the recap lead into another dull spot of the announcers recapping what went on during the break. More often than not, however, you got annoyed fans wonder why they went to break. The top guys almost never have a break interrupt their speeches or matches. If it’s along match, then it happens sometimes. Like when Chris Benoit comes down to give a promo, they cut to break before he starts speaking, or they cut during a break in the match. Yet it’s getting more and more common to have a break right before a big move, and then get the replay upon return, while the match is going on. That’s not good. That’s just sloppy. Breaks are planned. Breaks have a set time limit. Sometimes you have some leeway, like playing an extra set of commercials to gain more time later, but the amount per hour is not a random thing. No one calls up and says "We just got a new advertiser and we want you to play his new commercial during the 9 o’clock hour". It doesn’t work that way. Occasionally, a segment will run long, and the schedule has to be shuffled. But a good producer can adapt on the fly. Some buts may be dropped or shortened, but that’s part of the TV business. It happens. But every week? I said earlier that some one is making the ultimate call. That guy is deciding what is important and what gets bumped and cut. Let me give an example. In the glory days of H, H would ramble on for over fifteen minutes. He wouldn’t get cut. You’d get all fifteen plus minutes of nothing but H talking, and talking and talking. He sometimes would go twenty or even twenty five minutes. That’s a long time in the TV world. Basically the format for breaks is to do one every 15 minutes. That way, each section of the show is like a chapter, and the breaks allow time for the viewer to digest the happening and be ready for the next installment. It should be very easy for WWE, since it’s an ensemble show, to follow this rule. Yet we got breaks popping up all over the place, and more often than not, smack dab in the middle of something we wanted to see in full. There really is no excuse for it, except that it hurts the segment being interrupted. The segment is being done live, and remembering the fact that there are live people sitting right there, they are not going to wait three or four minutes for the guy to resume talking, or for the action to happen. The live crowd is part of the show. Let’s walk through this. -Kane is ready to throw Matt hardy off the Titan Tron. Before he gets his hands on Matt, we cut for commercial. -Live: Kane performs the deed. The live folks get to see it, and react to it, but not the folks at home. Viewer: Come back from commercial, get a video replay, but now, the live crowd who have had about three minutes to react, is reacting to the paramedics tending to Matt Hardy, who is almost out of the arena by this point. Viewers are getting a mixed reaction. Their own, since this is the first time they have seen the spot, and the background noise of the crowd reaction not in excitement or horror, but now in sympathy or apathy, your choice. Let’s go back to the suspense building rationale. You’re watching wrestling, and suddenly your favorite wrestler, after a good match, is about to be joined by his arch-nemesis in the ring. The announcers tell they’re going to break. Suspenseful, eh? Do you sit through the commercials to wait upon their return? Probably not. You probably get up to go do something. So, when you hear JR start hollering, you rush back in to see what’s going on, and probably miss something important. Commercials are a necessity in wrestling. They pay the bills. All shows have them, but how they are used is a world of difference. WWE needs all the outside money they can get. If I never see another Bod commercial, I’ll be happy. Planning is the key, and if that were something that WWE was good at, well, it’d be a whole different company by now. The way WWE uses its commercials is just a small way that WWE abuses its fans. Maybe abuse is too strong a word, and I should use callous attitude instead. I’ll cover more ways next week. That’s all for today. I still have some plugs to do, and a random thought or two to throw out thee. While Bossman sobers up. Let me tell you, a liquored up Bossman isn’t as fun as it sounds. The last line of OAW made me think of something else. Brock Lesnar leaving. It really did throw the WWE for a loop. Look at what’s gone on then. The lotteraft, dragging Taker out of retirement, and so on and so forth. There just wasn’t a plan in place. Not even for if Lesnar got hurt. It was just "OH MY GOD!!! WE GOT NOTHING!", and the chaos that followed. Speaking of Brock, I wonder what the plan for Brock was? Jobbing yes, but that couldn’t have been all of it. I truly think that Vince never throws an idea way, and looking at some of the angles that have Vince’s fingerprints all over them makes me think. So, what if Charlie Haas wasn’t the original guy tapped to do the Rico thing? Or maybe Bradshaw. Fozzy is playing in Phoenix, right after Raw. Is Wevv going? No. It’s an extra $21 to get in the door, and even though parking is dirt cheap, Wevv has this pesky little thing called a job that he has to get to. The great part about WWE taping on the West Coast? You are usually home in time to watch the show. Also, beer ain’t cheap at America West Arena. It’s supposed to get up to 100. Hot weather, hot wrestling action, thirsty work. Oh, and I can look forward to retard training. Beer Me! Plugs! Lop Forums! Check out the PWA section! Check out the new Creative writing section! Read the Early Works Of Wevv! LOP Columns Forum! Optimus goes ballistic, Valleyboy has Selective Memory, Robb books Smackdown, LoneWolf (AKA Mike) is nearing his 50th, so give him some feedback, and Random Guy, well, is Random Guy and is always good. OK Folks, let’s call it a day. I’ll be back next week, and I’ll be at Raw tomorrow night. Look for the sign., You’ll know which one. So, Until Next Time, Thanks For Reading and Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com
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