March Column Of The Month - 'SEX'
Submitted by Stanman on Friday, April 16, 2004 at 9:21 PM EST



NOTE FROM STANMAN: The following column was the winner of the March Column Of The Month Contest held in the LOP columns forum. Each month the winner has one of his columns posted on the LOP main site. This month features AdamG and his column, Sports Entertainment X-Plained. Send all feedback to sexcolumn@hotmail.com. Enjoy the SEX! Heh.



Sports Entertainment X-Plained #7


Welcome to Sports Entertainment X-Plained. Or SEX, as it has come to be known. This is the seventh edition of the column, for those that care to know, the other six can be found in the LoP Columns Forum. Any and all feedback on this or previous editions is great appreciated, and every piece of feedback will be replied to. Please send all feedback to sexcolumn@hotmail.com. For everyone who hasn't read this column before, here is a brief run through of the format…

The column consists of six different SEXTIONS. The first is Storyline Analysis, where I dissect a current or imminent feud. The second sextion is Educated Guessing where I discuss a possible upcoming storyline. Then comes X-amaning closely sextion where I look at something or someone a little bit closer. This is followed by Under the sheets where I discuss something that I believe is being handled badly and should be swept "under the sheets" and forgotten. After that I'll look at a five things that I consider Better than SEX. And finally, I'll hand out some Sexual Favours which are basically plugs and thank yous for the guys in the LoP Columns Forum that brought this column to the main page. Here we go with SEX#7.

Storyline analysis

This week, I'd like to look at one of the best storylines around at the moment from RAW, which is a storyline that will lead to Shelton Benjamin vs. Ric Flair at Backlash this Sunday. This storyline of course is the building of Benjamin as a credible solo superstar and not "one half of the World's Greatest Tag Team". I think that so far, the WWE has handled Benjamin amazingly on RAW. His two, yes two, relatively clean victories against the biggest star on RAW have got him instantly over with the newer fans and marks alike. Triple H is undoubtedly one of the guys you never expect to lose, whether you're new to wrestling, or a long time fan, if Triple H loses to someone, its big. Shelton Benjamin is big. I find it quite ironic that the guy dubbed "the next big thing" Brock Lesnar is nowhere to be seen right when the WWE needs him most, while his lowly partner from OVW could now be "the next big thing" this year, and for years to come.

Two wins over Triple H spells momentum, Benjamin has a ton of it. The WWE needs to capitalise on this quickly if Benjamin is to make any sort of impact on the WWE's business in the next year. I think this match with Flair is a great idea. Shelton needs singles matches wins on pay-per-view, who's better for this than Flair? This match is a lock to be a Benjamin victory, anything else would be absurd. Flair doesn't need to beat anyone anymore, like a choice few, Flair will always be over; Benjamin however needs to beat as many people as he can in the next six months. The Evolution vs. Benjamin feud shouldn't end at Backlash, he should continue to be a thorn in their side for the next few months of television, perhaps leading to a Benjamin/Triple H feud on pay-per-view? Perhaps. Either way Benjamin is a goldmine waiting to happen and Evolution is a perfect stepping stone for him. I fully expect him to at challenge for the World Title on PPV before next years Wrestlemania.

Educated guessing

Today I'll look at two guys that I am a big fan of, and two guys that I am sure are destined for success. Both guys are young and have a great future ahead of them; both are over and are on the brink of main eventing. However I think before both guys reach that upper echelon, they need to have a certain feud, that feud is Edge vs. Randy Orton. Edge and Orton remind me a lot of Triple H and The Rock circa 98/99, both have good mic skills, above-average ability and possibly most important in Vince's mind, "the look". If you look back to May/June 1999, you'll see Triple H and The Rock feuding for Number 1 contendership, a feud that helped elevate both men and of course led to their great title feud in the year 2000. I think it's highly likely that a similar feud will occur with Edge and Orton. Orton is over, but he is not ready for the main event. His match with Foley this Sunday should make him a lot closer, but I don't think it will make him a credible challenger for the World Title just yet.

Edge is perhaps more over than Orton. He has had the "returning hype" of a huge face superstar, and is facing the monster heel Kane on pay-per-view. Now to most smart fans, that is a terrible feud and holds little credibility or interest, however, to the majority of the fans, Edge defeating Kane (which he should) will be a huge feat. This win should make Edge ready for that final push towards the title. There has been speculation of Edge vs. Triple H happening sooner or later, I've even written about that prospect myself in an earlier column, however regardless of if that feud happens or not, I think that Edge and Orton have to feud before either man holds the World Title. Again, going back to their 1999 parallels, Rocky and Hunter, a No.1 Contendership feud can not only make for great television, but it sows seeds for a future feud over the title. It worked then, it should work again in the near future. Are Orton and Edge as good as The Rock and Triple H? Maybe not, but I'd like to find out.

X-amining closely

Today I'll look at two guys who are on RAW that should really be on Smackdown, but for some inexplicable reason, aren't. Tajiri is a guy who was on Smackdown one month ago, and actually wrestled, albeit briefly, in a Cruiserweight title match at Wrestlemania. Yet for some odd reason, he is now on RAW. Part of me understands why Vince did this, they needed some shocking trades to make the lottery realistic, and a cruiserweight being traded to the other show is somewhat "shocking" and makes the lottery seem less gimmicked to the average fan. However, aside from that initial relatively small shock, there really isn't any reason for him to be on RAW. Amazingly, he has a match at Backlash against Jonathan Coachman. I think it is ridiculous that Matt Hardy, Test, Rhyno, Batista, Lance Storm and Val Venis to name but a few aren't on the card for a RAW only Pay-Per-View, and Jonathan Coachman is. What's worse is that Coach will probably beat Tajiri thanks to help from Al Snow. WWE, please, send Tajiri back to the Cruiserweight division.

Another guy that's not booked for Backlash is The Hurricane. And again, like Tajiri, I think he is on the wrong show. Shane Helms is a great cruiserweight, he was the last "real" WCW Cruiserweight Champion, and is probably one of the first names that comes into your head when you think of the word "cruiserweight". So why is he not wrestling in that division? It defies logic and is something that should be amended. I see his tag team with Rosey as almost completely useless, I say almost because the skits with The Rock are very amusing, however, other than that, the team is a waste of space on RAW (or should I say Heat) programming. More importantly, it's a waste of the great talent that is Shane Helms. Helms needs to be on Smackdown, its clear that on RAW he will never attain any singles success, so why not trade him to Smackdown? I'm almost certain that by the time this "Hurricane S.H.I.T" ends, Shane Helms will be in one of two places; NWA TNA or Smackdown. I for one hope it is the later.

Under the sheets

Eugene is being talked about a lot lately. I've read mix reviews about him. Some see him as an insult to the many handicapped fans of the WWE, while others find his different and fresh character to be an interesting one. I, for the moment at least, have decided to sit on the fence on this whole character. I like the pairing with William Regal first and foremost. I've always found Regal great on the microphone, he's in ring work has never excited me at all, but on the stick, he has genuine claim to being one of the very best. Pairing him with a mentally-handicapped wrestler makes sense to as it sets up lots of comedic angles such as the ones Regal had with Tajiri back in 2001. However, aside from some comedic segments involving the two, I can't see two much benefit of having this handicapped worker on my television. I do not subscribe to the "inspiration to handicapped fans" spiel that the WWE supplied this week; I think that explanation is terrible.

This gimmick is certain to fail if Eugene portrays a retard for the duration of the storyline. The one way the WWE can salvage this if is Eugene is portrayed - only to the fans - as a very smart man, and not the handicapped man that Regal and Bischoff believe he is. By that I mean that Eugene pretends to be handicapped. Of course we internet fans know that Eugene was Nick Dinsmore in OVW and is pretending to be handicapped, but I mean he would pretend on television. He could use his "disability" to his advantage, perhaps by getting certain favours from his uncle Eric, manipulating Regal into helping him etc. And at the same time, showing the fans through backstage segments and the like that he is a normal man, pretending to be handicapped to deceive his uncle and better his career. Is this more offensive to handicapped viewers? Perhaps, but it's less offensive to the average viewer who has to watch this train wreck of the angle, and possible more importantly, could salvage Dinsmore's career before irreparable damage is done. Rico anybody?

Better than SEX

5 - Grandmaster returns - Hey I liked Too Cool back in 2000. I don't like him being on RAW, but I'm glad "Jerry's kid" is back. I'm a fan of tag teams that have been established, and at a time when the WWE needs some teams, A Too Cool reunion should happen with him back in the company. Can't understand why he debuted on RAW, but he should be shipped to Smackdown soon.
4 - JBL's push - I've enjoyed the way they've handled this so far, he isn't being shoved down our throats as much as I expected, and he isn't showing any signs of the old Bradshaw at the moment. His character is very promising, he's being himself, and that's how all the biggest stars get over; being themselves. The important thing now is his in ring work, the WWE is obviously limiting his actions in the ring, I sincerely hope this is because he's refining his move list.
3 - Mick Foley - I've really enjoyed "the real" Mick Foley being back. Sure he was a great commissioner, but crazy hardcore matches and twisted storylines are what Mrs.Foley's little boy does best, and this Sunday's match, like the feud, should be great. And what I like most is that Foley seems to be perfectly happy to put over the future superstar that is Randy Orton, how many legends would do that?
2 - Evolution - They were great this week. The eight man tag match was quite a spectacle, yes the other four men being incredibly talented had something to do with it, but I think Evolution as a unit have worked very well recently. I've enjoyed them for a long time; I think the four men compliment each other very well and this group should stay together for a little while longer. All four men play their parts brilliantly, kudos to the WWE for keeping a stable together for so long in this day and age, doesn't happen often enough.
1 - Edge - I've enjoyed his return so far. They're keeping him quiet and full of intensity. Keeping him out of the ring is a great thing too, gives the marks and the newer fans incentive to order the PPV to see what he can do in an actual match. I really think he can come out of this feud with Kane as a stronger and more credible wrestler. He'll just need a feud against Triple H and perhaps one more main event feud before he can challenge for the title. I predict a feud with Christian sooner rather than later.

Sexual Favours

I'd like to thank everyone from the Columns forum who voted for me in this months contest. So, thank you to Robb, NPD, Dumass, Wrestler92, The Rabbi, TV Dog, cYnical, Harlequinsins, Red Giant, Winter, Valleyboy, Y2Kdogg, Rommel, novacaine, Locura, Adrenaline, Eddie "The Dog" Bauer, The Hurra Duff, doublehelix and finally RVD2403. Thanks for reading my columns and for replying to them, all your feedback is greatly appreciated, I look forward to it on this edition.

I'd also like to thank Main Page Columnist Winter for all his help in this whole process, my many conversations with him are greatly responsible for writing this column in the first place. I'd also like to thank both Robb and Sheepster for helping out as they two were greatly responsible for this column, their work can be read in the LoP Columns Forum. I'd also like to recommend Rick Stallion, TheRabbi, Valleyboy, YourAyatollah and Locura as excellent reading material. Their work is amazing and I hope you can enjoy both their work and mine in the LoP Columns Forum.

And thus ends the first SEX session on the main page. Hopefully this will be the first of many, but we shall see what the future brings. Thanks to everyone who has read the column, I look forward to all feedback which should be sent to sexcolumn@hotmail.com or posted in the LoP Columns Forum in the last edition (Sex#6). As I said before, all comments will be read, and replied to, do not hesitate to comment or criticize on anything I've written, it is all greatly appreciated. I hope this week's sex has been as fun for you as it has been for me. See you next time.









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