Stuck in the Middle With You - How To: Get Ken Shamrock Back in the WWE
    Submitted by Da J-Train on Sunday, October 26, 2003 at 1:07 AM EST

    Hey everyone and welcome back to my column. It’s time for y’all to come back to my little slice of internet. I know, I know, it’s not like me to post a column once a week, but, I am going away next weekend and will not have access to the internet, so, if I don’t want Calvin to rip my balls off, I will have to poop out a new column this week. Oh, don’t worry, I am joking about the Calvin stuff. In fact, I had a subject and an idea that I did not want to wait.


    Anyway, what is on tap for this column? First off, I have decided that to do with Feedback O Rama. Thanks to the suggestions of you readers and my old friend Davey Boy; I have decided to cut the amount of letter I answer from five to three. Unless, of course, the letters are very short, then I may go back to five. Also, I am using this column as an experiment for a type of column that I want to do called a How To Column. More on that Later



    BUT FIRST...



    Letters! I get Letters! I get sacks and sacks of Letters! LETTERS!!! That's right; it's time to answer some of my Love, Hate, Kind-Of-Care-For, and I-Only-Like-You-as-A-Friend-Mail… This section is only hanging on by a thread, but hey, I like it and it’s MY Column and I’ll cry if I want to, so, here we go:



    Feedback O Rama


    Letter 1 :

    I just read your column for I believe the first time (if I read another one before it did not strike me as being as good as the latest one) and loved it! Your rants were way on the mark. I did have a friend in Jr. High that wore his watch like that and always wondered what was up with that. I asked him one day and all he could say was “I don’t know.” At least it was not on his Johnson and he pulled that out to check out what time it was. With Stu Hart’s passing do you think that Bret will turn down any shot of one last shot with the WWE? I for one hope he does not come back. For what? To say goodbye to his fans?

    Keep up the great work!

    Rob
    Raleigh, NC


    Thanks for writing Rob, and I’m glad that you liked my rants. I have to disagree, however, I would like to see Bret back to say goodbye to the fans. I think he was knocked out of wrestling so abruptly and without warning, that I think the best way to solidify his retirement in the minds of the casual fans is to say goodbye, one last time.



    Letter 2

    Let me begin 1st. by saying that I enjoyed your. Yes, a bit lengthy, but still a good column w/some good opinions. I can't seem to figure out why people are hating on Goldberg!! Sure, the chant gets to be a bit annoying after a while, but I love this guys explosiveness, his energy level, & most of all HIS ATTITUDE!! I can't figure it out, is it
    that he was the headliner for the WCW (Vince's competition in the late 90's). If that's the case, I think that's a shitty reason to default someone w/his intensity. Just an Opinion!! I mean he does seem to be working w/ the direction the company (or should I say the boss as of late, HHH's) has decided to go with. What more could anyone ask for in a business such as professional wrestling than to have a guy w/that size & intensity & following. Those factors add up to making somone(VinnieMac) a lot of money, if his character is handled respectfully. Another thing, I really dig the way they are working his storyline w/Batista on RAW tonight! Man, that could shape up to be a bullfight! Anyways, these are just my opinions, so holler back if U feel me or maybe not! Great Columns!

    Randy


    Hey there Randy. Well, you did it. You opened the can of worms that I truly didn’t want to be opened, but that’s alright. You have a question, and I am glad to answer it. First of all, yes, you have an opinion, you are entitled to it, and you deserve to share it. Don’t let anyone else tell you any differently. Feel free to share your opinions with me anytime. However, here is my opinion on Goldberg…

    I have never liked Goldberg. I always thought that he was WCW’s way of saying Hey look! We have a bald, goateed guy with black tights too, but ours is more powerful and more dominant that that OTHER guy. I think Eric Bischoff used Goldberg out of spite because a man HE let go became the biggest star of the 90’s wrestling rebirth. So, he got this streak, in which he beat jobbers over and over again and won titles upon titles. It just got to me that a man who had paid NO dues and had, at the time, a total of five or so moves, could beat all of these wrestlers who were, in fact, better than him. Eventually, people caught on and they realized that Goldberg was overrated and getting old, and they began to turn on him… but that’s not what WCW wanted you to think… so they piped in Goldberg chants at many shows.

    In the mean time, Goldberg has heavily criticized the WWE for their content and other political reasons; however, he accepts a contract from them? Oh that’s right; he’s in it for the children. Well, if that were true, then why did he hold the WWE in limbo with contract negotiations for so long to the point that he has more money and doesn’t have to work house shows? What’s up with that? After all, Raw doesn’t come to every city in America, what if those kids that he claims to be in the WWE for want to see him live? Surely they all don’t live in those major cities. Don’t let him fool you. It’s not all being a role model like he says. He has the same greedy tendencies that we all have, the problem is, that he won’t admit it and he uses kids as an excuse.

    Goldberg says he is a stand up guy and that he respects the fans… however, if that’s true, why does it that he breaks character after matches and yells at fans that dislike him, to the point that he has ripped up an anti-Goldberg sign? I don’t see the fan friendliness of him there. I also don’t see the integrity of him getting into a verbal argument of NWA-TNA fans in a parking lot, while hated people like Vince McMahon and HHH just did the professional thing and ignored them? So, based on this, does he respect the fans or does he just respect HIS fans?

    And yes, I do agree that he has a certain intensity and excitement. However, so do Spanky and Maven, so should we give them the World Championship?

    It all boils down to the fact that I can’t respect or cheer for a man who has paid little dues for where he is in the business and continuously goes back on his words. So, this is MY opinion of Goldberg, and I know it may piss of Goldberg fans, but so be it. I don’t mind if someone else has a different opinion of me, and I’m sorry if my opinion loses me readers, but I am not changing it for anyone. Thanks for writing, and I hope I answered your question.



    Letter 3

    DEAR J-TRAIN
    Hi i am SIDDHARTHA DAS from INDIA(u can also call me SID) and i am the greatest wrestling fan that has walked this part of earth.I have read ur column regarding Jon Heidenreich and appreciated ur viewpoint.Well on 20th Oct monday night only i caught a glimpse of the so called HOSS during the RAW episode where he gives his ticket to STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN,bcoz in INDIA WWE programming comes 3weeks later of the original programme in the U.S. & today on 22nd i read ur column and also the raw results.
    As u know Survivor Series is looming large in the corner and it has just been announced that an Austin 5 will take on Bischoff 5. Till now i've watched only 1 episode which had Jon Heidenreich and most probably i wont b able to watch the next one unless & until it is the episode from 6th Oct(U.S.Version) or 27thOct(IndianVersion).
    While seeing all this one interesting idea struck my mind & i wanna share it with all of u.Couldn't it be that Jon Heidenreich will be used as one of the member of Austin5 in the Survivor Series &make a big impact.What a way to jumpstart ur career!Shades of the debut of Rocky Mavia in Survivor Series.If Jon Heidenreich has got the talent and the WWE uses him the right way then he could be pretty over with the fans as a fan of Steve Austin.Well according to my knowledge this kinda angle isnt used.I may be wrong but my words have weight.Now it all depends on the WWE writing team to use this angle properly in the buildup to SS03.They can also use him as mystery wrestler from Austin's side.
    Well this is entirely my opinion and i know that opinions are like assholes but i have the hunch that may soon become the reality.I will b the most happiest person if u type this in ur column.



    Hey there Sid. Again, don’t be afraid to give your opinion. In the mean time, I don’t think Jon will be used in that Survivor Series matchup. I have decided this after seeing him at No Mercy trying to hand out his tape to Smackdown representatives. This means he is not exclusive to one show yet, and probably won’t be ready by Survivor Series. I would predict that the teams would be Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Lance Storm, and The Dudleys or Jindrak and Cade vs. Chris Jericho, Scott Steiner, Christian, and Rob Conway and Rene Dupree or Ric Flair and Randy Orton.



    Alright, enough of the Man holding me down, it's time to get to the topic of my column:



    How To: Get Ken Shamrock Back in the WWE.


    Welcome to a new format I will be going back to every now and then. I call it a How To Column. In this column, I will analyze how to solve a problem in wrestling in a few easy steps. Well, maybe not easy, but logical. I have to add too, I am really pissed about the WWE’s apparent plans to bring back the Dead Man Undertaker. Oh, don’t get me wrong… I will likely jump out of my seat when I see it happen, but I had already planned my second How To Column to be How To Bring Back the Dead Man. But, now the subject is irrelevant.


    But, we aren’t talking about The Undertaker today, we are talking about Ken Shamrock, more importantly, how to bring him back to the WWE. Ken Shamrock has not been in the WWE since his last feud with Chris Jericho, and the last match that I can remember him being in was the September 16, 1999 Smackdown First Blood match. Since then, besides the NWA-TNA stint, many fans have been craving for Ken Shamrock to get back into American Professional Wrestling, specifically in the WWE. In the time of Shamrock’s absence, many wrestlers with complementary styles have joined the WWE, such as Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit, and considering that they were not with the company when Shamrock was, these have become dream matches for some. Not to mention Kurt Angle’s adoption of many Shamrock moves, including the Belly to Belly Suplex and the Ankle Lock Submission Hold.


    In the past months and even years, there have been rumors randomly of a possible comeback, but it all boils down to the fact that Ken Shamrock wants to work a lighter schedule, and the WWE doesn’t want to dish out the money for Shamrock for him to work a light schedule. Apparently, Ken Shamrock isn’t a big name enough to get the status of a light schedule, such as Hulk Hogan, Goldberg, or Shawn Michaels. I have to say, I do agree. Ken Shamrock would be great to have back, but who is he to think he deserves a light schedule? However, I have thought it through, and I know of a way that Ken Shamrock can get back into the WWE, with a light schedule, and we can all enjoy some possible 4 star matches.


    Here’s How It Works


    Back in his early WWE days, when he was seriously billed as ”The World’s Most Dangerous Man”, there were a few mentions of how Ken Shamrock had an open challenge out there for Mike Tyson. This is the key to getting Shamrock back… the open challenge to Tyson. Think about it:


    Despite what many in the sporting world may think, Mike Tyson still equals money. People will still pay to see him fight, no matter how many times he gets embarrassed in a fight. I remember when he lost to Lennox Lewis and many people said that no one would pay money to see Tyson fight anymore. However, he still makes waves in the sporting world when a fight or something else is announced. I remember the exposure he got when he made the announcement that he wanted to go into K-1. So, why not doesn’t Ken Shamrock use Mike Tyson and his drawing power to his advantage?


    It’s this simple, Don King is quite the promoter, and if anyone can make this happen, it’s him. Another perk is that this match could conceivably happen as either a boxing match, or an ultimate fight. However, the match is much more marketable in The Octagon, because then King could promote the match as Tyson proving that he is for real. Then, all he has to do is hype the match unmercifully so that it not only get major sports coverage, hard news coverage, but also, more importantly, buyrates!


    Look, I have no doubt in my mind that Ken Shamrock would destroy Tyson in either the boxing ring or the Octagon. I have never been a fan of Tyson and would love to see him get destroyed by anyone, especially Shamrock… but that’s the beauty of my plan. You see, the WWE is very much about their image, and if they have the opportunity to brag that one of their wrestlers are legit, they will definitely jump on the opportunity to say, “We have the guy who beat Mike Tyson, and we have yet another legit athlete.” You see, not only will Mike Tyson get national media hype, but Ken Shamrock will too. He will quickly become a household name for a decent amount of time. The WWE craves people with that kind of publicity, and I am almost certain that if he makes that much of a name for himself in the national media, adding to the possibility of him beating Tyson, the WWE will offer him any contract that he wants… especially one similar to that of Goldberg’s, which will allow him to work these limited dates. This, all in an effort to be the company to boast that they have the guy that beat Mike Tyson.


    I almost guarantee that if these events would go down, Ken Shamrock would eventually get a spot back in the WWE. Although, some of you are saying… Train, if Shamrock got handled by Tito Ortiz of all people, who says he can beat Shamrock. Well, first of all, I say it, and it’s my column, but secondly, even if he doesn’t beat Tyson, what’s the big deal? So he can’t be billed as The Man who Beat Iron Mike, but he can then be The Man Who Went Toe to Toe with Mike Tyson. He will still have credibility and the national acclaim after the fight. After all, Peter McNeely had a shred of celebrity for at least a week after he got pummeled in Tyson’s comeback. Hell, he was in a Pizza Hut commercial. Besides, if I am right, and you have to admit that it is at least relatively conceivable, that Ken Shamrock will be back where he belongs.



    Random Stops Along the Way


    We all lost another wrestler that was near and dear to many. My thoughts are with Hawk’s family. In my opinion, and I hope the opinion of many others, the Road Warriors is the greatest tag team of all time, and it truly is sad to see that team taken away for good.


    Well, The Basham Brothers won the WWE tag team championship. As many of you know, I closely follow the WWE Developmental system, and all I can do is hope that The Machine and Damaja (Doug and Danny Basham) can take the ball and roll with it, like they did in OVW. In fact, if they end up being a big bust, what does that say about OVW? After all, they were the top of OVW’s game for so long, if they bust, does that thereby ruin the credibility of Ohio Valley Wrestling? Man, now this title run seems a little more important.


    I am also very happy about Paul Heyman being the new Smackdown GM. I just hope that he has some backstage pull as well, then, things may get better.



    My Carlinesque brain is tingling and I am, yet again, pissed about stuff, so it’s time to pay tribute to The Man with another round of….



    Free Flowing Hostility: 5 minor cultural items I am Bored With, Tired Of, and Pissed At.



    1. These men who call other men “Guy”. Look, I don’t mind guy having little pet names for each other… like Buddy, Pal, or Dude or whatever, I just don’t like when people call me “guy”… like “Hey, thanks a lot guy.” It just sounds fucking dumb. My eye doctor is one of these guys, and every time he says it to me, I want to kick him right in the balls. It’s like, I know I’m a guy; you don’t have to reinforce the fact that I am a member of the male population. If you’re gonna do that, at least go with “man.” I don’t mind man, it sounds informal… I just can’t stand being called “guy”.


    2. These guys who do that fake gun thing with their index finger and thumb. Look, I have been alive for 20 years, and I have been aware of this travesty of nature for about 4 of them. However, my experience of this problem has thus far been limited to films and television, where the index finger + thumb gun thing is usually shown as a pathetic, stupid thing. Well, guess how staggered I was to have someone actually DO it to me in real life. It was one of those situations where I wanted to whip out a wood chipper and go Fargo on his ass. Oh yah? Yah. Please, stop this shit if you do it. It’s a ridiculous thing to do.


    3. People who don’t signal when turning. I know that in some states, it’s not required by law to signal when turning… however, you DO IT ANYWAY. My God, I hate when someone doesn’t signal when they turn… especially at a four way intersection, and especially when it’s controlled by a stop light as opposed to a sign. Look people, it’s common fuckin courtesy to put on your turn signal while turning. It’s also a safety issue. I don’t want some schmuck across the intersection from me thinking that just because he doesn’t signal, I don’t. You know what happens then? He turns, I go straight, he doesn’t realize and bam, I get hit. A total bullshit situation that could easily have been avoided.


    4. People sue for the sake of getting rich. I do complain about people in this country quite a bit, and some of you may think I am Un American. It is quite the contrary. I’ll admit that I bitch about certain aspects of out American culture, but I, for the most part, think there is more bad than good out there. However, when you purposely sue a company, simply to make money, there is something wrong with you, and yes… there are people like that out there, I know one of them. It’s so fucked up. A person will walk around a store looking for something that could be used as negligence or purposefully creating spills and slipping on them. Also, how fucking stupid do you have to be to think that McDonalds is going to make you fat? That’s common sense asshole. They don’t need a law suit over the fact that you have had one too many McNuggets. I know this is heartless, but I hope the next one of these accident chasers slips a little too much and cracks their head open, rendering them in a vegetable state. That’s what they get for taking the easy way out. Whatever happened to EARNING IT? People like that make me sick.


    5. Michael Ian Black. Ok, I don’t mind Michael Ian Black as an actor, however, I love that show I Love The 80’s on VH1, and he constantly brings the show down. He tries so hard to be funny by being serious, but kidding at the same time, and it doesn’t work. He should take comedy lessons from Hal Sparks and, of course, Mo Rocca. At least they are funny. MIB is like one of the random celebrities that are seriously talking about the product in question, but he is trying to be Mo Rocca at the same time and I fucking hate it, and now, I fucking hate him. Let’s stone him…. Come on everybody!



    Well, it certainly feels good to vent. Phew! Anyway, I’m spent, so let’s wrap this up.



    The Caboose



    Five columns done and more to come. Stuck in the Middle With You… It’s fever man. Anyway, what did we learn today?


    1. Look, it may be a long shot and it won’t happen, but my idea could conceivably bring Shamrock back, and I definitely want him back


    2. Road Warrior Hawk, rest in peace. Your passing almost brought a tear to my eye and you will be remembered.


    3. Shaniqua has bigger breasts now. Actually, I didn’t talk about that, but hey, she does.


    4. Ok, one more thing for Free Flowing Hostility… Fuck Jared from Subway


    Alright guys, I’m out like a fat chick in dodge ball. I will be back in aboot two weeks for yet another column. So, in my absence, feel free to entertain yourself by enjoying one of the internet’s many pornographic websites. Till then, see ya.


    ------------------ Da J-Train -------------------


    merlinJAP@hotmail.com (If you email me, put FEEDBACK in the email subject or it will be deleted)


    AIM: JPAW101…. Feel free to talk to me, I am friendly and give good hugs!




    *NEW GALLERY* The VERY CREEPY Pix of Hulk Hogan Rubbing His Daughter Brooke!

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