WWE Raw Report 11-24-03
Submitted by Steven "Rommel" Schaeffer on Monday, November 24, 2003 at 11:45 PM EST



WWE Raw Results 11-24-03
By Steven Schaeffer

After the video from the center Eric welcomes the fans to ‘Raw Roulette’. He quickly gets the hot Utah crowd to hate him while explaining the concept. JR: “He makes a good games show host doesn’t he?” Before he can get his first spin finish Shawn Michael’s music hits and he interrupts. He says that since his interview was interrupted last week the least he could do was come down and interrupt his. He says that he thought about what Eric said and found his conscience to be crystal clear and blamed Bishoff for Austin’s firing. Enter Batista to the top of the stage. Batista says he didn’t come out to fight, he came out to tell Shawn it was his fault Austin lost his job – it was his doing courtesy of a power bomb. Bishoff stops them from fighting and makes a match between the two at Armageddon. Still he needs a match, and he checks the wheel. He decides to make a tag-team match between Batista/Flair and Michaels… whose tag partner will be Chris Jericho. We fade to commercial.

The Boot of the Week brings us back to Raw with a replay of Matt Hardy screwing and subsequently dumping Lita last week. I blame Lita myself, after all – she was dating the early, still buggy version of the Mattitude software. Always wait a few generations’ people. Bishoff hits the Titantron and runs Lita down. He says he wasn’t happy Christian saved her job, but keeping her around to torture might be more fun anyway. Molly walks in to spring the wheel. Lita is booked in what I believe is the first WWE Women’s Cage match, against Victoria!

Match # 1 Lita vs. Victoria, Steel Cage Match
Victoria runs down to the ring in an outfit that made her look like a Final Fantasy X-2 character. The ladies quickly go at it with throws to the cage, a tilt-a-whirl slam by Vickie and a Lita-rana. Lita tries to escape by climbing out once but is slammed back into the cage. After escaping a Widows peak she tried to climb out again – and actually fell while doing so! Lita bought herself some time with a power bomb, and attempted to ascend once more. Seeing Victoria coming after her she hit the Lita-sault on the standing Victoria perfectly. She would have won, but Matt Hardy slams the door in her face. After Vicky escapes Matt enters the ring to add injury to injury but Christian makes the save

We cut to Eric’s office, where a few showgirls are groping Randy Orton. Eric says the wheel landed on a Legend-killer match! A very special legend has been flown in just for the occasion. The superheroes enter the room to find out what type of match they are having. After a spin we see the match is between the two of them… in a capture the midget match. Yes, they have to capture a midget for the victory. Hurricane wants to refuse, but if they prefer another match it will be a loser gets fired match. Quick thinking by Gregory Helms – I mean the Hurricane, by telling Rosey to wait in Bishoff’s office as he races after the midget. Cue the commercial.

Cue the show and have Final Fantasy X-2 present a flashback to last week, with Randy Orton attacking RVD during his match with Flair and posing with the Intercontinental Title.

Match # 2 Randy Orton vs. Sergeant Slaughter
Randy awaits the very special legend of wrestling… and it is Sergeant Slaughter! Orton gets the same look on his face as when your girlfriend’s ancient grandfather threatens you. The bell rings and Sgt. Slaughter quickly puts the young Orton through boot camp with the cobra clutch and the knees to the gut. Randy gains the advantage with the drop kick, and works the man over. Randy puts on a sleeper hold, but Slaughter reverses it into the cobra clutch! Orton gets to the ropes, hits a low blow to lead into the RKO for the win. After the match he works the former Iraqi sympathizer over for being ugly until RVD makes the save. He readies the Five-Star but Orton squirms out of the ring first. Slaughter teases RVD with the cobra clutch and the IC-Champ plays along rather happily.

A video package of the last two weeks of Goldberg vs. Evolution is shown to explain tonight’s main event. After a Stone Cold Truth ad we fade to commercial.

An ad for Goldberg on Maury brings us back to the show. Lance and Val are in the backstage working the magic on some Utah girls. The girls are nervous, since they are from Utah, and they heard that wrestlers are crazy. Just as Lance tries to persuade them otherwise a midget runs by. He head butts Rosey in the balls and evades a giant butterfly net wielded by Hurricane. Lance and Val still manage to win the girls though; by claiming they had no idea what the hell that was of course. We fade to Flair, who gives a Ric Flair caliber interview (imagine that) running down Evolutions matches tonight. Back into Eric’s office we cut, where Matt Hardy version 1.0 is talking with Bishoff. They sell some YJ-Stinger, run down Austin’s retirement and the end of the Mattitude’s relationship with Lita. A spin of the wheel and Matt is in a strange bedfellows match! The rules mean tag-teams we’ve never seen before. Goldberg is shown working out as we go to a very brief commercial.

Very interesting, during the show's return we watch Smackdown! Bring on the pain simulate first Goldberg and then Hunter winning with their finishers tonight. This plays in favor of Bubba Ray Dudley and Garrison Cade’s entrances.

Match # 3 Strange Bedfellow's Match, Matt Hardy v.1/Christian vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/Garrison Cade
Would you look who is V.1’s partner, it is Christian. They take on Bubba Ray Dudley and Garrison Cade. Christian throws Matt into Bubba, and the two go through the motions in slow motion. Matt forcibly tags in Christian and locks Bubba in an arm bar. When Christian goes to hit him, however, Matt lets go allowing him to floor Christian. Garrison Cade, who has negative charisma, gets in the ring and works Christian over. Christian starts to make a comeback but Bubba gets the tag. When he misses a senton Christian goes for the tag but Hardy ducks out of the ring. While Christian argues with the human update Bubba blindsides him and hits the Bubba-Bomb. Hardy leaves the ring area and the Dudley argues with him from the ring. This gives Cade the chance to tag himself in, hit the top rope elbow drop and score the pin. He and Bubba stare down in the ring.

HHH is WALKING (I miss that) as the announcers hype his match with Goldberg next.

Terri is interviewing Shawn Michaels, who admits he doesn’t like his odds tonight. Still, he promises to beat those odds. Then he informs Terri there is a midget looking up her dress. Hurricane, with giant net, some random guy, Rosey and Terri go chasing after.

Match # 4 World Heavyweight Championship, HHH vs. Goldberg (C)
Bill's entrance causes too much smoke, and the area takes on a haze. Hunter stalls to start while the crowd gets solidly behind the champion. Stare down and trash-talking start us off until Flair distracts Goldberg long enough for the Cerebral Assassin to strike first. His advantage doesn't last long though, as Goldberg reverses an Irish Whip and hits a back-body-drop. They go to the outside, where some heel tactics allow Hunter to gain the upper hand. Back in and back out, Hunter throws Bill into the steel steps. Returning to the ring Triple H hits his trademark knees. The ref stops him from choking the champion on the ropes, so flair does it. Bill starts to fight back, but Hunter goes to the top. Ever seen what happens to Ric Flair when he goes up there? Yeah, that happened. A sidewalk slam sets up the spear, but Hunter falls down and rolls out of the ring. The champion stalks the challenger and chases him back into the squared circle, but Hunter hits a face buster out of no where. HHH goes to the second rope and comes off it to get kicked in the face. Goldberg hits a military press right into the power slam. Ready for the spear Flair grabs the ankle and eats a boot to the face. Orton comes down to attempt an RKO but eats a spear. The ref calls for the bell, yet Hunter gets up anyway and attacks. Here is where things get murky. HHH hits the low blow into the pedigree, and the ref makes the count despite the bell having rung. Even the announcers were confused. Bill seamed to kick out in time but the announcers said he wouldn't have. Wouldn't have, had Kane not come down to distract Hunter. Goldberg hits the spear and goes for the pin, but Kane comes in to wreck house. He destroys Goldberg, and the bell rings again. A few replays don’t help piece this wacky mess together.

HHH runs into Bishoff's office to complain. He claims Evolution is the reason Eric has a job, and he wants his shot at the World... suddenly he cuts off, and guess who is pressed up against HHH's back? Yes, it is your father, finally expressing his love for Steph's man. Actually no, Kane is here, and he wants his shot. Bishoff tries making a match but every time either Kane or Hunter cut him off. Finally he manages to explain the match is HHH vs. Kane vs. Goldberg at Armageddon! Kane asks Hunter how he feels about that. Triple H claims he is fine with the idea.

In the parking lot the midget is chased by Hurricane, some random guy, Rosey, and Terri. Afterward, during Booker T's entrance we are shown him stealing a victory from Mark Henry last week. Bishoff is on the screen is announce Booker T's match with the World's Strongest man. Teddy Long complains both showgirls are white (And might I add, hot) but Bishoff says he will take care of the matter. A spin of the wheel and the announced match is a Salt Lake City Street Fight. A large assortment of weapons is presented to Henry.

Match # 5 Salt Lake City Street Fight, Booker T vs. Mark Henry
Booker T hides aside the entrance for Henry, and attacks him from behind like my boy Solid Snake. He attacks him from behind and the two fight with the old Hardcore Championship weapons. Booker T hits Henry with a frying pan a few times, but Mark is unfazed. Grabbing the pan the World's Strongest Man bends the pan. To the outside Booker makes Henry eat something, in this case extinguisher exhaust. Back inside Booker hits the Scissor Kick but only gets a two-count. Henry comes back and throws Booker headfirst into the corner, where a trash can has been propped up. After that is was academic, and Henry scored the three-count.

We hype Shawn Michaels tag match as we cut to break. So anyway, should I count the amount of video games ads shown on WWE programs next week? I've never seen so many, and I'm the video game journalist!

The wheel is shown spinning, and it lands on Bra and Panties match for Trish. She thanks him, since her track record in those matches is pretty good. She walks outside and there is Chris Jericho. He offers to undo the match but, after stare at her cleavage, she says she has this. Then she asks Jericho to do the right thing with Michaels tonight. Chris doesn't want to, since he and HBK have been at one another's throats all year. Trish says Bishoff is just trying to make the King of the World into his puppet. She wants Jericho to not be Bishoff's man, but to be the man she knows he is. The segment closes on an up note: If Jericho is good out there to Michaels tonight, and then Trish offers to be good to Jericho... tonight. The midget chase is on down the ramp, and he quickly jumps in JR's lap. I want a truck Santa, so I can use it to haul my victims dead bodies to wear they will never find them. JR is announced as the winner of the chase the midget match! RVD's music hits, and of course Bishoff comes on the screen. He says he already spun the wheel and RVD is in a handicap match. Orton walks on screen, and thinks they should spin again and tack something on. So they do, and it lands on a Singapore cane match.

Match # 6 Handicap Singapore Cane match, Scott Steiner and Test vs. Rob Van Dam
Blah blah I love Stacey more than breathing blah blah. RVD immediately goes to work, hitting Steiner with the cane before he gets in the ring and hits the somersault pescado on Test. back inside he fights off both with his cane, and shows off a limited degree of standard sword fighting technique. When Steiner grabs his cane the IC Champ sweeps him to ready rolling thunder, but Test hits him in the back with a cane. Rob goes outside after Test, but Stacey is used as a shield. Steiner attacks from behind. Back in the ring Rob makes an impressive comeback with a flying side kick to Test, dodging a swing from Steiner to hit a spin kick. Test is thrown over the top and Rob gets settled for the Five-Star. But RVD isn't allowed to win against the same odds every other star wins against. As I was opening a protein bar the evil duo finished off Rob out of the clear blue sky, and the camera showed poor Stacey pouting over the whole thing. Begrudgingly she raises her team's hand, and eats a shot to the gut with a cane just to show her what's what. Honestly, that was one of the most disgusting things I'd ever seen on WWE TV. Normally the violence against the girls is so over the top I can forget the gravity of what is being displayed. That was realistic enough, especially thanks to Stacey's selling of it, to turn my stomach just a wee bit. It was still hot though.

Jericho is in Bishoff's office, asking if the Bra and Panties match is really necessary. Eric comments that it seems Chris is really falling for her, which he denies. Belaying his request Eric says the match will go on. Eric than makes sure he knows what side Jericho is on tonight with the HBK match. Jericho says that he will "Do the right thing"

Match # 7 Bra and Panties match, Jackie w/Rico vs. Trish Stratus
As Jackie comes down to the ring and the announcers play up her boobage last week. During the entrance of Trish the video of her kissing Jericho is shown to a much better response than the live crowd last week gave it. This was an extremely innovative match for this type, with the ladies using moves to remove each others clothing. Two spots in particular; Trish was put in the tree of woe to have her shirt ripped off and then, Trish went for her headstand head scissors and almost lost her pants when Jackie caught her. Rico came into the ring, and got his pants ripped off. Rico. Is. Wearing. Panties. Anyway! Jackie went to kick Trish but missed and hit Rico, who was prancing in his thong. While she was distracted tending to Rico Trish rolled her up and out of her pants for the win.

After the match Jackie attacks Lillian for announcing Trish the winner. Lillian whips her ripped shirt at Rico's "Girlfriend" and gets in the ring to throw it to a lucky fan. Jericho congratulates Trish on her victory backstage, and asks if they are still on for later. Trish says it depends on him later in his own match. We fade to commercial with the Heartbreak Kid walking towards the screen for his match.

Match # 8 Evolution's Batista/Ric Flair vs. Chris Jericho/Shawn Michaels
Stop using pyrotechnics in this building. The wrestlers almost disappear during this match because of the smoke. The Legends start us off, with Flair hitting some chops on Michaels, who answers with his own. Flair eats a back body drop and Michaels tags Jericho in, who does so without complaint. Jericho comes in to hit his trademark drop kick off the second rope onto Flair. Irish whip to the corner precedes the face plant bulldog, but Flair moves from the lion-sault. Jericho lands on his feet, but Batista attacks Jericho from the corner. Evolution took control, but when Flair went up top... yeah he should stop doing that. Jericho tagged Michaels in and he went after the greatest of all time. Flair gets hung out on the top rope and has to go to the outside with what really appeared to be a broken nose. He comes back in and Michaels goes right after the Fifteen Time World Champion's face. He ousts Batista once he comes in, but then accidentally hits Jericho when he thought it was Flair behind him. Michaels gave the real Flair a super kick, but Jericho would come back into the ring and give Michaels one of his own. Shawn fell on Flair for the pin fall, and Jericho left with a smile on his face. After the match Batista would come in and power bomb Michaels, who did the old internal injury angle. Batista posed and screamed for the camera to end the show.








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