WWE SmackDown! Results: 1/29/2004
Submitted by Justin "Locura" Pratt on Friday, January 30, 2004 at 1:35 AM EST



WWE SmackDown!
Date: 1/29/2004
Venue: MCI Center
Location: Washington, D.C.
Report by: Justin Pratt

And now, welcome to SmackDown! Michael Cole and Tazz at ringside.

Paul Heyman is in the center of the ring already, welcoming us to his show. Tonight... wait, here comes Vince McMahon walking quickly down to the ring (as quick as Vince can walk). He tells Heyman that tonight was a night for celebration; to see the winner of the 2004 Rumble match to come down to this ring, for Chris Benoit. But that's not gonna happen. No Benoit tonight. Vince said he saw Benoit being welcomed to Raw by Steve Austin on Monday. He also saw Benoit look into Triple H's eyes and challenge him for the World Title at Wrestlemania XX. Because of Heyman, Benoit has jumped through a legal loophole. The winner of the Royal Rumble will face the champion, but it doesn't say which champion. Since Heyman made Benoit's life miserable, Benoit jumped and is now the sole property of Raw. All because of YOU, Heyman. Vince expects an explanation for the audience and an apology. "What do you have to say?!" he screams. Heyman says "Screw Chris Benoit!!" He repeats himself, and says it's because it the exact same thing Vince would say. When Nash and Hall left the WWF, did he cry? No! He said screw them! When Hogan left, did he curl up in a fetal position and die? No! He said screw him! When Bret Hart left, did you just cry over spilt milk? No! Screw Bret Hart... and that's what he did! Vince wants to know where this is going, to which Heyman replies that tonight for the first time ever on network television, it will be the Royal Rumble! 15 SmackDown superstars will come down the aisle, and only one man will emerge victorious. The winner tonight will face Brock Lesnar in a title match at No Way Out. He says Morgan Is on the injured list, and he is being replaced by Hardcore Holly. Benoit left, and he is being replaced by Eddie Guerrero! Heyman did his homework, saying those two men will join all the other Royal Rumble participants in tonight's Rumble match. Heyman says this is Vince's company, and he can say screw Paul Heyman if he wants, or he can share his vision. They can make history tonight, he says. "It's up to you, Vince. What do you say?" asks Heyman. Vince says SmackDown has a Royal Rumble!

~ COMMERCIAL BREAK 1 ~

U.S. Troops are in attendance tonight for SmackDown. They start a "USA!" chants amongst themselves.

Match #1: The Basham Brothers (WWE Tag Team Champions, w/ Shaniqua) vs. Billy Kidman & Paul London for the WWE Tag Team Championship
So Spanky leaves the WWE, and his partner gets a title shot. Hm. Billy Kidman locks up with Doug Basham, quickly separated. Doug misses an elbow and Kidman hits a head scissors. Paul London gets the tag, dropkicking Doug, covers, gets up, dropkicks Danny, covers again but gets only 2. London is sent sailing through the ropes thanks to Danny. Danny is the legal man, though he wasn't tagged, and hits a spinning back suplex on London. Doug in. He stomps down on London. London gets a stiff shot to the gut in, but it doesn't do much good. Doug with a stretch submission, which London fights out of. However, Danny gets the blind tag and keeps London down, reapplying that same move. London kicks him in the ribs to break the hold, and he tags in Kidman... HE'S ON FIRE!! Cross body, clothesline, boot, then a double headscissors! Inziguri on Doug, then a dropkick on Danny. Spinebuster to Doug. He drags Doug to the corner, then goes up top, but Danny crotches him and makes the illegal Basham switch. Danny hits Kidman with a DDT off the top rope! Ow! 1-2-3, it's over! The cruisers looked sharp in this match, as did the champs. Nice opener with plenty of hot moments.
Winners: The Basham Brothers (still WWE Tag Team Champions)
Match Rating: 6/10

Backstage, Kurt Angle is watching Dawn Marie spin a tumbler. Heyman, nearby, says that everybody must pick their own number. Heyman leaves, and Angle says he's gonna dedicate this match to the American troops. He's glad Benoit went to Raw, just because he gets a second chance tonight. He's gonna win tonight, then beat Lesnar at No Way Out, he says. Angle picks a number... then rushes out the room.

~ COMMERCIAL BREAK 2 ~

Next week, a world video premeire on Rey Mysterio's WWE Originals track "Crossing Borders".

Chavo Guerrero Sr. is going over Chavo Guerrero Jr.'s wounds in the back, asking what's wrong with his uncle. Young Chavo says his scrapes and cuts will heal, but his deep emotional scars will be there forever. He says he will get his revenge on Eddie, and when he does everyone will know who the biggest star is in the Guerrero family.

Dawn calls for the next tumbler picker, and in comes Eddie Guerrero. Eddie wants her to blow on his ball for good luck. Eddie says he's feeling lucky tonight. In comes Rey Mysterio along with a championship boxer (missed the name) and they all exchange pleasantries. Eddie tells Rey to make him proud in his title defense tonight.

~ COMMERCIAL BREAK 3 ~

Recap of the Royal Rumble, highlighting Cena's bad landing and knee injury.

John Cena waits his turn in the tumbler, asking her to reach down and grab his ball. Heyman comes in and tells him to pick his own balls! He tells "Captain Buzzkill" to take a seat, then picks his number. Rhyno comes in, asking Cena about his knee. It'd be a shame if it got hurt tonight and it finished his career. Cena says Rhyno stinks, and asks Paul to get him some soap. Heyman says that's not funny!

Match #2: Jamie Noble (w/ Nidia) vs. Rey Mysterio (WWE Cruiserweight Champion) for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship)
They recap Rey's title victory at the Royal Rumble. Rey and Jamie Noble get ready to go as Tazz predicts a new champion will be crowned tonight. Noble quickly covers, but that does no good. Rey applies a waistlock then a rollup for 2. Noble with a front headlock, then an armbar. Noble locks on the arms, covers several times then slamming Rey down. Noble avoids a monkey flip, but couldn't avoid a head scissors. Rey's next head scissors gets nicely reversed into a backbreaker submission by Noble. Rey fights out and knocks Noble into 619 position, but Noble elbows him. Nidia accidentally nearly trips up Noble, and Rey hits a hurricanrana. Noble keeps Rey grounded, staring his girlfriend down. Noble hits a backbreaker stretch, then applies a unique abdominal stretch. Rey tries to fight out, Noble tries to pumphandle slam them, then Rey fights out into a weird rollup for 2. Noble launches Rey back first into the turnbuckle. Noble with a bow and arrow on Rey in the ringpost. Nasty chop by Noble. Noble misses a charge and crashes into the top turnbuckle. Both men are reeling. They both go up top, and Noble hits a beautiful superplex! Both men are down, and the crowd is going along with the ref's count. Noble crawls into the cover, and Rey just barely kicks out. Rey kicks Noble in the face then hits a second rope bulldog. Cover for 2. Rey with some stiff kicks to keep Noble down. Rey with an IMPRESSIVE unique slam move on Noble! 1-2-NO! Sunset flip powerbomb is the best I could describe it. Noble is in 619 position... and Rey hits it! Noble ducks the West Coast Pop, and Noble sends Rey flyin' outside through the second rope in front of Blind Nidia. Noble goes up top to jump on Rey, but Nidia was in the way. Noble goes outside and tosses Nidia in the ring to antagonize here. He shoves her almost into Rey, but then she shoves Noble! Rey then nails the West Coast Pop and gets the victory! This match was outstanding.
Winner: Rey Mysterio (still the WWE Cruiserweight Champion)
Match Rating: 7.5/10

Afterwards, Nidia rips off her blindfold (holy crap, she looks prettier) and tosses it at her fallen and utterly shocked boyfriend.

Rue DeDona, in the WWE studios, addresses the WWE Divas who appeared in Playboy, going over Sable, Chyna, and Torrie Wilson. But will their be a first female tag team to grace the pages of Playboy? WWE fans better hope these rumors are true she says. Oooookay... (for those who aren't familiar with Rue, she co-hosts WWE Afterburn with Josh Matthews)

~ COMMERCIAL BREAK 4 ~

United States Champion The Big Show's hand won't fit in the tumbler, so Dawn picks it for him. Dawn goes over Show's huge hands as he looks at his number, and Show says that chicks dig it big. Tonight, he's winning the Rumble and going all the way.

Josh Matthews asks WWE Champion Brock Lesnar about his altercation with Goldberg. He goes off what happened at the Rumble, then they show Goldberg's words on Raw, saying Lesnar's next. Is Lesnar afraid of Goldberg? Lesnar says everybody assumed that he was a Goldberg wannabe, but that's not the case. Goldberg never was the youngest WWE Champ, main-evented Wrestlemania, and not the fightingest champ in history. Goldberg is a Lesnar wannabe. He's not afraid of him or Hardcore Holly. Tonight, to prove he's not afraid, he's going out there to issue a challenge to anybody on SmackDown to a non-title match. "Goldberg!" chants erupt, which pisses Lesnar off.

Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas are next to draw, and Shelton almost picks Dawn's "balls" before Haas ruins his fun. A woman runs in and takes Heyman to a beaten up and unconscious Eddie Guerrero. Los Chavitos are nearby, playing innocent. Rey Mysterio stares them down, then pounces Chavo Jr. Trainers and referees separate Rey from Chavo. The EMTs say Eddie is out cold, and he's gonna be taken to the hospital.

~ COMMERCIAL BREAK 5 ~

During the break, Eddie was wheeled into an ambulance.

Out comes Brock Lesnar to the ring. He places the title in the center of the ring. And his opponent... Orlando Jordan? I smell a squash!

Match #3: Brock Lesnar (WWE Champion) vs. Orlando Jordan in a non-title match
Brock immediately drives Jordan into the corner, shouldering him. Jordan rolls outside, and Lesnar plays to the crowd. Jordan comes in a nails Lesnar from behind, and Lesnar rolls out of the ring and takes some "You tapped out!" chants. Lesnar slowly ascends the stairs and enters the ring. Jordan looks ready to fight, boxing Lesnar into oblivion. Two pinfall attempts do no good. Lesnar goes back to shouldering Jordan's gut in the corner. Jordan elbows Lesnar, but eats a powerslam. Lesnar applies an armbar/headlock combo submission. This goes on for about a minute, with Jordan visibly losing strength. Jordan tries to fight out of it. He gets to his feet and punches out of it. Jordan kicks Lesnar's face, then kicks the champ several times in the knee. Flying forearm then a dropkick by Jordan. Cover for 2. Wow, Jordan is looking crisp. Jordan charges but takes a hard Lesnar clothesline. Enough is enough, says Brock, and he applies the Brock Lock for the submission victory. You know, we all knew Jordan had no chance in hell, but Lesnar actually SOLD for him and made the young man look alright. That's gotta be worth somethin'.
Winner: Brock Lesnar
Match Rating: 3.5/10

Ealier today, the SmackDown superstars visited the Walter Reid Medical Center to visit the injured troops.

After that nice video package, we pan back to the troops in attendance as the 15-man Royal Rumble is next!

~ COMMERCIAL BREAK 6 ~

Royal Rumble recap of the Undertaker's old gong playing, shocking his brother Kane and causing his elimination by Booker T, then they show what happened on Raw.

Josh asks Vince about the Undertaker. Who is he, John Edwards? Last time he checked, Taker was dead. He thought Josh would ask who would win tonight, so Josh does ask, and Vince isn't gonna tell him.

Angle storms into Heyman's locker room, shouting about Eddie's condition. Heyman says Eddie regained consciousness. Angle is mad because he thinks Heyman's gonna put Chavo in Eddie's place. Heyman says if Eddie's here, he'll go out. If not, well, then his odds of winning just went up.

Tony Chimmel goes over the Royal Rumble rules. Tradition rules apply, with each superstar coming in 90 seconds apart and the winner getting a title shot at No Way Out. After the first entrant comes out, we cut to commercial.

~ COMMERCIAL BREAK 7 ~


Match #4, The Main Event: SmackDown's 15-Man Royal Rumble Match
Our number one entrant for tonight's rumble is Kurt Angle. #2 is Rhyno. The bell rings to start the match. Rhyno starts with a kick and punches at Angle, but Angle fires back with right hands. Angle gets whipped and Rhyno immediately hits the Gore! Rhyno is trying to pick Angle up and put him over the top, but he can't, so he just stomps the crap out of him. Angle gets up to his feet and Rhyno tries to force Angle over, but no go as Angle answers with an Angle Slam!
#3 is Charlie Haas. He runs in and pounches Angle. He chokes Angle in the corner with his boot, then attacks the downed Rhyno. Haas with a nice dropkick on Angle. Haas takes down his top, but gets hit from behind by Rhyno. Rhyno tries to eliminate Haas, but Haas resists. Angle attacks Rhyno from behind, and works on Haas too. All three men are trading blows. Haas throws Angle over, but Angle holds on!
#4 is Shelton Benjamin. Benjamin works on Angle as Haas works on Rhyno Shelton suplexes Angle, then he and his partner hit the leapfrog double team on Rhyno. Angle with a German Suplex to Haas then Benjamin. He stomps on Rhyno in the corner. Snap suplex on Shelton. Haas powerslams Angle. Haas chokes Angle as Rhyno tries to eliminate Shelton.
#5 is Bradshaw. He immediately clotheslines Haas. He misses the CFH on Rhyno. Rhyno misses a charge and Bradshaw nails the Clothesline From Hell! Bradshaw with a big boot to Haas as we suddenly cut to commercial.

~ COMMERCIAL BREAK 8 ~

#6 is Ernest "The Cat" Miller. #7 is Tajiri. Tajiri Buzzsaw Kicks The Cat outside, as apparently The Cat danced and clotheslined his opponents during the break but was eliminated quickly by Angle, which is why he's my fricking HERO.
#8 is Billy Gunn. Fameasser on Bradshaw. He throws Shelton over, but he holds on. He throws Hass over, but he hangs on too. He spinebusters Tajiri. Gunn and Shelton try to eliminate Angle. Handspring Elbow by Tajiri to Haas. Ankle Lock on Shelton by Angle. Pumphandle slam on Tajiri by Bradshaw.
#9 is The Big Show. EVERYBODY is staring down Show as he comes down. As soon as Show comes in, they all jump Show, and Show shoves them all away! He punches down everything that's still standing. He Chokeslammed Tajiri outside, eliminating him. Show shoves a pile of opponents away again. Bradshaw rushes Show and he gets sailing over the top rope, eliminating him! Show fights out of a German Suplex by Angle with his ass.
#10 is John Cena, wearing a knee brace. Show stares Cena down, then Cena gets in his face. Show misses a clothesline and Cena nails a few right hands. Cena manages to knock Show over, but he hangs on and lands on the apron as we again cut to commercial.

~ COMMERCIAL BREAK 9 ~

#11 is Nunzio. #12 is A-Train. During the break, Cena eliminated Nunzio, but reinjured the knee.
#13 is or is not Eddie Guerrero... it is! Holding his head in pain, he enters the ring and goes to work on A-Train. Eddie eliminates Train! Show tries to electric chair Eddie, but he fights out. Show with a headbutt to Eddie.
#14 is Rikishi. Show with a hard slap to Cena. Rikishi attacks Gunn. Gunn gets superkicked over, but he hangs on. Rikishi superkicks Show twice, knocking him in Stink Face position... and hits it! Then he hits one on Shelton Benjamin! Then Billy Gunn! Tazz: "You can't do that to the Ass Man!"
#15 is Hardcore Holly. Holly jumps Angle and Gunn. He tries to eliminate Angle. Show chokes Cena over the top rope, but Cena won't go. Show boots Cena to eliminate him. Show has one leg over the rope, as Angle, Gunn, and Eddie try to force Show over. Others come in to help, then Cena pulls him down outside to eliminate Show! Gunn misses a charge to the corner. Rikishi tries to eliminate Shelton, but fails. They replay some of the eliminations. Gunn hangs on as Angle puts him over. Eddie fails a hurricanrana attempt on Haas, but he still was able to throw Haas over and elminate him! Angle then eliminates Benjamin! Angle Slam to Rikishi! Eddie with a Frog Splash to Rikishi! Angle then dumps Hardcore Holly over to eliminate him! Final four: Angle, Eddie, Gunn, Rikishi. Gunn stomps down on Angle, then decks Eddie. Eddie tries to sunset flip Gunn over, Gunn tries to reverse it, but Eddie uses his legs to propel Gunn over and eliminate him! Rikishi fights off both Angle and Eddie. Double clothesline by the big man. Superkick to Angle. One-armed spinebuster to Eddie. He drags Angle to the corner. He attempts the Banzai Drop... but Angle moves and the whole mat shakes on impact! Rikishi elbows Eddie away as he recovers. Angle is unable to eliminate Rikishi, but he and Eddie together eliminate him! Now it's down to Angle vs. Eddie! They stare each other down. High takedown by Angle, grounding Eddie with amateur wrestling moves. Eddie eblows Angle away, and they separate. Eddie dumps Angle over the top rope, but Angle makes it back in the ring. Eddie takes it to Angle, but Angle answers with two German Suplexes. Eddie gets suplexed over the top rope, but Eddie hangs on. From the outside, Eddie applies an Ankle Lock to Angle! He lures Angle to the center, still on the hold. Angle with an excellent reversal into his own Ankle Lock! Eddie's now hanging on the top rope in the Ankle Lock. He goes over, but is INCHES from touching the ground. Angle with an uppercut to Eddie. Eddie answers with an elbow takedown, then nails the Vertical Suplex Trifecta. Eddie signals for the end. He goes up top for the Frog Splash... but Angle charges for the superplex, but Eddie fights out. Both men fall down and they almost hit the floor, then roll back to the ring almost simultaneously! Eddie takes control of the offense on Angle, but Angle whips him into a sleeper. The announcers remind us that Eddie was knocked unconscious as Eddie seems to be falling back into it. Eddie is lying on the ground with the hold still applied, but Eddie is still awake. Eddie is screaming (and slobbering) as he slowly fights his way up and out of the hold. Eddie manages to get Angle over, but Angle hangs on. Eddie punches Angle as he barely hangs on to the rope. Eddie tries another punch, but Angle counters with a shoulder to the gut. Angle tries to suplex Eddie over, but Eddie countered into his own delayed suplex and suplexed Angle over the rope and eliminated him! Eddie Guerrero haswon the SmackDown Royal Rumble and will face Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title at No Way Out! This Rumble was nowhere near as eventful or exciting as the actual PPV, but it was still a great match from start to end. I don't rate battle royals or rumble matches, but this match was A-OK in my book.

A physically exhausted and hurt Eddie celebrates in the ring as a disappointed Angle walks backstage to bring SmackDown to an end.

The following information came courtesy of MikeK102@aol.com. Thank you, Mike

Royal Rumble Entrants
#1: Kurt Angle (0:00)
#2: Rhyno (0:00)
#3: Charlie Hass (1:30)
#4: Shelton Benjamin (3:10)
#5: Bradshaw (4:44)
#6: Ernest "The Cat" Miller (6:55**)
#7: Tajiri (9:06)
#8: Billy Gunn (10:22)
#9: The Big Show (11:53)
#10: John Cena (13:45)
#11: Nunzio (15:24**)
#12: A-Train (17:03**)
#13: Eddie Guerrero (18:42)
#14: Rikishi (20:14)
#15: Hardcore Holly (21:49)

Eliminations
#1: Ernest "The Cat" Miller by Kurt Angle (7:25**)
#2: Tajiri by The Big Show (12:58)
#3: Bradshaw by The Big Show (13:18)
#4: Nunzio by John Cena (unknown)
#5: A-Train by Eddie Guerrero (19:26)
#6: Rhyno by ????? (unknown)
#7: John Cena by The Big Show (22:44)
#8: The Big Show by 7 Opponents (23:17)
#9: Charlie Hass by Eddie Guerrero (25:15)
#10: Shelton Benjamin by Kurt Angle (25:32)
#11: Hardcore Holly by Kurt Angle (26:00)
#12: Billy Gunn by Eddie Guerrero (26:52)
#13: Rikishi by Kurt Angle & Eddie Guerrero (28:54)]
#14: Kurt Angle by Eddie Guerrero (36:58)

Entrant Durations
Kurt Angle (36:58)
Charlie Haas (23:45)
Shelton Benjamin (22:22)
Eddie Guerrero (18:16)
Billy Gunn (16:30)
The Big Show (11:24)
John Cena (8:59)
Rikishi (8:40)
Bradshaw (8:34)
Hardcore Holly (4:11)
Tajiri (3:52)
A-Train (2:23**)
Ernest "The Cat" Miller (0:30**)
Rhyno (?????***)
Nunzio (?????***)

** - estimated time due to commercial breaks
*** - superstars eliminated during commercial breaks

Final Thought: Another fine show. I thought the backstage drawings were a bit overdone, but done well. (minus the countless balls jokes) They kept foreshadowing a Goldberg appearance, but he didn't show, but I'm not depressed about that. Eddie's comeback from injury made it almost guaranteed that he would win tonight's match, and he did. This is good, as it'll hold off on the Eddie vs. Angle feud rightfully until Wrestlemania while also preserving Goldberg vs. Lesnar. Also, we saw the start of the Chavo vs. Rey feud. I like the direction these storylines are going. Every match was good, even the Jordan beatdown was worthy enough to avoid squash status. Although pretty predictable, this show was great.

Thank you all for reading, and, as always, thoughts and feedback are welcomed encouraged. Until next time!

~ Justin "Locura" Pratt
Somebody wanna draw my ball? Err... nevermind...
My website








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