The Wrath of Tito - RAW review + grade, Nash, Steamboat, Bischoff, more
Submitted by Mr. Tito on Tuesday, December 9, 2003 at 1:46 AM EST
If you smell.... Welcome to the Wrath of Tito, a column that definitely smelled what the Rock was coming. It goes to show you what RAW truly lacks, and that's a guy at the top who is truly entertaining and can work well with those underneath him. The segment with Mick Foley and La Resistance was one of the best RAW moments of 2003, and it definitely made my night, other than Jeff Wilkins kicking several field goals to ensure a playoff spot in one of my fantasy football leagues. YES!
-Jerry Tuite, known to most fans as The Wall from WCW, died recently of an apparent HEART ATTACK at the AGE OF 36. Yep, chalk it up as another wrestler dying before the age of 50, and this time, it's before the age of 40. While heart attacks do occur, sometimes, during your later 30's, it doesn't kill you. Today's modern wrestler seriously needs to take care of themselves. I grow tired of mentioning someone's death nearly every month now. Rest in Peace A-Wall (DO YOU GET IT?!? A... WALL? A-WALL??!?), for you can now wrestle a crowded heaven of wrestlers who have died under the age of 50.
-Time for some WHO CARES news segments... Kevin Nash probably won't come back to the WWE to wrestle. Who cares? If Mark Henry didn't exist, I'd say Nash was the most overpaid pile of shit that ever surfaced in the WWE. Daffney was released by the WWE from the developmental system. Who cares? She'd get lost in the fold if promoted and this isn't WCW, where she wasn't exactly the hottest thing going there. Sean O'Haire was injured in a motorcycle accident. Who cares? Look, I don't wish for the guy to get hurt, BUT the WWE treats the poor guy like crap. He has size and does have major potential with his ability. However, the WWE has handcuffed any flashy moves he can perform and refuses to put him on Smackdown any longer, while they put a big goof named Nathan Jones on the show.
-Nathan Jones quit the WWE recently. He almost quit before, showing he was somewhat off his rocker anyway. But what does the WWE do? Push him. Despite showing no wrestling ability, whatsoever, the WWE makes him dominate in his matches, thereby making more talented wrestlers sell his terrible wrestling holds or moves. HOWEVER, I will admire him for leaving the WWE. He was fed up with something, and instead of sticking around, he left. More WWE wrestlers need to grow balls like that. I bet you that a good portion of the WWE roster "goes through the motions" on their contracts, pretty much giving up due to certain glass ceilings or poor creative teams holding them down. The money in the WWE isn't exactly great, for you have to pay for travel costs AND you are placed in a high tax bracket, as the wrestlers pay a little under half of their income to Uncle Sam since the rich pay the majority of taxes in the United States. Then again, there's no competition to jump to and it's a good reason to keep that WWE job. Still, Jones was frustrated and didn't want to remain in that situation, so he got out. I'm sure some Walmart out there is watering at the mouth for his service to stock shelves somewhere in the store.
-Getting back to Kevin Nash. Yeah, who cares about him as a wrestler, BUT there is some talk into making him part of the creative team in the WWE. FUCK THAT!!!! Those who fail to know their history are condemned to repeat it! (That's a great phrase one of my history teachers once had on his wall) Back in late 1998, Kevin Nash was named "head booker" in WCW. He pushed his friends, wrote bad storylines, and screwed guys who he didn't personally like (such as Chris Jericho, who left WCW because of poor booking at this time). He screwed up the Bill Goldberg undefeated storyling, making himself the one to beat Goldberg AND win his title in embarrassing fashion. Nash then set up the "FINGER POKE OF DOOM" (credit: Scott Keith for that phrase) on the first Nitro of 1999 and gave the World Title back to Hulk Hogan to reform the NWO. Early 1999 had some of the worst storylines ever and the worst biased pushing I've ever seen.
If Nash joins the WWE, he'll buddy up with Triple H and together, they'll hold back every deserving talent in the WWE for their own benefit and egofuck. Kevin Nash DOES have a resume as a booker, so why doesn't the WWE look it up? That's enough proof to keep Nash off the creative team. Personally, I'd throw Ric Flair on the booking team, for 1989 NWA/WCW was one of the best years for a federation EVER, and Flair also cleaned up the mess created by WCW in 1993 by handling the first half of WCW in 1994 before Hogan arrived. He has more experience in the business than almost everyone backstage (Brisco has wrestled for a long time?). It's a no-brainer, but Vince McMahon wants people who love his kids or now, Triple H. The WWE just keeps opening up more doors for other forms of competition. Too bad there's no competition out there, and I'm looking at you, NWA-TNA.
-I find it very sad that Hacksaw Jim Duggan is selling the WCW TV Title on Ebay, of all places. Seriously, does this appear to be shallow to anybody else out there? He should keep that. WCW/Time Warner let him keep one of their title belts, one that was carried by a bunch of great wrestlers for years, and now he just throws it on Ebay for sale. Well, this belt, at the time this column was wrote, is up to $1,580 with 3 more days to bid on it. That's sad. I know the life on the indies is tough, but is it worth getting rid of a nice trophy from your WCW career? I bet it gets up to around $2,500, tops. How long can that last you? Poor guy. I really hope this isn't a sign of hard times for Duggan, but just an opportunity to make a lucky fan own an actual WCW title. Here's the link: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2771163960&category=2845 Hell, why not bid on it to run up the money?
The funniest is when a wrestler runs an auction on Ebay to let you spend time with them. I can remember the Road Dogg Jesse James auction going bad because one of the bidders found out about several trips to drug rehab that the Road Dogg had. The absolute worst was Brutus Beefcake, who revealed a new picture of himself which showed that he gained quite a significant number of pounds. I bet that the winner of the Sandman Ebay auction had quite a good time...
-Before I go any further, I recommend checking out RAW is Snapple's recent column where he too reviewed the Ric Flair DVD later on in the week. His review was more in depth on the individual matches than mine was, due to the fact that I've discussed Flair's wrestling career up and down in my over 5 years of tenure here at LoP. Hell, I wrote a whole column on Ricky Steamboat vs. Ric Flair one time, alone. Check out Snapple's review by CLICKING HERE. I absolutely go bonkers for Disc 2 of the Ric Flair DVD. 2 of the best Steamboat vs. Flair matches, and then the fucking classic "I Quit" match between Flair and Funk. 3 of the best matches of the last 20 years of wrestling, and that's the damn truth!
-While I'm on the subject of Ricky Steamboat. Do I want to see Steamboat vs. Flair on Wrestlemania 20? No I do not. For one, it wouldn't be high quality. Steamboat has been out of the business and I bet he would be insanely rusty. Plus, this is the WWE environment of 2003 and none of the current fans give a damn for the man. Flair and Steamboat had their nostalgia comeback match in 1994, when they fought a pretty good bout on a Pay Per View card. Besides, Steamboat got no love from the WWE anyway. While I don't disagree with the WWE about his IC title run (he wanted lots of time off after winning the title at Wrestlemania 3), the WWE complete crapped on Steamboat when he returned in the early 1990's as "the Dragon". Steamboat was better known for his work in the NWA/WCW than the WWE. Steamboat's biggest claim to fame, now, is that he made 2 separate DVD's for one of his matches. The Wrestlewar 89 Flair vs. Steamboat is on the Triple H DVD and the Ric Flair DVD.
-Here's one thing that hit me tonight as I watched RAW. Eric Bischoff has been a very consistent character to Monday Night RAW ever since his debut on July 15th, 2002. He's been there almost every night and has caused no backstage problems. He does what he is told and is a very convincing General Manager on RAW. You never hear any reports about him complaining, either. Kudos to Eric Bischoff for hanging in there, despite the RAW roster having bad pushes for its wrestlers and terrible storylines.
-I caught parts of SMACKDOWN. From what I saw, the show had some good wrestling, thanks to the likes of Chris Benoit. Benoit and Lesnar had a decent first bout together. I bet if you put them on the houseshow circuit for a month and let them break loose on a Pay Per View, you'd easily get 5-Stars on a match rating. EASILY! It baffles me that people like the Undertaker, John Cena, and Bob Holly get higher consideration for pushes against Brock Lesnar than Chris Benoit, while those performers don't hold a candle to Benoit when it comes to in-ring ability. I heard some pretty loud "Benoit" chants, too, and if you'll recall that standing ovation Benoit received at the end of the Royal Rumble 2003 match against Kurt Angle (which is likely to win WWE Match of the Year everywhere).
ON TO RAW!
RAW is TITO
I watched all of RAW tonight. It's not that I couldn't change the channel, but having 2 televisions hooked up to Cable really helps. I bought a TV/VCR combo to have in my dorm room in 2002 for a really cheap price at Walmart one time, given that it was a bitch carrying around a 19 inch TV and VCR to your dorm room.
The first segment of the night was Chris Jericho/Christian coming out and offering flowers to Lita and Trish for what they said last week. Trish Stratus and Lita respond and attack Jericho and Christian. I'm convinced that Jericho will turn face at Armageddon during the Trish/Lita vs. Christian/Jericho match to show his true love for Trish Stratus. Notice how Christian did most of the trash talking...
The first match of the night was Christian/Jericho vs. the Dudley Boys. Decent tag bout, thanks in part to Jericho/Christian carrying the very stale Dudley Boyz. Seriously, turn the Duds heels and let them have mic time to rip on the crowd. Turn them into the biggest motherfuckers on the planet, like they were in ECW, and any face team can challenge them and draw money at the same time. Dudleys won the match after some help from Lita and Trish with a double WAAASSSSUPPPP!!!
The next bout was absolutely terrible with Batista vs. Rob Van Dam. Who the hell saw any potential in Batista? God, is he bad or what? RVD is the worst opponent, too, for RVD is the type that needs to be carried in a match for all of his flashy moves. Batista has to be the most green wrestler on the RAW roster right now, but he'll get pushed because Triple H somewhat likes him. Go figure.
The next match should have been longer than Batista and RVD with Lance Storm/Val Venis vs. Cade/Jindrak. Cade and Jindrak seriously need a name AND matching tights if they are ever going to get over as a tag team. Cade is getting some boos while on the mic, which is true, but it's not enough. Cade/Jindrak win with holding the tights.
Next, it was the segment of the night. Mick Foley came out to address some issues, becoming a referee for the Orton vs. Rob Van Dam match at Armageddon. A pissed off La Resistance team walks out to argue with Mick Foley and insist that he salutes their flags. Foley refuses, and Conway/Dupree get ready to attack. I'm not one to look at figures of males, but Rene Dupree is hitting the gym hard lately. He's got a Luger-esque physique to him now. Anyway, the Frenchies go for the attack and low and behold, the Rock comes out to a MASSIVE pop to save the day. Holy cow! That crowd exploded, although they were pretty hot before that (hottest I've ever seen an Anaheim crowd). The Rock rips them to pieces with words, almost argues with Foley over the Rock N Sock name, and then gets attacked by La Resistance. He let them get some offense in, too, and Dupree pounded on the Rock until he got cocky and started dancing. INCREDIBLE segment and definitely spike's tonight's RAW grade.
We had a six-man tag match with Test/Mark Henry/Scott Steiner vs. Hurricane/SHIT/Booker T. The crowd was hot for this one due to Scott Steiner wrestling in it. Steiner, as you may know, is a Michigan grad and there were plenty of USC fans present in the crowd. He was yelling at the fans ringside, which had the whole crowd going. OK six-man bout. Seeing the Hurricane wrestle brought a tear to my eye, as he's the most underappreciated wrestler on the RAW roster right now. The talent and ability IS THERE, but the creative team isn't. Hurricane lost the match from a Bearhug by Mark Henry. A Bearhug? They still do those in 2003? Oh wait, this is Mark Henry we're talking about, Mr. Pathetic offense. A bodyslam and a bearhug are his finishers.... sigh. Poor Booker T at Armageddon, nuff said.
Trish Stratus/Lita vs. Molly/Victoria was up next. This match was too short. Oh my God, I'd never thought I'd say that about a Women's match! But seriously, you have 2 fantastic women's workers on the heel side of things in Molly and Victoria. How can you go wrong? By keeping it short and having a bad ending. I thought the feud with Matt Hardy was old news or over already? I guess not, and Jericho/Christian watched on the rampway.
The main event was the hyped Bill Goldberg vs. Kane match. It became a Lumberjack match, with one of the Lumberjacks being Batista. Batista really laid in some hard blows to Bill Goldberg. Don't be surprised if you hear, on Tuesday or Wednesday, that Goldberg confronted Batista backstage about his stiff shots during the match. Don't be surprised! This match was proof positive that the Armageddon 3 Way between Goldberg, Kane, and Triple H will be one gigantic disaster of a main event on a Pay Per View, of all things. The match was a DQ when Evolution ran in for the attack on Bill Goldberg. Many other faces, such as Michaels, Booker T, and Rob Van Dam ran in to save the day.
LAST WORD: This is the first time I've fully reviewed RAW. Overall, the show had its shortcomings but it seemed to have more of a focus IN THE RING as opposed to on the mic or outside the ring, besides the Rock/Foley/La Resistance segment, which was fantastic anyway. The wrestling was ranging from very sloppy to decent at best. However, I've seen much worse from the WWE. They need to push the right wrestlers and get better writing. I've been saying that for years now, but nobody listens and money keeps going down the drain. The Rock seriously saved this show and spikes the grade up to a [ B ] because he's the man and the WWE should offer him MILLIONS to wrestle or appear more on a regular basis. The Pay Per View hype was decent, but the matches on the Pay Per View aren't exactly what I'm demanding right now as a wrestling fan. Michaels deserves better than Batista, period.
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@That's all for today. Thanks a million for reading.
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