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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, November 16, 2003 at 12:41 PM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman - Right Piece, Wrong Place Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! Before we leap into it, I have an offer to make the recappers. Those hard working souls who recap the shows. I’d like to dedicate some space for them to sound off and give some opinions on the shows they watch. They deserve it. Especially Locura (he’s the Smackdown guy). I’m interested to know what these guys think, since they have to withhold their opinion when doing the recap, and recapping means you have to pay attention to the show. Lord knows they must have something bottled up and want to get out. And since I am Mr. Pro-Site Guy, I’ll give ‘em some space. Not like I don’t write enough, eh? I’ll e-mail them this week and see what they say. Of course, they could e-mail me... WWE TV - The Series Raw Results providied by Michael "Luch" Lucente Christian - Creepy Little Bastard or Just Another Tool of The Man? It looks like, or at least sounds like, the push is on for Christian’s new gimmick, creepy bastard. Yet, Bischoff was creepy, when is Batista not creepy, and then there’s Mark Henry. The only guy who wasn’t creepy was Jericho. And you know he’s going to go mental with Trish. You can smell it coming. Here’s an idea for Christian, just have him be a bastard. Period. Because every skit that the writers comes up with has a creepiness factor, and trying to make Christian into the Creepiest of them, when they just have no clue, will be an uphill battle. Don’t forget these are the same folks who thought the fans would chant “testicles” and buy shirts saying they love balls. The note to Booker T “ I still remember...”. It could be something good, but most likely is something bad. King went back to the convict thing again, and kept harping on it. There’s no amount of cops he won;t run over to make the point that Booker T is an ex-con! And no amount of prepubescent girls he won’t molest either. So let’s take the sting out of the note and just come up with the worst possible thing it could be. Hm. I know, some guy who claims Booker T raped him in prison. There ya go, but I’m sure that WWE will top me. Smackdown -Results provided by Justin "Locura" Pratt The REAL Creepy Bastard “They’re very creepy people...” -PW Torch blurb from an anonymous wrestler when describing the McMahons Who else thought Vince was going to whip it out on the priest? Show of hands? So I’m not the only one. Would I be shocked if he had? Maybe, but not too badly. Vince’s description of his dream? Really wrong. I had a brief thought that the priest should have been Al Wilson. That would have been funny. He could have gone on about the grave being no bar to His call, and so forth. At least it won’t have been so disturbing. But he is Vince, and read that quote again. Christian has a lot to live up to if he’s going to be the Creepy Little Bastard. I mean, if you’re going to out creep Vince, then you really shouldn’t go out in public period. Japanese Mafia Man, Jimmy Yang is amazing. That was an incredible match. Give them some more time together and Rey and Jimmy will steal every show they’re on. Basham Edit Most folks are commenting on the ending of the match, but that wasn’t the only spot they edited on the show. FOr some odd reason, the promo between Chavo, Paul, and the Bashams was edited as well. It was quick, but not only did the mess with the video but also the audio. The part where Shaniqua do her head turn is where it kicks in, and the iris is too open, as well. Bad edit. I wonder what happened? Undertaker Best promo form the dead man in years. A great promo that really drove home his emotion going into the match. A second great promo in a cemetery. I gotta start renting out that space. Also if you look closely at the background footage, you can see Big SHow and Bossman skulking behind some trees. Something about getting free pay channels for cable. I do know that I now get the Spice Channel for free. Thanks guys. The Cat Dan, you’re 100% right. The Cat is the new Godfather. I am so stoked for his antics. I also hope they keep him out of the ring as long as possible. Somebody better call my Mama. Forecasting As with all the Big (hah) PPV’s this is a time when the old angles are wrapped up, and new ones cranked out. It’s two more months until the next joint one. I read Jim Forzese’s column, The Forzese View (http://www.lordsofpain.net/news/2003_/articles/1068641836.php) the other day and I have to agree with him. The Brand Extension is getting stale. Jim gets me thinking, like he always does. I don’t agree with him on putting the kibosh on the extension however. I do think that the time is right to start moving around the talent, and spicing things up. Massive trades wont work, but moving one wrestler to the other roster might make things better, and can have a ripple effect on angles. Right now, on the eve of the second joint PPV is a great place to start. See, I don’t think Bischoff and Paul have ever met “face to face”. While these two may not like each other, they are similar in character. So these two palling around and eventually making a few trades, with only Vince’s best interests at heart of course, could take place, and be a way to explain the trades, period. Getting rid of trouble makers is a good motivation. WE don’t have to go hog wild right off the bat, just a small trade to test the waters. Like Matt Hardy for Lance Storm. Matt for Lance, Lance for Matt Why? Matt has a Mattitude problem and Lance is boring. Easy. Benefits: Matt and Hurricane could be good. Transform John Heinzketchup into a Mattitude follower, giving him some by GAWD! Hoss charisma, and Lance can wrestle with those crazy cruiserweights on Smackdown. Paul also knows how to use Lance. Matt can also go for the IC, and the new Mattitude team can also wrestle the as a tag team, and not just be fodder. Bonus for both divisions. Many possibilities with a character as versatile as Matt. Lance (from Calgary, Alberta Canada) can be cocky and arrogant, instead of goofy, and man, the matches would rock. New blood for the division, and as a veteran of Super Crazy, Lance can go. Reunite him with Dawn Marie, give him a partner, and the Impact Players can live again. But some other changes could be made as well. These are in the form of outcomes from matches that have already been announced. Looking at Davey’s uncanny predictions, I find myself hoping he’s wrong on this one. Not to blow his record or anything, but my fingers are crossed. Stanman just put up his predications as well, and he’s got the same team winning in this match too. I hope that the WWE, since the fans expect this result, go for the old, obvious swerve. I really, really hope Austin’s team loses. It would be the best thing possible. Let me state this another way. Austin gets fired, Steph gets rehired Swapping Steph and Austin in their roles as GM’s would be a really good thing, and a really simple thing with he way the angles have played out. See, I always thought Steph and Bisch had some good chemistry, but Steph was always burying Bisch, instead of working with him. Austin and Bisch have no chemistry. Austin has beaten up Bischoff like five times already, and Bischoff has yet to get some revenge or even pay back for it. He’s a lame duck when it comes to Austin. Physical confrontations are weak events. Steph and Bisch A more cerebral confrontation that could work well. It also let’s Steph be on the Couple Show that is Raw. Steph can also stop worrying about disfiguring the chicks, because they’re wrestlers, not eye candy. Angles possible? Well, let’s see, there’s H, Jericho, Bischoff, Austin and Heyman Austin on Smackdown would be a good foil for McMahon eventually. Not right away. Let him work off of Heyman for a while, to set the tone, before Vince steps in and just trashes it. Austin just had a big selling boo, lots of folks now know the story behind Austin and Lesnar, and now they can play along with Austin and Heyman. Also, on the Vince front, if Taker is going to sit out for a while, and with Angle going out with Neck surgery, Austin can fill the star power void, yet let the new talent wrestle. If any one can bring Vince down form this Higher Power kick,i t’s Austin. At least from an angle perspective. So there you have it, a way to freshen up the programs, yet without scrapping the whole brand extension. Small moves, big impacts. By opening the door for trades, it at least can raise the interest of future trades, and gets the fans buzzing about who might be going next, without actually having to shuffle the rosters around completely. Both shows can talk about each other, cross promoting, and maximizing their advertising, without compromising the whole shebang and physically moving talent. Wevv’s House (Next To The Cemetery) Kitchen Big Show sidles into the kitchen. He looks around furtively, before his gaze comes to rest on the counter. A big sandwich sitting on a plate is sitting there. Big Show slinks around the walls, pausing as he crosses over the pantry. He looks inside, then darts across to the other side. He opens up the closet, ducks back quickly, before taking a peek. He closes the door, and tip toes across the kitchen to the counter. A note is beside the sandwich. It says “ Do not Eat! Bossman’s sandwich. Big Show puts it down. He looks around. His gaze comes to rest on the backdoor. He glides across to it, hardly making a sound. He leans against the wall next to the door. He takes a quick look, ducks back, then crouches down to raise himself up to look again. He reaches out slowly, tries the knob, and slowly opens the door. He takes a deep breathe, and once the handle has been turned, yanks it open quickly and leaps into the doorway and yells. Big Show: HAH! But no one is there. he closes the door, then quickly opens it again and looks out. He closes it firmly and locks it. He walks confidently back to the counter. He reaches out to pick up the sandwich, but stops. He looks at the fridge. A knowing look passes across his face. he smiles. He cross to the far side of the fridge, and yanks open the door while ducking down. He peeks over the top of the fridge, making sure nothing has happened. He stand upright and closes the door. He looks at the sandwich again. He reaches up to scratch his chin. He stares at the sandwich. He opens a drawer and pulls out a large wooden spoon. He pokes the sandwich with it. Nothing happens. Big Show shakes his head. He then opens up the freezer, he reaches in to pull out some ice cream. The tub comes halfway, when a click is heard. The cupboard over the sandwich explodes open and a large net launches out. Big Show is lifted off his feet and is flung against the wall. Big Show: What the? Hey, I can’t move! Bossman: Did I hear a thud? Bossman saunters in, and stands in front of Big SHow. He sneers at Show. Bossman: Serves you right, you fat bastard. Bossman goes over the counter, picks up the sandwich, and takes a huge bite. he closes his eyes in ecstasy. Bossman: Oh my, this a is a good sandwich! Too bad you can’t have any! HAHAHA! You bastard! Bossman leaves, munching on his sandwich. Big Show roars,a nd tries to pull himself free from the net, to no avail. Big Show is left hanging there, as Bossman turns out the light, on his way out, chuckling evilly. I told you not to mess with Bossman, Show. He is an evil mastermind you know. Just a special evil masterminds. never forget what he did to your Daddy. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Chick Power A long time ago, there was a place for women in wrestling. Sometimes it was in the ring, sometimes it wasn’t. But one thing was for sure. Folks loved them. Heck, they even got calendars made for them. They were a vital part of merchandising. I’m talking about the lost art of the valet. There is a difference between the female wrestlers and the chicks. While I may not actively make the distinction most of the time , this is one time to make it clear. Oh, and for those of you who oppose my use of the word chicks, it’s better than me saying babe, and ladies just doesn’t sound right, and as for girls, well, there is a huge difference between girls and ladies in wrestling. At least to me. So, please, just cope with it. If it really bothers you, I could use the word broad. Chicks it is then. On a broader scope, the whole problem of what to do with the women’s division, let alone the women who are not wrestlers, has been a problem. The angles for the women has been pretty cookie cutter. For the wrestlers, the heel ones are “just plain nuts” and the face ones has been “ she’s hot, cheer for her”. For the non wrestlers the plan has been for the heels “ she’s just plain nuts” and for the faces ones “ She’s hot, cheer her. Please”. While there’s no denying the pleasant aspect of eye candy, when it comes to motivation for a match, it’s a little lack luster. As for attempts at creating depth, it always seem to boil down to a degree of lesbianism. Mostly of the creepy, boner killing variety. While I do enjoy a good lesbian angle ( WWE has been so close so many times it’s just plain sad), I also would like something a little more. There’s a simple way to do it. Team the chicks up with the wrestlers. Have them act as valets, managers, assistants, whatever. Let them come out to the ring with their charges, do what needs to be done, and then let them do their own things, based on angles, and be hot. Coming up with compelling story lines for a Bra and Panties match that goes beyond the evil lesbian bitch angle seems to tax the writer's brain power to the max. And it always boils down to some creepy angle, usually involving vomit in a pool as the payoff. Ugh. I like looking at the chicks. They are hot, and frankly seeing them scantily clad can make my day. Bu the object is to attract viewers, and ergo, money, and when the rest of the card blows, hot chicks can help, but not save a show. Simply put, sex sells. When flipping channels, it’s a good bet that Joe Casual viewer will probably stop when he sees Torrie Wilson in a thong on his TV. He may not stay, but you definitely got his attention. At least until his wife walks into the room. And he’ll tell his buddies at work the next day. Next week, a lot more guys will be channel surfing over to see Torrie strut her stuff, while keeping a sharp eye open for the Mrs. Hello ratings and publicity. Of course when Vince stats talking about crapping his pants, there they go. Teaming up hot chicks and wrestlers is a simple angle, but the reasons WWE doesn’t do so is a great deal more complicated, I can only guess, but the main reason not to seems to involve egos and road habits, on both sides. Let’s talk habits first. Life on the road can be lonely. Here you have this good looking woman, who works with you, knows the rigors of the job, and is supportive of you, and close to you, at least on camera. All it takes is one long road trip, a couple of beers, and some peer pressure, and the next thing you know, you’re trying to nail her. Well, that creates problems. Especially since you may be married, or she may be married, or just not that interested in you. Of course, even if you’re just good friends, and not trying to nail her, some smart ass will assume you are nailing her, and then it leaks onto the web, and you got problems. The tales of Missy Hyatt ( and others) live on, and whether true or not, do not help the current images of chicks in wrestling. Especially if they are not confirmed as going out. Keeping a clean image is a chore and a task, and the gossip mill will always create some type of gist to keep the wheels spinning. As a valet, it’s only easier to come up with material. Another word for ego is the Sable Effect. Chick gets over with the crowd, she grows an ego and then “there’s no reasoning with her”. She sued Vince for Millions for sexual harassment (yet there she is today...). She didn’t win though, so that may explain it. Yet it always seems to happen. Shaniqua was just accused of having a big ego. After getting those implants. Now we’re getting into ego territory. The way I understand it, the goal is to get the wrestler over, and having a hot chick get the pops weakens that stance, and harms the ego of the wrestler, since he’s supposed to be the popular one. It damages a wrestlers ego. Other then get jealous of this “ untalented piece of crap” getting huge pops while they languish in mid card obscurity or have to deal with being threatened in their spot by this upstart. The best example of this is Test. he’s where he is because of Stacy. Being friends with Shane doesn’t help, but with the pops for his entrance with Stacy being used as justification to keep him there. Hm, maybe that is a good reason. But I still think the benefits will out weigh the negatives. Even if more Test-like characters crop up. Having chicks just hang out with the wrestlers (as equals mind you) gives you something to look at instead of being forced to sit through a bad skit or promo. A chick can be used as fodder for angles, in the old jealous guy skits, even if she never even talks to them. For the ladies, the old jealous girlfriend, suitor angle can be used. If actually paired up with them, then she can have a better cause, that is not sexually based. Fighting over who gets Mark Henry is not a prize, it’s punishment. That’s all for today’s column. I already threw my random thoughts out there, in the Show review section, so let’s just skip to the plugs. Only one entry from Mr. Tito last week. And it was a great read. Here it is: Wrath of Tito Davey returns! Just in time for Survivor Series and his Uncanny picks! But that’s not all! He sounds off on the big men. Check it out. Daveyboy’s Wrestling Menu Phantom Lord Goes political and thinks about just what the heck Shane McMahon is doing. The Rant Of The Week Stanman checks back in with some predications on the PPV. Are they as uncanny as Davey’s? Or are they better? Dare to compare. Stanman’s Wrestling Afterthoughts And of course, LOP Forums! LOP Merchandise! Buy Something, just so you can say you did! LOP Columns Forum! Helix keeps writing, Lunatic Boy has predictions, and coming from someone named Lunatic Boy, he may know best, since Vince is insane you know. Dubzilla has something against the Dutch, and Hey You claims that Velocity is the best wrestling program. Yes, I said velocity. Oh, and Winter has reviews and predictions. Using history as a template, how good will Winter be? Find out. Also Stay tuned for Pt2 50th Column, which will be coming soon. Way to go buddy! Until Next Time, Thanks For Reading and Thanks For Ridin Wevv Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* The Hardy Boys X-Mas PARTY with TNA/WWE Stars! Must See!!
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