|
|
|
|
|
Submitted by Wevv Mang on Sunday, August 24, 2003 at 2:31 PM EST Ridin’ With The Bossman! - “They’re Very Creepy People...” Greetings! Welcome to the premier edition of Ridin’ With The Bossman, available exclusively at Lords of Pain! I am Wevv Mang and I like wrestling. I like all aspects of wrestling, from the production of the TV Shows, to the creative energy of coming up with new and original (well, not always) programming every week, to the business side. And of course, the wrestling. In this column i will be reviewing he Shows, and thinking about obscure wrestling topics. I liberally lace this column with what I call comedy, and even have a section in the middle (to break things up) in which I try to make you laugh. But I’ll let the main characters explain that section. so, let’s get things started, shall we? Raw And Smackdown - The TV Series Raw - recap info courtesy of Dustin Tigue It’s the final Show before the big joint PPV on Sunday. Time to build up those angles,a nd make people want to buy it. Monday Night Football is back in action, so the pressure is on. WWE will need something big to get the Show rolling. Jericho’s Highlight Reel is on way to do it. But it slides down to apathy. HBK is his first guest, but no interplay happens. Evolution comes out, and sucks the life out of it. H talks, and talks. Nash comes out (died blonde to hide the gray when he gets his hair cut) and starts laying people out. Evolution overpowers,a nd out comes Goldberg. He Spears Nash by accident. Uh-Oh, anything can happen in the Chamber! Don’t forget that! Buy it now! Tickets Still on Sale! Oh wait, JR said they were sold out. Trish cuts a promo saying she wants the belt. That’s the kind of promo I like. It makes sense. Trish Stratus vs Molly Holly Not a bad match. Some decent moves, new moves, and no botched spots. Sloppy, yes, botched, no. Gail is now a “disturbed woman”, filling the requirements for all female wrestlers to be “just plain nuts”. Steve Austin hangs with Evolution. Austin is going to be the special guest referee tonight in Orton vs Goldberg. The more I think about it, the more convinced I become that Austin underwent that Dr. Jho surgery that Angle had. He was thinking about it way back when, then there was the absence of Austin for about a week (Angle was released in days), and his current role would allow him to rest up and rehab without too much physical stress. Shane McMahon announced that he would beat up Eric tonight instead of at SummerSlam. That’s good news to me. I’d rather see some wrestling Sunday. Lance Storm went into the ladies locker room and was never heard from again. Test vs Big Poppa Pump Test fakes an injury and the WWE goes into overdrive to make the fans believe it. They don’t. Test sneaks up on BPP and wins. I hate the fake injury angle. It’s really being overdone. AS for Stacy, I don’t get it about her caring for a guy who wants to physically abuse her. I know some chicks have that pity streak in them, but most would be really happy that a guy like Test got injured. They may send a card or call, or ask about them, but that’s about it. WWE realized that Test - Stacy = Sucks. Of course, Test + Stacy = Sucks. It just doesn’t seem to figure into their minds that Test Just Sucks. Period. La resistance did a skit with a fan that you could smell turning on the Dudley Boys a mile away. He was a Frenchman after all. Jericho vs Nash Jericho won, after getting pounded the entire match. At least he wasn’t bald. However the weird stuff he did with Nash’s Hair was, well, weird. Rosey saves a cat. I laughed. It was good stuff, and Rosey has really been doing a good job. You know, at this point in the Show, it was just nice to have something that actually entertained me. Rosey, you are not SHIT, you’re gold. Teddy Long comes out and says that Rodney Mack will take care of Whitey. You know, it’s sad that at this point in the Show I was looking forward to this. Rodney takes on Rosey, Rosey wins. Linda = Ratings! .Linda has something to say. But some one is pounding on the door at her hotel room, excuse me “home”. Bischoff some how breaks in, and gives some whacked out speech about hating Shane, and but then macks out with Linda, and then says some more creepy things, and viola! Bischoff is a stalking psycho! It worked so well for Paul E, DDP, Eddie, Victoria, Dawn marie, Test, and so on and so forth. Fans loves Stalkers! Christian vs RVD. Solid match. Good action, some nice spots, and a nice build up to a possible long term feud. After Kane, who came down and carried off RVD like a hillbilly getting his bride. Cue the banjos. DANCE, STACY! DANCE!. I got a dollar bill with your name on it! Goldberg vs Randy Orton , w/ SCSA as Special Enforcer. H and Ric joined JR and King at ringside for commentary. Goldberg was strong to start off, but Orton managed a slight comeback. Ref bump, and Ric comes down to ringside, right past Austin. Austin starts beating up Ric, while Goldberg finishes up Orton. Austin eventually counts Orton out. H stands up, but doesn’t move. Nash runs in and lays out Goldberg. HBK then clocks H, but wait, Y2J then nails HBK and the Show ends with Jericho holding the belt. I didn’t like Raw. They did a lot to advance the angles, true, but the angles were not that exciting to begin with, or were, and now are not. Who’s really looking forward to Linda being all over the PPV and Shane trying to find out what happened? Think there’s a swerve involved? Me too. I’m really hoping that Linda was into Bischoff (hey, they’re McMahons, Very Creepy People). Smackdown. Recap info courtesy of... We have no Smackdown recapper? Here’s your chance folks! Want to get a break? Volunteer now! Kurt wants a fight! .He gets a brief one courtesy of Vince and Show. But the big one comes later on. Rey Mysterio vs Matt Hardy. Lackies at ringside help make the match unpredictable. Until Billy gets booted from ringside. Good action in this match, but Matt can’t pull it off as Gimpy McGimp comes down and whacks Matt with his cane. Rey picks up the pin. Just so you don’t forget about Steph (like we could...). we get a replay. Fluffy(Albert) jumps on her. I never thought I would write this but, THANK YOU FLUFFY! The Smackdown Swingers head to the ring. Nidia, Torie, Billy, and Jamie. To help improve ratings, they’re all going to get in on in the ring. At least, I think so. I’m looking forward to Torie Nidia, but Billy was in that gay wedding angle a while back... Michael Cole interviews Zack’s Mom.. Now we know something really bad is going to happen to Zack. Basham Brothers vs Billy and Jamie. Man, Jamie can wrestle. I noticed Cole had problems telling the Basham’s apart. I think he even called them just Bashams. I know how you fell COle, I have no idea who’s who. It’s Rosey / Jamal all over again. The match was solid, with a double cross to wrap it up. One Basham pushed another unconscious Basham out of the ring, and tricked Noble into a roll up for the pin. Shaniqua lays out Torrie and Nidia. Brock Lesnar vs Zack Gowan . Brutal match and the ring intros were longer than the actual match, which is the way I thought it should go. Lesnar then just destroys Zack. Zack bleeds like a McMahon, and I think Brock whacked him by accident in the hand with one of those chair shots. Like the guy wasn’t in enough pain already. UPN blurred the screen and played with some basic video filters to decrease the sight of blood. This was a network decision, since the rest of the camera angles were fine. I’m sure the network execs were thrilled when they saw the footage. Exec #1: You mean that kid with one leg gets the snot pounded out of him, and bleeds like crazy? Uh, Vince, I don’t think we should show that. You know, we have that new show the Mullets to think about, and we don’t want to offend our audience. Bravo Michael Cole. .Great after match promo. Just beautiful. Full of passion, and fire. Very well done. The only thing I can think of to make it better, is if he didn’t focus only on Lesnar’s match at Summerslam, and lay hopes of vengeance only on Angle. If he had just been pissed, and not had a ready outlet, it would have been superb. As it was, my respect for Cole has risen considerably. Tazz played it off very well too, just saying that Lesnar said he was going to do it, and what did you really expect? The guy is a monster. Nice job. Cole and Tazz, the best team in the WWE, without a doubt now. Cena and Fluffy vs Taker and Some Guy. It’s really Taker in a handicap match, and Taker continues his no selling ways. He beats up the two, and Orlando does make a late save but it’s not enough. Taker does his return job here, getting whacked by a chair, letting Cena get the pin. Sable and A-Train. Still think Sable is hot? She’s been with Vince and now Fluffy. Think about that. Eddie and Rhyno vs Benoit and Tajiri Little promo match before the PPV. Solid match, and some really good wrestling. But then again, I really didn’t expect anything less. Miscommunication sets up the win for Eddie and Rhyno. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN SUNDAY! DON’T FORGET THAT! BUY SUMMERSLAM NOW! Tickets still on sale, oh wait, no. they really are sold out. I checked. Kurt Angle vs Big Show Solid match. I mean it, Big Show and Angle has a good brawl, using foreign objects effectively, and Big Show bumped and sold, which is something you really don’t see many Big Guys do (*cough* TAKER *cough*). Good back and forth, and the winner wasn’t obvious. Nice reversal right into the finish. Angle got the pin. Good show. Some how, Smackdown seems to remember what has gone before and use it to make angles move instead of just jumping into an angle like Raw. I guess it all depends on what show McMahon is focusing on this week. I will say this. Brock really did get the heel heat going. No doubt about that. It’s just sad to me, that I’m not really looking forward to seeing Angle and Lesnar go at it again. The wrestling will be good, but it will be stale, since it’s only been about four months since their last match up, and upon Angle’s return, he’s been hanging with Lesnar, so it’s like the angle never really stopped. I’d say that Im looking forward to the four man US title match. I’d say that Smackdown did a better job of prepping for the PPV than Raw did. It’s like this. raw inspired dread about their matches (Oh man, is H really going to win again? Why is Bischoff wrestling again? Tag teams? Who cares about that?) while Smackdown made me want to see some matches, and at least I know in one match that there will be some good wrestling (Angle / Lesnar). However the lack of certain matches like the Smackdown Tag Team may be added later, and that one will be good too. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. Wevv’s House (Next To The Cemetery) Living Room Bossman: Hello there reader. I’m the Big Bossman. Big Show: I’m the Big Show Bossman: We’re here to inform you into what these skits that will be appearing in Wevv’s column are all about. Big Show: That’s right. We’re mainly here for comedy relief, but we also serve a purpose too. Bossman: That’s right Show. See, Wevv has been watching wrestling for a long time. Big Show: You might say he’s an old coot. HAHAHA! Bossman: Shut up Show. You want to get us fired? See, Wevv started watching wrestling in the mid 80’s. He took a break after an Earthquake - Tugboat match. Big Show: Two really fat guys trying to wrestle will do that to you. Bossman: He started watching again in the late 90’s. One of the first things he saw was our famous feud. Big Show: You may have heard about it? The one where Bossman would do all these really nasty things to me? Right after I first came into the WWF? Bossman: No? Well, not too surprising. Well, Wevv saw this one skit where I drove up to Big Show’s Daddy’s funeral in the Brother Car. Big Show: Right after he died of cancer, I should add. Bossman: Yes, anyway, I ran over Show, hooked the casket up to the car, and drove off, while yelling over a loudspeaker “I GOT YOUR DADDY BIG Show! YOU BASTARD!” Big Show: I ran over and tried to stop Bossman, but wound up riding the casket as it was dragged along the ground for about 100 yards. Bossman: Wevv loved it. To this day, he’ll say it was one of the funniest things he’s ever seen. Big Show: It wasn’t supposed to be funny. That was a sad and horrifying experience. Bossman: (looking sideways at Show) C’mon Show. Be real. Big Show: (sighs) Yeah, you’re right. It was just stupid. Bossman: When Wevv started writing columns, he had an irrevenant take on the subject. he decided to dedicate his column to that skit. It seemed to be ahead of it’s time, since Kane was shortly accused of humping dead chicks shortly after that. Big Show: of course, now the scene isn’t like that at all. I mean Kane lighting JR on fire was a real dramatic and horrific event. Bossman: Yeah right. (turning to look at Big Show) What’s wrong with you? What’s with the serious attitude? Work with me with me here! Big Show: I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m always this way. I’m not some big goof you know. I’m a serious person, and want to be treated that way. Bossman: You’’re kidding right? You’re not the same guy who went nuts over a sandwich? Starting the great Sandwich Feud of ‘02? The same guy once tried to eat Trish Stratus because we told you she had ham under her top? Big Show: Hey, I’m not the one who dug up Al Wilson and cooked him! This coming from the guy who once ran a midget crime ring! Bossman: I ever ran a midget crime ring! Stop trying to slander me! Look, can we just finish up this segment? Big Show: Fine, go ahead. I won’t say a word. Bossman: Good. Where was I? Oh yes. Occasionally, we go on missions for Wevv. Like the last time, we went looking for Mantaur. Big Show: We got him too. Heh, I think he;s still wandering that neighborhood. Bossman: I thought you’d be quiet! Thank you. So that’s about it. Mainly, we serve as a transition from the reviews and help ease you into the Over-Analyzing Section, where Wevv thinks too much about Wrestling. Sometimes we appear in the body of the column, like when Wevv overloads on sarcasm. I whack him with my nightstick to keep him in line. We also appear at the end of the column, where we recreate the casket ride. That’s about it. That’s all we have for today. Join us again next week! Big Show: Where I’m sure Bossman and his posse of midgets will commit more crimes! Bossman: That’s it! It’s on Fat boy! HARD TIME for you! Big Show: Oh yeah? We’ll see about that Midget Boy! Bossman and Big Show fall to brawling and breaking things. Wevv turns off the camera, sighs, and walks away, mentally tabulating the damages. Over-Analyzing Wrestling Today’s Topic: Size Does Matter Vince does love the big men. No doubt about it. The fans also seem to love the big guys in action too. Well, at least the folks who just watch TV do. Not those folks who got that there internet contraption. Listen to the pop the Undertaker gets when he arrives. It’s huge. Heck, even Nash gets a pop when he does the Jack knife Powerbomb. Vince loves the big guys so much he even turned himself into one. So, what is it about seeing a big guy pounding the crap out of a little guy that gets the juices flowing? Why does the IWC frown so much on them? In this section, I go in depth on a topic and frankly, Over-Analyze it. That’s why it’s called Over-Analyzing wrestling. Big Men symbolize power. When they step foot into the ring, their sheer size is intimidating. I mean, just look at Nash and Jericho standing in the ring together. Nash is huge, and Jericho isn’t. But beyond those first few seconds, it’s really no contest. When Jericho starts moving and Nash can’t keep up with him, the scales tip. Just being big doesn’t mean victory anymore. Movies and TV have helped demolish the myth of the big man. Seeing Jackie Chan dance around a big slow guy is entertaining. Fans know Jackie has quite an arsenal of moves, and that if the guy connects he may do some damage, but he’s gotta hit him first. If he can’t connect, well, then it’s not really a contest is it? Even if he does, it may not be over. Pop culture is full of references about things like “It’s not the size of the dog that matters, but the size of the fight in the dog” and other folksy sayings. Smaller heroes have been destroying big guys for quite some time. A popular reference is David and Goliath. Once folks get past the sheer size, it’s often the underdog that’s rooted for. Oh, and Arnold isn’t that tall too. The pinnacle of Big Manness is the Hulk. But I don’t think the Hulk’s popularity is based on his size. Folks know the Hulk is strong. They see him destroy a tank with his bare hands, and know he’s practically invulnerable. His opponents also mistake him for being slow, and that usually proves to be their undoing. But how to translate the Hulk factor into wrestling? Some have figured out how to do it, and other haven’t yet. A few have something working against them, that just won’t let them seem to get over as Big Men. Let’s take a look shall we? Big Show - Why not start with the biggest? I like Big Show. When I first jumped on the bandwagon it was empty. HA! No, I supported Big Show, even though I knew he sucked, because he sucked. Hey, the guy gave me my best wrestling memory, and it still cracks me up to this day. But back on track. Show figured out what made a Big Guy a Big Threat. Speed and Strength. He benefitted tremendously from working with Angle and Rey. He learned how to be quick and move. He showcased his strength and also his toughness, by taking big bumps and getting back up, and taking another. He learned to not rely on his size alone, that he had to back it up. Albert - Albert is a puzzle. He has multiple things working against him, but he also has some pretty solid skills. He can move, and bump, and is big, and strong. Now, the negatives are not just the back hair. That’s really minor. No, the problem with Albert is that he’s always in the background, or when pushed as a singles, is not against the right person. Albert is more a victim of bad booking that lack of skills. Being muscle isn’t bad, it’s being ineffective muscle that is bad. No one likes a putz unless he’s supposed to be a putz. You can throw Chuck in here as well. Undertaker - He’s been riding his nostalgia and size for a long time. He has picked up his ring pace, but only rarely uses it. Instead he’s locked in his ol punch kick offense and the big move to wrap things up. Seeing other big guys actually move has hurt him. Just telling us he’s strong really doesn’t do anything to help matters. I can’t think of anything to really do with Taker. His matches are all alike, just different time lengths (Quick and Long). Changing his gimmick wouldn’t help either, cuz it’s his ring style that’s really gone stale. Changing him to the Amazing Mark won’t help things. Kevin Nash - really, what is there to say that hasn’t been said before. he’s got one move that really wows the crowd and that’s it. His matches are Punch/Kick bonanzas. He can’t move well. And trying too will probably result in an injury. Mainly it’s the ol’ Punch/Kick style that the big guys use that makes them unpopular. A punch from a strong guy can hurt, but it’s when that strength is displayed (and not by picking something up) that the punches really make an impact in the people watching. Like when Hulk punches some one and misses, and leaves a big dent or the guy goes flying when he’s hit. That way the force of the blow registers in the brain. Also there’s the fact that if you know you can outrun the guy, then he’s not that scary. it’s only when (if) he catches you. It’s you animal instincts talking. I think that the biggest drawback to the Big Guys is the style of Big Guy wrestling itself. Angles come and go, but the style rarely changes. A big slug is still a big slug, even if he wears a mask. It just means you have something to laugh at before you run away. That’s it for the first edition on the main page. While Bossman and Big Show prep the hearse (damn Blues Brothers Foundation won’t loan me their car. Must have bee the one time we went trolling for chicks and got busted in downtown Phoenix. It was a great pick up line though...) I’ll ramble some more. Just some random thoughts. I still have some work to do on the format of this column. I used to a column twice weekly, and now have to combine the two reviews into one column. I kept them briefer than usual, if you can believe that. I still think it’s important to review the shows. tracking the plot let’s us know where we’ve been, and can give some clues into where we’re going. But since Sunday is usually a slow news day, it does give ya something to read, and a lot of it. It’s also nice to be reminded of what went on the week before, so you can plan your bathroom breaks when H appears on screen. if you miss it, JR will sure to tell all about it, and you don’t have to go through it again. Though you will anyway. Dont’ forget to check out the rest of the columns around here like: The Wrestling Menu by DaveyBoy. he’s got Summerslam predictions, and his accuracy is uncanny. The Forzese View by Larry Zybyscko. Just kidding. See, it’s all about attetnion to details. Corner to Corner by Stan Grubb. He tells a little about what’s RIGHT with wrestling. It is also a pleasure to plug Mr. Tito, the guy you really came to read. Wrath Of Tito read it HERE! Not enough for ya? If this isn’t enough for ya, there’s always the LOP Columns forums, where there is always something to read and peak your interst. Like: Turnbuckle Tailgate by Dubzilla Catch a Bad One by Rick Stallion Take Up Thy Wrestling Boots and Walk by Pt2 Just to name a few. DoubleHelix hasn’t posted as of the time of this writing, but if he’s there, check him out too. Heck, check em all out! They love feedback! Ready Bossman? Show? Then let’s let the new neighbors know we’re here. Hop on the casket Big Show, and let’s ride Bossman. Until Next Time, Be Good and Thanks For Reading Wevv Mang MrWevv@netscape.net
*NEW GALLERY* Go Directly to a RANDOM BACKSTAGE SPECIAL PHOTO GALLERY! Check It Out!
|
|