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Submitted by BlazingPhoenix on Sunday, April 27, 2003 at 6:06 PM EST
Out of the AshesHello everybody, and welcome back to Out of the Ashes. I am Blazing Phoenix, and I am done with classes for this year. Yeah, I still got finals and a couple papers, but that’s no big deal. I got nice and plastered Friday night at my school’s annual end of the year concert. It was a decent show, made better by the fact that it was supposed to storm but didn’t. Plus, I made some money working the second stage sound, which is always nice. Last night, I went to see Identity. It’s the new movie with John Cusack, Amanda Peet, and Ray Liotta. And, of course, my favorite Scrub, John C. McGinley (Dr. Cox). I liked it a lot, and would recommend it to anyone who is thinking about seeing it. Try to get it in now before all the other great movies this summer come out. X-2 comes out this Friday, and Matrix Reloaded the week after. Good times. But I’ll tell you what isn’t good times, readers. That’s dealing with the shit that I got 2 weeks ago after my column. In fact, it’s what inspired me to write this particular column. So, if you’ve got the balls (or ovaries if you’re a woman, I suppose), read on. Fanning the Flames - Stupid fucking marksI’m going to disclaim the fuck out of this: The opinions expressed herein are solely my own, and do not necessarily represent those of the good people here at LOP. If you are unable to handle the harsh truth, and are going to bombard my mailbox with unreadable hate mail, hit the “back” button on your browser right now. If you read on and are offended, it serves you right, and I hope your head explodes. OK, let’s go back to two weeks ago. My column dealt with the returns of four old people to the WWE. Nash, Goldberg, Piper, and Sable. I essentially said that they were all worthless at this point in time. ESSENTIALLY. I did point out possible benefits to their returns, as few of them as there were. I also threw in the requisite derogatory comments about Triple H. For my troubles, I received emails that, in some cases literally said, “u r a fukn idiot. hhh rulez! nash rulez! goldberg rulez!” etc., etc. Bad grammar and all. I stated that Sable looked old, and that Torrie is much hotter. In response to that, I got an accusation that I jerk off to Jazz. There’s this thing called an opinion. Am I so wrong in stating that I find Torrie to be hotter than Sable? Of course not, and you are a stupid fucking mark. Not because you like Sable, because that’s fine, but because you can’t accept the opinion of someone else. I got emails that said that Nash is the only reason that people watched WCW. Are you fucking serious? Do the names Sting, Bret Hart, Booker T, and the entire Cruiserweight division ring a bell? Hell, I would watch the first 30 minutes of Thunder and Nitro because I knew that’s when anybody good would be on, and I know I’m not the only person. I also mentioned that Nash had something like 23 surgeries, and that his body was beyond repair. People wrote in talking about all the people that have had the neck surgery, and how Austin has had a couple of surgeries. A couple! Not 23! Jesus fucking Christ, use your fucking brains on that one! How about the statements that Goldberg hasn’t even hit his prime. Wow. Just fucking wow. Have you seen what he’s done on Raw? He can’t even hit a fucking spear right anymore! He never had a prime, because he was never trained properly! He ended Bret Hart’s career with his carelessness, which I’ll admit biases me a bit, but just take a look at the goddamn facts. He’s hurt himself multiple times because he doesn’t know how to protect himself properly! And then, of course, there’s Triple H. “Triple H is the Game! He’s the best thing going on Raw right now!”, blah blah fucking blah. How about the Rock? He’s the only reason I watch Raw anymore. “There’s nobody that can take his place now.” And why is that? Because he holds everybody down, that’s why. The Rock puts over anybody and everybody, and then Triple H proceeds to squash them immediately the next week. It happened to the Hurricane, it happened to Booker T, and it’ll happen to god knows how many more people. When was the last time that Triple H actually tried in a match? Against Shawn Michaels. Coincidence? Fuck no. Michaels is one of his best friends. Hell, they’re fucking slapping you in the face with it now, with the whole Nash thing. But what does he do against RVD, Kane, and Booker T? Bends them over and fucks them in the ass, that’s what. Now, even though I agree that RVD should definitely not be champion, and I have my doubts about Booker T, it would make a huge fucking difference to the Raw product if Triple H was not the champion. I want to see the belt back on Jericho, and have Triple H start jobbing to people. We’ll see how he likes it. Jericho would be 10 times the champion that Triple H is. Guess what? It’s not that hard to bump around a little bit for somebody. I did it for hours on end WHEN I WAS TRAINING. I’m just going to remind you all of the fact that I actually DO know what I’m talking about. I bumped and bumped and bumped for experienced wrestlers, and the next day I felt fine. Could that be because I don’t take steroids? How’s that for an idea. Oh, and by the way, the more experienced wrestlers had no trouble bumping for me whenever it was appropriate. And I’m not talking about in matches. I’m talking about during training, when it had nothing to do with looking good in front of a crowd. But, of course, some people in the WWE can get away without bumping, because all those fucking marks out there will gladly drop to their goddamn knees and call them the greatest thing since sliced bread. The REAL “Sliced Bread #2", if you will. Get it? I’m not going to blame Triple H for all the problems in the WWE. That’s ridiculous. But he’s doing his fair share of evils, and all his little Kliq buddies aren’t helping at all. But the fact he remains on top is largely due to the fact that he....well, remains on top, if you get my drift. Personal relationships are tearing the company down from the inside out. And if you are not able to see what is going on, then you are exactly what the WWE wants you to be, and that is a mark with the IQ of a 5 year old. Unable to think for yourself, and believing in every goddamn word they say. And if that’s what you are, I pity you. Dousing the BlazeMan, that felt good. I went Bad Phoenix on all your candy asses. (Bad Phoenix illicitly ripped off of Mr. Tito’s Bad Tito, but at least I have the good manners to admit it) Now, if you’ve made it this far and haven’t opened your mailboxes yet, pay very close attention. If I get an email from you that is not a logical, well-thought out response, or it only attacks me personally, you will most likely get an email berating your intelligence. If it’s nearly incomprehensible, like emails of that sort tend to be, you will get no response whatsoever. I hope my big words didn’t fry your brain. Actually, I hope they did, because then I don’t have to deal with your shit. For all my readers that this doesn’t apply to, I apologize for wasting your time. Or I hope you enjoyed it thoroughly. Either works for me. I’m not sure when my next column will be, but until then, I am... Blazing Phoenix Email: HuckFins@aol.com HIW: This Friday marks the 2 year anniversary of the best damn e-fed show, period, Fatal Friday. If you're not there, you won't know what the hell you're missing. *NEW GALLERY* New AMAZING Candid Photos of Karen Angle on BLTS! WOW!
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