The Wrestling Menu - Best & Worst Gimmick Poll Results + No Mercy Predictions
Submitted by DaveyBoy on Wednesday, October 15, 2003 at 4:44 PM EST




THE WRESTLING MENU #64

Welcome one and all to the 64th edition of The Wrestling Menu, the column that is sure to satisfy your taste buds when it comes to discussing all things wrestling.

Before I begin; A big shout-out to Stan Grubb, who wrote his final edition of 'Corner To Corner' last Thursday. Stan had a consistently excellent column here on LOP for almost 2 years. I will miss his opinion & writing, but wish him the best of luck with his future personal writing ambitions.

I know I'm really flogging a dead horse today with the gimmicks subject, but I want to comment on a fair bit of wrestlers that were either lucky or unlucky enough to be voted the best or worst gimmick of all time. Therefore, I will split up the two poll results; We will kick off with the best gimmicks in the 'Appetizers' section, while the worst gimmicks will be later in my 'Dessert' section. Splitting the two, will be the always anticipated 'PPV Predictions'.


APPETIZERS

Best Gimmick Ever Poll Results

For both polls today, I initially wasn't sure whether to post the results as total number of votes, or as a percentage. As it turned out, I received just under 100 votes & I asked a few LOP Forum members to make up the difference to 100. So that makes it a little easier for both the writer & reader in this case. Now, in this section, I have left off four wrestlers that only received one vote. So if you voted for someone & they're not on this list, you know that you were the only one to vote for that wrestler. I'm going to put a short comment next to each wrestler.

(1) The Undertaker = 16 votes: The odds-on favorite did win the poll, but not as clearly as I thought he would. In fact, the couple of votes for the satanic Undertaker of the late-90's was what got him over the line.

(2) Sting = 15: Similar to 'Taker in that the late-90's adjustment to his gimmick was what made the Sting gimmick so successful.

(3) 'The Million Dollar Man' Ted Dibiase = 14: An amazing response seeing as though quite a few readers that voted would never have seen or heard of Dibiase. Couple this with the fact that the gimmick was never really adjusted, and I'd almost have to say that this is the best gimmick ever to grace professional wrestling.

(4) 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin = 7: Interesting that the Stone Cold gimmick would rate so high, but it was a fair way below the top 3. I suppose some would see it as more an extension of character, but I think it's fair to say it's a gimmick, and a successful one at that.

(5T) Bret 'The Hitman' Hart = 6: This one really surprises me though. It seems that some readers simply thought that Bret going out there & wrestling was a gimmick in itself. Well, something had to get him all those titles I suppose.

(5T) Mankind (Mick Foley) = 6: Although a few of the 6 voters did mention Mick Foley in general, it was predominantly the Mankind gimmick that was highlighted. Fair call too. What Foley went through to get this character over is the stuff that makes true legends!!!

(7) Hulk Hogan = 5: Another one where voters have looked at the success factor. From that perspective, you can't argue with the choice of the man who continuously told us to say our prayers & take our vitamins.

(8T) Gorgeous George = 4: I'm glad that there were 4 readers that went back far enough to make this vote. Think the 'Nature Boy' gimmick of Ric Flair & then quadruple it. That's basically what you had with Gorgeous George. He also received a lot of mainstream publicity from the gimmick.

(8T) Mr.Perfect = 4: What can I say; A perfect choice. Curt Hennig really took what could have been a hit-and-miss gimmick & really made it hit. From the promos to the wrestling, Mr.Perfect will truly never be forgotten.

(8T) Hacksaw Jim Duggan = 4: Interesting pick this, and a very good one in my opinion. Why? Because it's very arguable that Duggan would have been a nobody had it not been for the flag-waving, 2x4 wielding & "ooooooooo" yelling that the gimmick included.

(11) Jake 'The Snake' Roberts = 3: Who will ever forget Jake Roberts chasing his opponent around the ring with one of his humongous snakes!?!?!? I know I won't & thought this would have attracted more votes.

(12T) Shawn 'HBK' Michaels = 2: Another interesting choice. I think it's fair to say Shawn would have obtained the success he achieved anyway, but it was when the HBK gimmick kicked in, that it truly started.

(12T) Brutus 'The Barber' Beefcake = 2: Explained last week. Would Ed Leslie have been a main event wrestler, had it not been for the barber gimmick?

(12T) The Big Bossman = 2: Similar to Brutus, Ray Traylor was at his most successful when playing the prison guard from Cobb County Georgia. Without the gimmick, he may have only been a jobber.

(12T) Doink The Clown = 2: The main wrestler to receive votes in both 'the best' & 'the worst' polls. My take is that this is the heel version, while the face version was ordinary to say the least.

(12T) Raven = 2: Unlucky to be this far down actually, as many who voted for The Undertaker, also mentioned Raven. A long-lasting gimmick that has been only slightly adjusted over the years.

(12T) Gillberg = 2: Finally, a gimmick where no-one can argue whether or not the wrestler would have achieved any level of success without it. Duane Gill would never had been heard of had it not been for his Bill Goldberg impression.

So, there you have it. The top 3 best gimmicks of all time were clearly ahead of the rest. I cannot argue with either of the 3 taking the crown. I'd probably vote for The Undertaker myself. I liked the original heel, the over face & the satanic heel versions of the gimmick. That's enough for me (and obviously my readers) to award The Undertaker with the best ever gimmick award. Don't forget that the worst ever gimmick award is below my No Mercy Predictions.


MAIN

No Mercy Predictions

I'm on a bit of a roll with my predictions of late, as I have correctly predicted 13 out of the last 15 pay-per-view matches that the WWE have had. Hopefully, I can continue this roll, but I'm not super-duper confident to be honest. This is for 2 reasons: (1) This is the first SmackDown exclusive ppv I have seen (I missed Vengeance), and (2) The booking of this card is very strange in that it is arguable that sensible booking could actually result in all 7 heels emerging victorious. But of course, that could never happen!!! Or could it!?!?!?

MATTT HARDY vs ZACH GOWEN: Ok, basically this whole angle with Zach Gowen has to lead somewhere. For almost 2 months now, that angle was reputedly going to involve the master of mattitude. Now that the 2 finally have their ppv match, something actually better happen. While I would not be at all surprised if an upset occurred, I think wiser heads will prevail & Matt will defeat Zach. A defeat is just too risky for Hardy's progression. Winner: Matt Hardy

CHRIS BENOIT vs A-TRAIN: I suppose if you completely erased the fact that pretty much no-one likes A-Train, this feud has actually been established quite well. Having said that, there has been a feeling of uneasiness practically each time these two meet. I just worry how these guys will gel in the ring. While common sense tells me A-Train will take this one out (for some reason I cannot explain at all), Benoit gets one of my face wild-cards for the night. Winner: Chris Benoit

TAJIRI vs REY MYSTERIO for the CruiserWeight Title: Fellow columnist Snapple said one thing that I agreed with in his latest column; He basically stated that Rey was a little disappointing as the cruiserweight champ. While not entirely Rey's fault, I cannot disagree with that. However, I do not believe that Tajiri is making an average heel champ. I think I prefer the heel Tajiri. While the WWE probably don't really care who holds this title, meaning that Rey could very well regain, I think they might leave the title on Tajiri for now. Winner: Tajiri

KURT ANGLE vs JOHN CENA: I don't think this match is as easy to predict as it seems. Angle is one wrestler who has put over new talent in the past, and a ppv win over Kurt could do wonders for Cena's career, without hurting Angle too much. But I'm going to go with the safe option & award Kurt Angle the second face wild-card. I just think that a tough loss would still advance Cena's progression, and he probably isn't quite ready to take that next step anyway. Winner: Kurt Angle

VINCE McMAHON vs STEPHANIE McMAHON in An "I Quit" Match: It's taken me a while, but I'm now finally convinced that the WWE are actually going ahead with this bout. I really don't know what will happen during this match, and just pray that it is at least mildly entertaining. Steph's going to get married, so Vince should win. I can't believe that's the main reason why I'm picking Vince to beat his daughter!!! Winner: Vince McMahon

EDDIE GUERRERO vs THE BIG SHOW for the United States Championship: The result of this match has been driving me absolutely bonkers. I've changed my mind on the outcome many times. So many things point to The Big Show winning; Eddie having a good run with the title, Eddie being ready to step up to the main event, Eddie making TBS look like a fool for most of the last 3 weeks. It also makes sense that The Big Show would make a good transitional champion until someone like Benoit or Angle defeats him. But I've got a gut feeling that the WWE are going to ride this Eddie wave of success for as long as they can. Winner: Eddie Guerrero

BROCK LESNAR vs THE UNDERTAKER in a Biker-Chain Match for the WWE Championship: This will pretty much be a mixture of the two matches that these guys had on successive pay-per-views at about the same time last year. I see a brutal & bloody brawl. As long as it doesn't end in a no-contest or double disqualification like the main event did at Unforgiven 2002, I might be relatively happy. I can't see the point in continuously shuffling the title in & out of Brock's hands, so he should retain. Winner: Brock Lesnar

Well, that's No Mercy. I'm a little concerned with how the card looks on paper. The Angle vs Cena & Tajiri vs Rey matches should be good, but it's a bit of a waste putting both Guerrero & Benoit in the ring against 2 slow big men. The rest looks to be so-so at best. There could be another match added (probably a tag-team or multi-man match involving The Bashams & The APA). If that does occur, I predict the faces to come out victorious. Hopefully, the WWE can deliver at this pay-per view, providing a springboard for the upcoming Survivor Series & Royal Rumble.


DESSERT

Worst Gimmick Ever Poll Results

I'm going to do this a little differently to the best gimmick award earlier, in that I'm going to be a little choosy as to what I include and what I don't. The spread of votes here was a lot bigger than the other poll, yet I still want to mention a few wrestlers that received only one vote. I cannot put them all on though, as the section would then become way too long. Apologies if I have left out the wrestler you (and only you) voted for in this section.

(1) The Red Rooster = 15 votes: Well, who could argue with our winner here!?!?!? Giving Terry Taylor a red mohawk & having him go out to the ring clucking & acting like a chook, still sounds as silly as it looked back then.

(2) The ShockMaster = 11: As mentioned last week, I had never actually seen this gimmick in action. After separately downloading the voice of the character & then the video of the unforgettable debut, I could simply do nothing but laugh out loud. Typhoon in a Star Wars mask tripping over & landing a$$ over t!t; I could watch it over & over again.

(3T) Doink The Clown = 7: At the end of the day, I suppose we have to ask "What on Earth was a clown doing wrestling...???"

(3T) Mantaur = 7: Here's another character I had never seen previous to me conducting this poll. This gimmick has to go in the 'Oh my God, what were they thinking category'. Having a fat man (Mike Hallick) come to the ring circa 1995 wearing a bulls head while basically running around in circles isn't exactly my idea of great entertainment!!!

(5) The GobbledyGooker = 6: I think everyone at one stage or another would have seen this turkey. I suppose it was more the set-up to the hatching that was the joke. Nah, maybe it was the whole idea!!!

(6) Isaac Yankem DDS = 5: Glen (Kane) Jacobs' original WWE character. Really, giving a talented wrestler the gimmick of a dentist isn't actually how you want to start out your career, is it!?!?!? No wonder Kane is so mentally scarred!!!

(7T) Kane = 4: Speak of the devil!!! I'm surprised I didn't receive any votes for Fake Diesel as well. Jacobs' 2nd (and not his last) entry in this poll. Very arguable call here, as although there have been downs for this gimmick, there have been a few ups as well.

(7T) Giant Gonzales = 4: The Argentinian Tree as I like to call him received 4 votes. That body suit with the fur attached didn't exactly help this not-so-talented grappler.

(9T) Golga = 3: I'd completely forgotten about The Oddities. With a mask stranger than Mankind's & a fetish for Cartman, I suppose the former Earthquake/Shark/John Tenta does belong on this list.

(9T) Billy Gunn = 3: More a vote for the number of gimmicks that Gunn has had a chance (& failed) to make succeed. Rock-A-Billy was the standout for mine.

(9T) Bill Goldberg = 3: I'm unsure where these votes came from, but we all know there are Goldberg haters everywhere.

(9T) Naked Mideon/Phineas I Godwinn = 3: Hmmm, the ugly naked man or the simple pig farmer!?!?!? Take your pick!!!

(13T) Bastion Booger = 2: I feel sick just thinking about the sight of this guy. I don't even want to attempt to explain the look.

(13T) Kamala = 2: The Ugandan Belly, I mean Giant. Was he talking or simply making noises!?!?!?

(13T) The Kiss Demon = 2: Another in the long line of heavily hyped WCW characters that bombed.

(13T) The Black Scorpion = 2: See the above comment, except this one WCW just made up as they went along.

(13T) Saba Simba = 2: This is what poor Tony Atlas was given after years of service. Embarrassing is an understatement.

(13T) Repo Man = 2: This character always made me laugh. I mean, what would he repossess...??? Jake's snake, King's crown, Mr.Perfect's gum & towel!!!

(13T) T.L.Hopper = 2: A wrestling plumber. Enough said.

(13T) The UnAmericans = 2: Voted on for the disrespectful idea more than anything else.

(21T) The Undertaker = 1: See the feedback in my last column for the explanation of this vote.

(21T) Glacier = 1: Yet another in the long line of heavily hyped WCW characters that bombed.

(21T) Oz = 1: The lovely idea that WCW had to initially make Kevin Nash a star. How did they survive so long!?!?!?

(21T) The Christmas Creature = 1: Glen (Kane) Jacobs' original character. Only pictures can do this gimmick justice.

(21T) ArachnaMan = 1: The name says it all; A poor man's SpiderMan. Apparently it was Brad Armstrong underneath the mask.

(21T) The Ding Dongs = 1: I'd never heard of these guys, but longtime reader Jay27 states the following about them: 'Picture two guys covered in bells trying to wrestle as the bells fall all over the ring. Hilariously bad.' I thought that was at least worth a mention.

So there you have it; The worst gimmicks of all time. Terry 'The Red Rooster' Taylor ends up taking out the prize quite easily. After going through the above 25 terrible gimmicks, I am now more confused on who I would vote for. Nothing could beat the debut of The ShockMaster, but on the actual gimmick side of things, it would be a toss up between Mantaur, The GobbledyGooker & The Red Rooster for mine. Well done Vince, you did create some characters that you could indeed have a good laugh at backstage in your time. You should be quite proud!!!


Ok, that's about it for edition #64 of 'The Wrestling Menu'. I just hope that the WWE delivers at least a decent pay-per-view at No Mercy. The last 2 events have been very average, and they don't need another disappointment here. As per usual, I will reply to all feedback, so please don't hesitate to let me know what you think of No Mercy, or if you were super-surprised at either of the poll results today. My e-mail address is DaveyBoy123@bigpond.com

Next Wednesday in 'The Wrestling Menu', I will have my usual 'PPV Review'. Unfortunately, my other fixture at this time of the month - the Raw Review - will be gone, as I will not have had the opportunity to view the show before my column gets posted. This is despite the fact that my column may be a little late next week. Look out for that column same Wednesday time & same LOP channel next week. Until then, this is DaveyBoy signing off & asking you to remember that dinner is best served in 3 courses.













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