August Column Of The Month: 'Turnbuckle Tailgate'
    Submitted by Stanman on Saturday, September 13, 2003 at 9:53 AM EST

    NOTE: The following columnist was the winner of August's Column Of The Month contest held in the LOP Columns Forum. Each month, the winner has the chance to showcase one of his columns on the LOP main page. Without further delay, here is Dubzilla and his column, Turnbuckle Tailgate. Send all feedback to cdubnw55@aol.com. Enjoy!


    Turnbuckle Tailgate #34: Believe It Or Not

    Hello, I am Dubzilla, TAFKATD (The Artist Formerly Known As The Dubs) and just like a Bill Cosby inspired edition of PicturePages, this is the column that has lots of fun with crayons and with pencils, The Turnbuckle Tailgate. I have been pluggin' and chuggin' as well as thuggin' and buggin' in the LOP Columns Forum since early February now. Just like finely poured glass of Guinness, I am an acquired taste. Slowly, but surely, I have been humbled by the mad props I have received from my audience which I would hope would grow like a Fibonacci sequence.

    They have thought highly enough of me to vote me Columnist Of The Month for August 2003. I thank them for my handsome reward here with the opportunity to showcase my column on the LOP main page, the party that doesn't start until everybody's doing shots of Windex. But for me, writing this column really isn't about winning a contest. It's about entertaining you by being random, witty, funny, confusing, intelligent and absurd all while trying to give some insight and make some sense out of the sport of the king of clubs, pro wrestling.

    Before I start, I'll give you the 411 about me, myself and the waitress that pours your coffee at IHOP. Well, she's divorced with 2.5 kids and she cleans houses on the side to supplement the cost of maintaining her addiction to painkillers. Gee whiz, she sounds like a cross between Jake Roberts and Sunny, that's a scary thought, a reptile with implants. They are really coming a long way with genetics. As far as me, I'm 23 years old and I've been a fan of wrestling ever since I dressed up as Hulk Hogan for Halloween when I was in the first grade. I discovered the Internet about 5 years ago and it opened my eyes to the dark side of the business. I went from mark to smart to smart mark now I just want to be a wrestling fan. Lock me in a room with cheese, booze, a TV with a VCR/DVD player and a library of wrestling videos/DVDs and I'll hibernate from reality until the end of the world.

    All pleasantries aside, it's time to me to make a whole bunch of you say "Huh?" In the words of Konnan and 3 Live Krew, "Let's Do The Damn Thing".

    Heavenly Head

    With the exception of wrestling tapes and such, I watch 3 wrestling programs on a regular basis; Raw, Smackdown and NWA-TNA on PPV. Each program brings something different to the table. Raw is a tragic comedy trying to squeeze entertainment value out of the proverbial sponge that wipes the mess off the counter. Raw is a mess that you could cleanup, but then you realize you can't sanitize the situation so you let the flies swarm around the leftovers. NWA-TNA is like a used car, you got a good deal on it, but it breaks down every couple of weeks. You go to the auto shop and you get your car fixed. It may cost you a little, but you get it back and it runs well. Smackdown is more of an athletic event with a sporting feel. There's a spirit of competition there despite the fact that it can go to absurd extremes outside the realm of reality.

    I'm gonna talk about all of them in this column, I advise you get comfortable because I tend to ramble for awhile. You first time readers have been warned, I try to ease the tension by breaking up my thoughts with colorful subtitles. I find it calms people down and makes for a more visually appeasing read. So go grab a spouse, it doesn't matter if you don't have one or if it's not even yours (hey, cheating is fundamental, precisely the reason most marriages end up in divorce, it's the whole forbidden fruit principle rearing its ugly head like toothless inbred mullet headed stepchild) and buckle up, we're going down a rocky road and we aren't stopping for restroom breaks.

    They Chug Miller Lite - Monday Nitro Raw

    Unforgiven is on the horizon for the RAW brand of the WWE as you all know and it looks not to be smooth sailing down the highway to Hershey. I can't say it enough, what goes in doesn't always come out. No one is admitting trepidation or constipation just yet and we are under two weeks away from the PPV. Everyone thinks they have the upper hand in all of the 6 matches announced. If the tables were turned and RAW had 8 weeks to prepare for their brand's PPV, would they better or worse off? I don't think it would make much difference. Whether RAW is frantic or stale, it's tough for me to watch personally. It does have its bright spots that peak through the eclipse, but darker days may still be ahead for the red brand. Let's start at the top of the food chain.

    The Battle Of Who Could Care Less

    It took me to quote Ben Folds Five to sum up my sentiments about the HHH/Goldberg World Title feud. It saddens me it has come down to Goldberg to be the man to unrest the big gold belt from HHH. With exception of the bet that HHH lost to HBK in November having him give it to him as collateral until he could pay him back for a month's time, HHH has been the tyrannical title holder on RAW. Some would argue that he has had no competition and that he really is as damn good as he says he is. Some would argue that politics and McMegalomania has begrudgingly vindicated the extent of his reign. You and I could argue that the WWE may be better off having him as champion than Kane when he was under the mask or RVD and his limited mic skills or Booker T who'd be dogged for his criminal record or an unstable Freakzilla. Then again any of these guys could have made themselves and a HHH in pursuit of the belt better off in the long run if the title had changed hands.

    It's all just a question of what if that could be debated for weeks while the bears hibernate in their caves. Goldberg is a legitimate threat to HHH and his title. Every average fan I've talked to were in a state of dismay because they felt that Goldberg should've won the Elimination Chamber at SummerSlam. He was clearly dominant inside of that steel structure. Some insiders questions his drive to wrestle, the fact that he held out a comeback run while waiting out his WCW contract and looking at more lucrative deals in Japan. It may be about the money, but he did return to the WWE. You can't doubt that plus he's got the crowd behind him.

    Goldberg's career is on the line in this match. Retirement matches are tricky to call, but the looming news of pending nuptials between Triple H and Stephanie McMahon next month have complicated the equation. Most would say Goldberg is lock to win at Unforgiven, but you never know. If HHH wins and that's a big if, most would agree that the underbelly of wrestling fans worldwide would be so clogged with disgust that even a gas pump full of Pepto-Bismol couldn't eradicate their collective disdain.

    Orton Hears A Who?

    Randy Orton is playing it all wicked smart, right. He's targeting the senior citizens and violating the golden oldies. First it was Mick Foley, now it's Shawn Michaels. I see three scenarios going down in this one. A: Randy wins because he would benefit from the rub by a legend. 3: The Stay Puff Marshmallow Man enacts the Fluffernutter effect on the Golden Gate Bridge and the world feels the domino effect and quickly perishes because there isn't enough peanut butter or bread to counteract the marshmallow goo. C: Shawn wins because Ric Flair costs him the match, Randy turns face as a result and leaves Evolution. The honeys then really start to flock to Randy because he's not carrying around any more deadweight with him.

    Suspension Of Disbelief

    Kane, your my boy. The Maybelline Monster has benefited from the lack of mask. Sure, he's done some pretty absurd things since he has disgraced all of his Mexican cousins by demasking. He's doing all the things we have all wanted to do to the McMahons for years but been afraid to do out of fear of being blacklisted in all aspects of society. Tombstoning Linda, Getting Shane to jumpstart his heart with mixed nuts, going hunting with mysterious cousin Angus McMahon and shooting him in the foot. My gripe with the whole Kane ordeal is the dumpster full of fire. The attempt to burn Shane backfires and Kane gets charbroiled. Yet he comes back with minor scrapes a week later. He spent a good minute before the fire extinguishers were rolling in. Stunt double or not, he should have been disfigured by the whole malaise.

    I reserve the right to believe what I want to believe and take what I see and give them the benefit of the doubt. But sometimes, you just say "Hey, this is ludicrous, let's go down to the waffle house, word of mouth, pass it on." This extends to the issue of blading, ah yes, one of my favorite elements of wrestling. When a wrestler gets maimed and he dons his best tabasco mask, I'm in hog heaven. Just give me some of JR's BBQ sauce and a roasting pit because I'm feeling like a cannibal, I'm eating it up.

    It's tough to believe the hype when Rob Van Dam gets lambasted for being caught on tape doing it. Is it the cameraman's fault, is it the production truck's fault, is it Van Dam's fault? Who knows, but if you are trying to put RVD in the doghouse, fine him. Do it some other way then publicly disgracing the Van Dam name. Sure, he's been brutally honest about his displeasure for the way the merry-go-round has been going awry as of late, but he's got a legitimate gripe. The guy is arguably the most popular guy on your roster and you are treating him like he's Shemp from The 3 Stooges. Here's a thought, team him with Patterson and Brisco and call them The 3 Stooges. Couldn't be any worse than anything you are currently doing with him.

    On the blading note, did anyone notice how blatant the cut away on Goldberg was after the vicious chair shot HHH gave him inside the cage on RAW? HHH hits Goldberg and Flair goes right in for Goldberg. The camera catches this long enough until it cuts right to the upper half of an exulting HHH. Right after this, Goldberg is sporting more Crimson than a group of Harvard alums. That chair shot wasn't a love tap, but come on, stop pulling my finger, I'm a big boy, I can fart on my own.

    Passing Around The Hat

    Stacy Keibler is the equivalent of a monthly bus pass around the 25th of the month; used, abused and tossed around. Sure she still looks hotter than molten butter on raisin toast, but she's getting passed around like malaria. Test, Steiner, Test, the natural progression leads back to Steiner. There's no element of surprise or interest in this feud outside of Stacy. Every match these two has seems to be over Stacy. She gets a pop, Steiner treats her like a trophy, Test treats her like a moped. Stacy, it's about time you put your foot down and drop both of them like bad habits, smoking and nail biting and start dating Dub-Z. Can't a brother dream?

    I Don't Want To Wrestle, Do I Have To?

    It's as if the book has decided that they need to get their money's worth out of all of its talent. It's not like you have a locker room full of wrestlers who are taking the night off because of time constraints. Everyone on RAW is either cartoonish, gotten burnt(figuratively by HHH or physically) or both. I could see the thought process behind this one, "Coach, we have this idea, right. You are gonna wrestle JR." "We know, he's old and withered and you have little experience wrestling, but you are gonna do it." "We believe in you, you better do it or you're gonna have to eat your asparagus." This whole thing is gonna get real ugly real fast, it did when they added Al Snow to the mix. This whole thing makes me crave the return of Paul Heyman to the commentary booth. Or the idea I've been pushing for awhile now, DDP. Enough is enough and it's time to change some adult diapers.

    Tag Team Trouble

    It's kind of sad when the best tag team on RAW is Gail Kim and Molly Holly. They've shown me something in two weeks that most teams haven't shown me in two years. They have 'it', that intangible that makes them superior to all others as a team. And I'm not just talking with my wedding tackle here. Although I dub Gail Kim, Full Metal Jacket for her Oscar winning performance with Easy Cheese Eric Bisquick in the locker room there in Huntsville on RAW. FMJ teams with VBH which could either be Virginia Baked Hams because she's a pleasantly plump broad in the thigh region or Virgin Be Hating because that's her mindset. Sidebar: They be hating on Trish Stratus, who is quickly becoming a victim of the Suzanne Somers effect, one word, Buttmaster.

    "Excuse me, Intercontinental Champion over here." Nobody cares Christian, go back to playing second fiddle in the orchestra with Edge. You seem to be jealous of your former tag partner, Chris Jericho. Why wouldn't you be, he gets pooped on more than you and he gets more TV time with his Highlight Reel interview segment. Plus, I know how badly you wanted to share a beer with Stone Cold Steve Austin just so he could give you a stunner. Actions speak louder than words, even your peeps know that.

    They Spike Malted Milks - TNA (Get Your Head Out Of The Gutter)

    For the past two weeks, NWA Total Nonstop Action has sort of been on hold trying to patch up holes on some big money feuds. In the process, they took a week off with their "Best Of The Summer - Let's Shamelessly Try To Get Some Fans To Believe In Us" penny show. Well, while your talent was playing around by ketchup and liquor, you may have made believers out of a couple of fans willing to pay 10 bucks a week to watch your show. I don't mind, it's refreshing to watch some of the best indy talent in the country and around the world showcase their raw semi-polished skills on PPV. The fluffy entertainment revolves around the action is kept to a mininum. Plus, they have the best thing going in wrestling today, The X Division. I can't say enough about it, just a phenomenal spot festival for your eyes.

    Super X - Oh My God!

    In the words of one of my favorite announcers, Joey Styles, "Oh My God!" This 8 man tournament was off the chain. The first round matches were quick and left a lot to be desired, but the semifinals and the final were simply astounding. Chris Sabin may have won the tournament, but Teddy Hart was my MVP of the tourney. His semifinal loss to Juventud Guerrera will go on my short list for match of the year in 2003. If you watched the penny show on Wednesday, you saw my other choice on the list, America's Most Wanted vs XXX for the NWA Tag Team Titles inside the steel cage. The first round losers were no slouches; Nosawa, Jonny Storm, Jerry Lynn and X Division Champ Michael Shane. Other than Don Callis' blatant interference in Jerry's match with Chris Sabin, I have no more gripes with the tourney. The final between Sabin and Juvi was pretty damn good too. I argue that it wasn't a spotfest like Hart/Juvi in the previous round, but the finalists pulled off some sick moves that made the Battle of Antietam
    look like a two kids fighting over a crayon.

    Wednesday Bloody Wednesday

    The stage was set to blow the roof of the TNA Asylum when it was announced there would be a 10 man tag match for the ages. This wasn't an ordinary 10 man tag or that load of hoo haa they put on RAW this past Monday with the Duds, the Superheroes, the Frenchies, and the Rainbow Coalition. It was a Clockwork Orange House Of Fun War Games. Steel cage, weapons galore and total mayhem. The action between the teams of AMW, Jeff Jarrett, D-Lo Brown, Raven and A.J. Styles, Chris Daniels, Shane Douglas, Diamond & Swinger was a sight to be seen. My only problem with the match was that there too many cooks fighing over one pot. If they had two rings (which would be a tough fit in a bandbox such as The Asylum), it may have been better, but it had that down home country style atmosphere embodied by TNA. That good old time feeling flowing through the veins of the key master, The American Creme Pie Busty Roads and enforcer, The D.O.A. Erik "Kilo" Watts.

    The good guys would go onto win the match, but they didn't win the war. Russo and all of his flunkies including Sonny Siaki, Trinity and Legend would attack the American Creme Pie. The Disciples Of The New Church and Father James Mitchell would help The Franchise Shane Douglas try to scalp Raven. All in all, there were plenty of tabasco masks before the night was over, a night that will go down in American history as Wednesday Bloody Wednesday. Gee, sounds more like a U2 song title than an event that will be discussed around campfires and water coolers for years to come.

    A Penny, I Got A Whole Sock Full Of Pennies

    If you've been under a rock for the past week, TNA officials abused Ritalin and decided to sell one of their PPVs for a pretty copper Abraham Lincoln coin. That's right, a penny for those of you that don't pay attention to your pocket change. It was a chance for Mike Tenay and Don West to reminisce about their summer vacation and give the kiddos a refresher or a history lesson if you will about some of the best matches of the past couple of months. My only gripe with this was that they left out the hilarious comedy vignettes featuring the 3 Live Krew of Ron Killings, Konnan and B.G. James. They were truly a hoot, but they have gone away for good it appears as they are actually letting this trio wrestle again.

    If you didn't see it, I implore you to get a tape from someone who did watch it or watch it this weekend because what are you gonna do, go apple picking, rake leaves, watch foosball? For real, this is what you saw or you missed. X Division was up first and they showed some of the awesome pageantry of high risk maneuvers in a clip package. Then you got the Ultimate X 3 Way Match without all the belt drop snafoos cut out which made it a better view this time around. The belt was hanging from a steel cable which the 3 wrestlers, Chris Sabin, Frankie Kazarian and Michael Shane had to rappel to get the X Title. The belt kept falling because the idiot who came up with the idea for the match wasn't smart enough to hook the belt to a latch hook like they do in ladder matches.

    The focus shifts to tag team wrestling and a classic match between Chris Daniels and Elix Skipper of XXX and Chris Harris and James Storm of AMW inside a steel cage. This match burned down the house, the sheer athleticism of it was purely incredible. AMW finally got the upper hand in the feud and the match when Elix Skipper tried to go to the top of the cage and pull off a crazy spot, but he was vanquished from the cage by AMW. XXX had dominated AMW just like AMW dominated Glen 'Disqo' Gilberti's crew of Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger as of late. Diamond and Swinger recently won the tag team titles from AMW and we got clips of that as well on this show.

    Then you got to see the feud between Raven's Gathering and Shane Douglas with The New Church. This one makes me want to see The Brood come back in the WWE. Have they stopped back payments on Gangrel's visits to the veterinarian? The feud had some violence and weapons and some Clockwork Orange House Of Fun. I never explained the concept earlier with this match. Ropes hanging around the ring from poles in all the corners with random weapons hanging from the ropes. Carnage and mass insanity should ensue. All of this segways into the world title picture as of late. It all started off with Raven vs Jeff Jarrett a couple of months back. Jarrett was handcuffed during the match and was able to put aside the threats of The Gathering, The New Church, The Extreme Faction and Sabu to overcome the wrath of Raven and keep his title.

    Jarrett would later lose it to A.J. Styles, the current champion in a 3 way dance with himself, Styles and Raven when Shane Douglas took Raven out of the equation and Vince Russo backed Styles swerving JJ who he had helped win a match a week prior. We saw the one wrestling in TNA of Sting when he teamed up with JJ against A.J. and his mystery partner, Syxx-Pac. By the way, what up, Sting? Either you are a giant coward or you're wicked smart by hiding. Are you plotting your next move very slowly? A.J.'s feud with D-Lo Brown was highlighted chock full of the interference by Cocky Siaki and friends that helped A.J. keep his title. This all led up to last week's aforementioned War Games.

    Bald As A Billiard Ball

    What does the future hold for TNA? The return of Roddy Piper shooting on the WWE, a hair vs hair match between Raven and Shane Douglas, exciting action in the tag and X divisions as well as my favorite reason to watch TNA, A.J. Styles. This all should go down next Wednesday plus you get to see Don West try to sell you a Barry Bonds Donruss Rookie card. I'm just kidding, Donnie, you're my boy. NWA hasn't fired you yet, you don't have to go back to Shop At Home Sports Collectibles, although it hasn't been the same without you. They just hock more fitness equipment instead.

    They Sip Merlot - SmackDown - The Vince McMahon Variety Show

    It's no longer Stephanie's show, she's just a great figure with a bobble head instead of a figurehead as GM. Vince McMahon has to throw in his two cents every opportunity he can. He's going through his 87th mid life crisis as we speak, but instead of another red sports car, he opts for a sporty Sable. I hear she's a good ride, low on gas despite the high mileage, power steering, dual suspension and purrs like a tiger. Anything for his libido, but the Viagra. He should realize he's got some great athletes out there. Let's talk about them for a bit.

    Two Wrestlers That Sum Up Half Your Fan Base

    With no PPV this month for SmackDown, the focal point of the program seems to be the feud for secondary gold between U.S. Champ Eddy Guerrero and John Cena. I can't say anything bad about these two or this idea. It's great having these two going at it. The setup with Eddy getting all that praise in his hometown a couple of weeks back was like taking candy from an anorexic, worked like a charm. Then having Cena jack his lowrider was clutch with the wheels used as a prop weapon. These two guys looked like they had a blast in that parking lot. Sure its fun for us, but not necessarily for them. These two guys represent all the qualities that the youth of America should look up to; a thug that lies, cheats and steals his way to glory and another thug that prominently displays his bling bling and verbally accosts everything within a 25 mile radius.

    All them cars and that concrete is a recipe for disaster for these two combatants. Circle all them wagons and get yourself an audience of SmackDown talent. How many windows can you bust? You can't even count them on two hands it seemed. The lawnmower was a trip as well, I've seen some crazy ass weapons used be wrestlers in hardcore style matches, but this takes the cake. The return of Chavo Guerrero was a surprise, but it didn't get in the way of Eddy's successful plight against Hip Hop Cena.

    They're Ugly

    Not every superstar in the WWE is pretty, why not take some of the big uglies and put them in feud. Let's have Chris Benoit have a series of matches with A-Train and Rhyno maybe then both of the behemoths will look like a million bucks next to the time-tested technical wizardry of a chiseled veteran. Fat chance, but it's worth a try. Plus, it's not bad to see Sable, that 40 year old that's built like a garden hoe yet gyrates like a Jewish kid's draidel by the gorilla's side. Anything to keep Chris Benoit away from a title. There seems to be a stigma behind wrestlers named Chris. There's so many of them, yet they don't have long periods of success despite gaining respect from a consensus of wrestling fans for their workrate and sheer ability. Funny, hey it could be worse, your name could be Lance.

    The Big Manwich On Campus Got Them Beer Muscles

    Brock Lesnar is a one man wrecking crew, we all get it. You don't need to fling a cripple down a flight of stairs to prove that you are evil. You are crossing a fine line, my man. I am very afraid of you and bathtub mildew. You threw a nutty and interrupted the Kurt Angle/Undertaker WWE Title Match because you can't come to grips with the fact that despite the fact, you were underneath the ropes on multiple occasions, you tapped out. Plain and simple, brutha, but you get your opportunity for retribution. You and Angle will fight in a 60 Minute Ironman Match that will probably be one for the ages. We all remember Bret Hart/HBK and HHH/The Rock, but this may be the best of the bunch. Go ahead and rough Stephanie up before the wedding, sure that's a great idea.

    Womanster

    If Brock Lesnar is The Manster then Shaniqua is The Womanster. No, I don't believe Bradshaw's conspiracy theory about Shaniqua being Shelton Benjamin in drag. She's one tough customer, Divas beware. She don't need The Bashams, she can get her S and M on with or without them. Forget Mark Henry, she's the real Sexual Chocolate. Speaking of Bradshaw, he looks a lot like Robert from Big Brother 4. Stupid inane TV reference. Here's more, go watch Dead Like Me on Showtime and The Joe Schmo Show on SpikeTV.

    Back In Business

    I'm glad that the APA has opened up the office once again. It's always fun to watch people drink and play cards while smoking cigars. It's great for the colon, so I hear. The added element of the little gay black butler named Bruce is simply funny comic relief. I say gay because have you ever met a straight guy named Bruce? Exactly. The interaction between Matt Hardy and the APA was excellent. Anytime we get to see the extension of Mattitude it is a treat. It's rather quixotic like Chris Jericho's King Of The World complex. And to think they were trying to play Texas Holdem, that poker, it's a cutthroat game.

    Decade Of Destruction

    I got loads of respect for The Undertaker, he's more than just a brawler. Those submission holds and 3 finishing moves provide the former Dead Man a whole another dimension to his legendary character. Sure I long for the agility and mystique of his earlier years, but the American Badass is a good fit for the present day. Whether he's in the title hunt or he's giving his wisdom to a green rookie, The Undertaker is trailblazing through the WWE on his motorcycle. He's still got it, he gave Kurt Angle a run for his money last week. The one thing he's got that no one else this side of HHH has is one hell of a winning streak on PPV along with that 11-0 record at Wrestlemania. My question is who fights him at Wrestlemania XX? If he makes it, that is. I would like to see him interact with his "brother" Kane as would a lot of people. Maybe he could knock some sense into him or join him in his insanity.

    Drown In Denouement

    Before I go, I would like to say a couple of things. Thanks for making it this far in my column. I'm writing this as the 2nd anniversary of September 11th transpires. Let's have a moment of silence for everyone who fell victim to the wrath of terrorism including all the heroes that aren't just sandwiches, but people that gave their lives in attempt to save others in peril. Also a moment of silence for two people that share my name, John. That would be Johnny Cash and John Ritter, two legends in their entertainment genres.

    Okay, Terri needs sex. She holds onto that microphone like it's a phallus. Go talk to Val Venis, I heard his mother was Welsh and his father was Hungarian which makes him Well Hung. Lance Storm actually looked delighted and cheerful in his post match victory celebration against Rico. Maybe it was his first on-screen kiss with Jackie that made him glow from ear to ear. I'm digging angry Tajiri, reminds me of the good old days back in ECDubz. TNA Redshirt Security is jealous of Penn and Teller. Just perused the 2003 PWI 500 and HHH was robbed being ranked at number 2. He should have held every spot in the top 25. With number 26 being The Japanese Pool Boy and the list ending there.

    That's it, woah, that was a mouthful. Gotta go steal a keg from albino midget because it's easy pickens. Floozy, watch the blender and if you see The Mullets come by, smack them for me. There is no reason that UPN, The Un Popular Network needs to cut into my quality wrestling programming time so they can premiere a television program that's sole purpose is to lower my IQ. That's why I watch wrestling, my IQ is way too high and each week, it allows to me to shave points off it little by little. Go Red Sox. No I don't have Tourette's. One more thing while I'm on the entertainment tip, come back and whoop some candy ass, Rock. We really need you to show everyone else how it should be done. Just quit playing jungle with Stifler and Christopher Walken and come back to your roots. Is that too much to ask?

    Here's my e-mail address, they probably put it at the start of the column, but just to remind you. I like feedback and I think it's cool when I check my e-mail and it's not junk about how I can refinance my mortgage, enlarge my penis or pay to watch some skank run around her dorm room in her undies. So, if you would, drop me an e-mail.

    cdubnw55@aol.com

    A special thanks to Wevv Mang for all his kind words about me in his column. Go check out the LOP Columns Forum also. There's some fine columns from the likes of Pt2, RickStallion, DoubleHelix, XanMan, Quadriceps, TVDog, Winter, SteJ, Jbr, Optimus Starscream and many more.




    *NEW GALLERY* Wow! The Amazing RED CORSET Bedroom Photos of WWE's Maryse!

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