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Submitted by The Professor on Saturday, August 31, 2002 at 12:45 AM EST
Hello, and welcome, students! It’s always exciting when we start the fall semester here on the beautiful campus of the Powerbomb Institute of the Net (PIN). For those of you who are new this semester, don’t worry—you’ll be a PINhead before you know it. We start the semester by discussing one of the newer textbooks to come on the scene in the last month, namely Sex, Lies, and Headlocks by Shaun Assael and Mike Mooneyham (Crown Publishers, $24 US, $36 in Canada). Shaun Assael is a writer for ESPN Magazine whose previous book was about NASCAR. (That’s stock car racing, if you don’t know.) Mike Mooneyham is an editor and long-time wrestling columnist for the Charleston Post and Courier. The book was smaller than I thought it would be, running 255 pages (not counting the acknowledgements and index) with type big enough that I could safely leave my bifocals sitting on the desk as I read. I got through it in two evenings. I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect from this book. The subtitle is “The Real Story of Vince McMahon and the World Wrestling Federation.” So I was expecting one of those unauthorized autobiographies that someone is always doing about Hollywood stars. But the book deals with far more than just VinnieMac. It is actually a nice, concise history of professional wrestling in general, with special emphasis on the WWF (the company gets the “F” out very late in the book) and VinnieMac in particular. It’s not hard to understand why the book was written without Vince’s cooperation, and why he doesn’t want ads for the book aired on his shows. I seriously doubt that he will be canonized based on this book. The book begins with the Owen Hart tragedy in Kansas City before it abruptly backs up to the 1940s and the formation of the National Wrestling Alliance. Through the years, we visit Bill Watts, Verne Gagne, Ted Turner, and, of course, Vince McMahon—both of them. The story is told in an unflinching manner, without any attempt to sugar-coat the things that went on. Extensive coverage is given to WCW, with Eric Bischoff trying to knock Vince off his ratings high horse, and ultimately succeeding, only to see it all go down the drain. We see the backstage politics, the backstabbing, where everybody from the front office to the locker room is looking out for #1. (Hulk Hogan won’t be up for sainthood based on this book, either.) We see the unexpected crises, the wrestlers with guaranteed contracts who no-show events, the scandals with steroids and other drugs that threatened to bring down the McMahons, the sad, self-destructive downward spiral of Brian Pillman. We see what happened during the infamous Bret Hart screwjob. We see the negotiations with the USA network, botched so badly by network executives that they lost the WWF to The National Network. And we end with the XFL debacle. To its credit, the book doesn’t really try to convince you that Vince is the anti-Christ, or a misunderstood saint, or anything in between. The approach is to simply lay out the events as they occurred and allow the reader to draw his/her own conclusions about what it all means. Probably the only conclusions that every reader would definitely reach is that (1) the wrestling business is not for the timid or the weak and (2) professional wrestling is an insane business. (Is it worse than any other segment of the entertainment business? That’s a debatable point...) The book really doesn’t break any new ground of which I’m aware. Smart marks on the Internet probably already knew a lot of this stuff, although casual fans may find this an eye-opener. But it’s the first book that I can recall which brings the entire modern history of wrestling together, warts and all, in one place. There are no pictures in this book. There is really no need for pictures—the “theater of the mind” works well as you’re reading this. In your Professor’s humble opinion, Sex, Lies, and Headlocks should be required reading for anyone who considers themselves to be a fan of wrestling. Therefore, class, I will be expecting your book report within a few weeks. Class dismissed. -- The Professor -- PIN Phony Rumor of The Week: Spike Dudley becomes Undertaker’s apprentice—set to win WWE title by giving The Last Ride to Brock Lesnar! (Thanks to Herbie2613) (Email to TheProfessor11@hotmail.com. Feel free to submit possibilities for the Phony Rumor of the Week. If your rumor is used in the Classroom, you will win the opportunity to entertain Eric Bischoff within 3 minutes. Good luck.) *NEW GALLERY* Brand New Photos of a PREGNANT Stephanie McMahon! VIEW NOW!
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