Wrestling in a Bottle: More on the War and the WWE, Backlash Predictions
Submitted by Snapple on Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 12:02 PM EST



Hey, everyone. Welcome to another edition of Wrestling in a Bottle, the only column with more sexual innuendos than Spike TV. I'm your wrestlemaster, Snapple. Now, I know I didn't do a column last week, but let me explain something. Two weeks ago, I wrote a column entitled "Should the WWE Bring the War into the Wrestling?" It was hands down the most controversial column I've written, and as such I received the most feedback I've ever received from a single column. Not only did I receive upwards of 40 emails from you, the faithful readers, but many of them were more like essays than emails. I'm not complaining, but I'm just letting you know that in my attempt to respond to every email I got, I did more than probably three columns' worth of writing, literally, and I just got a sick taste in my mouth when I considered writing a column last Friday. Not only was I burnt out from writing, but I did not even finish responding to all my emails. As a matter of fact, there are still about ten emails in my inbox I haven't gotten back to. To those people, I apologize. I try my best each week to respond to every email, but last week I just got tired. Finals are approaching fast for me, and life has just gotten tiring.

However, don't take this as a sign to stop emailing me. My ego requires feedback, so I promise to respond to any comments on this week's column.

Some of you sent me well wishes on prom as well. As a matter of fact, I had a great time this year. It was a very different experience since I'm out of high school now and I was with different people. In case you were wondering, no, I didn't get any. Although I really wasn't expecting to, since I was just going with a friend, as a friend. The photo place screwed up some of my pictures, but I'll still have fond memories.

Actually, maybe it's a good thing that I didn't write last week, or else I'd have very little to talk about this week. This week has been a BORING week for the WWE. RAW and Smackdown! were both very sub-par, as far as I'm concerned. Well, I'll break down the storylines in my monthly PPV Predictions. I'll also follow up on the war column with general feedback and an examination of "The Great Debate" between Chris Nowinski and Scott Steiner. Enough chit-chat, let's dive in like a fat guy at Golden Corral.

Backlash Predictions

This Backlash is going to be a bad PPV, I'll tell you right now. Not only is Angle out of action for the first time in three and a half years, but Benoit isn't even on the CARD. Who is the genius who let that mishap slip? Keeping Chris Benoit off a wrestling event is just a mistake in every sense of the word. Anyway, let's look at the matches.

Women's Championship: Trish (c) vs. Jazz
See, here's why Lita can't go to Smackdown! The firing angle may mean that Lita's been traded to be with her boyfriend, Matt. Lita needs to mix up the Women's Division badly. I want the division to succeed, I really do, but if I see another combination of Trish/Jazz/Victoria in a match on PPV, I'm going to scream. The whole Women's Division is stale, but I have a feeling Jazz is going to win the title either at Backlash or Judgment Day. Since there's no guarantee that there will even be a women's match at Judgment Day, I'll say Jazz is going to win. Although, the WWE doesn't give a crap about women, so it could go either way.
Snapple's Pick: Jazz

Smackdown! Tag Team Championship: Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle (c)
I can also go back or forth on this match as well. On one hand, the Guerreros are ready to reclaim the gold after taking two losses to Team Angle. On the other hand, Team Angle have nothing to sustain them without Kurt under their wing. Just look at how many non-title matches they lose. It's fairly pathetic, and I hope their career doesn't go down the tubes so soon. Still... something seems to say to me that the Guerreros are going to win this. Call it a hunch. It should be a good match either way, and I look forward to it.
Snapple's Pick: Los Guerreros

Rey Mysterio vs. the Big Show
Blame the tournament for the short build-up for matches on Smackdown! Word has it that Big Show is being groomed for another shot at the title. Well, even before that rumor was released, I could have told you that Rey doesn't stand a chance in Hell in this match. Seriously, would anyone honestly believe it if Rey-Rey beat a guy three times his size? I sure wouldn't. I mean, I think most people will agree that Rey Mysterio has a lot more talent than Big Show, but seriously, Rey won't win this match. I admit that I laughed at the expression on Show's face when he took the 619, but the build-up for this match is pretty ho-hum. If Rey is allowed to get in a lot of offense, this match could be very fun. It really could, but I have a feeling that it'll just be Rey bumping around like a ragdoll for about five minutes. Blah, that's no fun.
Snapple's Pick: Big Show

Sean O'Haire vs. Rikishi
I've heard people cringe at the thought of this match, but I will be honest. I have NEVER looked forward to a Rikishi match ever, until now. Rikishi vs. Austin didn't excite me at all, but for some reason, the addition of Rowdy Roddy Piper to the WWE has captivated me like nothing else could. I think Piper should be kept as far away from the ring as possible, as this past Smackdown! will atest to, but he's dynamite on the mic, and he's perfect for putting over someone like Sean O'Haire. I had no idea that the WWE was this serious about pushing O'Haire, but I'm pretty excited. It's obvious to me at least that Rikishi is not a contender here. He's a victim. He hasn't had a PPV match in 11 months, so why are they giving him a match now? I'll tell you why. Rikishi is going to be the first victim of the Duo of Eeeeevil! Seriously, there's no way Rikishi is winning this match.
Snapple's Pick: Sean O'Haire

RAW Tag Team Championship: RVD & Kane (c) vs. the Dudley Boys
I know everyone seems to think that RVD & Kane are going to get screwed out of a respectable title reign just like Bookdust was, but I don't know. There are hints that seem to say that RVD & Kane will retain the titles. The most important factor I see is that the Dudleys are involved of a storyline of their own. They reluctantly joined the "Bischoff Administration" after feuding with Chief Morley for a good couple of months. Since then, they've been walking the line between heel and face, back and forth, back and forth. I saw a flicker of hope when D'Von stood up to his brother on this past RAW. Perhaps this dissention among the ranks will cost the Dudleys their titles, and we will maybe get to see the match that was denied to us after Judgment Day last year, D'Von vs. Bubba. Well, maybe I'm looking too far into the future. I'll just go against logic and say RVD and Kane will retain.
Snapple's Pick: RVD and Kane

Booker T, Shawn Michaels, & Kevin Nash vs. Triple-H, Ric Flair, and Chris Jericho
I really don't want to see this match at all. First of all, the match serves no purpose. Does either team accomplish anything by winning or losing? No, they don't. Did Jericho get his rematch against Shawn Michaels? No, he didn't. Will Booker T go back to the midcard after the Kliq swallows the main event scene? Why yes, he will. This match just gives me a sick feeling in my stomach, and Booker and Jericho are getting no love. For this match to have any meaning at all, some kind of swerve has to take place. If there is no swerve, the match is pointless. As for who will win, the face team will. Two reasons: First of all, the face team has more Kliq members than the heel team. Secondly, Triple-H is a tag match whore. Triple-H loses 95% of all tag matches so that he has an excuse for getting his heat back in the title matches, where he always wins. Triple-H lays down in tag matches because he knows how pointless tag matches are. Can you smell the Nash-HHH match on the horizon? Boy howdy!
Snapple's Pick: Booker, HBK, and Nash

WWE Championship: Brock Lesnar (c) vs. John Cena
Brock is struggling to get credible competition. Most of the Smackdown! upper-midcarders are faces now, and Brock has already beaten both of the main event heels on the roster, Kurt Angle and the Big Show. I have a feeling someone will turn heel to give more competition for Brock by the time Vengeance rolls around. As for John Cena, I don't buy his push in the least bit. It's too fast, too soon. He hasn't had a PPV match in like nine months, and his wins over Eddie and Benoit seem more like flukes than being put over. Given the fact that Cena has been tearing Brock a verbal asshole the past two months, the build-up to the PPV has been really weak, when it shouldn't be. Putting heat on this "feud" should have been easy as Hell, and yet I was bored with it. No wonder the ratings went down this Thursday. Cena has no chance of winning the title. If you don't believe me, watch this Sunday, and we'll see.
Snapple's Pick: Brock Lesnar

Goldberg vs. The Rock
Here's the real main event. The rest of the card is either crap, or slightly higher than crap, but this is the reason I'm buying the PPV. I want to see Goldberg kick the Rock's ass. Don't get me wrong. I like the Rock better than Goldberg, but this is just the kid in me talking. This past RAW sucked wind harder than any RAW has sucked in a long time. However, the one thing that went right on this past RAW was the build-up for the Rock-Goldberg match. It had everything. The Rock outsmarting Goldberg into leaving the arena. The Rock beating the shit out of Goldberg with a steel chair. GILLBERG! Yes, who would've ever thought they'd see the day that Goldberg and Gillberg were standing in the same ring together? Well... that's beside the point. When I think of this match, I really get a sense that we have the biggest star in WCW going against the biggest star in the WWE. This is the kind of stuff the Invasion needed to be a success. Anyway, the outcome of this match should be obvious, which is unfortunate. I don't like predictability, but yeah, Goldberg needs to look good in his first match and the Rock is leaving to do a movie. Do the math.
Snapple's Pick: Goldberg

What Chris Nowinski Did (Last) Week

Two weeks ago, I presented my thoughts on the Nowinski-Steiner angle as it regards to the war and Americans opposing the war. It received a LOT of feedback, so I strongly recommend that you give it a once over if you haven't already. You can find it in the WIAB archives, but I'll save you the trouble and give you the URL: http://www.lordsofpain.net/news/2003/articles/1050040801.php

The feedback that I got from the column covered a large variety of issues and was surprisingly positive, for the most part. I got a few angry letters from some pro-war people, but most everyone was intelligent and at least agreed with some of the things that I had to say. I do want to clear up some things that I said though. One of the things I said that confused some people was that much of America was against the war. This is absolutely true, but some people interpretted that to mean that I meant *most* of America was against the war. Right now I think the polls say somewhere around 30% to 40% against the war, depending on where you're getting your information from. Trust me though, polls are extremely easy to manipulate, so I don't put much stock in exact statistics. However, I have no doubt that more than half of the populous is in favor of the war. However, does that mean that the opinions of the minority don't count? Absolutely not. That's no excuse for the WWE trying to insult a third of its audience.

Another thing I wanted to bring up is that a lot of people compared the Nowinski-Steiner angle to the Hogan-Slaughter feud leading into Wrestlemania 7. People want to compare the two, but hear me out when I say, there is no comparison. It was both a different time and a different situation. The original Gulf War had a more clear-cut purpose than this war. I'm not saying there is no purpose, but America was much more fully behind the Gulf War than Operation Iraqi Freedom, strictly statistically speaking. Also, Sergeant Slaughter was not anti-war. He was pro-Iraq. Chris Nowinski is not pro-Iraq at all. He's portraying an average American citizen, not one of Saddam's drones. Whether you were for or against war in Iraq in 1991, you couldn't really be offended by Hulk Hogan beating the crap out of a guy jeering "Down with America!" It was fun for the whole family! Plus, it was more acceptable, because the WWF of 1991 was a lot less reality-based and more closely related to a cartoon show. People saw it as something that was separate from reality, whereas today Vince wants to make sickeningly real situations with necrophilia and the like. It's not the same place to make a joke out of pro- or anti-war people.

Last week, the Nowinski-Steiner confrontation seemed to come to a head. They took the shocking promo from the week before and dubbed a new event in WWE History called "The Great Debate!" In case you missed it, here was the premise. Scott Steiner and Chris Nowinski were to engage in an actual formal debate on the war in Iraq. Do I even need to say how it went? Nowinski basically said a few things that made sense but could have been more convincing. Steiner fired back by saying that Iraq houses terrorists and that he feels we should support our troops. Now, I will give Steiner credit. He spoke a whole two minutes without saying a single catch-phrase. Good for him. The part about supporting the troops I didn't like. Most of the anti-war people that I know do indeed support the troops, and that's somewhat of an assumption on Steiner's part to say that Nowinski doesn't support the troops when Nowinski never said that at all. However, it's not like Nowinski tried to argue that fact. Actually, he instead came back by having 3-Minute Warning attack Steiner, and then jumping in and kicking the crap out of him. The whole segment was a bit degrading to anti-war people, BUT I don't think Steiner did all that much to make pro-war people any better in that scenario. The Great Debate didn't offend me as much as the first promo by Nowinski, though it was pretty much a lose-lose by people on both sides of the war.

At least the segment got great heat for Nowinski when he beat the shit out of Steiner. As somewhat of an irrational Nowinski mark, I would've been happy if this storyline meant him getting a PPV match. Unfortunately, the next week, for some reason the attention was turned to Steiner's conflict with Test. Nowinski actually sat at the announce booth for a match of Steiner's, but get this, he didn't interfere! What was the point of that, then? No Pay-Per-View match for Nowinski once again. Well, perhaps it's the best to drop this feud anyway.

Flavor of the Week

This week's flavor is NOBODY. This week has been absolutely horrible for wrestling. Matches on both RAW and Smackdown! have been average at best. Considering it's the week leading into Backlash, this is probably a sign of how bad the PPV is going to be.

Chump of the Week

This week's chump is Jeff Hardy. If you haven't heard the news, Jeff Hardy is the latest casualty of budget cuts in the WWE. So why is he a chump? Easy, because he earned his pink slip. There was one time when I was one of those huge Hardy Boyz marks, and I loved everything about Jeff's high-flying ways. However, the times have changed. Jeff Hardy may have had his pushes fizzled. Jeff Hardy may have been bitched around by main eventers to ruin his credibility, but he's not the only one. He goes out to the ring and goes through the motions. He puts on this stupid face paint, botches a few moves, and calls it a night. Yet the WWE has given him endless chances. He shows up late for shows, shows bad attitude backstage, and yet he wonders why his career is in the crapper. Jeff Hardy does not want to wrestle. He wants to get paid, and that's it. There are lots of guys busting their ass on HeAT, busting their ass in OVW, or busting their ass in the Indies, who would LOVE to have Jeff Hardy's spot on RAW. If he doesn't act like he wants it, then he didn't deserve his spot. I do not feel sorry at all that he was released, but I respect his accomplishments. I hope that Jeff has much success with his Motocross and his band, as those seem to be his real passions. Good luck, Jeff. I wish you the best. Now just never show your ass on my television screen again.

No Pieces of Randomness this week. Expect it to return next week.

Final Thought

This week has been a dull week. Hopefully, Backlash will have some pleasant surprises, and I will enjoy it. It seems like a lot of people are cynical on the quality of PPVs to come, but I'm going to stay positive. The product always goes through an awkward down period right after Wrestlemania. I'll be back next week with my week in review, including notes on Backlash. Until then, take care, and be good to one another.

-Snapple

Snip Snapple Pop is your hook-up! Holla if ya read me! happydude5000@msn.com








*NEW GALLERY* Very HOT and Revealing Gail Kim Photos! WOW!!!

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