The Wrestling Menu #65 - No Mercy Review, Big Improvers & Who Must Turn Heel...
Submitted by DaveyBoy on Wednesday, October 22, 2003 at 12:16 AM EST




THE WRESTLING MENU #65

Welcome one and all to the 65th edition of The Wrestling Menu, the column that is sure to satisfy your taste buds when it comes to discussing all things wrestling.

Before I begin; A big thanks to everyone for making last week's column my most viewed ever, with just under 6,000 hits. I can only hope the majority of people enjoyed it, especially the look back at all of those great, and not-so-great, gimmicks that professional wrestling has served up to us over the years.

Another thing I'd like to mention is the great Survivor Series ad that's airing at the moment. The football theme is great & having Vince McMahon come in at the end & basically mock himself is just hilarious. Has he finally admitted that he made a mistake!?!?!?


APPETIZERS - Big Improvers

Wow, there's only like 10 more weeks before 2003 is done!!! It won't be too long before all us columnists start putting together our end-of-year awards edition. One of the awards that usually pop up in those columns is "The Most Improved". While people are bound to suggest Matt Hardy, John Cena, & Randy Orton among others, I have a couple of outsiders I'd like to suggest (semi-seriously). Oh, and these guys haven't fought a match all year. I'm speaking of Tazz & Michael Cole.

Now when Tazz announced his semi-retirement & decided that full-time commentating was what he was going to do, I was disappointed. There were 2 reasons for this; Firstly, I didn't think that Tazz spoke clearly enough when doing commentary. Secondly, I was a fan of his wrestling style. The little I had seen of ECW included some classic Tazz. From when he wrestled in bare feet & had a strange looking afro, all the way through to the Human Suplex Machine that became ECW Champion. When it was rumored that it would be Tazz that was going to debut at the 2000 Royal Rumble against Kurt Angle, I could not wait. His WWE debut did not disappoint & was great.

I knew that Tazz would struggle to make main event level in the WWE due to his lack of size, however I didn't think he would have too much trouble getting to the upper mid-card level where the likes of Benoit & Booker T are now. I still do think that Tazz could have followed Benoit's lead & eventually got to this status. However, due to many possible reasons, including injury, weight gain & possibly a lack of motivation, Tazz decided to hang up the boots as a full-time wrestler & remain at the commentary table.

At first, Tazz was not very articulate on the microphone. He tripped over his words & made some basic mistakes. However, think about in other sports when a recently retired player heads to the commentary booth. Exactly the same things happen. Tazz has slowly but surely reduced the amount of mistakes he makes, become a little clearer in his speech, and is now finally adding his own personal & experienced touch to his commentary.

As with other sports, it's a definite advantage when a television station (or in this case, a company) has either a recently retired player or coach as one of their commentators. This is because they can knowingly speak of what happens in the present environment of the sport they are commentating on, first-hand. No matter how experienced someone can be about a sport, specific aspects of that sport will pass them by over the years, due to the ever evolving nature of any sport. That is why it is integral that commentators complement each other, not only in style, but also experience.

Over the last few months, I have picked up some excellent little pieces of commentary by Tazz. Almost all of the comments came naturally & appeared to be as a direct result of the fact that Tazz had been in a similar situation, inside the squared circle, within the last couple of years. If he can continue on with these types of comments, keep the mistakes down to a minimum & keep a clear voice, it is not unlikely that Tazz may be the best of the 4 WWE commentators sometime soon.

Furthermore, Michael Cole has also come on in leaps & bounds. He has basically gone from a rather boring interviewer to become a more than handy commentator. On top of this, he seems to be improving with each passing week. He now seems to have found a better balance of calling the action, while at the same time doing all the other necessary duties such as keeping viewers tuned in & selling the upcoming pay-per-view.

Add all that to the fact that Cole complements Tazz very well & we could be seeing a very good commentary team in action. A duo that fits the current style of SmackDown pretty much perfectly. Sure, they both have a lot of improvement still to go, but they seem to be getting to know each other better & better every week, and making those necessary adjustments. Right now, they have definitely surpassed the Raw commentating team of Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler, in my opinion. My opinions on that team will follow in the 'Dessert' section of today's column.


MAIN - No Mercy Review

For those that cannot recall my previous PPV review columns, this is the key, that explains what the final PPV Rating means:

<50: Ask for a refund for not only your money, but also your time. [F]
50-54: Mediocre & disappointing. [D] (EG: Judgment Day '03)
55-59: Average. [C] (EG: Bad Blood '03, Unforgiven '03)
60-64: Worth A Watch. [C+] (EG: SummerSlam '03)
65-69: Good event that was worth the money. [B] (EG: Royal Rumble '03)
70-74: Very good. [B+] (EG: WrestleMania 19)
75-79: Make sure you add this ppv to your video or dvd collection. [A] (EG: SummerSlam '02)
80+ : Make sure that the video or dvd is locked in a safe & cannot be erased. Memorable. [A+]

TAJIRI defeated REY MYSTERIO to Retain the CruiserWeight Title: Very solid opener. Nothing really new or overly spectacular, but very well paced, timed & generally put together. Both guys consistently bring a lot to the table, and they did so once again for this 12 minute bout. The run-in ending was cheap & abrupt, but if it's for the good of long-term feuds in this division, then I'm fine with it. Match Rating...7

CHRIS BENOIT defeated A-TRAIN: Typical A-Train match in that it wasn't terrible, but none of his bouts stand out in any great fashion. This was probably a little better than usual though, due to the intensity from Benoit & some surprisingly good psychology throughout the match. Plus, the correct man went over. There were a few good spots too. Although two of them involving the chair, appeared to have been botched. When Benoit was dropped head first onto the chair, I genuinely feared for his career. Match Rating...6

ZACH GOWEN defeated MATT HARDY: Right from the beginning, I'm going to tell people that I was really disappointed in this match. But don't put me down as the usual Zach-hater, because I'm not. There was just so many things wrong with this 6 minute bout. The duration, the result, and most of all, the extreme lack of any psychology. Matt Hardy has never been a spot wrestler, so throwing him in with Gowen and asking him to defend more than attack, is just terrible booking. I mean, he never even started to work on Zach's injured leg!!! This better lead somewhere, or else Matt's career just took a huge fall. Match Rating...4

THE BASHAM BROTHERS defeated THE APA: You knew we were going to be in trouble when The Bashams' entrance was met with complete silence. The team should be given time, but Danny (Damaja) Basham seems out of his league at the moment. The more experienced & technical Doug is holding the team up, in my opinion. Meanwhile, The APA go through the motions leading up to the predictable hot tag to Bradshaw. It all seems so familiar!!! As for Shaniqua's clothing & ummm, body swelling; No comment. Match Rating...4

VINCE McMAHON defeated STEPHANIE McMAHON in an "I Quit" Match: As bad as this storyline has been, I have to give credit where credit is due, by stating that this match was a lot better than I expected it to be. Vince obviously carried the bout & there surprisingly wasn't too many wasted minutes of nothing in it's 10 minute duration (I had this scary feeling it would last about 20 minutes). Furthermore, I actually believed Steph was a chance to win during her spurt of offense in the middle of the bout. Still not what I would call quality entertainment, but achieved it's purpose. Match Rating...5

KURT ANGLE defeated JOHN CENA: Good 18 minute match that probably has to be given the nod for match of the night. Nothing extraordinary, but a well put together bout. Cena won some fans & even though he is not all that far from taking the next step, Kurt pretty much carried this match. The DDT on the apron was one hell of a spot. Match Rating...7

THE BIG SHOW defeated EDDIE GUERRERO to Win the United States Championship: Eleven minutes of typical big man vs small man action. The first half of the bout was very ho-hum, while the latter half was fairly well put together. Although I thought the unpredictability aspect of this match helped it a great deal, as there was a feeling that either man could win during the closing minutes. The dissension between Eddie & Chavo afterwards will hopefully not mean a demotion for the talented Eddie anytime soon. Match Rating...6

BROCK LESNAR defeated THE UNDERTAKER in a Biker Chain Match to Retain the WWE Championship: Ho-hum & playing it safe, this bout just did not give anyone the impression that it was the main event of the night. While there were quite a few very good sequences, the attempt at psychology was a bit much for a 24 minute match. And when all was said & done, the expected brutality was replaced by an overbooked finish which did nothing but disappoint. I don't know which was stupider; The lights going out for no reason, or an appearance by The FBI!?!?!? Match Rating...6

PPV RATING (45/80) = 56

Looking at the key, I have given No Mercy a 'C' grade & have said that it was 'Average'. Right on, if I do say so myself. It was out-rated by last month's Raw ppv (Unforgiven), and that included a Coach/Snow vs JR/Lawler match!!! No Mercy wasn't terrible, but it was oh so run-of-the-mill. Only 2 matches scoring a 7 out of 10 on my lenient scoring system is just not good enough. I'll say it again; This is pay-per-view for goodness sake, reward the purchaser. It's very frustrating to see the likes of Guerrero, Benoit & Hardy wasted, while Haas, Benjamin & Chavo weren't even used at all. Disappointing!!!


DESSERT - Who Must Turn Heel

Now I just know that I'm going to be accused of making a contradictory statement between two of my topics today, but I don't think I am. Hear me out on this one & keep in mind that whether you think I'm a drone, a mark, or anything else you want to call me, I do try and treat Raw & SmackDown as two separate television shows (almost like two separate wrestling promotions).

While I gave Tazz & Michaele Cole a big pat on the back in my 'Appetizers' section today, I cannot do the same for Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler anymore. Their commentary has become stale, uninspiring & occasionally annoying over the last few months. In my opinion, the first thing that must be done to reinvigorate these two, is to turn Jerry Lawler heel.

While I don't find it necessary for a commentary team to consist of a heel & a face, I think it must be done on Raw with JR & The King. The show 'Raw' is a lot more like the late 80's/early 90's WWF than SmackDown is. Occasionally, when I review old DVD's or PPV's, one of the factors that adds to the enjoyment of watching them is the classic heel/face commentary teams that included heels such as Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan, Jesse 'The Body' Ventura, or even Curt 'Mr.Perfect' Hennig. Hell, not so long ago, you could even include Paul Heyman there as well.

Another heel special comments man that made me laugh was a guy by the name of Jerry 'The King' Lawler. You remember him, don't you!?!?!? Oh, that's right, of course you do, as he still commentates. But the face special comments role he has occupied for quite some time now, just does not allow him to do what he does best. Some Lawler historians will reflect on how as a wrestler, he was just as successful as a face, compared to as a heel. While that is arguable, it really has nothing to do with commentary, and there is no doubt in my mind he makes a better heel commentator.

This is one area where the WWE must take a step backwards to move forwards. They must look to the past here & basically make the Raw commentary team into a modern day McMahon-Heenan or Gorilla-Ventura. Hell, even return them to the late 90's version of Ross-Lawler if you must. Just don't let them continue moving along as they are at present, because it's not exactly helping an already struggling Raw product.

So how do we turn Lawler, I hear you all ask. Well, I don't get paid to write wrestling shows & have never really professed to being any good at it. So I don't care how it's done. Whether it's a single moment or a gradual (but hopefully quick) progression, it doesn't really bother me, as long as it's done. I think the single moment option may have been passed over though, as the perfect time to do that would have been during the duo's feud with Jonathan Coachman & Al Snow.

However it's done, Lawler turning heel has to be accomplished. It's very similar to Scott Steiner recently turning heel; The results might not be a great deal better, but they will be better. It's also similar in that it was always going to happen, but the WWE have (for some unknown reason) insisted that it gets drawn out for as long as possible.

They need to be very careful with how long this is drawn out though, because a commentary team on a professional wrestling show is extremely vital. Not only do they call the match & attempt to add to the excitement of that bout, but they are also basically promoters who keep us tuned in to improve ratings, and sell upcoming pay-per-views. Mark my words that if the mute button is pressed during a WWE television show, then tv ratings & ppv buys would significantly decrease.


Ok, that's it for edition #65 of 'The Wrestling Menu'. I hope you enjoyed my look at commentators & No Mercy today. As per usual, I am very interested to hear my readers' opinion, so if you want to share with me any specific thoughts on No Mercy, or your ideas on how to improve the commentary on either WWE show, please don't hesitate to e-mail me. You know I will respond. My e-mail address is DaveyBoy123@bigpond.com

I'm not 100% certain what I will have for you next Wednesday in 'The Wrestling Menu'. I want to continue my 1990's Review series, but have yet to put my hands on anything related to 1995. Hopefully, I will do so by then. I may also take a quick look at how NWA-TNA is travelling. Oh well, we'll wait & see what gets dished up. Look out for that column same Wednesday time & same LOP channel next week. Until then, this is DaveyBoy signing off & asking you to remember that dinner is best served in 3 courses.













*NEW GALLERY* Vince & Stephanie McMahon Playing with the NEW BABY!!

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