The Rant of the Week: God what a week that was...
Submitted by Phantom Lord on Saturday, December 20, 2003 at 8:21 PM EST



Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, It is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow Phantom Lord and this is my Rant of the Week. I suppose some of you are expecting me to gloat over the fact that the 4Th ID got Saddam Hussein. Well I’m not. It’s great that we got him, but there are more important things in the global war on terrorism. Believe it or not, I’m not gonna even touch on anything remotely political this week. I’m in no fucking mood for politics. I had the worst possible week I think I’ve had in a real long time. First off it was finals week and if you’ve never had to do a Flash project then you really are lucky. I know I failed that class…but you know what? After having two anxiety attacks this week I really don’t care. I could get into the fun that just happened in my household, but why bother you with details with that. There was at least a shred of good news in the world. Ozzy Osbourne is up and about and he is well on the way to recovery. We can say what we want about Sharon, Kelly, and Jack but when it comes down to it they still are a family and they are pretty tight together. I read that they hope that they can all be at home for Christmas. Christmas seems to be the one time of the year where no matter how much you hate your family you get together for free food and drinks to share the love. Me personally, I like the togetherness aspect of it, but I can not stand Christmas music. Half the stations in the New York area have been on a Holiday Music rotation since before Thanksgiving. That’s over a month folks. It’s ok in small doses…but not a fucking month. Ah well, I’m rambling and I have a feeling I will do a lot more of that so with that in mind its ON TO THE RANT.

Is it 1987 all over again? Is that Arn and Tully I see with the tag titles? Lex Luger just beat Nikita Koloff for the United States Title and BAH GAWD ALL MIGHTY…FLAIR BEATS GARVIN…Oh wait. It isn’t 1987 is it? It’s 2003 and Triple H has finally lived his wet dream of becoming a Horsemen since Evolution now have all the gold. Lewis Black Mode: WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT? THEY AREN’T THE HORSEMEN. TRIPLE H CAN’T EVEN HOLD FLAIR’S JOCK MUCH LESS DO THE AMMOUNT OF COKE TULLY DID. What moron thought this would be a good idea? I read that them giving Evolution the titles would build up the baby faces who have to feud with them. Oh really? So giving Ric Flair and Batista token titles is going to help the all ready anemic Tag Team Division. I can live with Orton having the Intercontinental title since I do believe despite the fact he’s Triple H’s lap dog he will be a huge star (assuming he doesn’t have a broken arm that takes two years to heal). And of course I come to Triple H. Triple Triple Triple Triple H. Where oh where do I begin with this one. Goes back into Lewis Black Mode: WHAT THE FUCK DID HE DO TO DESERVE THE FUCKING TITLE BELT. SURE HE’S BONING THE BOSSES DAUGHTER BUT HE DIDN’T DO SHIT IN THE MONTH BEFORE THE MATCH. Ok…let me regroup, like I said I’m venting here. I’m redirecting a lot of built up anger right now.

Ok, I feel calm now. Where was I? Ah yes…Triple H. Can anyone give me one good reason why Goldberg should of lost the title to him? Goldberg has a few shows in Japan coming up. I said a couple months ago that it could of done wonders for the World Heavyweight Title to have Goldberg defend the belt in Japan. Triple H is busy with his movie career (If you call being Henchman # 2 a career). It serves no purpose what so ever to have Triple H as the World Champion. Like I said, Triple H is living a fantasy right now. He probably would have given his left nut to be a Horsemen and this is as close as he will come to it. Then again this could have just been a wedding present from Stephanie or Vince to him. In the Mob they give you unmarked envelopes with money. In the McMahon’s they give you Title runs and Main Event pushes.

So where do we go from here? Goldberg has been more or less destroyed as a credible champion since he couldn’t dispose of Triple H in his traditional form. Kane has been pissed on so many times he might as well start wearing yellow and red. Chris Jericho is in the middle of this soap opera angle and instead of trying to win the title he’s trying to prove himself to Trish so he can get a piece of that ass. Well I don’t blame him for that…but you see my point. Once again the WWE has put themselves into a grave they can’t pull themselves out of. Who are they going to have Triple H feud with. I guess they could do an angle where Triple H says he’s taking off till the rumble since there is no one worthy of a title shot…of course that would be more of a shoot then an angle if you catch my drift. You know back in the day, Ric Flair put over more guys in a month then Triple H has done in the last year. All it would take is Flair getting one upped or stripped of his expensive suit and BOOM Flair and The Horsemen would be out for Blood. Now if Evolution takes you out then that’s the rub to you. It’s such bullshit. On the bottom of my page I have links. One of them will be for Raven’s website. Check out his latest web diary. He goes off about putting people over more then I ever will. His bitterness is justified. Mine is just a channel for my anger.

Speaking of Raven, NWA-TNA finally pulled the trigger on the Raven/C.M. Punk feud this week. C.M. Punk along with Julio Dinerio screwed Raven out of a shot at the NWA World Heavyweight Title. It was built up beyond perfectly as you knew he was gonna screw him over but they made you wait and wait and when it finally happened it was shocking. That my friends is how you book an angle. I cant wait to see where this one goes. Sure they can play with the whole Straight Edge thing that C.M Punk believes in…but when it comes down to it Raven simply screwed them over and they got him back when it counted. It’s stuff like this that makes TNA light years better then the WWE right now. Say what you want about Jeff Jarrett, but he is a much more worthy World Heavyweight Champion then Triple H. Jarrett elevated A.J. Styles to new heights this year. Because of him feuding with Jarrett, Styles is now probably the biggest name on the Indies right now. But back to Raven/C.M. Punk. This will easily be the most interesting feud of 2004. There are so many ways TNA can go with this one. I would personally go with the Straight Edge vs. Junkie angle. C.M. Punk can say Raven refused help from The Gathering because he is a junkie at heart and junkie’s don’t know how to ask for help. Of course they will probably end up having Punk and Dinerio join up with Jarrett and use the whole “This is better for our careers” angle which is totally cool since either way its gonna rule.

One thing is for certain. It’s going to bloody and violent and this could be TNA’s version of Raven vs. Dreamer. It’s gonna be that huge. The WWE doesn’t have anything that cane even come close to this angle which is sad since the WWE has the talent to dwarf anything TNA does. Looking back at the last year and looking at the WWE really makes you scratch your head. Well I am going to assemble the greatest minds ever to grace Lords of Pain.net in a blockbuster Wrestling’s Fact or Fiction for the end of the year. I will lead a round table discussion of sorts as we take a look at where Wrestling went in 2003 and where it is going in 2004. It will be a true fans look at the year that was and maybe just maybe we’ll be able to pin point what went right and what went wrong.

Speaking of things that went wrong, what the hell happened on Monday night with Mick Foley. A lot of people are saying it’s the WWE’s version of the “Finger Poke of Doom”. The Finger Poke of Doom of course is the exact moment WCW was doomed to destruction. I don’t think that happened on Monday with Mick backing out of the match, but depending on where this leads it could very well be their Jump the Shark moment. I think we will find out Mick had some sort of loophole in this match. Since the bell never rang it never happened…there for the stipulations do not take effect until the match actually happens and the bell rings. Of course fellow LOP Columnist Dumass disagrees with me. He said to me Mick broke the cardinal rule of wrestling, since he left the ring before the bell it will count as a forfeit and the stipulations stand and they just pissed away Foley’s last match on a technicality because after this he can never come back. Now what’s one thing we all know about Wrestling rules. They don’t mean shit in the end. There is always a loophole to a rule and I think they will explain Mick found it just so Foley doesn’t have to be branded a coward for one day he will have to prove he is a man.

But any way you look at it, the WWE Soap Opera writers screwed this one up royally. Now I’ll admit, I’ve seen my fair share of Soaps. If I’m at home during the day I’ll probably end up watching Days of Our Lives because believe it not I can only stand so much news. After a while with Michael Jackson this and Kobe Bryant that…there’s not that much on during the day. But as I was saying, RAW has become quite the Soap lately. The drama of Mick Foley leaving. Can Chris Jericho get Trish to forgive him? Is Mizark Henry stronger then Andre the BAH GAWD Giant? Ok I threw that last one in for laughs since Jim Ross makes himself sound so full of shit when he says Mark Henry is stronger then Andre the Giant. There are stories of Andre holding up the back end of a car while someone fixed a flat tire. I doubt Mark Henry could go more then two seconds trying to be a human jack.

But as I was saying, RAW has transformed it self into the male soap opera Vince McMahon always says his product is. You know what, I think that’s the best we can hope for on RAW. Just give us the occasional 15-minute match with Michaels vs. Jericho and we’ll be happy. I mean it’s a shame that guys like Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, and Rico are buried because guys like Mark Henry and John Heidenrich get tv time, but that’s what we have to deal with to see the occasional good angle like Jericho and Trish. Is it stupid? Is it something that was ripped straight from a teen drama? Absolutely. But when Triple H has destroyed the entire main event so he can live his dream of being Ric Flair it’s the best we can hope for.

Ah well, I believe that is it for this week. Just a reminder once again. Coming after Christmas it will be a special year end edition of Wrestling’s Fact or Fiction. The greatest minds of LOP will come together for their take on the year that was and the year that will be.

As always take care. Have a Happy Christmas, Hanukah, or non denominational week off. I have three week’s off and I’m going to enjoy all three of them because I’m in for a living hell when I get back to school.

And remember…someone has to tell you this information so it might as well be me.

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