The Wrestling Menu - Christmas & Wrestling = Family & Fun
Submitted by DaveyBoy on Wednesday, December 25, 2002 at 11:50 PM EST






THE WRESTLING MENU #28

Welcome one and all to the 28th edition of The Wrestling Menu, the column that is sure to satisfy your taste buds when it comes to discussing all things wrestling.

I'm betting that there were a few of you out there that thought I would not end up posting a column on Christmas Day. Well, I'd like to collect on those bets now thanks. The Wrestling Menu will not be stopped by anything when it comes to generating timely & informative discussion on the world of professional wrestling. Not even the major public holiday of the year. Of course, the time difference between America & Australia helps, as I'm really posting this Thursday (Australian time).


APPETIZERS - Christmas

Before I begin, I would just like to say that I hope all of my readers had a very merry Christmas. May you all have received the pressies that you wished for & more importantly, had a wonderful day with those closest to you. To anyone that does not celebrate Christmas on the same day, or not at all; may you enjoy the holidays & think of those closest to you by spending some time with them. Christmas is truly something that should be shared & enjoyed by every person on the planet.

So what could DaveyBoy possibly write about on Christmas day, I hear you all ask? And what is that strange equation looking thing in the heading of this column? Well, I decided that I would take the 2 words that automatically pop into my head when it comes to Christmas Day & somehow relate them to wrestling. The 2 words I have chosen are 'Family' & 'Fun'.

The serious discussion will take a little bit of a backseat today & be in the 'Dessert' section of the column. There, I will speak about the ramifications of wrestlers following their fathers into the squared circle. But first, I'm going to be concentrating on the fun aspect, as I attempt some fun, or humor if you like, on the exact same topic. I have attempted comedy before while on the LOP forums & those columns went over fairly well, so I thought Christmas time would be most appropriate to try it on the main page.

Now I will warn you immediately; Nothing is supposed to be serious in these pieces. It's just supposed to draw a smile & maybe an occasional laugh out loud from you all. Hopefully, the topic obtains it's objectives. Plus, it's sort of a way of bringing myself back down to earth, after thinking so seriously about wrestling over the past few months. The structure of the piece will be the standard 'theatre-show script' type of format.

Please feel free to let me know whether you think it was funny or not & whether or not I should throw one of these in every month or 2. It would be really appreciated & if you reply with something like "Not Funny", I won't take it personally. Hey, it's like Rodney Dangerfield & Andrew Dice Clay; some people think they're hilarious, while others will leave the room if they even hear their voices. Oh well, here goes nothing:


MAIN - Fathers Anonymous

As Vince McMahon is to take part in this discussion, the role of the moderator for this Fathers Anonymous meeting will be shared by Jim Ross & Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan. They sit at the front of a rather large room. Facing them is a semi-circle of chairs with many people occupying them.

JR: Welcome everybody & thank-you all for joining us here today. Vince McMahon has kindly suggested for this meeting to take place, so that all concerned can better understand the advantages & disadvantages of young men following their fathers into the squared circle. Also on the advice of Mr.McMahon, Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan will help me in furthering this session along as smoothly as possible. Thanks for joining us here today, Brain.

Heenan: Your welcome, Ross. I'm sure we will work very well together. Let's try & play off each other as much as possible. Whattaya say?

JR: Ummm, yeah ok, brain. Let's get this discussion started by talking to the very first third generation superstar to ever step into a wrestling ring, The Rock. Tell us about your experiences growing up, Rock...

The Rock: Well, The Rock used to follow his daddy's candy a$$ on the road. After seeing him wrestle, The Rock knew he just wanted to lay the smack down on every WWE jabroni, if ya smell what The Rock...is cookin'.

Heenan: What about the pie? Tell us about the pie...

The Rock: What are you talking about, you sick freak? Get JR to go get you some strudel from the SmackDown Hotel.

JR: Ummm, I'll do that later. So how did you feel, Rocky Johnson, when you saw your son rise to become a huge superstar in this industry?

Rocky Johnson: Well, I was very proud to.....

The Rock: It doesn't matter what you're proud of or what..... Ummm sorry, I just realized that I forgot to throw that catchphrase in. No disrespect dad.

Heenan: I think we'll leave these 2 while a certain somebody gets his little candy a$$ spanked. Let's move on to our next guests. Cowboy Bob Orton, I see you are still wearing that cast. That must be one hell of an arm injury that you have there.

Bob Orton: Damn, I keep forgetting to take that darn thing off. Randy, I need to be itched.

Randy Orton: Ohhhh, dad, don't embarrass me while I'm with my workmates. I'm supposed to be portraying a smart-a$$ cocky character now.

Bob Orton: Itch, or you'll be portraying an unconscious character in a minute. Damn son, don't you know that you wouldn't be getting any sort of push if it wasn't for me?

JR: Oh now, come on Bob. Your son is a mighty fine talent in his own right & I'm gonna keep shoving him down everybody's throat until he is the #1 performer in this company. Anyway, our next guest is someone I have the pleasure of sitting next to every Monday night, Jerry 'The King' Lawler.

King: But you're not sitting next to me tonight JR. What's the deal with that anyway? Why couldn't you moderate this on your own? Why do you need that weasel there with you?

Heenan: Hey Queen Lawler, I could out-commentate you any day of the week. You've practically re-hashed every line I've ever said on air...

King: Is that right Weasel...? Well, let's see you do this...PUPPIES...PUPPIES...PUPPIES.

Brian Christopher: That's it, I'm leaving. You want my opinion on working for a wrestling organization with your dad? Well, you can't have it, as I.....I.....have no dad. This man is a freakin' lunatic. All he does is scream "Puppies, Puppies, Puppies" every 2 minutes. I'm leaving.

King: Yeah go on, leave, you little brat. You're just mad at me because I stole your last girlfriend. Hehehe.

Vince: Jim, get this session back on track, or I'll elevate that Josh kid to commentate Raw.

JR: OK, let's try & focus on the objectives of this meeting gentlemen. I know where we can begin. A tough man that I have always had respect for is none other than Stan Stasiak. What light can you shed on this topic Stan?

Stan Stasiak: Well Jim, I think that this topic needs to be brought out into the open. I remember when Sean first got his break in this industry, the first thing I said was "Congratulations son, if you put in the hard work, you'll be World Heavyweight Champion someday".

Sean Stasiak: You liar!!!

Stan: Pardon me...

Sean: You're a liar dad. I have that moment on videotape. If you all give me a few moments, I can get it out of my collection & show you all.

JR: Ummm, I don't think that will be necessary Sean. What are you whispering King?

Sean: King was just telling me why he was late returning my vision of the women's locker room JR.

Vince (Screaming): That's it, I've heard enough. You know, I was going to sit back & give everyone else a go first. I really wanted to get something useful out of this session. But no, it's gotta be good old Vince to bring some sensibility to this topic. Now, if there's anyone that knows what it's like to bring their children into a wrestling company, it's me. I remember during Shane's first few days at work, I was as nervous as hell. But as time went by, I realized that Shane was his own man & was easily good enough to handle the roles he was given. He apologizes for not being here by the way. That gave me a lot more confidence when it came to bringing Stephanie into the company. In some ways, I've asked even more of Stephanie than I have of Shane & she has come through even bigger & better...

At this point, giggling is heard throughout the room...

Vince (Getting Angrier): Why are you giggling? You 2, what are you even doing here? You 2 were in on the brothers meeting as well, weren't you?

Eddie Guerrero: Take it easy holmes. You're gonna burst a silicon...ummm, I mean a blood vessel if you get any angrier, essay. Me & Chavo are here, because I am like a father to him. I have more brothers than Stephanie's cup size and I followed my father into this sport, so I am more than qualified to speak on this matter. As for Steph being bigger & better, I think Sean Stasiak can prove you right with one of his videotapes.

Vince (About to burst a blood vessel): THATS IT! Get out. Eddie, Chavo, out of here! Take the pervert Stasiak with you. Out!!! Look, you've made Steph cry. Honey, don't worry, I've seen the videotapes & there's nothing to be ashamed of on there.

Heenan: You know JR, I've started to remember what I liked about this company so much. So much entertainment in so little time. I've got an idea, if we can re-create what we have here every week, then Raw's ratings would go through the roof.

JR: Thanks for that brain. I think the best thing to do here is to keep things moving. Ric, can you bail us out of this one.

Ric Flair: I'll try my best JR. Well, initially I wasn't sure that I wanted my son David to follow in my footsteps. But when I sat down & thought about it, I came to the conclusion that he should also be allowed to experience the same pleasures that I had.

David Flair: My dad's right. The pleasures he's talking about are getting to be beaten up by men that weigh 3 times my body weight, having me embarrass myself in front of a national audience every week & not having any normal friends. I could have been a lawyer or a doctor. But oh no, daddy knows best. I mean, have a look at me, I weigh 130 pounds for pete's sake.

Heenan: You know he's right Ric. He's not a rabbit, you know? Feed him a steak for goodness sake. I think we should move on to an old commentary partner of mine. References on me are available by the way. Dusty Rhodes, what do you have to say on this topic?

Dusty: Brain, I don't know why I'm even here. I don't have a son. He disappeared a few years back.

JR: Yes you do Dream, he's sitting right next to you.

Dusty: Sitting right next to me JR, is some freak who's chosen to paint himself gold & rub himself every second minute.

Dustin 'Goldust' Rhodes: You know you love it daddy dearest. I think you only ignore me because of those rumors a few years back that you were homosexual. JR, I did this to get out of my dad's shadow & boy what a shadow he casts!

Dusty: You know what, I've just figured it out. King, I think there was a mix-up at the hospital & Brian is actually my son & this gold freak might be yours.

JR: OK guys, no trades are to be done here. Next up we have the pleasure of having with us Jeff & Jerry Jarrett, from the impressive new organization, NWA-TNA. Firstly, I'd like to thank Vince McMahon for burying the past to invite you here & secondly, thank-you to the both of you for coming. I'm sure your contribution to this discussion will be worth its weight in gold.

Jeff Jarrett: Haha, well, it wouldn't surprise dad & myself if we were to provide the quality at this session. Sort of like providing wrestling quality to the viewing public. Pertaining to following my father into this industry, it has been my pleasure to follow in the footsteps of a man with such morals & ethics, not like someone else that shall remain un-named. This is one of the major ingredients as to why the NWA-TNA is so successful at the moment & you lot are running a videotape swap meet.

Jerry Jarrett: Shhh son, don't give away too much. Well I definitely am proud of what Jeff has done in this business. I feel that both of us are now passing on our knowledge & expertise to the younger generation of wrestlers coming through. Which reminds me; Randy Orton, take my business card. You're a fine young talent & we'd be thrilled to have you in our organization.

Heenan: Can I have your card too?

Vince: Now hang on a moment, you can't come onto our turf & start trying to recruit from right under my nose. Who do you think you are? I'm sick & tired of your actions ever since you started this TNA crap. You're about to find out the real reason why you were invited to this meeting...

At this time, Stephanie McMahon, who had been crying in the corner after hearing of the videotape allegations, sneaks up behind The Jarrett's & smashes a guitar over Jeff's head, knocking him unconscious. Turning around, Jerry is subsequently low-blowed from behind by Vince McMahon.

Stephanie: It worked daddy, you're a genius. You see Jeff, I study wrestling. Remember No Mercy 1999? That's how you lost your match which resulted in the first ever female InterContinental champion.

Vince: With these 2 out of action, their organization will be a rabble. I will be able to sign all of their best talent. Imagine having AJ Styles, Low-Ki, Jerry Lynn & The Truth on my roster!!! All I can say is thank-you all for playing your part in this plan. You were great. What excellent actors you all are.

With that, the meeting comes to a close. The remaining people in the room walk out scratching their heads & mumbling to each other "What plan?".


DESSERT - Following The Father

Ok, now I'm not going to run through the 8 examples I have just provided & tell you what happened in each case. I'm just going to generally speak about the advantages, disadvantages & possible ramifications of following your father into the squared circle. Obviously though, some of the above examples will be used to stimulate the discussion. Finally, I will conclude with a little warning to the head honchos of the 2 main wrestling organizations on the scene at the moment.

The first point I will bring up about this subject is the debut of the wrestler. I don't think that there is much doubt that a wrestler has a better chance of debuting sooner than warranted for a wrestling organization, if their father was involved in wrestling. The prime example here would be The Rock, who only wrestled for a very short time in the WWE developmental territories as Flex Kavana, before making his WWE debut in late 1996.

The second stage is the push. Once more, a wrestler will have a greater chance of receiving a push if he has followed his father into the squared circle, than a colleague who has no relations previously involved in the industry. It can be argued that a current example of this is Randy Orton. But once more, I believe the best example was The Rock. Does everybody remember how the face Rocky Maivia was pushed to the moon by the WWF? How about his quick Intercontinental Title reign & title match against The Sultan (Rikishi Phatu) at a WrestleMania? The Rock was basically shoved down our throats so much, that us fans had no choice but to boo the crap out of a face wrestler. This, of course, practically accidentally resulted in the heel Rock coming about & subsequently the prototype of The Rock that we know today.

So those first 2 points appear on the surface to be positives relating to following your father into professional wrestling. But they could also be a huge negative. Remember that the example used was The Rock. Sure, he has many detractors, but it's hard to argue that he isn't one of the most charismatic sports-entertainers in the industry ever & at least has a bit of wrestling skill. These attributes allowed him to bounce back from his initial setback of being booed as a face.

But others might not be so lucky & have their career shot down before it even had a chance of getting off the ground. Being pushed too soon to a level that a wrestler is not capable of succeeding at, could very possibly result in the career of a potential superstar being ended. Where-as if that same wrestler was brought along more slowly, they could possibly reach their true potential through gradual progression.

Another disadvantage is the expectation on the son to live up to their father's success. Management, bookers & writers will most probably know what the father was capable of doing in a wrestling ring & naturally presume that the son will be just as good. This often leads to unnecessary pressure being put on the younger wrestler to reach the status of their father more quickly. It is even possible that the pressure I speak of could actually come from the wrestler's family. Like I have said previously in my columns, sometimes the unseen factors such as these could very well result in some of the poor matches we see on tv from week to week.

Finally, the word of warning that I have for both Vince McMahon & Jerry Jarrett; 2 Names: Erik Watts & Greg Gagne. Erik Watts was the son of the WCW President in the early nineties, Bill Watts. Greg Gagne was the son of AWA owner Verne Gagne. Neither wrestler had the look or body of a main event wrestler. While both (especially Gagne) had some technical know-how in the ring, both were inexplicably pushed as practically main eventers by their fathers, despite receiving little reaction from crowds. Hell, Greg Gagne was used as a main eventer in AWA for years.

Now fortunately, from what I have heard of NWA-TNA so far, Jeff Jarrett is not receiving an extraordinary amount of television time. Shane McMahon is also doing whatever he is doing in the background at the WWE. However, it can definitely be argued that as the owner of the company, Vince McMahon has given way too many responsibilities (both on & off the screen) to his daughter Stephanie. It can also be argued that this has been to the detriment of the overall product, yet Vince either turns a blind eye or does not realize, because family is involved.

To conclude, I think it's great that second & third generation wrestlers are appearing in the squared circle. It keeps some tradition running through the sport, while reviving some memories for the older viewers. But I hope that the lessons of Bill Watts, Greg Gagne & even Rocky Maivia have been learnt. All wrestlers should earn promotion by their various relative skills compared to their colleagues, not by who their relatives are. Let me put it in question form to finsh up; In the late nineties, who would you have rather seen near the main event of a WCW pay-per-view; David Flair or Kanyon...???


So that ends my Christmas column today. I hope I at least put a few smiles on your face in the 'Main' section, whilst raising some good & informative points in the 'Dessert' section today. As always, please feel free to e-mail me your feedback on my column. I still have a perfect record in that I have replied to everyone that has sent me an e-mail so far. As I always say, feedback is not something that I take for granted, it's something that I very much appreciate. My e-mail address is DaveyBoy123@bigpond.com.

Next Wednesday on New Years Day, DaveyBoy will hopefully not be as drunk as the proverbial skunk, and will be able to post my 2002 awards & 2003 predictions. I'm sure that some will disagree with my thoughts, but I genuinely do not believe there is a right or wrong with these things, only opinions. Look out for the column same Wednesday time & same LOP channel next week. Until New Years Day, this is Davey Boy signing off & asking you to remember that dinner is best served in 3 courses.










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