The Rant of the Week: Your Wrestling Messiah has Returned
Submitted by Phantom Lord on Saturday, February 21, 2004 at 4:55 PM EST



Greetings conversationalist all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow Phantom Lord and this is my Rant of the Week. Today the Metal world got the news it’s been waiting for. OZZFEST 2004 was announced and I do believe the main stage might be the greatest line up ever. Ozzy Osbourne along with Judas Priest, Slayer, Superjoint Ritual, and Black Label Society. Dimmu Borgir is in between Slayer and Superjoint but the fact remains that Judas Priest will be on the bill. It does not get any better then this. I saw Rob Halford in 2000 and he was in prime form then, I can only image what kind of show he will bring with the reunited Priest. Needless to say when the term wrecking your neck was coined, it was coined with this line up in mind. I’m also looking forward to Hatebreed and Lacuna Coil on the second stage. I guess what I’m getting at is I better start saving up for when Ozzfest rolls into the New York area. The way I’m marking out for this line up is pretty much the way the IWC and wrestling fans in general marked out for when Eddie Guerrero won the WWE Championship. There were two words we thought we would never hear. Eddie Guerrero and WWE Champion, but it happened and the Wrestling Gods have smiled down upon us for this one.

It could be a combination of Vince finally realizing that the BAH GAWD HOSS’ES just won’t draw and our consistent pestering but this Wrestlemania might have the greatest match in it’s history with Eddie taking on Kurt Angle. Angle finally turned back to being a full fledged heel on Smackdown the other night and add to that the fact that Eddie is with out a doubt the biggest face on the show and we got the ingredients for a nice build up to a monster match for the title. Screw Benoit vs. Michaels vs. Triple H, the main event of Wrestlemania 20 will be Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle and they will put on the greatest match you will probably see this year. As far as I’m concerned if there is a reason to order this ppv, this match is it. I mean sure Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg will be an epic battle, but it will be nothing compared to Eddie vs. Kurt. If the WWE was smart, I would go to some sort of time limit draw on this one. They have the chance for a modern day Flair vs. Steamboat on their hands. Now I know I said the same thing about Angle and Lesnar and that still holds true, but for the traditional face and the traditional heel factor it doesn’t get any better then Kurt and Eddie. My only hope is they don’t bail on it after one match like they did with Eddie and Chavo.

Of course on the flip side we come to the Chris Benoit fiasco. I’m calling it that because quite frankly that’s what it is right now. For the second straight year Benoit gets teased with a monster push and for the second straight year when the payoff is gonna come he’s gonna get screwed over. Of course this year he’s dealing with the demons that are Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and Stephanie McMahon. Some are calling them the new Kliq. I’m just gonna call them what they are and that’s The Unholy Trio. I find it funny that Shawn Michaels is a devout Christian and he’s changed from his former self, but when it comes down to it his massive ego can’t help but keep others down. Basically what has happened is Shawn is the top face on RAW and with Benoit being there that means there is another face that will be stealing his spotlight. Now logic would dictate that Shawn should just turn heel but since Triple H is there that can’t happen. Triple H is gonna be the top heel even though his time as the top heel passed by a long time ago. But because of all that, Chris Benoit will just be another guy in the mix to keep Triple H on top and Shawn Michaels as the best wrestler on RAW (Which he is…but he could put someone over besides Kliq underlings like Orton).

Now with Backlash in Edmonton in April it’s a no brainier to assume that Benoit is winning the title there. Now that’s all good, but the fact remains they have made him look weak ever since he got to RAW. Hell last week they zoomed in all the way to Triple H’s nose so they wouldn’t show him tapping out to Benoit so he wouldn’t look like a weak champion. With Wrestlemania I can tell you exactly what will happen with that match. Benoit will have Triple H beat only for HBK to cost him the victory so Shawn can win the big one at the Garden to prove he could do it one more time. What does that all mean? Triple H doesn’t want to job to Benoit and put him over so he gets HBK to pin Benoit so this way when he ultimately wins the title back he can say he is the rightful champion. And we all know he will win that title back with in a month or so after Benoit gets it…unless hell freezes over and Triple H decides to let someone else use his big gold belt.

Speaking of hell freezing over, something we fans of NWA-TNA thought we would never see happened this past week. The Savior of Professional Wrestling returned as my personal hero Vince Russo came back as the new Director of Authority for the NWA. I know it’s a big thing to hate Russo on the Internet, but I don’t. He had the vision to save WCW and if there is only one person who can take TNA to the promise land, it is him. I mean it’s the perfect angle for him to come back. You have Jarrett on a massive power trip since he “runs the company”. Well he does run it, but now he’s just playing up to that on tv. And the NWA hires the one person they know would piss him off before they all got the boot. It makes you wonder what next week is going to be like because Mike Tenay of all people is on Russo’s side in this one. As you can tell, I marked out big time when his music hit the other night to end the show. I mean Russo came out and Jarrett realized he was in deep trouble. I’m personally glad they went with Russo, I mean they could of went for someone like Randy Savage (Which would make sense since supposedly they are going to have him take on Jarrett for the NWA Title at some point this year), but they went for the one person who it logical to use. A few months ago, Jarrett beat the holy hell out of Vince Russo in the ill-fated Hulk Hogan angle, but I think with Russo back we will get something that the WWE never does and that’s closure to a forgotten angle.

That’s why I love NWA-TNA so much. The WWE will start something off and if it doesn’t work then they’ll say the hell with it. TNA on the other hand no matter what it is at some point will bring it back as the link that ties a whole bunch of angles together. This angle in general I think will be the one to make or break TNA this year. I mean we all know TNA has the in-ring talent and action to blow the WWE away, but it’s simply a matter of them having that one angle to get people talking enough to buy the shows. We all know Vince Russo can write great stuff to make for some great television. If TNA were smart, what ever petty differences there are between Russo and others should be put away because now is the time to pull your resources and strike.

TNA did send a good message though this week to any and all “alleged big name talent” when they told Joanie Lauer a.k.a. Chyna to hit the bricks. I mean at first I was confused as to why they would even want her on their show since they don’t have a women’s division to begin with. It was all to be a part of the Jonny Fairplay angle (Which is a great modern version of Kaufman vs. Lawler) as Jonny was gonna have her on this talk segment of his. Well she made one to many demands and TNA was like we don’t need you.

Someone forward this message to Chyna.

Be happy they wanted to even bother with you. I mean we all know your acting career is going places. I mean that Sevendust video where you lose to the gimp is Cable Ace worthy. You know why TNA has made it as far as they have? Because they don’t have stuck up bitches like you in their locker room who think they are the greatest thing ever all because they were in McMahon Land. As for this cd your working on, we all heard Lita sing on the WWE Originals album. If your lucky you might get some airplay when Ed the Sock reams your eventual video on his annual Fromage special on Much Music. So in closing, why don’t you ask that little grease rat X-Pac what it’s like to burn your bridges when someone is giving you a chance to come back.

I guess you can tell I’m happy they didn’t bring her in. I mean unlike brining in the Insane Clown Posse, brining in Chyna would have been a bigger disaster then Gigili. Speaking of the ICP, I thought the Juggalo Street Fight was great this week. They hit a pretty sick Double Brainbuster on Kid Kash that made me say that was pretty damn cool. ICP are probably the biggest team in TNA right now and I would not be surprised if they won the NWA World Tag Team Titles. Yep from The Funks, The Brisco’s, Rock & Roll Express, Midnight Express, Road Warriors, Anderson’s, The Stiener’s, and so many other great teams. Did you ever think for one minute that it’s possible that the Insane Clown Posse could be in there with them? Well it is and I would love to see it happen.

Speaking of tag titles, the RAW Tag titles much like the Smackdown tag titles continue to be made to look like worthless pieces of tin as another thrown together tag team has won the tag titles. Why doesn’t the WWE just give up and merge the damn belts like WCW did with the NWA Tag titles back in the early 90’s. Steamboat/Douglas against Whindam/Rhodes were some damn good matches before Barry turned heel on Dustin. Imagine if Benjamin/Haas won the tag titles from Too Cool (Which they will) and then showed up on RAW the following week and laid out the RAW Tag Champions for tarnishing the name of the World Tag Team Championship. I think it’s something that could work and if someone from the WWE is reading and I know you do, feel free to pitch it in a meeting. I mean Stephanie will probably veto the idea since it doesn’t do anything to put attention on Triple H, but he’s it’s a good idea none the less.

Before I go, I must touch on the return of Raven. The Raven we all know and love returned to TNA this week. He dusted off the leather jacket, flannel, and jeans and came back and took it to The Gathering. In the mix Terry Funk managed to take a wicked chair shot, bleed like crazy, come back from the dead and ultimately get zapped by Father Mitchell and his Heathen Converting Tazer. If that isn’t quality family programming, then I don’t know what is. But the fact remains that Raven is back and the visual he gave of ripping out the intestines of Mitchell and force feeding them to him with a rusty fork while Punk and Dinero sodamized him was probably the line of the year. How I missed that Raven. The WWE could have had him, but they couldn’t think of anything creative for him to do. I always find it funny when the alleged best sports entertainment writers can’t think of anything creative for a guy who knows more about the business then they do.

And on that note I leave you for this week. Expect the grand return of Wrestling’s Fact or Fiction some time later this week. You know it’s gonna be good if we’ve taken this much time to do the first one of the year.

As always take care and remember, someone has to bring you this information so it might as well be me. {S Bob Grant

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