The Rant of the Week: I respond to you the reader
Submitted by Phantom Lord on Saturday, January 31, 2004 at 6:41 AM EST



Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow Phantom Lord and this is my Rant of the Week. As the all out assault of Arctic air continues to hammer the NorthEast, I am writing to you all tonight (Well actually it’s 4:51 in the AM, so I guess that would make it morning) as I fight off the effects of a nasty cold. Coughing is the worst of all this since once I start I can’t stop. I’m convinced that’s an after effect of my time at my college after 9/11. The school was right in the path of the dust cloud and it never really had a good ventilation system to begin with. In any event, I think there might very well be a rip in the Space-Time Continuum. My column last week drew an astounding 8,800 or so views the last time that I checked it. 6,500 of those were in a day alone. Now while this might have something to do with Kevin Nash not taking an easy pay check and re-signing with the WWE or some other impending doom, either way I thank each and everyone of you who read (Even those of you who said I was full of shit and just a stuck up Puro Mark). I think hit wise it’s probably been one of the best weeks’s for LOP as Tito, Dumass, Davey Boy, Jim Forzse, and Wevv Mang all had good hit totals as well. What does this all mean? It mean’s our collective opinion is being read by more then just a few 12 year olds who live in their mom’s basement.

It’s funny I bring up 12 year olds because this week I got a lot of feedback and a few pieces of it called me everything from not a real wrestling fan to a sham. So I figure I’ll debut a new feature in my column. Join me as…

Phantom responds to some Mail

Yes the age-old tactic of taking hate mail and using it as filler material for your column. Seriously though, these e-mail’s did make me laugh and once again they do prove my theory that people simply skim the column and don’t actually read it because if they read it they would of noticed several key words that would of made they’re arguments invalid.

Santeria36 writes:

Wow...I've read some bad reviews/articles about wrestling on the Internet, but yours may have been the worse. Did you even WATCH the Royal Rumble last night?

The matches before the rumble itself sucked and sucked hard. But the Royal Rumble was awesome, maybe the second-best ever behind the 1992 Royal Rumble. And you gave it "the lowest rating ever". How? Why? You clearly wanted to not like the Rumble and weren't going to like it no matter what.

Not only did the Rumble rock, but it set up two huge, money feuds that had the crowd going bonkos...in Foley/Orton and Lesnar/Goldberg. IF you can't get excited for at least one of those feuds/matches, both of which have been built nicely, then you're simply not a fan of pro wrestling.

Yeah, it looks I wasted 20 years of my life because I must not be a fan of Pro Wrestling. I said that up front I didn’t watch the rumble because I didn’t feel like ordering it nor did I have the money for it. Now today I was able to see the end of the Royal Rumble and it was a great ending. Benoit forcing the Big Show over the top rope was just as dramatic as the ending to Guerrero/Angle on Smackdown. But even with all of that, the fact remains the undercard was to short and they used a Dusty Finish in a Last Man Standing match so a weak champion and his buddy could both keep their overness.

In this next e-mail, this tirade was directed at both Tito and me. To spare you the reader, I cut it in half.

Jorda004 writes:

Which brings me to the point of why I'm writing. I used to be able to rely on the columns as anotherwrestling fan's opinions and thoughts on a show, PPV or storyline. I used to enjoy reading what predictions were being made and maybe if others agreed with my thoughts on a match. I use the words "used to" because what the columns have become is a shell of what they used to be.

I don't believe either one of you gets paid for your reviews, but it's still getting bad. You both have
your own opinions of how the show should run, and unless Vince and company do it YOUR way, then it's crap. Do either one of you honestly think that because you think cruiserweights should get pushed they will? Do you really think that because Lance Storm and the Hurricane aren't headlining Wrestlemania in an hour long Iron Man match, the company is going out of business?

The same thing holds true for Phantom. On your Royal Rumble PPV review, all you did was talk about the forthcoming DOOM of the WWE. Vince McMahon has been running the WWE(F) for the past 20 years or so. He's had tons of competition, a lot worse ratings than he's got now, a lot worse writing, and he's still around! Just because he doesn't let the little guys win all the time, does not mean he's gonna go bankrupt. Just review the damn PPV if that's what you say you're gonna do. You can forecast the doom of the world in
your own time.

Now for starters, my father who knows nothing of the inner turmoil of the WWE and who has been watching Wrestling for pretty much his entire life said Storm/Hurricane would be a good match. Now I don’t know where it ever came off that I said the cruiserweights should be pushed to the moon because only they can possibly save the show. What I’ve been saying is Vince need’s to get his head out of his ass and realize that these guys are a goldmine and he need’s to give them more then 5 minute matches where it’s Spot/Rest/Spot/Rest/Spot/Spot/Finish. I’m not stupid. Granted I do come off as an idiot, but I have a very keen grasp of who is over and who isn’t and who brings in money and who doesn’t. Triple H does not bring in Money. Triple H does not bring in ratings. Goldberg as champion brought in ratings but because of the way he was booked he did not bring in the money. Now Ric Flair is someone who just brought in a shitload of money with his DVD and he is by far the most over person on RAW. While Triple H is off making movies, Ric Flair is left to use what little prime he has left to curtain jerk. That’s just not right.

As for me preaching Doom and Gloom, well it’s all I see. I see no bright happy future for anyone. The WWE is in the same position WCW was in during 2002. It’s staying afloat, but the second torpedo is on its way. I see the WWE as a company that can make simple changes and all would be well, but Vince McMahon is to stubborn to admit there is a problem and he would rather take the ship down with everyone on board then just admit maybe the stuff everyone else is saying is true. If the WWE were just Smackdown, then I would say things are improving. But since RAW is the first impression people get of the company, if changes aren’t made to that show and pronto it will bring down everyone faster then Paris Hilton with her male companion of the week.

BrianRighteous writes:

I find it utterly ridiculous and the height of hypocrisy for a so-called internet wrestling "columnist" to decry the quality of a pay-per-view event said writer didn't even bother to watch. You are truly a purveyor of ignorant crap.

It was a parody of a review that was half-assed. But even with that I made a lot of valid points. The Tables match is a match with no meaning. Rey vs. Jamie Nobel was to short. They killed the Eddie/Chavo feud before it could really start. You don’t have to actually see it to realize that. And as I said before, there is no excuse for a Dusty Finish in a Last Man Standing match. The WWE is really lucky they didn’t have a riot because had that same finish happened a in the ECW arena between say Taz and Sabu during the first ECW PPV…odds are their would have been a massacre. Like I said, it’s not wise to screw with your remaining loyal fans simply because Triple H and Shawn Michaels are trying to relive the glory days of the Klique. Triple H and Shawn Michaels weren’t the best of friends. Triple H was his flunky plain and simple and everyone knows that.

Speaking of stuff people all ready know, what idiot came up with the current “which diva’s will be in Playboy” angle. I mean as far as the boundaries of Kayfabe go this one is poking holes right through it. It’s laughable to think they don’t think we know Sable and Torrie Wilson will be in next month’s issue to hype Wrestlemania. Playboy.com has only been promoting that for like a month. The news of Torrie/Sable has been on the net for at least two. Sure it’s gonna be a great issue with them, but it’s just stupid to think that the diva’s are aspiring for this. We know for a fact that Trish, Lita, and Stacy want nothing to do with Playboy. Victoria and Molly probably wouldn’t do it since they’ve worked so hard to become the top two best women wrestlers in North America. Jazz sure as hell isn’t gonna be in it. Jackie Gayda might be in soft-core porn on Cinemax one day, but she sure as hell isn’t playboy material. Dawn Marie is someone I can buy would be in the running for this. That other chick Rue has great legs, but again she isn’t Playboy material. By the powers of deduction that leaves us with Torrie and Sable.

Like I said, it will be a great issue. Torrie continues to be the perfect farmers daughter and Sable is now MILF Hunter hot. But I wouldn’t have planned a whole angle around it. But hey, if it gets people to take notice of all the diva’s then so be it.

Speaking of Smackdown, as I said earlier that battle royal was beyond great. I mean it sucked that guys like Billy Gunn were made to have a chance in hell, but the ending with Kurt Angle and Eddie Guerrero was probably the most dramatic thing I’ve ever seen on Smackdown. Now one would assume Angle was the one who attacked him to begin with. I would like to think its Chavo just so they can give us one hell of Bret/Owen match at Wrestlemania, but odds are we see Eddie and Kurt Angle. Again that would be just as great of a match because both Eddie and Kurt can do no wrong. I’ve said in the past that Kurt Angle is a living-breathing superman. I mean for a guy who’s had two major neck operations with in a year to come back right away and still wrestle as good is amazing. Hell during the rumble match on Thursday, Angle took an Exploder Suplex from Shelton Benjamin. It’s just insane how good Kurt Angle is. Kurt can be the patriotic face or the patriotic heel that you love to hate. It should be interesting to see who cost’s Eddie his title match. Smart money is on Kurt or Chavo, but the X-Factor is Bill Goldberg.

On RAW Goldberg flat out said he was coming for Lesnar. Can you blame him? I mean they are teasing another Goldberg/Mizark Henry match. If I were Goldberg I would be leaving the company when my contract was up as well. Sure it’s good money, but why bother if they don’t want to use you to the fullest of the investment they made on you. So it looks like Goldberg vs. Lesnar at Wrestlemania and that’s gonna be one hell of a match. It probably will be the closest thing the WWE will ever come to having a MMA match. Goldberg is a striker and Lesnar is a grappler and submission wrestler. Maybe to spice things up, they should make it a “shoot” fight. This way it would make it more important then Goldberg putting of Lesnar before he leaves. If they play this right, Lesnar could be the new Ken Shamrock…only he can cut a promo. If there were a reason to bring back the Lions Den match, this would be it. Have it in the Theater @ Madison Square Garden like they did with Shamrock vs. Owen Hart at Summer Slam 98. Plus it would be a good excuse to sell an extra 5,000 tickets for Wrestlemania.

In other news, NWA-TNA continues to try and push into the main stream and this week they got some attention with Brian Urlacher of the Chicago Bears. Around the Horn on ESPN 2 had a segment on it and Woody Paige and some other guy did the whole “wrestling’s fake…blood capsules in their mouths” bit while Jay Marriotti of Sporting News Radio and the Chicago Sun Times brought up the point that he could of got hurt. Back in the days of “The Big Cat” Ernie Ladd and Chief Wahoo McDaniel, a lot of football players wrestled during the off season. Mostly it was just a way to make some extra money since they made no where near what the league minimum is now. I remember the case of Wahoo McDaniel when he was on the New York Jets or was it the Miami Dolphins that they asked him not to wrestle some seven week’s prior to the start of the season to avoid any injuries. Well those days are gone now that teams put clauses in contracts stating players can not doing anything that will cause injury. Aaron Boone of my beloved Yankees learned that the hard way when he tore his ACL playing some Basketball even though it said in his contract that he couldn’t do that.

Skip to now and The Chicago Bears have said they do not want Urlacher to do this again. While wrestling isn’t mentioned by name, they reminded him that he is the franchise of the bears and one false move wrestling will jeopardize his big $54 million dollar contract. I personally don’t see what the big deal is. I figure he is smart enough to realize that if he screws up his knee, it will cost him. But him coming to TNA to lend his name to the company was his way of helping TNA get some much-needed attention. Besides the whole altercation with him was part of a mini-angle where if he didn’t leave the building, then Erik Watts would lose his match and job on the spot. Where the WWE has failed with angle development, NWA-TNA has been hitting homeruns. The angle with Don Callis and Erik Watts is more complex then it seems. A couple weeks’s ago TNA sent out their e-mail newsletter and in it was a photo of a diary page allegedly written by Goldylocks. That one little piece of paper set up her turn on Erik Watts during his match with Don Callis. I mean the WWE doesn’t even put that kind of detail into angles and TNA was able to make something very small effect a huge match.

Well as you guessed, Don Callis won his match. I’ve been a fan of his since his days in ECW, but I never knew how good of a wrestler he really was. By all accounts, Callis is a legend in Canada. Do some digging for his career bio and you’ll be amazed at what he accomplished over the last decade. But now that Callis is in complete control of TNA and Jeff Jarrett is seeing who is loyal, it’s going to make for some fun moments. On air, Jeff hates Mike Tenay and he said when Watts is gone then your gone, so that leads me to believe that someone is coming in to replace Mike Tenay as part of this angle. I would love to see Joey Styles come back just so that one last piece of the ECW jewel is in TNA. Joey owns 1Bob along with Bob Ryder and in turn Bob Ryder is a minority owner in TNA. So it’s not out of the question for that to happen. But if that isn’t enough to get you interested, over the last couple of weeks The Sandman has brought everyone he could think of to combat C.M. Punk, Julio Dinero, and Father Mitchell. A slim, trim, buff, chiseled, and JAAAAAAAAACKED Balls Mahoney couldn’t do it. An insane Mikey Whipreck couldn’t do it, so The Sandman made a deal with the devil again he’s brining in Terry Funk. You would think Terry Funk would have been in TNA at some point by now, but it just hasn’t happened. The Funker is pushing 60 and he’s still wrestling like he was 10 years ago. Hell a couple weeks ago, he and Steve Corino had a Barbwire I-Quit match in MLW. I just hope this isn’t a one shot deal like the others, I would love to see Terry get one last big run…even if he doesn’t make it his last.

But when you look at it, that’s the main difference between the WWE and TNA. TNA will allow for an angle to build while the WWE just runs and guns and hopes for the best.

I think that’s it for this week. It’s Super Bowl Weekend and I need to stock up for the thing that all people watch for. Not the game, but the commercials. Oh yeah in between all of that, expect the Patriots to beat the Panthers.

For those of you betting, take the over or something.

That’s it for this week. As usual, take care and remember someone has to tell you this information so it might as well be me.

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