Stuck in the Middle With You - Slow Down! You Move Too Fast. You've Got to Make the Morning Last.
Submitted by Da J-Train on Saturday, February 21, 2004 at 3:53 PM EST



Welcome back to my column everyone. I’m back for your reading enjoyment… and be thankful too; for I am currently blowing off an important paper I have to write on the American Horror Film. Well, you know what they say… Procrastination is like masturbation… it’s fun while you’re doing it, but in the end you’re just fucking yourself. Oh well, I’ll deal with that when it happens.


So what’s going on today? Well, for my column, I will be talking about the WWE’s recent pacing changes and I will talk about the release of my favorite wrestler. To be honest, this column will probably suck because I am on like 4 hours of sleep over the course of the last 2 days, so bear with me.



BUT FIRST...



Letters! I get Letters! I get sacks and sacks of Letters! LETTERS!!! That's right; it's time to answer some of my Love, Hate, Kind-Of-Care-For, and I-Only-Like-You-as-A-Friend-Mail… This section rules



Feedback O Rama


We’re going to do something a little different with Feedback O Rama this time children. You see, when people send me feedback, it’s for one of three things: 1. Feedback related to my wrestling topic. 2. Feedback related to Free Flowing Hostility. 3. Feedback that just adding to the ongoing Goldberg vs. Da J-Train saga. Generally, my guidelines for whether or not a letter makes this section, other than clarity, general coherence, and length of the feedback, usually goes with the topic feedback as the most important, then the Goldberg crap, then, since it’s not really wrestling related, the FFH feedback.

So, if you have ever sent me feedback related to Free Flowing Hostility, and you were disappointed to not have it posted in here, that’s the main reason why. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all of the feedback I get, but there is a level of importance that has to be instilled to keep this feedback thing going.

However, this time, because I did a review column, there wasn’t much to relate to, I suspect, so I got mostly FFH feedback. So, I think for the first time in my column, I will respond to purely FFH feedback. So here we go.


Letter 1 :

Meh.

David Schmuck


Yeah, THIS guy’s a real winner. Way to be original David.



Letter 2 :

I am a fairly new reader of your column (and the other columns on LOP as well), and I want to first, commend you on your free floating hostitity section. I am also a huge fan of George Carlin, and it is correct that the smallest things can piss you off so much. Which brings me to the point of this email. Those god-damn walkie talkie phone things. Thank you so much for bringing this travesty that they call technology out into the open for people to read. Have you seen those terrible Nextel commericals, where people are standing next to each other talking on the walkie talkie? how annoying is it when you are walking down the street and someone is on one of those? hell, if you are walking behind someone who is having a conversation, you can know all about their stupid, pointless life. Just once I would like to hear someone on the other end say something like, "Hey, Walter, did you see that doctor yet about those warts you have on your ass?" I bet they would get rid of that walkie talkie shit pretty quickly. Anyway, sorry this email has nothing to do with wrestling, but maybe, if i can conjure up enough motivation, ill write up another one. Thanks for the great column to read.

Sincerely,
Steve Wisniewski.


Steve

Thanks for the feedback. Don’t worry about the letter not being wrestling related. In fact, I get more letters like this than many would think... a letter where a person just rants along with me, either on the topic that I brought up or on their own topic. Steve, and anyone else reading, feel free to send me a letter like this whenever. It’s not guaranteed to be posted here, but I think that ranting about this shit is very therapeutic and people need to do it every now and then. I really liked your rant too. I thought it was funny. Thanks for reading, and if you keep up reading, I’ll keep up writing.



Letter 3 :

nice review, very descriptive, but isn't it "house ON
fire". don't mean to nitpick, it just sounds strange, unless
it's just something you do on purpose

Evonna Gaba


Evonna,

I have always thought it was House OF Fire. You very well could be right though. I just always thought that when someone makes a hot tag and their partner comes in and rips shit up, I always thought it was commonly referred to as a House of Fire. I may be wrong though. Either way, thanks for reading and don’t worry about nitpicking. Asking questions is what makes life worth living.



Alright, enough of this journey into the uses of electronic mail; it's time to get to the topic of my column:



Slow Down! You move too fast. You’ve got to make the morning last.


Well, my column has nothing to do with making mornings last, I just decided to add that to pay a small tribute to Simon and Garfunkel. In fact, you get 10 bonus cool and super duper points if you can name the song. Anyway, this column is to talk about the growing concern the WWE has about their in ring style and pacing of their matches.


In recent weeks, Vince McMahon and the powers that be of the WWE have been telling the superstars to take on a much more slow and paced style in the ring, and not to rely on high spots to get the crowd into it. McMahon and company suddenly think that matches should be based on the development of a story and showing the technical and mat wrestling aspects of the WWE. This move by McMahon has raised many different questions and concerns across the entire spectrum that is the wrestling industry. Is this style of wrestling what fans want to see? Did Vince only make this decision because his son-in-law, Triple H wanted it to be that way? Will this move be successful? How will the wrestlers be affected? Hey Farva, what’s the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks? It’s these questions and other things that I will try to explore in this edition of Stuck in the Middle with You, cue theme music.


In some ways, I can understand why Vince wants to go to a much more sedated form of wrestling. Wrestlers have been successfully using technical and mat wrestling skills in matches full of ring psychology that tends to develop a story for years. Wouldn’t it mean more to the fans to see a well developed match involving these elements as opposed to a wham-bam-thank you ma’am approach to a more spot oriented style. I would think that many fans would like the change. After all, you get more wrestling for your buck, and who’s to say that this form of wrestling can’t be exciting? Plus, the WWE have been plagued with injuries more often than would be desired. From a business standpoint, it’s much more beneficial to tell the wrestlers to adapt to a much safer style of wrestling. If you were Vince, would you feel better knowing that sure, the risk of serious injury is always there, but your wrestlers, many of them popular, are wrestling a style that lessens the risk of those serious injuries? I know I would, especially with the amount of neck injuries that have been popping up lately. For these reasons, I can see Vince’s point in changing the in-ring style of the WWE.


However, that hardly means I am for it. Not only am I against slowing down the pace of matches, but I am also against the concept of giving a federation a central pace for their matches. I feel that different wrestlers are suited for different paces, and you have to book accordingly. For example, why would you make Rey Mysterio slow his pace down like The Big Show? Rey Mysterio’s specialty is a fast paced match. Doesn’t logic state that a match is at its absolute best when both wrestlers are both in their elements and are comfortable with the pacing of each other’s offensive and defensive moves? After all, the vast majority of the WWE has been in the business, whether by training or as a professional role, for many years. Surely throughout their years they have not only found an offensive style that defines them and have been trained to defend properly against all other styles. So why can’t wrestling be like that?


Like I said before, I think the whole spectrum of the thoughts behind slowing down the wrestlers is the thought that the people get more for their money if they watch a well developed match that showcases not only raw athleticism, but also the ring psychology that has been a major part of wrestling throughout the years. The problem is, the WWE doesn’t seem to understand that this can all be accomplished without slowing down the matches. There have been plenty of matches over the course of wrestling history that have been technical and mat wrestling masterpieces and they weren’t necessarily slow. Similarly, there have been moderately and quick paced matches that have told good stories with psychological wrestling.


I don’t think there is a better example than the most recent one I can think of in the Nick Dinsmore vs. Machine match from the Wrestling’s Future Stars DVD that I reviewed in the my last column. The match, at first glance, seems to be everything the WWE wants their wrestlers to do: Two wrestlers in the middle of the ring, using their technical and mat wrestling skills to out do the other wrestler. During the course of said match, one wrestler had a weakness exposed, be it injury or some other kind, and his opponent logically worked on that weakness. The crowd ate the match up and it ended up, in my opinion, as the best match on the DVD. However, it is NOT the ideal WWE match. It is not ideal, simply because it was not slow paced. However, should it be considered what the WWE style should be? After all, the crowd was into it and it was an athletic and safe match up. The point of this whole thing is, in order to have a good technical and “old school” wrestling match and one that fulfills what the WWE is claiming to be their “style”, you don’t have to slow down the match pace.


So what should the WWE with the pacing of their matches? Well, I think one of two things have to happen:


1. Evolution of the Big Man:

I think in the course of the evolution of wrestling, the fans have also evolved, as have their tastes and attention spans. When, in the late 1990’s, we had WCW’s cruiserweights, wrestlers in the WWF/E, WCW, and ECW using more innovative and creative moves, and a popular third federation (ECW) that was heavily spot wrestling oriented, I think the fans have evolved into seeing faster paced matches. The fans have begun to dislike slow paced matches, especially those involving technical wrestlers… unless, of course, it is a long match that needs to be slow paced to develop it. The problem, of course, is that lots of these matches on Raw and Smackdown aren’t given the time to do that, so they become boring, slow matches that are hopelessly trying to develop itself, but never do.


So doesn’t logic tell us then that matches should not be slow paced, unless they have the time needed to develop them? However, we are posed with a problem. I’m sure that cruiserweights and average sized wrestlers have no problem performing a quicker style, but what about someone like The Big Show? The Big Show may not be able to keep up pace, and he, or other big men, may slow down the match. So, shouldn’t the business begin asking big men like Show to evolve and adapt to a faster style? Well, obviously that will never happen because it’s not necessarily feasible to a 7 foot 500 pound man to suddenly go quicker.


So, the solution is clear… either having big men evolve or get rid of big men altogether. Obviously the second choice is stupid and illogical, for big men have been a staple of this business for years. What would wrestling be without its giants or muscle men? So, the next choice would be for an evolution. Perhaps the WWE should create a breed of big men who have the physical abilities to move like a smaller guy. The two best examples of this breed are Mike Awesome and Sean O’Haire. Awesome and O’Haire are two big men categorically, but both of them have excellent speed and agility. Hell, they can fly if they want to. The WWE has a farm system with big men in it; why not train them to evolve with the business? However, I am not in favor of this either, because if the big men we have all can fly, it would render the slow and dominant big man useless and “old school”. That also cannot happen, because that type of big man has also been a staple of wrestling. So, I think that the evolution of the big man is a good idea, but it should be limited.


OR…


2. Get rid of a definitive federation wide pace altogether:


It is MY belief that this is the route the WWE should go with the pacing problems of their matches. Why should the WWE have a defining pace for the entire federation? Why can’t wrestlers just go at their own pace? The WWE have many wrestlers on their roster from many different backgrounds. Not every wrestler can excel in this slow system, it just won’t work. Why would you ground The Hurricane when his most comfortable and his best style is the high flying, fast paced style? It defies all logic!


And as I said, in this system, it’s not the wrestler’s fault if the styles clash. It’s the booker’s fault. Here’s a hypothetical: Say Chris Benoit was the U.S. champion and was defending against The Big Show at the pay per view, and the match ended up kind of shitty because of a clash of styles. Is that the wrestlers’ fault or is it a weak booking choice? After all, the pay per view is the big pay off for the company, why wouldn’t you put two people whose styles mix? I’m sure that Chris Benoit vs. Lance Storm would naturally be a better choice for that match. And finally, when that style has dominated that one title scene, then you can mix styles and make a change.


Maybe you don’t agree with my point of view, but I personally think that slow paced matches are translating to boring television. The WWE has to understand that not every single match can be a Guererro/Lesnar. Not every match has the time given to it to develop that kind of a match. So, basically what I am trying to say is that I hate the pace change to the WWE and they need a change… because the WWE should not be putting themselves in a position to get any worse.



Random Stops Along the Way


Today for Random Stops Along the Way; I have only one thing to talk about. Last week, something happened that I have been expecting to happen for a long time, but I sort of talked myself into not believing it would. As a wrestling fan, it is always bad to see your favorite wrestler misused in many different ways. However, as a fan, sometimes when someone is misused, there is the thought in the back of your mind that one of those days, the WWE would get their heads out of their asses and use that person to their true abilities. It’s that hope that allows us to hang on every week and it’s that hope that makes us react the way we do when fate of said wrestler is determined. Well, last Wednesday, the shit hit the fan and my favorite wrestler was released by the WWE.


As many of you may expect, I am talking of Chris Kanyon. It was expected, but still a shock to me when he was released. It was expected because he was never on television and they didn’t have any roles for him. However, it was a shock because I allowed myself to think that one of these days, they would use Kanyon the way they should have. Every small bit of news I would see with an update on what he was doing was inflated in my head that maybe this Smackdown would be THE Smackdown where he would get his push. Well, it never happened, obviously.


Maybe this is me as his fan speaking, but I feel that Kanyon is the most misused WWE wrestler in the last 5 years of the company. Say what you want about Diamond Dallas Page, Tommy Dreamer, or Ultimo Dragon, I still say Kanyon had it worse than all of them. Sure, DDP and Dragon never got the pushes they should have, and Dreamer isn’t being used to his ability, but at least they have been on TV on a semi regular basis. At times, Kanyon wasn’t even on television. He had one true wrestling role on Smackdown in a good Rey Mysterio match. The other appearances he made on the main show were a few random, non specific appearances and one where he was supposed to be Boy George.


Well, I say fuck the WWE for this. That’s right, fuck them. It’s completely bull shit that there were no creative opportunities for him, the creative team just didn’t try hard enough. We’re talking about a man who fought to get to the WWE with WCW management every week, but they continuously refused to let him go because they knew how valuable he could be. For someone who publicly tried to join a company, only to succeed and get cast aside.


I don’t want to talk much about this anymore because I get more and more upset every time I do. All I know is that after I read the report that he was released, for a little while, I really had no desire to watch WWE programming anymore. I got over it, but the fact remains that what the WWE did to him over the course of years was shitty and unprofessional. I hope that Kanyon makes it in NWA TNA and becomes a huge breakout star. Shove it up their ass Kanyon… you can show them.


I will spare you any more reading because this column is getting a little long as it is. So, I will get right into….



Free Flowing Hostility: Minor cultural items I am Bored With, Tired Of, and Pissed At.



1. The Long Island Expressway.

Consider yourself lucky if you have never driven on this grabastic piece of shit highway. As many of you may know, I go to school in Westchester, NY and I have to take the Long Island Expressway to go and visit my girlfriend, and I’ll tell you… I have never had so much fun on a single stretch of road in my life. It’s not bad enough that everyone seems to drive 10 miles under the speed limit, well, not everyone, just everyone from New Jersey, but the road is under construction… All the Time! They probably aren’t even fixing anything; they just decided to put up road signs and cones to be assholes. I have so much fun on that road; I think I may shit my pants one of these days.


2. Super bright headlights.

While I’m on the subject of driving, I am really getting sick and tired of these new cars with the super bright headlights. Really now, who needs their headlights to be that bright? What’s there to look at, the car in front of you? Trust me, the backs of cars are boring and overrated, especially if they have bumper stickers on there. In the mean time, don’t even argue with me that it helps to see the road better because how long have we had regular headlights? They seem to have worked so far. I am so sick of driving down the road and being blinded. It’s a hazard, I’m telling you. Why doesn’t a car company make a car feature that is logical as opposed to what looks cool?



Alright guys that’s it for today, so I guess it’s time to wrap it up.



The Caboose



What did we learn today?


1. The WWE doesn’t need a central pace.

2. I am pissed off about Kanyon. It is quite the travesty.

3. Stay off the road unless you’re not going to be a dumbass


Alright guys, I’ll be back sometime soon. Until then, take care.


----------------------------------------- Da J-Train --------------------------------------


merlinJAP@hotmail.com (If you email me, put FEEDBACK in the email subject or it will be deleted)


AIM: JPAW101…. Feel free to talk to me, I am friendly and give good hugs!









*NEW GALLERY* Very CONTROVERSIAL Shots of Randy Orton in His Hotel Room!!

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