Stuck in the Middle With You

Stuck in the Middle With You - 2004 Wish List
Submitted by Da J-Train on Sunday, December 21, 2003 at 2:32 PM EST

Hey guys. I am here for my usual Saturday post… but I creeped into Sunday, which is usually Wevv Mang territory. Sorry Wevv. Anyway, I am here to give you what you crave, another dose of my column. To update my health, I feel a lot better than I did, but I am still a little physically weak. For example, when I am at work, I can’t stay standing for more than 2 hours, but after I have to sit down. It’s nothing I will never get over though. I found out that I have mono for the third time. It sucks, but I got over it relatively quickly. But hey, no one gives a shit about how I am doing… you came here for a little insight and inspiration or maybe a quick read.

So what is on tap for this column? Same old stuff. Letters, Main Part, Randomness, Hostility, Caboose. This time, I will be giving my 2004 Wish List. So, let’s make a long story short and get into it.

BUT FIRST...

Letters! I get Letters! I get sacks and sacks of Letters! LETTERS!!! That's right; it's time to answer some of my Love, Hate, Kind-Of-Care-For, and I-Only-Like-You-as-A-Friend-Mail… I feel so popular.

Feedback O Rama

Letter 1 :

Hey there.
First of all, let me congradulate you on your excellent column. I've
been an LOP reader for a while now, thanks to my good buddy Steve, who
referred me. However, although I have been reading your column for a
while now, I had never had the chance to write back. Luckily, most of
my work is done now and I can actually accomplish something, eh?
Anyway, on with the feedback!
Kudos to you for writing while you were sick. That takes balls, and it
was a good column even if you were ill. I totally agree with you about
The Hurricane. He is probably the most talented person on the Raw
roster... and yes, that even includes Rob Van Dam, Matt Hardy, and
Chris Jericho. (Sorry, guys!) However, he never gets a break. I love
comic books, so I marked out BIG TIME when they first gave him the
gimmick. Despite that and the fact that he's incredibly over with
everybody, I think it's time to retire the cape and just go with
Gregory/Shane (does it REALLY make a difference if there are two Shanes
in the company?) Helms. He was the friggin' SENSATION OF INNOVATION
for Heaven's sake! What other gimmick do you need to get the crowd to
cheer for you? Of course, the facts that they took the Vertebreaker
away from him (damn it!) and the WWE in in love with short and spotty
matches hinder this greatly. He's talented enough to overcome this,
though. If he can ditch the comic book gimmick, I could see him as a
serious Intercontinental Championship contender, especially if he feuds
with Matt Hardy over the belt. Can you imagine the matches those two
would have? WOW! As far as being taken seriously in his current
incarnation, The Hurricane did have his chance. After he beat The Rock
fairly cleanly (it was a no-DQ match, but Austin did NOT physically
involve himself, I'll remind you...), he should have shot up the Raw
ladder like a rocket! However, it was all over when egos got in the
way. That's right, good old Hunter not only beat him in a mid-show
non-title match a few weeks later, but he KICKED OUT of the Eye of the
Hurricane, Helms' finisher! He was right near the ropes, too, so he
could have put his foot on the ropes to at least add legitimacy to the
move, but nooooo, that would have been to much for Trips to handle.
What a pussy. So, in short, I feel the only reason The hurricane
didn't get more of a push after his win over The Rock was that the WWE
handles it incorrectly. I think the fans would have been CLAMORING for
an Intercontinental Title win had the championship been reinstated a
few months earlier than it wound up happening that way. Alas, 'twas
not to be, and poor Shane Gregory Helms will now forever dwell in
midcard status. DAMN YOU LEVESQUE!!! ***Edited Due To Length***

Thanks,
Adam

Hi Adam, thank you for the feedback. Well, I don’t think Hurricane is the most talented, but he is certainly up there. Yeah, that Rock win could have and should have done so much for Helms’s career and HHH certainly killed that heat. In the mean time, I think that yes, a Helms vs. Hardy feud would certainly be a great feud simply based on the fact that they more or less grew up together and trained together. I think the sheer familiarity would make that into a very money feud. I wrote whatever I needed to write in my email to you, so thanks again.

Letter 2 :

hey dude

great column i have a idea how about you do a top 5 divas tag team manager champions ect of all time?

John B

Thanks for the request. I have been thinking of doing something like that. I will make up my lists and put them in a column soon.

Letter 3 :

In order
1 Notre Dame Rules even thought they suck, but don't tell anyone else..
2 "They fans simply donā€™t buy it when a pure gimmick wrestler switches to a more serious role. So why should the fans ever buy a pure gimmick wrestler as say, a worthy title holder or contender? How can a wrestler ever be taken seriously as a champion or as championship material if they canā€™t even be taken seriously by the fans?" You're quote. BULLSHIT!!! The fans ate up Undertaker and his wife being stalked by DDP. THEY ATE IT UP. If a wrestler is worth a shit he can make the transition from gimmick to wrestler. There is a difference. Hurricane isn't an Undertaker. He is talented, but in Vince's "big men rule" policy, he can't be a champion..
3) I also hate Hot Topic. To hell with mall stores. They can all blow me.
4) I'm from Ohio, and though I don't want to be, I am a redneck. I LIVE IN OHIO. You can't avoid it. If you don't live in NY, California, or Washington (either state or capitol) you are a redneck. That's the way it is. Get over it. You are white trash. I am too. I deal. I'm an hour away from Detroit and we are all looked at as white trash. Deal.
5) If you don't mention my cockiness in your next post, you can just blow me and look forward to hate E-mail the rest of your wrestling column days.

SINcerely,

XXXXXXXX

PS Refer to me as XXXXXXXX or I will make your momma as easy as addition.

In Order:

1. Yes, Notre Dame does rule. They had a bad season, but a true fan sticks with them throughout.

2. Way to quote me. I will deal with the Undertaker issue right after I reply to this. In the mean time, you yourself said, with Vince’s Big Men Policy, The Hurricane can’t be a champion. Well, that’s strange… he was a cruiserweight and European champion already. Oh… did you mean World Champion? Well, since you are so keen on quoting me, why don’t you find me the quote where I said that going serious would translate to a world championship or even that I wanted him to HAVE a World Championship shot. Go search for it Sherlock. In fact, don’t. It’s not in there. Why? Because I’m not a fucking idiot. Hurricane, serious or not, is NOT WWE Championship material. But who says he can’t have an intercontinental title shot in a serious situation? In fact… I DID say he could. And I quote: “Given the right circumstances, he could truly be a great midcard champion for the WWE.” – Da J-Train

3. So what? Seriously, what was the point of that?

4. I can give two shits if you think everyone is a redneck. Sure, you have a good point, but what the hell does that have to do with anything that I said? I said I was sick of rednecks being used as comedic value. I don’t mind real life rednecks, if you live your life that way, so be it. Who am I to tell someone how to live? It’s shit like “The Mullets” and “Joe Dirt” that pisses me off. The stereotype used for comedic value. Maybe we should now use a lack of reading comprehension as a comedic value and you can be the poster boy.

5. Oh, I see. You know that I reply to negative feedback with a little bit more poise than I do positive. Therefore, you request that I post this email to show everybody out there in Internet Land how cocky you can be. In addition, to add to your notoriety, you also threatened that if I didn’t use your internet name, you would do something to my mom. So, this is what I decided to do. I posted your email, mainly because you said something nice about Notre Dame. However, I have effectively censored out your little screen name thingy. Why did you want me to post it in the first place? Did you want some kind of bad ass reputation amongst the internet, and amongst people you don’t even know? Is that name the name you use when you go into chat rooms and message boards and just cut down people and minority groups for the sole purpose that you can because you are on the internet? People like you make me sick. I can’t even go into my Yahoo Pool room without people like you trying to piss people off by being “controversial”. Dude; grow the fuck up, seriously. So, I have shown everyone out there who reads my column that you have now threatened me with “hate mail”. Go for it. Seriously, knock yourself out. I won’t respond to any of it, so you will be wasting your time… and what kind of an empty threat is that in the first place when I can just use the nifty BLOCK option on my email you dipshit.

However… The jackoff above and another, more polite reader have brought up good points. What about The Undertaker and Kane? After all, they are pure gimmick wrestlers who have gotten over when going to serious roles.

Well, for The Undertaker, I make him the exception for a few reasons. In my column, I mentioned that back in the day, pure gimmick wrestlers could still get over as serious competitors. People like The Ultimate Warrior or Demolition were nothing but gimmick wrestlers, but they were taken seriously as wrestlers and champions. The Undertaker debuted during this time. He was one of these pure gimmick wrestlers who was taken seriously. I also think that being a beloved gimmick wrestler throughout the years, and a multi time WWF champion at the time of his gimmick drop helped to allow him to still be over in a serious role. Also, I mentioned two kinds of gimmicked wrestlers in my last column… the pure gimmick wrestler (Ultimate Warrior) or the gimmick wrestler with the human quality or association (“The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase). I believe that the Undertaker has gone from pure gimmick to human gimmick. He isn’t a totally serious character just like say… Chris Benoit, he is still The Undertaker… but he is the Undertaker with a human quality. So, if you think about it, he really hasn’t made that transition that say… Val Venis had to do when he became Sean Morley.

As for Kane, I consider him an exception because he doesn’t have a definite gimmick. He hasn’t had a definite gimmick since the late 1990’s when he was chilling with X-Pac and using a voice box. His gimmick has had a half life ever since they turned him face. No one can deny the fact that Kane’s gimmick and his character has gone through so many changes throughout the year. Let’s look at his “gimmick” when he debuted to his “gimmick” now. In 1997, Kane was the horribly scarred and disfigured brother of the Undertaker who suffered during a fire caused by the Taker. He was taken in by his biological father, Paul Bearer, and we were told that he was shunned by society and kept in a basement for the majority of his life. Now, Kane is no longer burned or scarred, just really ugly. He talks like a normal human being. He apparently went to school and was made fun of by his peers and decided to torture dogs on his way back. No no… I see Kane as an exception because he is a walking, talking plot hole. The WWE had the best chance to reinvent Kane with the mask loss, but they screwed it up.

But anyway, both of you bring up good points about both Taker and Kane. So thanks for the E-mails. Alright, enough of this Happy Horseshit, it's time to get to the topic of my column:

2004 Wish List

Well, in this time of the year, it seems that everyone is making wish lists. Mostly, people’s wish lists are for the holidays, but I didn’t make one of those, because just like Gayla Peevey, all I want for Christmas is a hippopotamus. However, in the mean time, I do have a wish list to share with you, my favorite people in the whole wide world. You see, I took a look at my schedule and the calendar and I realized that this column will be my last of the year of 2003. I will not be putting one out next week due to my girlfriend visiting, and a week after that will officially be 2004.

So, commemorating the death of the year that was 2003, instead of looking back at the year that was like other columns out there by doing a “Best of” or “Awards” column, I am going to whip out my crystal ball and take a look at the future that I would like to see. However, I encourage you to read those “Best of” or “Awards” columns because time was put into them. I am not knocking them, but following suit is not what I have traditionally done in my columns and I am not going to start now. I have lots of wishes… but I unlike Skee Lo, I don’t wish I was a little bit taller, I don’t care to be a baler, and I already have a girl who looks good… and I call her. Anyway, I hereby share with you, my 2004 Wish List:

I WISH that Chris Benoit holds the WWE Championship at some point. They have been pushing his eventual title win since late 2003, so I anticipate that he will win it in 2004 at one point. My wish is that he wins it at Wrestlemania against Brock Lesnar. Since it has been officially announced that the winner gets a shot at the title, which pretty much negates many possibilities for a title vs. title match. My wish is that Benoit wins the Royal Rumble and defeats Brock at Wrestlemania.
I WISH A.J. Styles is signed by the WWE. Please save me your emails about how A.J. Styles will be ruined by the WWE. I don’t want to hear it. I believe that Styles is the future of the business and the way I see it, TNA is not going to get a national television deal. I think it would have happened if it were going to. Don’t get me wrong, I want to see TNA succeed as much as anyone. They can give the WWE a swift kick they need. However, again, I do believe that A.J. Styles is the future of the business and I don’t think he can live up to THAT potential unless he is embraced on the national level. Right now, TNA can’t provide that. The WWE can. I believe that the WWE knows that they missed out on him with the developmental deal that went awry. Now, I believe that he is only on a one year contract. This wish could conceivably come true this year. Crowds love A.J. and he could really give Raw especially a boost mixing styles with the likes of Rob Van Dam and Randy Orton. I want A.J. to fulfill what he can fulfill and the WWE is the place that can best offer that. Sure, it would suck to see him restricted, but I think it could help him in the long run. So save the emails about how much the WWE would ruin him because for one thing, I don’t want to hear it, for another, it won’t change my mind.
I WISH the Velocity mainstays get more of a chance to shine. I hope that the WWE will in 2004 give the proper pushes and use of The FBI, Spanky and London, The Ultimo Dragon, and Kanyon. Each of these wrestlers could easily trade places with someone on Smackdown right now and it would work out better. They all have good skills and deserve to shine, more so than those who are given the opportunity time and time again, and never making it work. It’s time to give someone else that chance.
I WISH the WWE fans who bring signs to WWE event would LEARN TO FUCKING SPELL. God damn it. One of the things that severely pissed me off during the course of 2003 was watching a TV show or Pay per View and approximately 1/3 of the audience’s signs are grossly misspelled. People… you are supposed to be a fan of these people. It’s not spelled Trippul H, Brock Lesner, or Mark Henree. Also, I wish that the fans would stop announcing who they are. I can care less that Mark from Phoenix is at the WWE event, let alone that he has such a shallow life that he has to announce his place in the crowd by making a sign consisting of his name and an arrow pointing down. I wish that people who go to live shows have enough common decency for the people behind them who like to see to not bring a pointless or inaccurate sign.
I WISH that WWE programming gets better. This is probably more of a pipe dream, but 2003 was tough on WWE programming. I am a life long WWE fan, and it pains me to see them shoot themselves in the foot so many times due to bad choices. I simply hope that 2004 is a better year for WWE programming.
I WISH Nick Dinsmore’s debut goes as well as expected. Already, Nick Dinsmore has had quite the hype around him. Not only is he expected to be one of the finely tuned athletes to ever come out of OVW, but he is one of the few wrestlers to actually have a story about his eventual debut and the circumstances surrounding it on WWE.com. He already has a level of WWE hype surrounding him, albeit a small hype. I hope the best for Dinsmore because I have heard nothing but good stuff about him.
I WISH the WWE uses better judgment when it comes to OVW callups. Generally, I like the people who were called up in 2003, but there are certain wrestlers that just shouldn’t have been called up. They could be better used to reshape OVW with the loss of 3 of its 4 long time mainstay wrestlers. Wrestlers like Rene Dupree and Matt Morgan are young as hell with huge upsides. Use them to reshape the face of OVW and, in turn, give them more training. I wish they would not call up people like Carly Colon, Bane and Seven, Johnny Jeter, or any of the young who may not be totally ready yet. I do, however, wish Nova finally gets his call up.
I WISH the WWE comes through on the rumored spectacle of Wrestlemania XX. The last time we had a spectacle with this many rumored surprises and such was Raw’s Tenth Anniversary special, which was arguably the disappointment of the year. Let’s hope that the WWE truly pulls out all the stops for Wrestlemania XX. I am talking about surprise guests like Bret Hart. I am talking about matches we will never forget. I am confident this will happen because the WWE usually pulls out all the stops for Wrestlemania.

Alright, right now, that’s all the wishes I have right now, so hey... maybe 2004 will be better than 2003. At least, I wish it will.

Random Stops Along the Way

Well, many news boards that are not Lordsofpain, have announced that Japanese Wrestler Kenzo Suzuki has indeed signed with the WWE and will start in January. Since I know nothing about Japanese wrestling or their personalities, I am going to assume he will be a apart of Kyo Dai, but maybe he won’t fit that mold. Can anyone let me know maybe?

Well, the WWE continues to show that they don’t believe in the simple rules of… you know… logic. After all, let’s not give the WWE tag titles to the team that has been hyped for a month to have the best chance to win it (Jindrak/Cade). No, let’s put it on Evolution. Let’s not put or keep the World Title on one of the two wrestlers who were hyped for the match. Let’s put it on HHH, who many forgot was even in the match to begin with. The only one whose title made sense was Randy Orton. It frustrates me.

It’s admirable to me that the WWE would do a Smackdown in Baghdad. It really shows some integrity to do that. Good for the WWE.

Look, I love The Cat cheeky antics as much as the next person… but I beg the question… when the hell is he going to DO something???

Am I the only one who finds it mildly coincidental that Goldberg was a team player and becoming more social in the locker room more than ever when he was the Raw World Champion, but the day he starts to complain about the lack of direction of his character is the day after he loses that title? I just found that worth noting. BUT… my personal feelings about Goldberg aside.., he should never have lost the title to Triple H. That was not right. Even if he were to lose, it should have been to Kane. So, as much as I don’t like it, his gripes are justified in some ways.

Alright Boys and Girls, I am making a few changes to the F.F.H. First of all, from now on, there is no limit of items. 5 is no longer the magic number. Sometimes more, sometimes less, sometimes as much. I don’t know. Either way, I am no longer limiting myself. Secondly, for this column only, I will have the F.F.H. be themed. That’s right, I went to the mall for Christmas shopping and I found plenty to be pissed off about. So, for this column only, Free Flowing Hostility will be dedicated to things that piss me off about the Christmas Shopping season. So here we go with….

Free Flowing Hostility: Minor cultural items I am Bored With, Tired Of, and Pissed At.

1. People Who Go to the Mall and Then Complain That It’s Too Busy.
Don’t you guys hate people like this? Like… hate to the point where you want to beat them in the head with a hammer. Every season there is some douche bag that is walking around the mall around Christmas time that bitches and complains about how busy the mall is. I just want to grab each one of these people and scream… WHAT DO YOU EXPECT… IT’S FUCKING CHRISTMAS. Ok sure, they bring up a valid point. Malls do get very crowded around this time of year, but if you are IN THE MALL while you are bitching about it, you have no reason to bitch about it. Use logic in your choices of either shopping tactics or the timing of complaints.

2. People Who Follow You In Their Car From the Time You Exit Till You Get To Your Car in an Effort To Get Your Spot..
This REALLY pisses me off. I don’t mind if the person has the common decency to ask for the spot and then to follow me, but when people just assume that I am going to give them that spot just because they thought they were clever for a few seconds and would follow me, that is what pisses me off. It’s true what they say. When you assume, you make an Ass out of U and Me. So that’s exactly what I do in that situation… act like an ass. I take a hell of a long time to get to my car and unlock the doors. I get as comfortable as possible in my seat. I may even listen to a CD… but if I should feel the urge to change the CD, so be it. That means I have to eject the CD, put it in my case, and choose a new one. That may take some time, and God Dammit… I will take as much time as I need. In the mean time, the asshole that followed me is flipping out because they want to get the spot, but because they want the spot, they won’t move. It serves them right. They SHOULD wait. That’s what you get for assuming.

3. Indecisive People at the Moment of Truth
If I am standing in line, waiting to pay, and this happens to me one more time, I will beat the shit out of the person. This is one of the worst things a person can do, and it has happened three times already this season alone. Here’s what I am talking about. Usually lines are long during this time. There is nothing to do but accept that. However, why is it that there are actually stupid ass people out there who have the balls to be indecisive when it is their turn. It’s as if once they are waiting to cash out, they just happen to realize they forgot something they also want to buy, and they want to go get it. Now, here’s the kicker… these dickheads actually expect the people to save their place in line. How fucking rude is that? These people should not only be beaten, but also pissed and shit on. Like I said… this has happened three times to me this season alone, so you can understand how jolly I am.

4. Protesters
This pretty much happens around here on the day after Thanksgiving because of it being the biggest shopping day of the season, but I am just getting sick of all of these psychotic groups who protest the commercialization of Christmas. Look, it sucks that Christmas is so commercial, yes, but that will not change for a long time, and guess what, asshole on a power trip, you won’t change that either, so just go with the flow. I hate to generalize, but most of these groups are religious groups, who have proven over time to be the most psychotic of any kind of group.

Alright guys that’s it for today, so I guess it’s time to wrap up the final Stuck in the Middle with You of 2003.

The Caboose

I love the holiday season. It’s a season of joy. What am I so joyous? Because at work today, I won a $25 Home Depot gift card… Home Depot… a store I never set foot in. I may buy a 2x4 though… HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! What did we learn today?

1. I for one am gladly ushering out 2003 and ushering in 2004 with wishes and a sense of hope. Actually, now that I think about it, I ushered in 2003 with the same sense of hope… that’s not a good sign.

2. Someone please let me know about Kenzo Suzuki.

3. I will be watching the Smackdown Christmas special. It’s a matter of an appreciation of integrity.

4. Happy shopping… but please, use some fucking common sense.

Hey guys… I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all. I hope you all have a fun and safe time. Thanks for reading and here’s to hoping 2004 doesn’t bite the big one. Anyway, until next time, I leave you with an anonymous quote about Christmas:

“Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?” - Anonymous

----------------------------------------- Da J-Train --------------------------------------

merlinJAP@hotmail.com (If you email me, put FEEDBACK in the email subject or it will be deleted)

AIM: JPAW101…. Feel free to talk to me, I am friendly and give good hugs!

*NEW GALLERY* The Hardy Boys X-Mas PARTY with TNA/WWE Stars! Must See!!

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