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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, March 28, 2004 at 9:12 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – Over-Analyzing The Lottery Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! I’m back on schedule, so that means reviewing WWE TV, the antics of Bossman and Big Show, and a good ol’ OAW. Since I’ll be covering the lottery, it’s like two in one. You lucky dogs. Since it’s cask to the usual, hopefully this will stop the madness in the wrestling world. I will say that March has been a brutal month. Personal tragedies have abounded, and I’d like to give a shout out to my good buddy Naitch, and wish him the best. It’s rough man, but you’ll always have the good memories, and survive. I’d also like to give a big ol’ "GET WELL SOON!" To Tinali. She’s our TNA recapper, extraordinary columnist, and without her there just isn’t anything exciting about TNA. WWE TV – The Series RAW Recap info provided by Steven "Rommel" Schaeffer Smackdown Recap info provided by Mathew Tremly The big news this week in WWE TV was the draft. That was the focus, and the rest of the shows were filler. That’s what I’ll be focusing on, and skipping the detailed review. Let’s start things off with Monday night. I’m not very impressed with what went down. I place the blame squarely on Vince. See, if Vince had informed his writers of what was going to happen they would have had the time to plan things better. They did well with what they got, especially the Smackdown guys, who got stuck trying to make sense of it all, and use it. Think about it. Smackdown is taped on Tuesday, giving them less than one day to come up with something. That explains Bradshaw. It was an idea they had ready, and suddenly they have to come up with a whole new plan. Bradshaw gets his push ahead of schedule. Vince has rushed this thing since it hatched in his brain. It shows. I think it’s safe to say that fans were more confused by the trades than excited. The reaction to Smackdown shows a lot of displeasure. I expect the same thing for Raw, since well, the guys on Raw just don’t seem to have the level of talent that the Smackdown guys do, and it’s way more political on Raw. Now that H is back, it’s going to get worse. Let’s take a look at what led to this disaster, and yes, I do mean disaster. Trades happened. Heyman and Bischoff were excellent in their roles. Some great chemistry there. Here’s what happened. First Pick of the Lotteraft or Drottry Rene Dupree is going to Smackdown! WHOOO! Smell the excitement! The guy has some raw potential. I saw it in his squash match with Jericho. The guy can draw heat, and has some moves. He could be another Rock. First pick for Raw? Shelton Benjamin! The guys is very talented, and has just started expanding his talents to the mic. A very good pick, considering he can work with Benoit and have some great matches. The rest I’m sure you already read about. I do question the drafting of Teddy Long to Smackdown. As a mouthpiece, he’s good, and another good thing. The racist gimmick can be dropped and now it can be all about the FLAVA! I’m sure some folks were stoked that RVD was going to be reunited with Paul on Smackdown. Nidia going to Raw makes sense, since she is a wrestler, and that’s where the women’s wrestling is. Jackie going to Smackdown, well, now it’s all big titted blondes and Dawn. First, I will go on record as saying that this Lotteraft or Drottery was the single worst executed move since the Invasion. It’s damn close to topping the Invasion as well. WWE completely fucked up this angle. Totally and completely, and since it didn’t have a huge impact on the rosters, they’re being let off easy about how this was handled. It was all about H. Not Steph, H. Who was the biggest name drafted? H. Who did the camera pan to each and every time a draft pick was announced? H. Who got to have a Smackdown main event match on Raw? H. Who got traded for three people? H Who was made a big deal out of on Smackdown, yet never even showed up? I’m getting ahead of myself, but you know who it was. See, now H can be on everyone’s mind, and discussed constantly. The mega push of H, take 400+ is about to begin. Again. It was funny to hear Tazz (Come on Tazz, reign it in a bit, will ya?) just gush over H. Well, ore sickening than amusing. My main problem with the Lottery was in how it was handled. It was a ratings stunt, and it’s focus was to hype H. Now that the lottery is over, and the rating was high, what now? It’s still a long way to the PPV, and the talent that was traded, other than a few exceptions, was not really doing anything before the draft took place. That’s Smackdown and I have to keep reminding myself to keep that separate. Which raises a good point. The draft actually brought the two brands closer together. They now have to talk about each other. OK, allow me to just get this out of the way, since it keeps messing up my flow, and ergo, you’re reading, and then it’s just a mess. Think about this: WM night, right at halftime, so that Benoit’s title win isn’t diminished, Vince announces he’s going to make a special announcement on Raw the following night. Biggest PPV of the year, tons of interest going into Monday’s Raw. Vince announces the lottery. Speculation runs wild. Vince says it will take place in two weeks. That’s plenty of time for fans to start speculating about what is going to happen. The following week, Vine lays out the rules. Oooh, now we fans got something more to chew on. Right before the PPV, the draft takes place. Think the PPV will get some extra buyrates from the hype? You’re damn right. That’s what the entertainment business is all about. Selling things. Building interest and making some money. Give fans something to think about and something to watch and they’ll open up their wallets to see what happens next. Hell, go nuts with the draft and have competition for protected spots. Get the whole fantasy sports thing working for you. Fantasy sports build interest in lesser know players, since everyone is looking for that sleeper. The guys who did get drafted are sleepers. They have a ton of potential, and it’s now in the writer’s hands to make them true stars. Some will be easier than others, but that was what we were led to believe this whole draft was about. You know what they say about hindsight, and it’s true. Yet if the fans had been given a hint it was coming, they could have come up with something better than what we got. It’s not that hard. Yet now it’s all down to Rene Dupree and Mark Jindrak creating some interest and attempting to get over in an atmosphere of fans waiting to see if this is all they’re getting. It’s like getting that phone call in the middle of the night, and having a person close to you telling you to come right away, but not telling you what it’s about. You get there, expecting big trouble, and they want is to show you some one doing something stupid. You get all concerned, and that’s what was so important??? Charlie acting like an idiot? It couldn’t have waited until tomorrow? Now you got all this nervous energy, and nothing to do with it. It’s gotta go somewhere. Like that guy that got up when the camera cut to the crowd after announcing the Triple H move. What was he doing? Getting up and leaving. Funny stuff. That’s what the draft was. Only it wasn’t Charlie acting stupid, it’s Triple H going to Smackdown, and, surprise! He’s not going. Kinda takes the steam outta of the guys who were drafted. RVD? Not worth trading for. Shelton Benjamin? Not worth trading for. Teddy Long? Not worth trading for, and he’s a character waiting to be tapped. The trades that were made have some great potential, but if they’re not going to be the focus of a push, then it just seems like it wasn’t worth the effort. Was there a plan? Yes, but it wasn’t very focused. Let’s take a look at Smackdown, where the first glimpse of the plan took place. Show opens with H’s opening music. But it’s not H that comes out. Nope it’s Kurt Angle. Right off the bat, bait and switch. Angle talks and then announces he’s the new General manager, and he made some trades. H is gone and Booker T and the Dudleys are in. No build up, no speculation, just there he is. It’s a good move, but it seemed really rushed. That would be the theme of the night. However, there was a major difference between Raw and Smackdown. The main reason for the draft to take place was that there was a lack of star power on Smackdown. That is true to a degree, in that the name recognition of Smackdown’s stars is not that high. They still have some very recognizable characters, but they also have a strong second tier that could have been brought up. Before the draft took place, I thought they could have filled the void with what they had. Never in my wildest scenarios would I have put Bradshaw in that category. Bradshaw as a main event star? Not for me. I just don’t like the guy. Channeling that hate into making him a main event heel? Well, it could work, but once again, it’s being rushed. I’d rather have seen him work his way up, and not jump right into what could be a very strong feud. Booker T and Eddie has some great potential, but instead of building up a one on one feud, it’s now a three way. Actually, I’d rather see Booker work his way to a main event feud as well. Give him some strong midcard victories and keep his current angle and when it was time to face Eddie, it could be good. Just thinking about what happened has me all irate. But some strong plot lines were laid, and hopefully it can pull itself together. It’s that damn timing thing. Too much too soon, and it still wasn’t folks really wanted to see. It’s still a waiting game to see what the real plan is, and I get the impression that this is it. This is the best we’re going to get, and it’s still changing. There’s still loads of possibilities, but thinking about what could happen and thinking about what is probably going to happen is just going to have to wait. Wevv’s House (Next To The Cemetery) Living Room Bossman and Big Show are sitting on the couch. Big Show: Well, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. Bossman: You can say that again Show. Without Wevv keeping me in the column, it’s like I fade from folks mind. Big Show: Well, no worries BM. We’re back in full swing, and the campaign to keep your legacy alive continues. Bossman: Yeah, I’m glad to be back. I think I’ll get something to eat. Big Show: OK, but don’t take my sandwich. I’m saving it for tonight. Bossman: Yeah, sure. No sandwich. Not a problem. Bossman gets up and goes into the kitchen. Big Show watches some TV, but a troubling thought creeps into his head. He gets up quietly and sidles into the kitchen where he finds his sandwich on a plate, and Bossman digging in the fridge. Big Show: Uh, Bossman…? Bossman jumps and bangs his head on the inside of the fridge. He backs out holding his head. He glares at Show. Bossman: yeah? What is it? Big Show: Didn’t I tell you not to touch my sandwich? Bossman: Come on Show. I’m the Bossman. You tell me not to touch your sandwich, of course I’m going to eat it. It’s what I do. Big Show heaves a mighty sigh. Big Show: Listen Bossman. I’ve gained some respect in the locker room, and some are even calling me a locker room leader. I take that role very seriously. Now, in this situation, I believe we can reach a peaceable agreement, as two adults. I went through the trouble of putting together that delicious sandwich, with the multiple layers of deli meat goodness, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, and several condiments to accentuate it’s plethora of flavors. By the effort I put into creating said sandwich, it belongs to me. Now, as a rational adult, I can take my sandwich back by force, which I have in the past, and you can retaliate in kind. Thus the cycle of violence over a delicious sandwich begins again, and the pattern of violence continues. Or, as rational adults, we can settle our difference in a peaceable manner, which Wevv would personally love. We can discuss our feelings, and our views, and reach an accord. Without causing Wevv to rebuild his house. What do you say Bossman? Bossman: Well Big Show, I appreciate your attempt to settle this without violence. However, though I agree with you in principle, all I have to say on this matter is…what’s that? Big Show: Huh? Show turns to look over his shoulder where Bossman is pointing with a look of horror on his face. AS he turns his head, Bossman swings the frying pan he had hidden behind his back and clocks Big Show in the head. Down goes Show. Bossman: (As he picks up the sandwich and steps over the unconscious Show) What’s rule # 1? Don’t trust Bossman, you bastard. Chuckling evilly Bossman takes a huge bite of the sandwich and leaves the kitchen. Poor Big Show. You should know better about Bossman and authority. Bossman is a law unto himself. Time to call the contractors. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Dreams Can Come True It’s funny. My column is late because I had a breakthrough. My writer’s block concerning this one story I’ve been picking at for years finally cracked. So naturally my brain started working overtime filling in gaps and coming up with plots. It knocked wrestling right out, which is really saying something. It ties in nicely with my topic for today. Imagine this. You’re sitting at home when you get a call from WWE personnel. They want you to come in to interview for a writing position. They read your work on the net and really liked it. You ask what it was and they run something by you that happened recently. The thing is, it’s only part of what you have written. There are loads of other ideas. They like the sound of that. You hop a flight for Stamford and get to meet Vince. He likes you. He raves about that one idea you had. You run one or two past him and he loves you even more. You get hired. The first day of your job, you’re backstage at Raw. You get to meet the wrestlers, and they all seem pretty nice. Then you meet H. H knows who you are. He doesn’t seem pleased. See, he knows what you wrote about him on the net. Not the great idea that Vince loves. The other stuff. The stuff you wrote about H. You know, the mean and nasty stuff. Suddenly folks are looking at you different. Now they want to know what you wrote about them. To your shame, it’s not all beer and skittles. Welcome to reality. The plus side of having a creative brain is that you can shape your words to paint a picture that other folks can understand. The down side is that it may not be a pretty picture, but an ugly one. When a writer likes some one, he can come up with tons of different ways to say how great that person is. If a writer doesn’t like some one he can do the same, only this time, it’s about how awful that person is. Sometimes the line gets blurred between that person’s character on TV and the real person. Personal attacks become just that, personal. It’s something we’re all guilty of. Even if you don’t write a column. If you don’t like some one, stopping to get a fact about that person is the last thing. You’ll call him every name in the book, regardless of if it’s warranted or not. Gay? Well, truthfully no, but that won’t stop you from calling a guy a fag. Or a woman a bitch, even if they’re 99% of the time a sweetheart. It’s emotions that prompt it, and emotions that set the course. Often in a knee-jerk reaction. So, if you write a column, or post on a message board, there’s a good chance that you wrote something nasty about some one. Even if you were joking about it didn’t really mean it, it’s there in print. For everyone to see. I suspect that many writers have had a little fantasy about working for the WWE. I have. It would be cool and a hell of a lot of fun. The main obstacle is how what the net has written about certain wrestlers, and in particular, Vince. Vince doesn’t like the net, and whether he’s earned the criticisms laid against him by the net or not. The fact is, it’s hard to be nice to some one who says you suck the majority of the time. In fact, if they have talent, it’s can breed stronger resentment. But let’s say that Vince is finally forced to hire a net writer. What kind of obstacles will that guy face? What is it that the writers actually do? Are they on the road all the time with the wrestlers. I’d have to say no to that one. Basically, I believe their job is to come up with storylines, character developments, and gimmicks for wrestlers. Each and every week, something new. Fit it into the greater tapestry of angles that’s been laid out. Still doesn’t sound very hard. When you think about it, it’s only 40 minutes or so of TV to come up with, and it’s easy to base it what has gone before. Big Show vs Eddie? No problem. Big Show says Eddies sucks and cheated to win his match last week, and this week he’s going to have a special guest ref to make sure Eddie doesn’t cheat. Badda Bing, done. NEXT! OK, Mick Foley is not here, so we have to come up with an excuse. Ah, Mick was refusing to come into the building unless Ric and Batista are banned. Ta-da! But writing for the WWE is a committee process. It’s also highly political. Certain guys want certain things, and they often conflict. It’s more a mediation process than an actual script. Then you have Vince coming up with some whacked out stuff out of left field and it has to be put on the air NOW! Is it good? You tell Vince, the guy who signs you’re paycheck, and you’re certain is just plain nuts, on top of being a really creepy dude, that it won’t fit into the show. And that it’s not good. No matter how much diplomacy you can fit into your reason why it sucks, it’s going to happen. And you got Vince irate. Now your great idea for having the NWO make a comeback is being examined really closely, and it’s nixed at the last second. You got nothing else, and a deadline is looming. Time to play your trump card. Give Vince something you know he likes. H squashes everybody. Vince loves it. H loves it, and now the rest of the staff is looking at you funny. Now they’re going to go over all your ideas with a fine tooth comb and come up with flaws. Still sound like fun? Surrounded by enemies? Always having your work criticized, and then you have to play politics just be heard. That seems to be the environment the WWE is experiencing right now in creative. Vince is the top guy and everyone knows it. There are folks who are just glued to his ass, day and night, pushing their ideas as hard as they can. Like H. I know, it’s easy to say that, but that guy has had every opportunity to say no to some angles, that were clearly bad, and he hasn’t. Who’s idea was it to have Ric be his flunky? I can’t say it was Ric’s. I do imagine that after seeing Austin pee on Arn Anderson, the idea became clear that it wasn’t really an option. It’s taken it’s toll on the product. Smackdown seems to have an easier time of it, and for that, as a wrestling fan, I’m grateful. Hey, some one has to pick up the pieces after Steph got through with them, and I’m glad they came to their sense and put Paul back on the staff. Why do I think Paul is good? He had to sit at home and watch the show. That makes a world of difference. See, there is a major difference in performing and then watching the performance. When you’re out there, doing your thing. You can tell yourself it was great. You had a blast, the crowd seemed into it, and it was great. Until you see it on TV, and realize that you were slurring some words and your fly was down. You also moving around way too much, and the camera missed half your gestures. So the folks in the arena, who could see your gesture, but not your fly, and had the amps blaring, so you’re words were not that important, got your gist and went with it, since it was a live event, and they were loaded. The folks at home, who weren’t there, and only had the camera and microphone to go on, missed the gist of your promo, and thought it was funny you fly was done, and you were going for serious. Also, that dead silence you thought was your words having their effect, was actually a bathroom break at home, in front of the TV. Raw is a live show, and it’s all about the crowd in front of them, not the crowd at home. That’s what the wrestlers key off of, and sometimes it works for both, and sometimes it doesn’t. Smackdown is a taped show. What that means is that some one has to watch the show, and then edit it so that it looks good on TV. Now, that means that there is some one, sitting in front of a monitor, watching how the show looks, and making notes. He’s also probably talking to Heyman constantly, since Paul is a TV guy, and knows how crucial his product appearing on TV is. There’s probably a guy on Raw doing the same thing, but once it airs, it airs, and there’s nothing that can be done about it. Although with the FCC, the Power That Be may be spending more time in the booth, and that means they have to rely on the monitors and sound to inform them of what’s going on. It also means that "private time" may be limited. OK, I’m off topic, so it’s time to wrap this up. Writing for the WWE may not be the dream job that many folks think it is. The job itself doesn’t sound that hard, but the peripherals counter that. Working in that environment has many perks, like really getting to know the chance to really learn about the technical aspect of TV production, working on a high profile show, and getting the most out of your abilities that you can. It can also sharpen your people skills, and teach you how to play cutthroat politics. It’s easy to understand why so many WWE writers suffer from burn out. To me, the benefits outweigh the negatives, and I still hope to work for WWE some day. Even with my negative attitude towards H. Vince may forgive, but he sure doesn’t forget. That’s it for today. I’m going to skip plugs again. I know bad Wevv. I do have some random thoughts to throw out there, before it’s time to ride the casket. John Cena has a new catch phrase. "Deez Nuts". OK, more stuff about guys privates. You know what would work just as well? "Choke on DIS Ham!" and then he clocks the guy with a ham. In a can. Honey glazed, baby. You know, Cena already has a catch phrase. It’s "You can’t see me!". I thought that was pretty good, since it’s never really been expanded on. Now it’s back to stuff about guys balls. Maybe it’s because I’m not black, gay, or into rap, but I’m not the only one questioning just how hip Cena is in the outside world. When the punch line is to suggest having homosexual intercourse, it’s just not that funny, when the guy is that intense. Austin in trouble with the law again? What do you think the chances are that Austin will be drinking heavily tomorrow night on Raw? Think King will mention it on the air? Hey, if he can bring up Booker T’s past, why not? OK, time to go. Big Show, what are you rambling on and on about? Bossman ate your sandwich? You’re surprised by that? He’s Bossman, that’s what he does. He’s an evil bastard. Stop trying to mediate and get on the damn casket. Until Next Time, Thanks For reading and Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* Candice Michelle's Head Up Maria's Dress! WOW!
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