Wrestling in a Bottle: Bad Blood Review , Smackdown, and NWA-TNA's Anniversary
Submitted by Snapple on Friday, June 20, 2003 at 5:41 PM EST



Hey everybody and welcome to another edition of the only column with more swing than a well-oiled playground, Wrestling in a Bottle. Well, it's been a long two weeks since my last column, but perhaps it's best that I didn't post my predictions for Bad Blood, as I would've done horribly. Still, I do have a review of that pay-per-view, and it won't be pretty. I've gotten emails from recent columns praising my positive attitude. Well, if you're one of those people, avert your eyes, because Bad Blood put me in a foul mood Sunday night.

In lighter news, I saw The Italian Job a couple of days ago. I didn't want to see it initially because the trailers didn't grab me at all. However, I highly recommend the movie. It's got a lot of action, a good plot, and some really funny moments. It's just a good, fun movie. Nothing especially revolutionary, but it will satisfy your afternoon.

On with the column.

Bad Blood Review: Someone Shoot Me

I think everyone who saw Bad Blood is at least in agreement that it wasn't a great show. However, I've heard some people say that parts of the show were enjoyable, that it was watchable overall, etc. Let me say that I completely and utterly disagree with that statement. I hope I never have to watch this PPV ever again for as long as I live. I don't think there was anything redeeming about the show, and to prove it, I'm going to run down the card right now.

The Dudley Boys vs. Rodney Mack & Chris Nowinski
This was our opener for the evening, and I was just happy that it was Nowinski's PPV debut. I thought the Dudleys would go over here since Mack and Nowinski have gotten the better of the Dudleys in every single encounter of this "feud." The Dudleys losing this match just made them look totally weak, and it wasn't even a good match, especially when anybody named Rodney Mack was in the ring. The match was just slop, and the Dudleys were really off their game.
Rating: Crap

Scott Steiner vs. Test
Well, here's the sad thing. This match may have been the highlight of the night. The match had a great start, with Steiner jumping off the apron and landing on his head. Good move, Scott. Actually, this match was decent considering who was in it. I think they both worked within their limited ability and put on something passable. I liked the ending with Steiner ducking the steel chair over and over until Test clocked himself in the head and then hitting Kanyon's finishing move.
Rating: Decent... maybe.

Booker T vs. Christian
Well, here's a match that had a lot of potential. The way they were keeping the pace slow for a while, I thought it was because it was going to be a nice long match with good build towards the end. However, like seven minutes into the match, Christian blatantly disqualifies himself by clocking Booker with the title. Damn, what a shitty ending to a poorly paced match. Title matches should be longer than this was anyway. Horrible.
Rating: Crap

RVD & Kane vs. La Resistance
The only thing that was keeping me interested in this match was that I was expecting Kane to turn heel in the middle of the match. It never happened, and I just got a crappy match. La Resistance are SO GREEN, and RVD is not the man to carry them to a five-star match. Kane was barely even in the match, and on top of everything, an undeserving team now has the tag titles. Screw the French.
Rating: Double crap

Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho
Well, I figured that if the Rock couldn't carry Jericho to a good match, then Jericho probably wouldn't either, despite the fact that he's a wrestling god. Well, I was right. This match was pure suck from top to bottom. For the first half of the match, Goldberg no-sold everything Jericho threw, and the tide didn't turn until Goldberg injured himself by missing a spear, because Goldberg will only sell damage caused by the only guy who he considers in his league, himself. Jericho had the advantage for a while, and even had Goldberg in the Walls for about three seconds, but Goldberg hit the spear/jackhammer combo for a dominating finish. Gee, that match sounds familiar. Oh yeah, because it's the exact same match he had with the Rock! Complete crap! More than crap!
Rating: Screw Goldberg

Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair
Well, this match was supposed to be my savior. I was looking forward to this match most of all on the card, so did it deliver? Pfft, no. Sure, maybe it was shortchanged by being only about 15 minutes, but this was by FAR a sub-par match for both wrestlers here. They just didn't mesh well, and the ending was crap, as it put nobody over. HBK took the loss, and Flair only picked up the win due to a big chairshot from Randy Orton. HBK says he could've put on a better match if he had ten more minutes. I can't question him, but what I saw was crap. It was probably the most watchable match of the night, but it was still crap.
Rating: Big letdown

Kevin Nash vs. Triple-H
This match caused me physical pain. Oh, people have been telling me, "Give Nash a chance. He could put on a good match. Don't be surprised if the Hell in a Cell ends up being really good." Well, I watched the match, and I hate it. I hope everyone's satisfied. I know I'm not. I would LOVE for Nash to surprise me by being anything more than a lazy sack of feces, but that hasn't happened yet. Triple-H is a shell of his former self and in no condition to carry Nash to a great anything. The only thing redeeming about this match was when Foley locked the Mandible Claw on Triple-H. Oh, you better believe I marked out like a six year-old for that one. Other than that, this match was horrible. Thank everything holy that Nash didn't win the strap.
Rating: The sport of wrestling should be ashamed.

Don't even get me started on the Redneck Triathalon. The whole thing was a big waste of airtime, and I think I'm stupider for having watched it. I know for certain I'm that much more blind for watching Mae Young give Eric Bischoff a bronco buster in thong lingerie. What was the WWE THINKING? Do they think that fans actually want to WATCH that? I feel pity for Eric having to take that crap. Overall, this was not only the worst PPV of 2003 thus far, but it's also worse than any of the PPVs from 2002. If you didn't see it, be glad.

What's Your Story?

Unfortunately, I kinda missed RAW this week. I can't really review a show I haven't seen, but I will say that I REALLY hope Kane isn't unmasked on RAW. If Kane is unmasked, his career will be over. First of all, aside from the fact that they'd either have to cover his face in charred flesh make-up or explain why his face looks normal, the mask is Kane. Without the mask, all you have is an overgrown dentist, and nobody wants that.

Onto Smackdown!, I was highly impressed with the first half of the show. Specifically, the Rhyno-Benoit match, the Rey-Kanyon match, and especially the Angle-Haas match. First off, the Benoit-Rhyno match was a lot better than their first match against each other during the Title tournament leading into Backlash. I was fairly sure Benoit was the one turning heel out of the duo, but the match they had would suggest differently. That's interesting.

Angle doesn't look like he's lost a step at all. He made Haas look like a pro, and Team Not-Angle is still a little green in my book. I know Angle said he wants to challenge the winner of these Brock-Show bouts, but I'd like to see him continue to feud with Team Not-Angle someway. I think the reason Brock hasn't pinned Show two weeks in a row could suggest a triple-threat match for Vengeance. Expect a Angle-Benjamin match on next week's Smackdown! which could be even better than this week's match. I think that while both Benjamin and Haas are good, Haas is slightly better on the mic and Benjamin is slightly better in the ring. I think Haas knows how to work a good psychological match though, and after these two have more experience, either one of them could be big break-out stars. Haas looks better with the little bit of a beard he's growing, too.

The Undertaker-FBI feud is really starting to wear thin on me, especially since Taker ALWAYS gets the better of FBI in pretty much every encounter they've had. That's not exactly what I would call putting your opposition over. The FBI are being made to look like glorified jobbers, and they need to start winning some matches if any of them hope to have some credibility. I'm not sure if I've mention this in my columns, but I'm a fan of Johnny Stamboli. I didn't really watch his work towards the end of WCW, but I followed him during all those months he was on HeAT, and I was impressed. Watching the FBI's matches, I can also say that I enjoy watching him wrestle more than Nunzio and Palumbo. The problem with FBI matches is that they all end in big clusterfucks where everyone is running into the ring, but aside from that, I have to believe Stamboli could be the breakout star from this stable.

What Chris Nowinski Did This Week

This week Nowinski made his PPV debut! That's something I've been waiting a while for, but it seems like an empty victory. The match wasn't too good, and he's teaming with Rodney Mack for crying out loud. Lest I remind everyone, Rodney Mack is a horrible, horrible wrestler, so I'm not as happy as I could be. Of course, who wants to bet that this team of Nowinski and Mack won't even go anywhere? How many storylines involving Nowinski have been inexplicably dropped without conclusion? Ah well.

NWA: Total Nonstop Snapple

Wow, so much has happened in the past two weeks of NWA-TNA, that I couldn't possibly hit all the high points. Last week, I was shocked and amazed that AJ Styles WON the NWA Heavyweight Championship. I popped like a corn kernel in a fat man's armpit when AJ pinned Jarrett, and to say I was thrilled would be an understatement. That coupled with Big Show breaking the ring and Mr. Socko means I marked like a little girl three times in a one-week timespan, which is a lot for me. All of this set up a tag match for the One-Year Anniversary Show between AJ Styles and a mystery partner against Jeff Jarrett and STING. I bought the show, so let's review it.

Unfortunately, just hours before the anniversary show started, I was crippled with some unknown illness that left me bed-ridden and with a killer migraine. Despite all of this, I somehow managed to order the PPV for the week, because I'm a wrestling fan dammit, and I'm driven. So although I watched the show, I was REALLY out of it.

In the first of two title matches, X Champ Chris Sabin defended his title against Paul London. All I can say is that this had to have been the BEST X Divison match of 2003 so far. The X Division has been hurting badly ever since Low-Ki and AJ have moved onto other divisions, but this match sends me a glimmer of hope. I'm really going to have to check out more of London's Indy stuff, because he may have made a fan out of me. The only thing I didn't like was the run-in finish from CM Punk, but otherwise a great match. Kudos to both men.

I HATE the Hard 10 matches! They are so pointless! The point system is a sham. How much skill does it take to grab a trashcan lid and fwap your opponent ten times in rapid succession?

The next title match was yet another match between NWA's two top tag teams, America's Most Wanted and Triple-X. Now, despite AMW's horrible match last week where they botched countless moves, I'm a huge fan of both these teams, and I even called the AMW vs. Triple-X match from Week 31 a Match of the Year candidate for all of American wrestling. Anyway, Triple-X won yet again. I didn't see much of this match as I was in too much pain to enjoy it, but AMW gets a rematch next week, in a STEEL CAGE! Fun. I can't wait.

As for the main event, shocker of shockers, Syxx-Pac is the mystery partner for AJ Styles, and he comes out to a huge round of... indifference. Again, I did not watch all of the match because I wasn't feeling too well, but from what I did see, time has not been a friend to our old pal Sting. He just looks old, and he wrestles like an old man in the ring. I think he's in good shape for his age, but his prime is clearly behind him. His reputation will be fairly untarnished if he just sticks to Indy feds and never comes back to the WWE. It's my feeling now that if Sting ever came to the WWE, he would be made a joke of. That's all I have to say about that.

Overall, it was a pretty good show... I think. The flashbacks were a nice touch, although I question the inclusion of some of the "highlights" of the past year. The midget masturbating in a trashcan? Come on.

Flavor of the Week

This week's flavor was a toss-up. I considered giving it to Paul London, but instead I'm giving the nod to "the man," Kurt Angle. Although I'm still skeptical about Kurt being a babyface in a time when Smackdown! is hurting for credible heels. Still, he's been entertaining as Hell the past three weeks, and this week he finally made his in-ring return. Now most guys returning from neck surgery probably would start off slow, in a short tag match or something like that, but not Kurt Angle. No, he has to go 12 minutes against Charlie Haas or however long it was. It was a great match, too. It made my week, and practically made me forget about Bad Blood. Kudos to Kurt.

Chump of the Week

This week's chump is... let's see. Who should I give it to? Oh wait, I know! Kevin Nash. If there ever was a wrestler who personified laziness to a T, it would be Nash. All I can say is thank goodness Trips kicked out of the powerbomb at Bad Blood, because as much as Triple-H can annoy me at times, seeing Nash with the belt around his waist would just make me sick. Sorry to the Nash fans out there, but that's my opinion. I never thought Hell in a Cell could be that boring. I'll have to watch Taker-Bossman again to determine which one is truly worse, but at least Triple-H gets out there and wrestles. I have better things to do than watch Nash waddle around the ring and throw his almighty punches.

Final Thought

Well, I still don't know what Smackdown! has planned for Vengeance, but I hope they start announcing some matches soon. On RAW, there are a couple of interesting rumors floating around that I've read... it'll be interesting to see if either of them come true. In any case, I really hope they're building towards a Foley-HHH match at Summerslam instead of the proposed Goldberg-HHH match. There could be a lot of interesting television in the coming weeks, as things always start to get interesting before Summerslam. Until next week, look to the skies and keep hope alive. Whatever that means.

-Snapple

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