Wrestling in a Bottle: Summerslam Hype and Predictions
Submitted by Snapple on Saturday, August 23, 2003 at 12:39 AM EST



Hello wrestling brethren, and welcome to another edition of Wrestling in a Bottle, the only column with more innuendo than Spike TV. I'm Snapple. Well, the second biggest PPV of the year is finally upon us, and I have to say... I'm not all that thrilled. The hype on both RAW and Smackdown! I feel has been pretty weak, but we'll see how it goes.

Cheap plug time. The past month or so, I've been shilling out plugs for a forum I'm a member of called Zorum. Well Zorum has changed its name and address to http://www.postwhorecentral.com. Go check it out right now, or I'll stick my guard Serges on you. Trust me, you don't want to see Serges when he's mad.

It's going to be a shortened column this week, as I have a really busy schedule this weekend. I'm on my way back to college and have to prepare. Plus, I have a prediction contest to run, a dog who I'm running back and forth to the vet with, and a bunch of other stuff. However, I just had to get my predictions in before the big show and discuss the feuds leading into this PPV. So that's going to be the focus this time. That being said, on with the column.

Summerslam Predictions

Well, we're only a couple of days away from the big event, and I have to say that the hype this past week has been less than stellar to say the least. It's not that the angles are disgusting or that that I'm offended by bad wrestling as much as it is just really weak hype. Let's also not forget that FOUR, yes FOUR championship belts are not being defended at this, the second biggest PPV of the year. Just to give Rey, Kidman, Haas, and Benjamin something to do, they could've had Rey/Kidman vs. Team Not-Angle, round three. Sure, three times may seem like overkill but come on, they've been putting on awesome matches and these guys deserve a place on the card. Instead, they spent all the past month hyping up a rematch which they then gave away on free television. I really don't understand this booking at all.

Plus, how weak does the Intercontinental Championship look for not being defended at Summerslam? Even with Booker's abrupt stripping of the title, they had two whole weeks to build up a match for Christian. They could've done it, and a PPV win would've done wonders for Christian's credibility as a champion.

Well let's get to the matches that ARE hyped for Summerslam.

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff
Why oh why is this match on the card? There are tons of deserving wrestlers who need a match on this huge PPV, and yet we get a match between two non-wrestlers taking up the show. This isn't even going to be like Shane vs. Vince, which I LIKED, this is Shane and Eric Bischoff. I see this as basically a match to allow Kane to interfere in, or else it really has no purpose. HOWEVER, I will say one thing. This past week on RAW, there was a segment in which Eric broke into Linda's house, verbally berated Shane, and then kissed Linda. How funny would a Linda heel turn be? Anyway, unlike most people I've heard, I actually enjoyed the segment. Because even though I don't want to see this match, if you have to hype a Shane vs. Bischoff match, this is the way to do it. Before RAW, I never saw any believable heat between the two. However, Bischoff went on a tirade about how Shane stole and drove into the ground the company that Bischoff helped raise from the ground up, WCW. See, now I truly believe that Eric Bischoff the character hates Shane McMahon. Then to top it off, he kissed Linda, giving me believable reason for Shane to hate Eric, and thus the cycle is complete. Anyway, Shane will either pin Bischoff, or Kane will get Bischoff disqualified. Either way, same winner.
Snapple's Pick: Shane McMahon

The Undertaker vs. A-Train
Oh boy. Here's a feud that for some reason has actually gotten a lot of airtime and build. What can possibly come out of this feud though? Unless Undertaker actually puts A-Train OVER, which is unlikely, this is all for nothing more than to give Taker something to do while he wades around the midcard. Not only has Taker beaten A-Train multiple times in the past, but he even beat him in a handicapped match at Wrestlemania. That being said, how can I take this current match as a serious push for A-Train? Every time, Vince tries to push Albert, it fails. He's tried over and over and over and over, but it never never works, kinda like Test. To A-Train's and Taker's credit though, I believe A-Train's best match this year was against the Undertaker the Smackdown! after the Royal Rumble. It was a surprisingly good match, and I have faith that these two could put on a very decent big man match. Watch and you'll see.
Snapple's Pick: The Undertaker

United States Championship: Eddie Guerrero (c) vs. Chris Benoit vs. Tajiri vs. Rhyno
This match is basically two feuds in one. Benoit vs. Rhyno and Tajiri vs. Eddie. However, the feuds themselves have gotten somewhat weak hype the past couple weeks other than the prospect of some phenominal wrestling. Personally, I think just about any of these men have a chance of walking out of Summerslam with the belt, which is great because it means unpredictability. However, since I have to guess a winner, here's my far out train of thought. Eddie came out on top during the last Smackdown, so there's a good chance he will therefore lose. Tajiri vs. Eddie I have a feeling won't last that long as a feud, so you might as well trade the title over to the Benoit vs. Rhyno feud. So a good bet is that Benoit will come out with the belt this time. However, I'll be controversial and say Rhyno will nab the belt, only for Benoit to steal it later.
Snapple's Pick: Rhyno

World Tag Team Championship: La Resistance (c) vs. Dudley Boys
Again, I find it odd that the matches for Summerslam with the best build-up also seem to be the matches that I least care about. La Resistance are still a green tag team that are not impressing me and have a tired anti-American gimmick that's milking a war that's already over. However, they and the Dudleys are still the last true tag teams on RAW. Goldust and Lance Storm are a promising addition, but I still have to wonder where the tag gold will go after this feud is over. It could be a good match, but it probably won't be. The Dudleys are good workers when they need to be, but they're so stale, it's not even funny. I would 100 times over rather have La Resistance retain than see yet another Dudley title reign. I think the WWE will be the right decision.
Snapple's Pick: La Resistance

Zach Gowen vs. Matt Hardy
Okay... I'm going to try very hard to discuss this match without going on a rant about everything I hate about Zach Gowen, and why his booking is flawed, and why they're trying to put him over wrong. I will say this though. I would love Brock Lesnar forever if he would F5 Zach's mom. Wow, she was just insanely annoying. Plus, if Zach even makes it to Summerslam, how does he look like a credible opponent against Matt Hardy now? The build-up for this match has been weak weak weak, and like I said in Fact or Fiction, if Matt does the job to Zach, his career will never recover. I really don't see any way Zach can go over here, unless some freak force of nature occurs.
Snapple's Pick: Matt Hardy

Rob Van Dam vs. Kane
Well well well, this is probably the match I'm second most looking forward to after the US Title match. I've been waiting and eagerly anticipating this match ever since they started teaming with each other. Especially in the beginning of their tag run, there was a ton of friction between these two, and I ate it all up. I did not expect them to actually win the tag straps, but I was not unhappy when they did. So, you would think after all this time that I would be looking forward to this match. However, one thing bugs me. I wish I was looking forward to it more, but I'm upset that the emphasis hasn't been all on the breakup of RVD and Kane. First Kane basically went from feuding with Steve Austin to feuding with Shane McMahon. RVD was lost somewhere in the middle, and so you know that RVD has pretty much zero chance of winning this match. I've always been a big Kane fan and continue to be so, but this is not the way to build up a match. Plus, in every interaction RVD and Kane have had, Kane's clobbered RVD. Now when RVD loses, his credibility has just been shot. You know what this match needs? A "streetfight" stipulation. That way, RVD will be in his own element, and it will give Kane's win that much more meaning. Yeah, a streetfight would rock.
Snapple's Pick: Kane

WWE Championship: Kurt Angle (c) vs. Brock Lesnar
I have one word for this feud. Weak. For some reason... I just can't get into it. Brock's heel turn was predictable, and other than attacking Kurt, I don't feel any reason why these two should HATE each other, you know? There should've been more build. Plus, I'm not feeling Kurt as a face champion too much. On the plus side, I think either of these men could believably walk out of Summerslam the cahmpion, and again, I like the aura of unpredictability. On the down side, this is the third major PPV match Kurt and Brock have fought each other, and their first two matches were average at best. Actually, their first match was average, and the Vengeance match just plain sucked. Hey, I WANTED it to be great. I went into Vengeance thinking, "Okay, this is going to be an awesome main event" and I was let down big time. It was just 20 minutes of each man trying to use his finisher as many times as possible. There was no pacing or psychology to the match at all. I don't want more of the same for Summerslam. I think Brock exhausted the main event pushes of the only two real semi-main event heels on Smackdown in John Cena and Big Show. That leaves me to believe that it's time for a heel champion. So that's my reasoning behind picking Brock.
Snapple's Pick: Brock Lesnar

World Championship: Triple-H (c) vs. Goldberg vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Kevin Nash vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton
Okay, and now for the main event. The worst thing about this match is that what feuds are generating this match? Jericho and Nash have a mediocre feud, but what happened to the beginnings of the Goldberg vs. Triple-H feud? That's gone. Where's the feud? To be fair, the stipulation is interesting, but just look at the people involved. This match is going to bite the big one most likely. The only two people in the cage with real skill are Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho. Not only that, but in the last Elimination Chamber, pretty much all of the people involved stood a chance of winning, from a booking standpoint. This time, I see MAYBE three contenders out of the six, Jericho, Triple-H, and Goldberg. Randy Orton is a joke. He's only in there because he's part of Evolution. Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash are neither part of any major storylines nor are they really full-time wrestlers. At least Michaels isn't. Plus, Nash just finished his title feud. Goldberg I really hope doesn't win. This time, Goldberg is not over. People resisted him going effortlessly and deservelessly over the Rock and Chris Jericho. Speaking of Jericho, he's the person I would most want to win the match. It makes sense, too. He's got a lot of heat now, having beaten both Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash, Triple-H needs to take some time off due to injury, and he'd be a better draw than Goldberg currently. However, do I THINK he'll win? No. It will probably go to the person who it will make the least sense to have him keep the title, Triple-H.
Snapple's Pick: Triple-H

Final Thought

Bleh, I'd not really that hyped up for Summerslam. As I've tried to iterate, there are no strong feuds going into the show, hence the weak hype this last week. For a casual fan, what does he have to look forward to? What big payoff matches are there to see? The Chamber? What's that a payoff to? See, this is why buyrates are down. It's not the talent they have, it's the booking. They have more than enough talent to churn out great show after great show after great show. Even on RAW. However, now we have this slap-together Summerslam that I'm only half-interested in seeing. Well, I'm going to go into the show with high hopes and maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised. Maybe I'll come back next week raving about how great the show was... or maybe not. Time will see. Until next time, adios.

-Snapple

Email me feeback! I yearn for feedback! happydude5000@msn.com

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