Wrestling in a Bottle: We Dissect Kane's New Angle
Submitted by Snapple on Friday, July 18, 2003 at 9:01 PM EST



Hello, and welcome to another edition of the only column that put the "and" in "rock and roll," Wrestling in a Bottle. Sorry there was no column last week. This has been both a slow summer for wrestling and a busy summer for me, hence why I've been consistently posting only once every other week instead of every week. Don't get me wrong. I still watch every RAW and every Smackdown, but it's just been so... boring lately. This week I said I might talk about women's wrestling, but instead I've opted to talk about KANE. I'm all unpredictable like that.

I want to give a quick shout-out to my homies at Zorum.net. It's a cool site where yours truly can often be found. Click here to visit their great forums.

What's Your Story?: My Thoughts on Kane

In the past, I've always thrown my support for Kane. I've stuck up for this big man many times as saying that he's a guy who's paid his dues long enough and is deserving of a big push. Well, it looks like he's finally getting it, and yet I haven't spoken my peace on Kane since his unmasking.

First of all, I have to say right out that Kane had a damn good match with Triple-H for the World Title in my opinion. What I saw that night wasn't the flat, boring wrestling style of Kane that we've been seeing the last few months. I saw shades of an older Kane, the one who sold almost nothing and really made himself look like the obstacle to beat. Kane really told a story with his match. He looked fiercely determined to beat Triple-H, and the fans were deafeningly loud. I marked out when Kane became the second person (after Nash) to kick out of the Pedigree in some three-odd years.

After the match however, I was subject to something that all but killed my glee. KAne took off his mask, to reveal his face... and the first thing that came to my mind was Larry from the Three Stooges.



Separated at birth?

At any rate, Kane looked really awful, and not in the good way. Of course his hair being half chopped off doesn't even make any sense in the first place, since Batista took off his mask just in January and guess what? He had a full head of hair! Explain that one, WWE!

Well anyway, even the WWE realized they'd made a horrible mistake, so they went the extra mile and shaved ALL his hair off, making him bald. Kane still looks rather stupid if you ask me. He'll never be able to have a convincing face run if he doesn't don the mask again. That's another shame, because I really enjoy seeing Kane as a face. Sure, unmasking Kane provides a certain shock value, but after that shock wears off, what do you have left? You have a wrestler who's a lot uglier than he used to be. To me, Kane has always been about his mask. The mask represents everything that is Kane. Now that it's gone, what is Kane?

Well, for now Kane is an insecure man who beats up anyone who "makes fun of him." Hey, at least it's a direction. Kane has been the main focus of every single RAW since his unmasking. Not Triple-H, not Goldberg, Kane. It's very odd, but I know they're building up to something. What I really want is to see Kane wrestle RVD at Summerslam, but they're giving away that match like idiots on next week's RAW. Worst of all, RVD-Kane isn't even going to be the main event of RAW (I don't think). HBK vs. Jericho is going to be the main event of RAW.

I'm going out on a limb and saying Kane is going to wrestle Steve Austin at Summerslam. Yes, I know Austin has been in a non-wrestling role since Wrestlemania, but who is Kane really feuding with here? Let me put it this way. Kane attacked Jim Ross. Attacking Jim Ross pretty much makes it official that a wrestler is feuding with Steve Austin. That's the way it's always been, and that's the way it's probably going to stay. If RVD-Kane doesn't happen at a PPV, I'm going to be very pissed off. I've been wanting this feud to happen for a long time, so they better not piss it away in a midcard match on RAW.

Speaking of the attack on Jim Ross this past Monday, that was so lame. Lame lame lame. Let's stop doing stupid things with Kane's character, please. I don't like it when hoaky things like that totally spoil the realism the WWE tries to create. The one GOOD thing that came out of RAW on Monday was that they actually had a legitimate explanation as to why Kane's face isn't burned. Hallelujah! WWE didn't insult the fans for once. Okay, so apparently Kane's burns healed a long time ago and he's just been afraid to look in a mirror with his mask off for all these years. It's a little campy, but at least it's a reason. I'll take it.

Where Kane goes from here is up to the WWE. Kane's seeming main-event push tells me at least that they want him part of one of the headliners of Summerslam. That's why I'm thinking Austin vs. Kane.

NWA: Total Nonstop Snapple

Well, the past two NWA-TNA shows have been somewhat decent yet uneventful. Last week was supposed to be the big match between D-Lo and AJ Styles. Imagine my disappointment when the match only lasted around nine or ten minutes. There's no good excuse for that. It took AJ a good 20-25 minutes to put away Kazarian, so D-Lo deserves better than that. However, obviously they've just been saving it. Next week should be a good one. Two out of three falls. One pin, one submission, one ladder.

The only thing I'm wondering is about Jarrett's 30-day rematch clause... the writers in NWA aren't very smart.

For the second week in a row this week, Chris Sabin beat Frankie Kazarian in an X Title match. Yet, I believe there's going to be yet another rematch next week. That is so lame. It's just like the crappy feud between Booker T and Christian. Everytime Sabin lives to fight another day, Kazarian somehow gets another shot at the title. That's a lose-lose situation for Chris Sabin, who is by far a superior wrestler to Kazarian. There's no way in Hell now he'll come out of this feud on top. Kazarian is a downright careless wrestler at times. Sabin I wasn't sold on at first, because they just handed him the title belt in something like his second or third TNA match ever with no build up at all. However, Sabin has proven himself to me, and I'll go ahead and say it, I'm now a Chris Sabin fan.

In other news, America's Most Wanted ALSO have to defend their titles in a rematch against a team they already beat. LAME. All these undeserving rematches are bugging me.

Jerry Lynn fought Justin Credible in another decent match, this time Last Man Standing. Except the finish was botched so Lynn technically should never have won it. Uh oh...

Next week's show looks like a lot of crap matches with a good main event from what their preview was showing me.

Finally, I'd like to give a large BOO to Total Nonstop Action Entertainment for putting on a short show this week. The show ended a full 15 minutes too early. That's 1/8 of the show gone. What's up with that, fellas?

What Chris Nowinski Did This Week

This is very odd. Chris Nowinski did not have a match on Sunday Night HeAT, nor did he have a match on RAW last week, meaning Nowinski did not wrestle a televised match at all last week. This week, Nowinski also did not wrestle on RAW. I checked the HeAT tapings spoilers, and Nowinski did not have a HeAT match either... that means this is the second week in a row that Nowinski has not wrestled at all, unless it's been at a house show. So don't expect Nowinski on HeAT this Sunday. It appears to be a very sad time for people who admire Chris Nowinski. Again, I'm so happy to see that win at Bad Blood went somewhere meaningful.

Flavor of the Week

This week's flavor... oh, I'll go with Chris Benoit. He had a good match with Matt Hardy. It's been a very bad week, so I'm not going to be picky. In fact, I don't really have much else to say. Benoit is going to face Eddie in the US Title finals, and that's a good thing.

Chump of the Week

This week's chump... oh, I'll go with Maven. Maven had not one but two matches I had to stomach in one week. That in and of itself is enough reason for Maven to be my chump. This guy cannot wrestle well. He never has been able to wrestle well. Get him back down to OVW please.

Final Thought

I've been hearing rumors about how Kurt Angle has started politicking backstage. Now at first I didn't believe that at all. However, I have to raise my eyebrow when Kurt actually beat three men in a handicapped match. A wise man once said, no wrestler should EVER win a match against three other men. And these weren't just three men. They were a main eventer and the tag team champions. Well, it's something to chew on for a while. Definitely look forward to the D-Lo/Styles match next week as well as a LOT of hype for Vengeance. That's all for this week. I'll be back at you next week with Vengeance predictions and an NWA-TNA review. Later folks.

-Snapple

Email me with comments and questions. happydude5000@msn.com

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