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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, February 29, 2004 at 6:01 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman – L _ W _ O Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin With The Bossman! Well, Shut my mouth and call me cornpone! We DO have a TNA recapper and it is none other than Tina Ali! D’OH! Tine was nice enough to let me know, and was very gracious about my crass oversight of her main page debut. Thanks Tina. So, I highly encourage you to check out her TNA recaps HERE: TNA By T –I-N and A It’s a great read, highly informative, and of course, it’s got some great comments by Tina and Rick. Did you expect anything less? So, keep up on your TNActivites right there. Bad puns are cropping up so it’s time to stop this. Wrestlemania is only TWO WEEKS away! Are you ready? WWE is almost, so let’s see what happened on out TV this week. WWE - The TV Series Raw Locura will be gone, but I still got Steven "Rommel" Schaeffer, Mr. Recapper. -Thanks for the link Steve, but I think I can solve your puzzlement. Not creepy enough. Molly vs Jazz vs Victoria vs Lita The chicks get the opening match. Good work from the ladies. Low pops from the crowd. Match gets started and Lita takes out Jazz. Then Victoria takes out Molly. Molly then goes "just plain nuts". Damn. Vince just can’t seem to let go of that gimmick. Victoria finally gets rid of it, and it goes straight to Molly. Down to Lita and Vicki, and Vicki gets the pin and the title. Thanks For Coming Eric, Now Get The F Out Vince arrives in Big Show’s Limo. Coach informs Eric, but he already knew. Christian asks Eric for a match at WM for the tag straps, but Eric makes it Trish vs Christian tonight. So much for that angle. Back In The Day Bisch WE get to see the original promo that aired of Bishoff challenging Vince to match. The original match had Bishoff comes down to the ring, and have the bell tolled ten times. Therefore, Eric won due to a count out. Back to the present, Eric wonders who played that clip. Austin shows up and says it was him. He then gives a good pep talk to Eric complete with egging him on to brag about messing around with Linda and Steph. I too have a fantasy involving Steph and Linda. It also involves monkeys. I’ll just stop right there. Evolution H cuts a great promo. Seriously, it was fantastic. The intensity was there, the energy was there, and the content was gold. Sure, at the end H improvised, and went back to his sleep inducing ways, but it ended great, and it was only for a minute or two. I even know what I liked about the promo. It was the simple, yet effective "I’m The Champ, I beat everyone, I’m not going to lose!" It’s amazing what can happen when H doesn’t write his own promos. They actually entertain. Benoit comes down and make a point that I have been harping on or some time now. All they do on Raw is talk. Where’s the wrestling? Right here. Benoit decides to take on all the members of Evolution, and they overpower him, like awe knew they would. HBK comes down for the save, and after clearing the ring, Benoit slaps the Crossface on HBK. Down comes Austin. A match is made, Batista vs Benoit, anyone interferes, and it’s bye-bye WM. Batista vs Benoit Benoit wins, after having a good, but not great, match with Grunt Man. Very nice finish, with Benoit countering a power move into the Crossface. RVD and Booker T vs La Resistance The Frogs have developed into a decent tag team. It’s not that surprising, but they have finally gotten over the bumpy part and have fallen into a good rhythm. So, that’s one additional legitimate tag team on Raw, and that brings the count up to 2. The Dudleys being the other one. Austin and Bishoff, Best Buds Austin gives another good pep talk, complete with "Eye of the Tiger". Austin dares Bisch to whip Vince’s ass. Remember, however, that Survival is the Key. Could be foreshadowing, and ordinarily, I’d say no, but with the new writing team in place (come on, you think Gerwitz is coming up with this stuff? It’s actually good), it could be a clue to future events. JR, Mick, and a Gas Can? JR interviews Mick about his beating. Mick was surprised that no one from the back ran out. Smart fans aren’t. It happens just about every week. Mick gets all intense at the end, and whips out a lighter and sets JR on fire. Well, I kept expecting it. JR, you should just stop doing these things. You got lucky this time, but they almost always end badly. Not this one, but you get the point. Christian vs Trish Christian lays down for Trish, but then kicks out. He then beats up Trish and ends it with the Walls of Jericho. Hello, DDP Jr. It’s STRAAAAAA-TUS instead of SAAAA- RAH! TRRRIIIISSHHH just doesn’t have that creepy vibe Vince is going for. Vince’s Big Show Vince comes down for his announcement, walking like his balls are stapled to his legs. Before he can get rolling, Stacy and Jackie come out to say they wish they had posed in Playboy (funny, because Stacy has said publicly that she wont do it, and she doesn’t have to, Maxim and Stuff are surely interested)/ Vince says OK, and the chicks dance. A good time was had by all. Vince once again starts talking about Brock and Goldberg, and Kane interrupts. He says that Taker is haunting him. Even though he’s dead. Vince forgets to act afraid of the big raging, psycho standing inches away from him, and agrees to the match. Vince tries one more time, but this time Austin interrupts. Vince shows fear. Austin says he’ll be the special guest Ref for Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar. Vince says OK. Austin says he’ll ref tonight’s match as well. Vince vs Eric Bishoff Eric gets to kick Vince and Vince gets to no sell. They leave the ring, and Austin is still inside when Brock Lesnar comes out of nowhere, leaps in the ring and gives Austin an F-5. Brock is gloating over the fallen Austin as the show ends, Well, Raw was different. It was pretty good. Some good promos, even from H, can make all the difference. The wrestling was good too. Orton vs Val Venis wasn’t bad, and it really showed that there’s a new guy calling the shots. You know what that means don’t you? Heat may not be that bad after all. I believe we’re still looking for Heat recappers here at LOP, so drop Calvin a line. Smackdown Recapp info courtesy of Justin "Locura" Pratt, his final one. So long Justin, and thanks for all the hard work. Some day, they’ll catch that Cat, and when they do, he’ll say you made him do it. Call my Mama! I mean my lawyer! (Sorry folks, inside joke. Email Justin and ask him to tell you and thank him for his excellent work) Show starts off with a video package. Why did Kurt do it? We’ll find out tonight. Rey vs Jamie vs Billy vs Nunzio Opening match is a Cruiserwieght four –way. Things just get started when we cut away to see Eddie arriving/ What The _? Eddie confronts Paul about Angle going off on him. Paul is with Dawn, Tajiri Akio and Sakoda. Eddie says he will beat the hell out of Angle. Paul tells Edie to act like a champ and respect that he is busy in a meeting. Eddie says "Esse" a couple of times, and stalks off. WWE broke up a good match for that? It could very easily have gone right at the beginning of the show with no problem. It would have fit just fine. But no, we can’t show those damn cruisers wrestling now can we? Folks might like that. So, in the first five minutes, you can already tell that some one else is calling the shots, and that a retarded monkey could do it better. You got four guys who fans react to (well, OK, and Billy Kidman, but the guy can wrestle) in the ring, and you cut away? Back to Some Wrestling Good back and forth between the crew. Some good near falls, and nice change –ups. Rey takes the advantage and goes for the 619 on Nunzio. Goes for the pin, close but no cigar. Mysterio takes over again and gets ready to go for the finish when Paul interrupts the match. The match is over, the Japs aren’t in the match, so it’s racial discrimination. No friggin clue I tell you. We do get a Cruiserwieght Open at WM. Rey can enter then. So that’s it. The match is cancelled to promote another match. DUH-OOK? No Bobo, not that button, the green one. Greeen One! Good monkey. By The Way… Eddie is the Champ. A video package reminds us. Eddie, Recovering Addict Eddie comes out. An Eddie chant starts. Eddie pauses, and then says he’s glad he’s the Champion. Edie also says that it’s been eleven days and he’s still clean and sober. Good for him. More stuff about being an addict. He finally calls out Kurt Angle. He’s going to find Kurt and beat his ass Eddie charges to the back to find Angle. He meets Paul and tries to shove his way past him, but knocks Dawn into a wall. Good grief. Eddie looks shocked and some handy cops drag Eddie away. Kurt Angle is standing in the background. Just in case you missed it A recap is played and that leads to: Brock Lesnar vs Billy Gunn Brock wins. Thank goodness. Hot Chicks Sable and Torrie come out. They pimp their match against Stacy and Torrie. Torrie acts lesbo. Hey, she’s been the victim of many a lesbo stalker, so she should know the drill. John Cena comes out and admits to wacking it to Playboy. Rey comes out and cuts it short. Thanks Rey. John Cena and Rey Mysterio vs Big Show and Chavo Interesting mix of styles. Big Show has apparently forgotten the Flying Sandwich technique against Rey, taught to him by Sensei Bossman. He still did a good job of mixing it up with the smaller, quicker guys, but he has gotten slower. Knees I guess (Hey, gotta support the big guy). He took another tumble over the top rope and that can’t be good. Rey gets the advantage and manages to pin Chavo. Show does get to administer the after match beat down and leave on his own power. Good job Show. 3 I’s = 3 H’s Kurt cuts an H promo on Eddie. By that I mean, attacking personal issues, and not just character ones. He’s against Eddie as a champion because he’s a drug addict and likes to beat up women. Just fan –friggin-tastic. You know, there’s another thing Angle could be against. One that’s starring the writers right in the face. Hell, it’s Eddies opening music for crying out loud! Angle wants to object to Eddie? Fine, then be against the fact that Eddie lies, cheats, and steals. Simple and will do a hell of a lot more to get Angle some heel heat than attacking Eddy’s real life former problems. Criminey, this is how you reward a guy for overcoming obstacles, doing what he’s told, and having some top notch matches? Booker T all over again. The only problem with this scenario is that Eddie doesn’t lie, cheat and steal anymore. That’s what the fans liked, along with his matches, but that gets him over, so right out the window. Another problem with this is Angle. He’s good. That’s a problem. See, Angle is good enough to make people believe the things he says about Eddie. Eddie is supposed to be the face isn’t he? He’s the new champion and needs to be made to look strong, right? So why destroy his character before a big match? Angle did a great job with what he was given, but what he was given was not the way to build up the feud. Unless it was to make Angle look good. In that case, why make Angle a heel? Too confusing, and it’s only the beginning. You know, I hate these real life based angles. They never know what the hell to do with it, pick the worng thing to use. Eddy’s recovery from drugs should be a good story. But here he is getting dragged off by the cops, beating up women, and having to suffer a lecture form the bad guy. That’s your champion sitting in the back of that patrol car, who just had his reputation shattered. Please cheer for him. Can he wrestle? It doesn’t matter now. A sandwich feud is sounding pretty good right about now, eh? I’m puzzled. You really want this guy writing the show you’re going to put on a prime time national network? It was bad enough on late night cable. With all the crap going on with the FCC, you’re going to put the guy who loves ass jokes, sexual assault angles, excessive violence (Kane and JR, really did wonders for the angle, considering JR is still on TV and looks fine, and it’s never mentioned), and to top it off, you’re going to trust this guy to do a religious angle that’s borderline Satanism? What The Fuck? Just give a million dollars to the FCC now, cancel your contract with UPN, and get it over with. The fans won’t mind. After a month or two of shows like this (and this is supposed to hype WM?), they’ll be glad. Well Locura, sorry that had to be your swan song. At least you can feel better about going, knowing that you won’t have to go through more Thursday Night Thunders. Actually, Thunder was better. The cruiser got to have actual matches. Pity the poor bastard who takes your spot. I’m sure Rommel, who had to go through this with Raw, is happy he’s still got Monday’s. Wevv’s House (Next To The Cemetery) Living Room Bossman and Big Show are crouched in the hallway. Bossman is shouldering a large gun. Big Show: You’re sure this will work Bossman? Bossman: I’m sure. Once mark smells the sandwich we’ve laid out, he’ll be drawn to it like flies to honey. When he goes to get the sandwich, I shoot him with this net gun. Then we knock him out, and drag him into the desert. Thus, we get our food supply back. SHH! Here he comes. Mark Henry enters the living room. He sniffs the air, and then spies the sandwich. Mark: All right! A sandwich! Man, I’m hungry. Mark starts moving over to the sandwich. Just before he gets to the sandwich, he stops. Bossman fires. Mark bends over. The net goes sailing over his head, and crashes into the wall, knocking a hole into it. Mark stands back up, holding a small orange object. Mark: A Cheeto! MMM, Cheetos. He pops it into his mouth, grabs the sandwich and lumbers off. Bossman smacks himself in the forehead. Later… Bossman and Big Show are once again crouching in the hallway. A pulley system has been rigged up. Bossman: OK, Show, are you clear on this? Once I move the weight into position, you pull the string. It’ll fall on his head, knocking him out and then- Big Show: I know, I know, we drag him out into the desert and set him free. Bossman: Right. Here we go. Mark Henry is sitting on the couch, watching TV. The weight slowly moves over him, with ah slight creaking. It sways gently, directly over his head. Bossman: (whispering) OK Show, on three. 1…2… The Doorbell rings. Mark Jumps up, and says "Pizza!" just as Bossman says "3!" The weight crashes into the couch. Mark is already at the door. Bossman mutters "Plan B!" Mark: Bout time you got here. I was dying of starvation. Hold on a sec, let me get some money. Mark turns away, a swoosh is heard and the pizza guy goes flying into the night. Mark turns back, looks around, and scratches his head. He shrugs, puts his money back and closes the door. He sits down in front of the TV, and opens up the pizza box. He cocks his head for a minute and then raises the volume of the TV, covering up the sounds of Bossman groaning. Later Still… Bossman is in his guestroom, hunched over a drafting table. Small piles of wadded up paper surround him. A poster of Al Snow, giving the thumbs up is on the wall in front of him. The signature contains the note: To Bossman! Thanks for saving my career. Pepper was delicious. Love, Al Snow" Big Show is sitting on a pile of beanbag chairs. Big Show: Why don’t we use my plan? Bossman: because this one will work. I’m sure of it! Big Show: That’s what you said about the beanbags. And the net gun. And the pit. And the piano. Bossman: Shut up, this one is fool proof. Big Show: Fine, if this one doesn’t work though, we use mine, OK? Bossman: Fine, but this one will not fail. What is Bossman’s Final Plan? What is Big Show’s Plan and will he ever get to use it? Will we ever be rid of Mark Henry? Who’s paying for this stuff? What happened to the Cheetos? Those were mine! Bastards, the lot of you. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: The War Lingers On A lot of DVD’s have been released lately. Mick Foley, Ric Flair, and now the Monday Night Wars DVD. On thing these features have in common is that they use old WCW footage. The latest one, the Monday Night Wars DVD uses more WCW footage than any of the previous ones, with the exception of Ric’s. It’s nice to see that the legacy of WCW lives on. Monday Night Wars tells the tale of WCW vs WWF. For a long time, WCW led the way in the ratings battle for Monday night. WWF put up respective numbers, but WCW was beating them. In the ads for the DVD, we get to hear Brisco say that it was lives and jobs on the line. Lives? No. Jobs? Maybe, but they could find work elsewhere. Maybe not for the same pay, but it was available. Only one person was really taking the risks in this battle, and his name was Vince McMahon. Vince took the way personally, and he had reason to. Last Monday we saw Eric challenge Vince to match. Vince was the guy who was associated with WWF. When WCW would attack the name of WWF, they would use Vince’s name instead. The fans knew whom they were talking about. It’s only natural that Vince would have no love for WCW. Vince stayed with his company, and he associated Eric’s name with WCW. When Eric was removed, it was like Vince had done it. He could focus on the next guy to step up. That guy was Vince Russo. Russo was once Vince’s main man, but he left McMahon for the greener pastures of WCW. ECW was another of Vince’s competitors. But it was a friendly rivalry. Some might say that Vince stole a lot from ECW in terms of style and attitude. They may be right. But ECW imploded due to internal problems, not from direct conflict with WWE. Though some fans of ECW say that it was better than what Vince was doing, and that Vince was ripping off ECW. So, you can see why Vince may not be that fond of the ECW name. Today, there is only one company still standing from those wrestling heydays. As a matter of fact, the WWE now owns WCW and ECW. Vince has bought his competition. There are still a few names left over from the time of the wars, but they are no competition. Vince s the king of the mountain. Yet the bitter feelings still seem to linger today. A new reason for keeping talent buried is making it’s way around the net. It now seems as though former employees of WCW and ECW are not getting their due, since they are associated with their former employers. If that is that case, it’s sheer lunacy Guys like Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Jericho, Goldberg, and others have had some successful programs, but the level of their push is not the same as it is for the natural WWE guys. That’s hard to argue with. One clear case stands out to support this. The Invasion. Folks are still scratching their heads wondering what went wrong. It was so simple and easy, and WWE botched it totally. When it was announced that Vince was going to buy WCW, there was a fear that Vince would simply buy it, and then put it on a shelf, and the fans would never see any of the old footage again. It seems that the Vince is finally ready to use some of it, but in a grudging fashion. There’s no doubt that there’s money to be made from that old footage. Yet that is not the only way to use his former competition. What owning WCW means is that Vince owns the name, the logos, the footage, the gimmicks, and the angles, and can use them with little fear of getting sued. He has the rights. The same can be said of ECW. So, with an arsenal like that, how can creative be in a slump? Shouldn’t it be easy to simply go tot he archive and look up an old gimmick? Recycling old gimmicks does have some advantages. Something that worked in the past can show how fans will react to it. A good gimmick, that hasn’t been seen in WWE can be unveiled with little thought put into how to make it work. It’s been tested. Of course, time has passed and fans tastes changed, but a gimmick can be tweaked for the modern audience. It can’t be that hard. Gimmicks like Three Count should be even more over today, given the popularity of American Idol, the glut of Boy Bands, and so forth. The NWO was tried, but when you two old crufters, and one of them is Nash, you should expect what happened. Doesn’t mean it can’t be done again. Yet the problem doesn’t seem to be the gimmicks themselves, it’s how the gimmicks used. They lose. Frequently. They come in big, and then get squashed. Hard to keep the momentum going when stuff that happens with too much frequency. I can understand the mentality behind being resentful of the former competition. I can’t understand why you wouldn’t use something that you paid for. It’s very petty to still hold a grudge after three years. The war is over. You won. You own them. Now make some money off them. If they were WCW guys, guess what? They’re now WWE guys. They have been for years. They’re not going anywhere if they can help it. WCW used to get tons of flak for not using their talent correctly. Now WWE is getting the same flak. There was one gimmick that’s ready to be used, and if the reason is that it’s not being used is because it was a former WCW gimmick, then it’s just plain stupid to not use it. I’m talking about the LWO. The Latino World Order. The LWO was a gimmick created by Eddie Guerrero is response to the NOW running amok in WCW. It was something for all the lucha guys who were brought into WCW to do, since WCW couldn’t think of how to use them. So they banded together and put on some great matches. They used the old recruiting gimmick to start off. Then the revenge angle. It was good. Now, with Latino being a big part of the audience on Thursday night, and the Hispanic community being the largest minority in the US, it’s time to capitalize on it. Latino oriented programming is becoming more prevalent in the US. Lucha Wrestling is also making it’s presence felt. I saw an episode of Angle that had luchadores as the main story. There’s the "Mucha Lucha" Cartoon about to launch on Cartoon network. The time is ripe and the date to unveil them should be obvious, but in case it’s not, May 5th. Cinco De Mayo. Just around the corner. That’s just one gimmick, there are plenty of others. To not use them, and then have the balls to say to wrestlers "we have nothing for you" and firing them. That’s just wrong. Of course, they never say that to the Hardcore Holly’s and Bradshaw’s, so I’m not sure how I would react if they did. I might do a little dance of joy. The point is that the time is over for negative feelings against something that happened a long time ago and ended a long time ago in a positive fashion for Vince. It’s even more ridiculous when you stop and think that one of the main guys who behind all those nasty attacks against Vince was Kevin Nash. Who is H’s buddy, who Vince hired against the advice of his confidants, the locker room, and almost everyone but H. Yet Vince still likes Nash. Makes you wonder just exactly who is stirring up all the old feelings. Couldn’t be the same guy who brought up Booker T’s 17 year old criminal past, or Eddy’s past addictions, now could it? Hey if that’s so, then think about this. JR used to work for WCW didn’t he? Hmm, better set him on fire again real soon. That’s it for today. Long one, and I still have some random thoughts to throw out there. I may skip plugs again. Sorry folks. Running late. First, WM is almost here. It’s going to be along show. At least four hours. Now, think about that. How much of that time will be wrestling. Figure on H/Benoit/HBK going for about a30 minutes. Angle Eddy could also go for 30. Cruiser Open, 30. Sable/Torrie vs Stacy/Jackie, well that could go for ten, maybe 15 minutes. Hold on now, calm down you damn purist. That’s a lot of jiggle per minute ratios. I’m hoping for some striptease action. Goldberg/ Lesnar? Eh, maybe 20 to 30, but doubtful. Cena/Show could go 20. Then we have the potential matches, of Foley/Orton, Christian and Jericho, and don’t forget there’s some matches for Heat. That’s not even counting the sports entertainment aspect of the show, which is sure to include past WM highlights, figure about 45 minutes of those. What does it mean? It means that five hours is being stingy, and that there are still a lot of wrestlers who ain’t gonna be on the PPV, and that means a lot of hurt feelings. Firings may come right on the heel of the PPV. Speaking of firings, I read a newsblurb about Torrie getting an ego backstage. I guess saying no to another lesbo stalker angle means you’re too cool for school. Also, that if Billy gets fired, she’d quit. Can’t say I’d blame her. If Steph is coming back, one of the first things to go is the chicks. Dawn is now gone, for no good reason. Torrie has been around long enough to know how to play some games of her own. She can survive in Hollywood. Surreal World would pick her up. Where’s Jericho? Doing his band thing. He’s apparently not really injured, but he hasn’t been for quite some time. I do believe it’s the first case of a wrestler getting a vacation without an injury or a death. Good for him, and it’s amazing that a guy who shows up every week, does what he’s told, and evidently doesn’t complain about it, can’t get a solid push. I also read the newsblurb about 18 million Playboys being sold with WWE divas on the cover. Doesn’t mean that the Sable/Torrie issue sold 18 million it means that ALL the Playboy issues with A diva on the cover have sold over 18 million total. My final thought is one for the conspiracy buffs out there. Go nuts. This should be good. The Monday Night Wars DVD shows the DX Invasion of WCW doesn’t it? Now I wonder, what would have happened if WCW had let them in? It wasn’t that long ago that Nash and hall left for WCW. H was still good buddies with them. HBK was out of the picture, possibly never returning again. So, what if H went inside with DX? Think Nash and H would have met up? Talked a bit? Here’s a theory for ya. H and DX were ready to jump ship. It would have been a great coup against Vince. His hottest thing going at the time, invading WCW on live WWE TV, only to show up in the middle of the ring and announce that they’ve joined WCW. Watch the old bits, and then keep that thought in your mind. Tell me it doesn’t seem like that was the plan. They went to Turner headquarters and everyone was nice to them. Why? Because they may be jumping to WCW soon? Something tells me that was the plan, and it was only the new legislation Vince laid out against WCW that stopped WCW from snapping up DX. They got pretty motivated to do well after that eh? Well it’s getting late. Bossman, what are you doing with that anvil? It’s time to go. Oh, and we have to stop by the store. Again. Hey, you said he could stay here, so don’t complain to me. Let’s roll. Until Next Time, Thanks For Reading and Thanks For Ridin’ Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* Photos of HULK HOGAN and His Hot New, MUCH YOUNGER Girlfriend!
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