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Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, September 28, 2003 at 2:25 AM EST
Ridin’ With The Bossman - All Eyes Off Me Greetings! Welcome to another edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman! WE have a PPV, Raw and Smackdown to go over, so it looks like another jam packed edition of reviews. I also have some movie news to cover, more fantasy football hijinks, and loads of opinion. A question that virtually no one has asked me is why I don’t talk about myself in these intros? The answer is simple, my life is not that interesting. I work and write. That’s about it. Speaking of writing, let’s do some now. WWE TV - The Series Continues WWE PPV - Unforgiven So, my big prediction was a bust, and I’m not surprised at all. That’s why I don’t do predictions, since I am almost always wrong. That’s why I read The Wrestling Menu by Davey Boy, since he is usually right (he went 6 for 8). This PPV is expected to have the lowest buyrate since 1996. Hey, when one of your main events is announcers, what did WWE really expect? Dudley’s vs La Resistance & Rob Conway It was a special handicap match with the titles on the line. You win by putting your opponents through tables, but after you put them through a table, they don’t leave, they get to stick around. Dudley’s win. Crowd was pumped, and it was a good opening match, but mainly due to the excitement, as opposed to the ring work. The Dudley’s also do a repeat of the Spike table spot, but instead of Sylvan, they get Rene, the guy who looked stricken after the first spot, instead of the guy who looked like he didn’t have a clue that he almost killed some one. Oh, wait, Sylvan has a bad back. Patteson must have gotten carried away. Test vs Steiner Again, not too bad. test wins after Stacy hits BPP by mistake. Test can now have his way with Scott Steiner. Randy Orton vs Shawn Michaels Good match, lots of building to spots, and solid selling and bumps. It was entertaining, and it was funny to see Ric going nuts at ringside. By the end of the match, Ric was drenched is sweat. Gail and Molly vs Trish and Lita Sloppy at times, but some really nice work as well. The ladies have finally gotten into a rhythm and now have to incorporate Lita, but their previous work paid off as they delivered a very good match. Trish has really gotten good with her “Matrix” move, timing it perfectly. Good use of teamwork, and Trish and Lita overpower Gail and Molly for the win. Kane vs Shane Shane O’Mac is back, as he hits a flying chair shot, like the good ol days. Back and forth action, and good use of improvising some hard object shots. match goes out of the ring and into the aisle. Shane takes command and uses the boom camera, breaking the lens (about $900, I’m guessing, lenses ain’t cheap). Shane ends it by jumping off the Titan tron and missing, allowing Kane to win. Some really crazy moves from Shane, including a Van Terminator. Excellent effort, but the momentum was gone. This is like their third or fourth match, and it’s already old. It should be a good solid finish to the feud. IC Title - Christian vs RVD vs Jericho Well, it was a long match. That’s about it. Something seemed to be missing. Like the energy, passion, and I don’t know. Some ms cue, and the thing took a long time to get rolling. The ending picked up the pace, but not enough. RVD goes for the frog splash and lands on the belt, allowing Christian to get the pin. Coach and Al Snow vs JR and King No announcers for this match. Instead we get the dead silence of the crowd, and JR trying to do commentary from the ring. Coach and Al Snow won, and that’s really all you need to know about this match. Goldberg vs Triple H Ric was banned from ringside. Slow moving match, with some sparks of energy. H hit Goldberg with the sledgehammer, and Goldberg didn’t sell it. Sweet. Goldberg won, and gets to keep his job. The reign of H is over. Until Monday, when he wins his belt back. The PPV felt like Raw. Nothing really outstanding, but nothing totally sucked. H lost his belt, which I think is a good thing. I will say this, I am now interested in what happens come Monday. Raw H lost, Stone Cold made a cameo, and the Tag Titles changed hands. Some big switches, but the big question is who is left standing at the end of the night. There’s a glimpse of hope for long suffering viewers, but there’s still two plus hours to go. Goldberg Victory Promo Goldberg says he’s for real. Austin comes out to help raise the wave, then Bischoff comes out to be the foil. Bischoff made Goldberg, no he didn’t, yadda yadda. Goldberg Spears Bischoff and then chugs (literally) beer with Austin. WWE then does segments through the night honoring US Servicemen recouping at the local Veterans Hospital. Good for them. And they finally break the streak of having really crappy TV when they dedicate the show to the public. But there is a reason for this, and I’ll explain later. RVD vs Christian - IC Title Good match, and RVD tries to work some new moves into his attack. Some off spots, but it has good promise. A ladder appears and next week we get a ladder match. Nice. Christian knows a thing or two about ladders, and it will be nice to see the guy really go, like the old days, and get some momentum back. At least I’m hoping. Jericho and Bischoff, Best Buds Jericho hangs with Bischoff and finally says right out what makes Bischoff work. Outsmart his opponents, not get in the ring with them. THANK YOU JERICHO! That’s the Bischoff I want to see, the evil, weaselly, smarmy Bischoff. It’s so simple, but so hard for WWE to keep hold of. Jericho also gets a title shot out of it as well. Evolution H says all the things we expect hi to say, like the belt is mine, I’ll take it when I want, and the sad thing is it rings true. But the crowd seemed to care less than I did, and once again, the “Goldberg” chant never goes into full swing, a sad testament to H’s legacy as champ. Apathy. Mark Henry vs Tommy Dreamer Teddy gives a great promo, and doesn’t overplay the racial card. It’s all attitude without the insult, which I find to be the right balance. Oh, doesn’t the soldier look thrilled that his video package came on before this? back to the action,wait it’s over, and Mark” The Most Athletically Gifted 400 lbs Plus Man Alive Today According To JR” Henry won. Workrate Reducing Sports Entertainment Let’s see, we have Jindrak, Cade, and Maven challenging Evolution, Christian and Jericho eyeing Raw magazine with the hot chicks on the cover, Austin making the agony of the announcer battle continue (JR vs Coach), and another video package from a soldier. Molly Holly and Gail Kim vs Trish Stratus and Lita Very nice match, and maybe the best of the show. Seriously, the crowd got into it, and the energy was there. See, it’s the best laid feud on the show, and the folks in the audience know the characters,a nd what’s going on, and hey, there’s Lita, haven’t seen her in a while. Good looking women, who just wrestle, and not Big Hulking Guys electrocuting another man in the balls. Lita pins Gail with the Twist of Fate. -Side Note - How bad did the WWE screw up all of their previous Lesbian Story lines? How huge was the public reaction to the Madonna - Brittney Spears Kiss? WWE was right there, but then they always, and I mean ALWAYS found a way to screw it up. How and Why? All together now: “They’re very creepy people...”, Test, Stacy, and Big Poppa Pump I never thought I’d say this, but Test was good in his segment. Really good. The right reaction, voice control, and facial expressions. I know, I’m shocked too. I feel kinda dirty writing good things about Test, but I can rest comfortably knowing that next week, it will be back to normal, and I’ll be able to freely hate Test again. Oh, and after the skit, they’re never seen on TV again. Rene Dupree and Rob Conway vs Rosey and Hurricane Hurricane and Rosey win, Dudleys come out and clear the Frogs form the ring. Evolution vs Jindrak, Cade, and Maven Not a bad match, and H showed some mobility. They cheat to win, and then H makes the enigmatic statement that the fans need him more than he needs them. Irony, gotta love it. Jericho vs Goldberg - World Title Solid match, good intensity. Bischoff is at ringside as the special Outside Ref. He breaks the count on Jericho and then Austin comes out and attacks him. Austin then pulls out Jericho, letting Goldberg get set up for the spear. He hits it, and gets the pin. Show ends with Jericho yelling at Austin. Pretty solid follow up on the previous nights activities. H didn’t get his belt back, in fact, no titles were dropped. COach and Al were good on commentary, and no worse than JR and King. It was nice to actually have some one call the matches, and be able to tune them out at will. A reason WWE probably didn’t do it usual foot in mouth was the fact that other public relations sat Vince down and told him what to do. The Smack Down Your Vote partners, the Veterans Association, and so forth. No Whitey jokes, and no truly horrible angles involving veterans, and bad political agendas. These folks got some serious lawyers. Smackdown Vince opens up the show, and states that he’s going to officially present Brock with the title belt. Angle comes out and Vince pisses on him. Cena comes out and starts to rap on Angle, but Angle throws him out of the ring. Then he goes after Brock. Angle gets jumped in the back. Cena runs away and Angle takes off in pursuit in Big Show’s, I mean Vince’s limo. Chavo an Eddie vs Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore - Tag Titles Very good match. Chavo is still fired up, and goes nuts. Good tag action from both teams. Shannon gets a two count, and then gets overwhelmed. Eddie gets the pin, and gets laid out after by Matt. Fluffy- Raising Hair Albert yells about Benoit, the crowd, and act all pissed off. Way to go Fluffy, you now have an actual character, and he is not insane. Now, just wear a freakin shirt, and all will be well. Benoit runs out, gets beat up, and that’s it for this segment. Vince: Your vagina smells nice Sable. Sable: Do me Vince. What a ladies man. Rey Mysterio vs Tajiri Big Show goes ringside, offers some comments, and then beats up Eddie on his way out. Excellent match. Tajiri is a guy who knows how to the little things to make a match better. He’s the guy who thinks up things to do in the tarantula, comes up with some cool series for finishers, and just ACTS well. The result, a really good match, that hopefully Vince will see that it wasn’t Tajiri who was boring in that house show match. Tajiri wins after accidentally swallowing the green mist (see?), he breaks out the RED mist, nails Rey, and gets the pin. Take THAT UPN! Smackdown, number one show on UPN, and now we bring you a big black amazon chick who is going to whip some generic white boys. Watch the MULLETS! It’s your kind of entertainment. Jamie Knoble and Bradshaw vs The Basham Brothers Poor Jamie, there’s no escape now is there? Bradshaw WILL be pushed, no matter what. Bradshaw beats em both, and gets the pin. Yay. Eddie Guererro vs Charlie Haas Charlie gave a strong promo, but needs to look into the camera. Good match, lots of good submissions, and transition moves. Eddie manages to guts through to get the pin. McMahon Mania Next up on PPV, you’ve seen and loved the announcers, and we know you love the McMahons, so now, dear fans, shell out your hard earned money for some crap that you really hoped would never happen, it’s VINCE VS STEPH!!!!! That’s right, the child prostituting owner of the WWE, vs his manipulative, TV hogging whore of a daughter, RIGHT IN THAT VERY RING! Now with Undertaker and Brock Lesnar, Formerly The Unstoppable Monster, now The Totally Crazy Pussy! Buy It Now! You know, it was a really good show right up to the last ten minutes. So there you have it folks, now that Vince doesn’t have to worry about pushing H, he can push himself to the moon. I say Vince wins, even though this is kind of a wedding present, the present is the PPV payday, not the victory. He’s Vince McMahon after all. Wevv’s House (Next To The Cemetery) Metrodome, Minnesota Big Show and Bossman are walking around the Vikings locker room. Practice is over, and the teams looks to have left for the day. Big Show: How do I let you talk me into these things Bossman? Bossman: I told you, I couldn’t rely on the midgets, and needed an active WWE superstar to get backstage. And I offered you ice cream. Big Show: Fine, but did you have to give that guy a ride in my limo? Bossman: Well, he didn’t want the tickets, so I had to give him something. Big Show: First Kurt Angle, now you. I should start charging for rides. Bossman: It could pay for the cleaning bills. Big Show: Nah, WWE takes cares of that. It’s in my contract. What’s that? Daunte Culpepper steps out from behind some lockers and spies Bossman. Big Show has slipped away. Daunte: HEY! What are you doing here? You should be outside. Bossman: Take it easy Mr. Culpepper. I’m with the WWE. We were sent to film some segments with you for WWE TV. Big Show: Yeah, we heard you were a fan, and since we’re coming to Minnesota soon, we’d thought we’d drop in. Daunte: Holy Sheesh, where did you come from??? Hey, you’re Big Show! Are you going to interview me? Big Show: Uh, sure. Daunte: Great, where are the cameras? Bossman: Just look over here. Big Show looks over Daunte’s head at Bossman, who motions for Big SHow to just wing it. They sit down in a small circle, with Bossman Standing in front of Show and Culpepper. Big Show: So, Daunte, who’s your favorite WWE Superstar Daunte: That Trish Stratus. Girl got some moves on her. When she does that flip over backwards, it’s cool. I wish I could move like that. I know you do Big Show. Big Show: Oh yeah? I can do that move. Daunte: No you can’t. Big Show: Sure, watch. Big Show gets up, and starts to lean over backwards. He then loses his balance and crashes backwards. Daunte tries to run, but can’t get away fast enough. Bossman: OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED DAUNTE!!!!! Big Show rolls over, and sure enough, underneath is a squashes Daunte. He groans slightly. Bossman: Way to go Big Show. Big Show: What’s the problem, Wevv didn't have him on his team. Bossman: No but he had Moss, and now who’s going to throw the ball to him? Big Show: Help me get him up. They lift Daunte up, and underneath him, find Randy Moss. Big Show looks at Bossman, who looks back at him. They both turn and run from the locker room. Looks like it’s going to be another long Sunday. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Name of the Game Triple H has left the building. To resounding cheers. Yes, the future now looks bright, or does it? There’s two ways things can go from here. Get better or get worse. The time frame of H’s leaving roughly have him back in January. I’m sure that will change. H’s movie work will keep him busy for a couple of weeks, but he’ll probably be done in time for his wedding in late October. Then he’s got two weeks off. Then he starts filming again in December. Some notes about H’s character in Blade 3. H will play Grimwood, a huge hulking vampire with metal teeth (which could mean not a lot of talking). As near as I can tell, his role will be similar to that of Spud in Blade 2, and the vampire who kept getting his ass kicked in 1. You know, the one who made it to the end. So a minor role, but with some good screen time. So I give it until Survivor Series, where he may have a cameo role. Still that’s not a lot of time, and yet it’s enough to do the job. What job might that be, you ask? Why, make new stars of course. Without the glass ceiling that is H, there now room for movement. But in what direction, and where to? See, the catch-22 is to create new stars. Not retread older stars and hope they catch on after they’ve been squashed for years. New stars means new faces, or at least, faces that haven’t been seen in a while. There’s now a nice long period until the next PPV, though that PPV is a joint one. Plenty of time. See, there’s a way to introduce new faces, and still give enough TV time to the rest of the characters already on TV. Yes, now is the time to really go nuts with stables. Stables are groups of wrestlers, who are untied under a blanket cause, and all work together to accomplish that goal. Like getting the titles, winning matches and so on. It gives a character purpose, and vague definition. he’s bad because he’s with group A, who are fighting against group B, who ar the good guys. See, instant back story. It all boils down to the fact that Evolution is no longer a threat without the crushing booking power of H. It’s just randy Orton and Ric Flair. If they want to remain a threat, the group needs more than that. Ric might losing your luggage or sweating on you isn’t much of a threat. Now maybe Ric could become the Ric of old, instead of H’s human pet. Hopefully without having to wrestle. Ric was one of my all time favorites until H got his hands on him. I’d like to see that guy back, if only for a short time. OK, back on track. Stables. Ric needs to manage one. A big one. There was talk of adding Jindrak and Cade to Evolution. Now is the time to do so. Heck, even throw in Maven and Batista( he’s coming back, lock up your pets). There’s no reason to have only four members. Only one guy needs to talk, and that’s Ric, so mic time is not a problem. Now, he goal of the group should be to get titles. Tag and IC specifically. The World strap should be left alone. Why? H said so, there’s your H ass kissing. It gives some depth to the rest of the divisions, and adds some good drama as to teasing potential face/heel turns. It gives current storylines a break, like La resistance and the Dudleys. It gives Christian something else to worry about, after he’s through with RVD, and also gives some instant feuds to RVD. Current angles have some good possibilities. Jericho is now main eventing (if he continues his feud with Goldberg) and also facing off against Austin (who can’t wrestle). Test and Steiner can continue, but now some opponents can be faced in the Mega Faction. HBK and Orton can move along, and HBK can recruit aid from some of the downtrodden and help lift them back up into the spotlight. Heck, even a Rival Mega Faction could emerge. A question burning in your minds right now is what about Teddy Long, Rodney mack, and Mark Henry. They have the unique gift of being able to fight everybody. They need to teach those white boys to respect them. By messin with them every chance they get. Tension could mount as each side tries to get aid from the wrestlers who haven’t picked a side yet, and then they can go their merry way, maintaining or turning depending on the following nights promos. It could give the illusion of unpredictability and excitement that's been missing for quite some time. Sorry to get all fantasy booking on you. But it’s much better than thinking about the real effects of Triple H’s absence. I think all the writers feel it in their bones, but are too afraid to think about it, much less put it into words. It all stems from a backstage rumor that’s been floating around for some time now. It’s simply this. Triple H wants to turn face. Not so scary when you read it just like that, but when you think about it, it means the world. See, a long time ago, Triple H took some time off due to injury. Stars began to rise, and smarks all over the world were happy, seeing Angle, Benoit, and the rest, having great matches and having their day in the sun. Not Jericho though, he was saddled with Steph and became the template for Ric The 16 Time Champion Human Pet. The H returned. And beat everybody. All the time. And it lasted for years. Now that H has finished chewing on the remains of the Raw Rooster, it’s time to let the field grow back. Then H can feast again on the new stars that spring up. And the old. And the non wrestlers. And most importantly, the fans. Then there’s the flip side of the coin so to speak. No new stars could be created, as everyone is still portrayed as total putzes and boobs. Everyone could be wondering where Triple H is and what he’s doing, and there will be no relief, because frankly, H isn’t even in the building. So, please allow me to hope for the best, but I’ll still be preparing for the worst. Can you say JR vs Jericho, WMXX, For the World TItle? That's it for today. This was a long one, and I blame Triple H. Bossman and Big Show just slinked back in, so while they get back to work, and ready the hearse, here’s the plugs. Mr. Tito has a lot of random thought mixed in with his reviews. How did Mr. Tito like the PPV? Find out Here: Wrath Of Tito (Raw) Wrath Of Tito (Smackdown) Jim points out a good fact that slipped my mind when dreaming about the best that could happen. I forgot it was WWE writers I’d have to rely on. Find out what I mean by clicking here: The Forzese View - Comfort Level DaveyBoy checks in with his PPV review, and then goes guts ball and talks about Raw. You don’t want to miss this, and if you already read it, try it again, and be prepared come Monday. The Wrestling Menu -Unforgiven, Raw and More Stanman check in yet again, and it’s also good to read him. Poor Stan though, once October hits, reality will set in. Cubbies winning? They’re trying every thing short of voodoo. At least on TV. Stan also has random wrestling thoughts and a question for you the readers. read him, write him, and tell him JR and Linda vs Bischoff and Coach. Skew the demographic. Phantom Lord starts off happy, then quickly gets back to normal. I think Satan would be afraid of Vince. Why, he’s creepy. Check out the column to see what I mean. Rant Of The Week Snapple checks in yet AGAIN! You lucky readers, find out what Snapple thought of Unforgiven, what question got Asked to Triple H, and NWA-TNA goodness. Wrestling In A Bottle Da J-Train makes another stop here at LOP. He prints your letters, he reviews an independent league, what more could you ask for? Stuck In The Middle With You I forgot to plug it last time, but I damn sure won’t this time. LOP COLUMNS FORUM - READ THEM! DROP THEM A NOTE! And of course: The LOP Forums LOP Merchandise - BUY NOW! Ready Bossman? Big Show? Hold on, the phones ringing. Hello? NFL? What? OK Thank you. Bossman, were you in Minnesota recently? What’s that? Ice Cream? Let’s roll. Until next Time, Thanks For Reading and Stay Cool Wevv “That One Might Work” Mang mrwevv@mac.com *NEW GALLERY* Photos of HULK HOGAN and His Hot New, MUCH YOUNGER Girlfriend!
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