Wrestling in a Bottle: We Talk Smack About 'No Way Out'
Submitted by Snapple on Friday, February 21, 2003 at 5:30 PM EST



Hey peeps. Welcome once again to everybody's FAVORITE column in the entire world, Wrestling in a Bottle. Dear Abby's got nuthin' on me. Well it's the Friday before a Pay-Per-View, which means that today I'll showcase my No Way Out predictions. Personally though, I don't think the card this month is quite enticing enough to make me want to see the show. I don't want to waste any time, so I'll get right into the nitty-gritty.

What's Your Story?

The first thing I have to talk about is the recent plan for the WWE regarding a proposed "Hard Split". The deal would be that only four of the 12 PPVs per year would actually be shared between RAW and Smackdown!, and those would be the big PPVs, Wrestlemania, Survivor Series, Summerslam, and the Royal Rumble. Four of the other PPVs would be exclusive to Smackdown! wrestlers and the last four PPVs would be exclusive to the RAW brand. I've heard debate on the Forums about whether this is a good idea. Personally, I think this is a GREAT idea, and I'll tell you why.

First of all, most of the PPVs will get an entire two months of booking instead of the old system where feuds would have to be slapped together right before a PPV. That's eight or nine shows of hype instead of just four. So long term booking is an absolute must. You won't see these "throw together" matches like Jeff Hardy vs. Jericho and RVD/Kane vs. Storm/Regal. Also, have you noticed how the Hogan-Rock match has been barely hyped in relation to the number of shows it's been featured on? This won't happen in the hard split.

Second of all, each single-brand PPV will only have half the pool of wrestlers to fill out the card. This is a good thing, because it will mean a lot more midcarders will make it to PPV. You can't have an event that only has two or three matches because you only want to include the main eventers and upper midcarders. No, the midcard will finally have a chance to shine again, and it will give the WWE a better scope of who is actually getting heat and who isn't.

Along the same lines of the PPVs being overloaded with midcarders, this spells out one thing to me. The return of the midcard titles. Yes, I know a lot of people like myself were crushed to learn of the demise of the midcard titles. However, with so many midcarders getting on PPVs, they have to have something to fight over, right? So bring back the titles! Put the Intercontinental Title on Smackdown! and the European Title on RAW. I'd love to see it happen.

The only downside I see is that a lot of people probably would be pretty skeptical about seeing an all-RAW Pay-Per-View. I know I will. A lot of people seem to think that all the talent is on Smackdown! We'll see how these RAW PPVs work. I won't judge until I see it. On the other hand though, people might be happy to see an all-Smackdown! PPV. It's a give-and-take situation.

Overall, I'm looking forward to this move very much. I hope things pan out correctly and that it really does happen, which it may not.

Onto the storylines and predictions...

No Way Out Predictions

Well, this month I have no real desire to spend my money on a WWE Pay-Per-View, especially considering that there are really only three matches that I think will be any good. I'll discuss all of this in the match breakdown. Though, and it shouldn't be surprising, it looks like No Way Out will be one big hype for Wrestlemania. There's nothing really wrong with that, but it doesn't make me want to buy the PPV. Anywho, let's look at the match-ups.

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff
Well, here's a fairly useless match if I ever saw one. I've heard some people predict a fluke win by Bischoff due to heavy interference. I think that's rubbish. This is a way to reintroduce Austin to the WWE, and he's not going to lose to a non-wrestler ten seconds after he returns from his long absence. I don't think this match is going to go very long either. If Austin and Bischoff were actually feuding, then maybe this match would bring some interest, but it won't. Austin will stunner Bischoff. Austin is officially back in full swing.
Snapple's Pick: Steve Austin

Hulk Hogan vs. The Rock
I really think this is a good matchup, so I'm a little saddened that it wasn't built up better. Hogan and Rock both were totally absent from TWO Smackdown!s in the past month. That's two shows they could've used to hype up their match. Heck, they didn't actually meet face to face until the most recent episode. What they have done though, is golden. The Rock has had a hard job in trying to convincingly turn heel. I mean, it's not exactly easy to just be a bad guy one day when you've been known as the "People's Champion" for so long. The Rock has been DYNAMITE. I think his character is so strong right now that Hogan actually needs this win more than Rock. Plus, Rock won last time, so...
Snapple's Pick: Hulk Hogan

RAW Championship: Scott Steiner vs. Triple-H (c)
My guess is that this will be the worst match of the night. The fact that Steiner in general hasn't been very well received since he actually started wrestling again coupled with the fact that Canadians love to cheer the heel makes me think that Steiner will basically get booed right out of the building. A couple of people have disagreed with me via email, but I still can't stand Steiner in the ring. Triple-H isn't exactly a spring chicken either. This will be the potty/snack break match. Steiner won't last much longer. Booker and Triple-H at Mania!
Snapple's Pick: Triple-H

Undertaker vs. Big Show
Now, people might be thinking that THIS will be the snoozer match on the card, but I'm not so sure. Hear me out. Undertaker and Big Show actually have a good thing going, I think. They've had a very entertaining feud, I think, and Big Show hasn't wrestled a single match since the Royal Rumble. How can I complain about this feud then? People say that Undertaker is a bad wrestler. People say that Big Show is a HORRIBLE wrestler. Well, I definitely agree on Big Show. Undertaker has had a lot of bad matches too, but his better matches tend to be with large opponents. Think about it. Even recently, Undertaker brought A-Train to the best match he's possibly ever had (although that isn't saying much). The Undertaker took a lazy bum like Test to a watchable match at Summerslam, which definitely surprised me. Now, I know Big Show isn't easy to carry. Undertaker probably won't do well either, but the clash of the hosses will be more entertaining than Steiner-HHH, by far. I predict this feud to extend to Mania, and since Undertaker always wins at Wrestlemania, that means...
Snapple's Pick: Big Show

Team Angle vs. Brock Lesnar, Edge, and Chris Benoit
I still wish the title were on the line in this match. It's not that I would expect a title change anyway, but I have this thing about the title being defended on every PPV, with special exceptions like Survivor Series. At any rate, it looks like Edge may or may not even be competing in this match. If Edge doesn't compete, he will likely be replaced by Rhyno or Rey Mysterio. In any case, it looks like Edge is going to be out for a year. I'm really going to miss him, seriously. Anywho, we can't have our champion looking weak going into Wrestlemania, now can we? Angle wins! Angle wins!
Snapple's Pick: Team Angle

RAW Tag Championship: Lance Storm and William Regal (c) vs. Rob Van Dam and Kane
Why is this match here? They could've at least let these two teams feud a bit before No Way Out. The outcome is a little hazy though, which is good. Too much predictability on a card is not a good thing. On one hand, RVD and Kane could win the titles, setting up the likely opponents of Batista and Randy Orton as the challengers for Wrestlemania. OR RVD and Kane will lose, citing either mis-communication between the two or a heel turn by one of them. By which I mean it will set up RVD vs. Kane at Wrestlemania. I pick the second option, even though I hate seeing Regal and Storm as the tag champs.
Snapple's Pick: Lance Storm and William Regal

Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho
I feel bad for Test. Really, I do. Even though he's not over at ALL. Anywho, Jericho against the likes of Jeff Hardy might seem like a fairly predictable outcome, but I honestly consider this to be the hardest match on the PPV to call. In a straight up match, of course Jericho would win. However, there is an X-Factor involved here. That X-Factor is Shawn Michaels. It might seem absurd that even with HBK's help Hardy might beat Jericho, but remember this. Matt Hardy has a pinfall victory over the Undertaker. D-Von Dudley has a pinfall victory over Triple-H. Why should Jeff beating Jericho be any less or more surprising? In fact, it'll be the perfect setup for HBK-Jericho at Wrestlemania. And when Jericho beats HBK, nobody will care much about this loss.
Snapple's Pick: Jeff Hardy

Cruiserweight Championship: Billy Kidman (c) vs. Matt Hardy
Here's a lesson in logic. Matt Hardy is over. Billy Kidman is less over. Matt Hardy should be holding a title belt instead of Billy Kidman. Go Mattitude! This might be the darkhorse match of the show. Seriously.
Snapple's Pick: Matt Hardy

What Chris Nowinski Did This Week

This week, Chris had two matches. The first one was filmed last week and aired on HeAT. The second one was on this past RAW. The first match was against Spike Dudley, and he LOST. The second match was against the Hurricane, which he also LOST. Who is Chris pissing off backstage? Seriously, he used to get so much more airtime than this. He also used to WIN matches, consistently I might add. This is not the way to push a potential star, that's for sure.

Flavor of the Week

This week's flavor is The Rock. I may regret this, seeing as how I'm very miffed at him for putting Hollywood above wrestling. Still, Rock has been trying very hard to make his heel turn convincing. I think he's done an awesome job. When he told Hogan when to talk by pointing a couple of weeks ago, I laughed my ass off. When he came out this week and delivered two dynamite promos, I was sold. The Rock is back, fresh, and looking like a legitimate intimidating heel persona. Like he put it, "Sing-along time with the Rock is over."

Chump of the Week

This week's chump is the A-Train. Why THIS week? Because he wasted Benoit. Chris Benoit is one of my favorite parts of Smackdown!, and he got stuck in a stinky minute-long match with this hairy piece of lard. How incredibly annoying. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Pieces of Randomness

In a parallel universe...

-...since coming back from a quad injury, Triple-H has really slimmed down, making him more agile in the ring and a fan-favorite competitor for the Cruiserweight Title.
-...despite winning King of the Ring, Brock Lesnar now struggles to get off Velocity, where he's been semi-feuding with Crash Holly for a good month or two now. Maybe one day he'll actually beat the little bugger.
-...the Undertaker becomes disgusted with the nature of wrestling today and quits the business to devote himself to the persuit of knowledge. He is currently working on new treatments to successfully battle various kinds of cancer.
-...Test is now a part-time wrestler, because he devotes most of his time to his flourishing Hollywood career, grossing over $10 million per movie.
-...despite numerous attempts for Triple-H to break out of the cruiserweight division and make a name for himself, Chris Jericho uses his backstage pull to bury Triple-H at any opportunity.
-...there is only one Undisputed Champion, and that person's name is Stacy Keibler.

Final Thought

Well, that's all for this week. If No Way Out ends up being a killer PPV, then I will prompty kick myself on Monday. In either case, you'll see me next week, another column in tow. The clock is ticking away until Wrestlemania, one of the best times of the year. I see good things in the future, very good things. Take care, people.

-Snapple

You feel compelled to email me! COMPELLED! happydude5000@msn.com








*NEW GALLERY* An XTREME Catfight with Sunny, Payton Banks and ROH's Lacey! WOW!

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