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Submitted by Mr. Tito on Tuesday, October 7, 2003 at 7:59 PM EST
NOTE FROM TITO: The following column was the LoP Forums Columns section "Columnist of the Month". Each month, in our column developmental section, votes are cast to determine a winner to have one column posted here. The September winner was a man named Quadriceps and his column is titled "The Hoss Report". Please e-mail him with feedback at wubbzy@hotmail.com.
The Government Mule Roundup Hogan In TNA? Ya Never Know, Brrrrother! We've heard recently that wrestling legend Hulk Hogan sat down and had a long talk with NWA-TNA owners Jeff & Jerry Jarrett recently. And by 'long', I mean a good four-hour discussion. Presumably the Hulkster was there to discuss a possible appearance in TNA. I, for one, hope Hogan DOES show up on TNA pay-per-view - because quite frankly, Hulk Hogan can lead TNA to success. Yeah yeah, I know what you're saying... "But Quads! His workrate is bad! He doesn't do the job!" It doesn't matter. Say what you will about the orange oaf, but Hogan is still a huge draw among many casual fans and is still just as charismatic as ever. But most importantly, he's hailed as the man who MADE wrestling what it is today. Dispute that if you wish, but like it or not, Hogan HAS earned that reputation. Think of what having a guy like Hulk Hogan on their program would DO for TNA! Right now, the Jarretts are in a sort of star power sinkhole. Their biggest names include Jeff Jarrett himself; Raven, who was little more than a midcarder in WWE; Shane Douglas - who, let's face it, can't draw flies; Dusty Rhodes, who is old, decrepit, and rarely wrestles; and AJ Styles, who has the raw talent and charisma to succeed but isn't widely known outside the indy scene yet. Any way you slice it, TNA lacks star power. About the only two people they have who actually have big drawing power right now are Raven and Sting - and I didn't even bother listing Sting above because he's rarely even on the card! Hogan, however, is proven as the biggest draw in wrestling history. Even today, there's a certain electric thrill about his name in the eyes of a casual fan. "OMG it's Hulk Hogan! He's back!" It was Hogan who first got me hooked on wrestling, to tell the truth. Like it or not, he's a draw. Now imagine what would happen if Hogan showed up on NWA-TNA Pay-Per-View with his boas and his red and yellow Spandex and his pythons. It'd raise a hell of a buzz! All those Hogan fans who were disappointed at his firing from WWE would jump ten feet in the air and start buying up NWA-TNA Pay-Per-Views to see their hero exhort them to train, take their vitamins, and say their prayers, brother. Plain and simple - Hogan appearing for TNA would draw money and vastly increase PPV buyrates. But more importantly, the presence of a big-name star like Hulk Hogan would cause television networks to look at NWA-TNA more favorably. Right now, TNA's in a bit of a pickle in terms of picking up a free TV deal. They don't have enough big stars to make most if not all of the big networks think twice about them. Hogan could change all this. Even outside wrestling, EVERYBODY knows who Hulk Hogan is! With Hogan on the TNA product, network executives can look at their shows and say, "Hey, it's Hulk Hogan! He's a huge star! He can draw big ratings on TV!" A megastar like the Hulkster will make it more likely that TNA will be able to pick up a widely-distributed free TV show, thus abandoning their weekly PPV setup, which is part of what turns fans off to their product in the first place. "Hold up, Quads," you say. "If all TNA needs is a big-name draw, why isn't Sting setting the world on fire?" Good question. As much as I hate to say this, Sting doesn't have the power to draw in casual fans anymore. As much as I like the Stinger, he just doesn't have what Hogan has - possibly because he's been inactive for so long. A lot of fans have forgotten him. It also doesn't help that Sting is never on the show because he only signed a deal for four appearances. On the other hand, Hogan's been bouncing around WWE TV recently and is still fresh in the fans' minds; thus, the people actually remember who he is and are willing to cheer for him. Sting's been lost in obscurity for so long that a lot of people have just forgotten him. More importantly, Hogan is a MUCH bigger mainstream figure than Sting is and stands a better chance of popping big buyrates and drawing in TV deals. Say what you will about Hogan's workrate and politics, but the old orange oaf is just what TNA needs to take their product to the next level. Hogan's mere presence vaulted WCW up to a level where they could compete with the WWF. With a little luck and some good handling on the part of the Jarretts, the Hulkster could do the same for TNA. I'm very much hoping that Hogan and TNA agree to a deal - not just because I instinctively mark out for Hogan, but because I want to see TNA succeed, and Hogan's a proven ticket to success. Grillin' Like Barbecue Sauce Put The Belt On Benoit...? Here's a little question that's going to immediately put me on the hit list of smarks worldwide. People have clamored to see Chris Benoit win the World Title for a long time now. But is he the right man for the job? With that in mind, here's today's question - Should Chris Benoit win the World Heavyweight Championship? Definitely not in the foreseeable future. I'm sorry, but it's true. Benoit is the wrong guy to put the World Title on right now. Sure, his workrate is definitely above reproach. I realize as well as the rest of you that Chris Benoit is one of the absolute greatest wrestlers in the world today. BUT, as we probably all know, he lacks mic skills and can't cut very good promos. "So what, Quads?" you say. "He has the MAD WORKRATE! Give him the title!" If workrate were the sole criterion for judging who deserves the world title, then yes, Benoit would win. But it's that lack of mic skills that makes him a poor choice for elevation to the big gold belt. In professional wrestling, it's always been important to have charisma and a good gimmick. This is mostly because a vast majority of fans aren't as smart as internet fans and don't recognize good workrate. While a smart fan rightly applauds Benoit as a champion of great technical mat wrestling, a casual fan might take a look at his style and say, "That guy's so boring. He doesn't do any big moves except the German suplex and the headbutt." It's true - casual fans don't define good wrestling the same way smart fans do. Smart fans define good wrestling as a solid technical display with lots of psychology. Casual fans define good wrestling as whatever makes them go 'WOW!'. Why do you think the cruiserweights in WCW were carrying the show half the time? The fans just loved to pop for all the high spots! Benoit's style just won't draw big attention like a high-flyer would unless he's REALLY on his game or he's wrestling somewhere where the fans are smart. Otherwise, his style doesn't really click with many casual fans, who will likely find something else to watch because "that shitty wrestler Benoit" is the champion. But it's the lack of mic skills and a gimmick that hurt Benoit the most. Pro wrestling is all about characters and wooing the crowd with your promos. Think about it. Virtually all the huge stars in pro wrestling history have been charismatic people with a good gimmick. Look at Hulk Hogan. Look at Steve Austin. Rocky, Flair, Foley, Piper... hell, even Michaels and HHH have a good amount of charisma. Not Benoit. Benoit is just 'that guy who comes out to wrestle.' Yeah, he is intense, but outside of his whole 'intense grapper' persona he really has no personality. There's nothing remarkable about him from a character standpoint other than the fact that he wrestles and is Canadian. His lack of mic skills just emphasizes this. Benoit's promo delivery is pretty much monotone. I'm sorry, but that sort of thing just won't win over the casual fans. What it WILL do is make them watch something else because "that boring Benoit is talking again." Despite all this, though, it's still conceivable to set Benoit up as a transitional champion - but not right now. Wrestling is in a huge slump right now, and the last thing it needs is a champion who can't work the mic or get the crowds into his promos. And that doesn't discount Brock Lesnar, because he's got a deeper personality than Benoit does and is a more impressive wrestler to a casual fan by reason of his unfathomable strength. Putting the title on Benoit now could potentially be disastrous because he doesn't have the character and the personality to really get the fans interested. Once the business picks up, I can see Benoit getting maybe a couple months as champion, but now is not the time to put the belt on him. Now IS the time, however, to put the belt on Eddy Guerrero. He's got everything Benoit has, plus charisma and a gimmick. But that's neither here nor there. As a final note on this subject: I, personally, am a big fan of Chris Benoit. His workrate is far above reproach, and he can carry a rock to a good match. However, I'm enough of a realist to see that my views are far from universal and that Benoit just isn't the man to put the belt on right now. Maybe once the business picks up again he can have a short run, but right now Chris Benoit would just be the wrong guy at the wrong time. What A Bah Gawd Hoss So Who's The Hoss? This week's Bah Gawd Hoss is one of my favorite talents on the indy scene - it's NWA-TNA star Sonny Siaki. Some people have hailed Siaki as the next Rock, but I'm inclined to disagree - he's got his own look and his own style that separates him from Rock's. In-ring, Siaki's a pretty balanced competitor. His wrestling style incorporates quite a few impressive power and high-flying moves. I mark out for Siaki's Death Valley Driver, and his Siakalype Now pumphandle piledriver is inevitably executed with such crispness that you'd think his victim just got murdered. In fact, a lot of Siaki's moves are incredibly crisp. The man looks as if he's doing a lot of damage to his opponent when he snaps off those big moves, and they definitely wow a crowd. They wowed me when I first saw them. I'll say this right now - as he gains more experience in the ring, Siaki's going to become a sight to behold. One of Siaki's greatest assets is the fact that he's very charismatic. He's not quite Rocky, but he's very good. When Sonny speaks, he inevitably sounds very cool and collected - a real smooth dude, so to speak - and he's got the good looks and the cool-guy image to back it up. Physically you might consider him the Samoan version of Randy Orton - good physique and good looks in general. His character rules, too. In terms of his persona, Sonny has taken an idle comment from Vince Russo and made it into a full-time character. At one point, Russo told him, "I'm leaving. Sonny, you're the ace in the hole." From that point forward, Siaki took to calling himself the Ace In The Hole, keeping company with resident sexpot Desire (former WWE Diva hopeful Kim Nielson) and more recently with bad girl Trinity, who has since left him. The man's even hiring his own cronies - in the past he was seconded by David Young, but in recent weeks we've seen Siaki come out flanked by the hulking frame of O.G. Ekmo (you might know him as Jamal of Three Minute Warning). In any case, the ever-cocky Siaki has a great character and can be both amusing and interesting at the same time. I always crack up when he says, "Ace in the Hole is a corporation." I think that once Siaki gets a little more experience under his belt, he's going to be a pretty big star. Maybe he won't be AJ Styles, but he'd make a solid upper-midcard player somewhere. I'm hoping that the Ace in the Hole continues to improve and eventually makes it big in the wrestling business - because he's definitely capable of making it. Just goes to show you that with The Hoss Report, you don't need to be 6'10" and 300 pounds to be a Hoss. Well, that's it for the Hoss Report this week. Comments, questions, or feedback for me? Email me at wubbzy@hotmail.com with your thoughts. I'll end with a few quick plugs. - LOP Forums - Check out the Columns forum here for some great stuff. See why Winter is the only worthwhile season, visit TV Dog's Junkyard, watch Pt2 take up his wrestling boots and walk, ask doublehelix why a Helix is better than an Angle, and so much more. Lots of great writers here. - Major Championship Wrestling - Interested in fantasy wrestling? Check out this site. Thanks to the LordsOfPain administration for giving me the opportunity to post this, and thanks especially to all you viewers out there for taking the time to read my work. Check out the next edition in the Columns forum, coming soon! *NEW GALLERY* AMAZING!! More Uncensored Kelly Kelly Bikini Photos! Very Rare!
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