WWE Classics Report 10-17-02
    Submitted by Célian Varini on Thursday, October 17, 2002 at 9:37 PM EST


    WWE Classics TV review
    Thursday, October 17th 2002 on Sky Sports 1 (UK only)
    WWF Challenge from Fresno, California at the Fresno Convention Center
    Originally broadcast: Sunday, July 3rd, 1988
    Commentated by Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan

    Gorilla opened the show by putting over Fresno, saying that the county leads the nation in agricultural production with 2 billion dollars per year in fruits, nuts and vegetables. Forget Disney World, I want to go to Fresno for the holidays.


    Tiny changes in the opening credits this week : the catchphrase “The WWF : What the World is watching” isn’t said by Gene Okerlund anymore, but by The Fink. Also in that horrible opening, they put some shots of Slick dancing, the Rougeaus waving the tiny flags, and André The Giant being big, in place of the completely outdated shots of Lou Thesz and George Hackenschmidt.


    (1) Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake beat Stephan DeLeon at 2:22 with the Sleeper Hold.
    In the first row there was the N°1 Beefcake fan of all time : she was dressed like him, had the same haircut, waved some tiny scissors at the camera, and cut a promo against the Honky Tonk Man. She even had a sign with a picture of Beefcake and under it, a new definition for WWF : “Wild Woman’s Fantasy”. If that’s what the ring rats looked in the 80’s WWF, I understand why Brutus turned gay … What ? They aired an insert promo with “The Barber” who said that during the summer, he’ll be giving away free haircuts. And that’s what he did today, since after the match he cut DeLeon’s hair, while he was asleep. When he got up, DeLeon didn’t freak out like others, because actually Brutus made him a favor by cutting off his horrible mullet. During the match, Monsoon announced that Rick Martel’s injury was far worse than feared and that he’ll be ou! t of action for a long time. Of course, nobody ever mentioned what Martel was suffering from, well … Heenan also revealed that since Harley Race had to abdicate his throne due to injury, he will reveal the new “King” of the WWF next week.

    Special report with Lord Alfred Hayes: They replayed a platform interview with Craig DeGeorge from the show “Superstars”. DeGeorge guests was the Heenan Family : Hercules, André The Giant, Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan. Heenan cried and said that Harley Race was still in the hospital after suffering an injury at the hands of Hulk Hogan. He had to endure an “internal operation” for 4 hours ! The worse is that Hogan didn’t even send him a get-well card. Heenan asked for a moment of silence from the public. The Heenan Family bowed their heads for a ten salute while the whole audience was booing (obvious piped in crowd noise). Heenan said that next week he will reveal who the new “King” is. Isn’t that exactly the same thing he said during t! he previous match ? As always, the “Special Report” is the most pointless segment of the show. But they had to find something for old Alfred. He’s old and he’s a foreigner, so the WWF had 2 minorities covered. Great PR move.

    (2) “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase (with his bodyguard, Virgil) beat S.D Jones at 1:49 with the Million Dollar Dream.
    2 matches in a row that finish with a Sleeper ! They announced that DiBiase was making his summer residence in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts. They didn’t say if Virgil went down on him while he was flying his private jet. A shot of the July issue of the WWF magazine was shown, and there is a Spotlight on DiBiase’s finisher : The Million Dollar Dream. After the match, DiBiase stuffed a 100 $ bill in SD’s mouth.

    (3) Koko B. Ware (with his parrot, Frankie) beat Larry Simpson in 1:10 with the Ghostbuster.
    Very good, very short and hard to look at squash match. Simpson was probably being punished for pissing off someone in the back because that was brutal. Koko took Jobber A’s head off with a great 2nd rope Dropkick, and finished him off with “The Vertebreaker of the 80’s”, The Ghostbuster, which is basically a B! rainbuster, but Mr. Ware knows how to make it seem real. Ouch. Granted since the Kokster is probably 4’11’’, Simpson isn’t falling from high, but still, Ouch. I repeat, Ouch.

    Oh my god ! Believe it or not, they showed the “Harley in the sky with diamonds” shot with the purple clouds.

    “Sometimes love is like a slow dance …” Copyright WWF Piledriver : The Album.



    Sean Mooney hosted some Superstars promos from the Event Center : the WWF champion, “Macho Man” Randy Savage talked about his potential challengers and listed the British Bulldogs alongside names like DiBiase, Steamboat or Rude. What ? There was a scared little lady next to him, but since she never speaks or is ever mentioned, it was probably a fan who won a backstage pass. In another promo, “The Rock” Don Muraco talked about his feud with Greg “The Hammer” Valentine . I wasn’t really listening, because I was more amazed by the protruding vein on his shoulder. Normal people who train a little are just happy when they see a semblance of a vein on their arm after a 2 hour workout, but this guy is just walking around, probably coming out of the shower, and he has an enormous vein on his shoulder ! One solution : train, say your prayers, and ! inject your vitamins kids.


    (4) WWF IC champ, The Honky Tonk Man (managed by Jimmy Hart) beat Jerry Allen in a non-title match at 1:30 with the Shake, Rattle & Roll.
    They aired an insert promo with the Honky Tonk Man who like his main adversary Brutus Beefcake, is also giving free stuff away this summer : guitar tuning time.


    Sean Mooney presented some more promos from the Event Center : “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan talked about his feud with André The Giant, and Demolition and Mr. Fuji. Ax sent a warning to all WWF tag teams : “You want to get hurt ? Fight us !”. To this day, I am 100% sure that Mr. Fuji has no idea what he was saying in all of his promos. He was probably told to just read the paper and be Asian.


    (5) The Rockers beat The Conquistador/Terry Gibbs at 3:01 when Shawn Michaels pinned the Conquistador after a Fist-drop from Jannetty’s shoulders.
    Since it was only the Rockers second match on this show, Heenan had to tell the viewers that “Jannetty was the one with the dark hair, and Michaels the blond one”. I believe as of today, there is 5 WWF tag team belts between these 4 individuals : 3 for Michaels, 1 for Jannetty, and 1 for the Conquistador. So Gibbs is the Weakest Link. Goodbye.

    Worst joke of the week (by far) : Barry and Robyn forgot to teach their cousin Terry to “Stay Alive”, and they comforted him back in the dressing room by saying : “You’ll win again”. Humm, … sorry.


    Brother “I looove you” Love hosted "The Brother Love Show" with this week's guests Slick and his newest acquisition, the Big BossMan. I looove you. BL thanked again Ted DiBiase’s generosity who helps him spread the word of love. I looove you. Slick talked about the former prison guard from Cobb County, Georgia, who didn’t say a word. I looove you. The Big BossMan may have been hard with those who’ve been incarcerated, but it’s OK, because “Hard love is better than no love at all”. I looove you. I looove you. I looove you. I’m scared.

    (6) Jake “The Snake” Roberts (with his snake, Damien) beat “Iron” Mike Sharpe at 2:11 after a DDT.
    The purple clouds appeared again. They actually were also featured in the Rockers squash but I didn’t want to mention them since I knew they’d come up again. That is the most promo time I’ve ever seen given to a departing guy. Since this seems to be their main storyline right now, the WWF probably has a tremendous surprise for next week’s “new King” angle ! Wink, wink. An insert promo with the great Rick Rude aired : he told that if Cheryl closed her eyes every times she kissed Jake was because she was thinking of “Ravishing” Rick Rude instead. Rude then showed his body and blew us a kiss.



    Homoerotic moment of the week : I caught the kiss and put it on my heart.



    The Fabulous Rougeau Bros. ate a WWF ice cream bar on this fabulous American weekend : Labour Day. Jacques and Raymond finally let a chance for the other Superstars to shine, and probably delivered a sub-par 12 second promo on purpose so that they don’t completely overshadow the show with their antics like they did for the past 2 weeks. Still, in 12 seconds I laughed 12 times.



    (7) Bad News Brown beat Louie Spicolli at 1:34 after the Ghetto Blaster.
    Spicolli was not announced by Mike McGuirk. Well it beats being called “Spicollo” like last time. They showed an insert promo with Bad News Brown who is outraged at receiving a petition from some WWF Superstars who asks for him to take it easy on them. He threw the petition away because “He don’t axe fo’ no mercy, and don’t give none”. He covered Spicolli with one foot while calling him rubbish, but he was probably talking about the match.



    Sean Mooney presented the final promos from the Event Center : Greg Valentine and Jimmy Hart think that after their attack, “Superstar” Billy Graham is out for good, so now Valentine’s going to take care of Muraco. I will not do any remarks on “The Hammer”. Just close your eyes, picture Greg Valentine, and try to take him seriously as a tough guy. I challenge you not to laugh. It’s not because I didn’t mention it this time, let me reassure you, I still want Mooney to be killed in an atrocious way. His nasal robotic tone makes me want to bash in my TV. Let’s put the sound up a great promo is coming with .. oh, no … Ken Patera. I’m sure he’s proud to be an American. “Hi, I’m Ken Patera, and I’m proud to be an American …”. See, I told you. He talked about his feud with Dino Bravo.


    Good show.

    Gorilla Monsoon previewed next week's show: The Fabulous Rougeaus, Don Muraco, The One Man Gang, The British Bulldogs and The Ultimate Warrior will all be in action !



    “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan wrapped up the show reminding every viewer to celebrate Labour Day while thinking of all the dead people. Well, the dead people that sacrificed their lives to keep your country free. USA ! USA !

    Next week won't come quick enough.




    *NEW GALLERY* Must See! Torrie Wilson Out PARTYING HARD in the Clubs!

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